[SE] hark the heralds

RONIN

They had flown back from Hak Etme on tired wings of shifting grief shared across a three-way bond. And though Haai's little lifeless body remained with them, the vibrant soul had long gone from her fur and her feathers. Sunjata, too, wasn't looking nearly his best, though the Flood had deigned to join them in the Greatwood. And whilst Ronin worried for his friend, he and Remi would have their own problems and challenges to contend with.

Namely, it's fucking snowing. Blizzarding even, if that's a word. Ronin lands in snow up to his shins somewhere (he hopes) near the houseboat, the Huntsman squinting through the flurry to try and spot home. "Where did this come from?" he wonders out loud, swiping snowflakes off his cheeks and letting dragon wings sag into the snow. "Gods, I'm so tired."

soft spoken with a broken jaw
we step outside, but not to brawl

the lullaby

i don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think they'd understand

The flight back had been more or less silent. Not only was it easier to simply think and feel down the attuned bond to one another, but really, what was there to say? Sorry about Haai, or What a fucking monster, huh? Remi had only murmured to Sunjata that it did get better, knowing from experience the cavernous hole losing a companion left. Not everything healed, the alchemist had decided, but every wound did close. Eventually.

"I don't—" He did know where the snow came from obviously, but having spent so many years in Torchline and then in Stormbreak, being caught in the snowfall here felt so much more organic and natural somehow.

Shaking out his own wings, Remi looks up into the hazy sky seeing nothing at all but a shifting vista of white. "Gods I don't know why, but I feel so sad." The Lullaby wonders, his expression soft and his wings crumpling.

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who I am

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN

No sooner has Ronin wiped away the snowflakes from his face when they're raining down on him again, the Huntsman grumbling and giving up. As Remi speaks, though, his wings fold back into his back and he turns to face his husband. "It's been a sad sort of day," he murmurs, plodding through the snow to silently wrap his arms around the alchemist, clasping him against his chest.

"I'm so glad you're alright," he mumbles, as if he's got permission to concentrate on his husband now that the grieving Flood was on his way to the Grounds. His hands fan out to smooth across soft feathers, even as they're slowly soaked through from the blizzard. "Shall we head inside? I'll make some coffee and we can just... sit for a bit. Get a fire going."

soft spoken with a broken jaw
we step outside, but not to brawl

the lullaby

i don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think they'd understand

The cold has made his skin go slightly numb such that it feels as though Ronin is hugging him through layers and layers of blankets. He can't feel his husband's worth or the texture of his hug, which only adds to the strange feeling if isolation and dispair that has started to grow roots behind his lungs. "I love you." Remi says wearily, nestling his head against Ronin's shoulder and allowing himself a long sigh.

'Physically I am.' Remi qualifies with a swallow, before nodding. "That sounds perfect. Why don't you start the water and I'll bring in some wood." There should have been a boyish smirk to accompany that—because when didn't easy innuendos make Remi laugh—but just now the alchemist's face was drawn and mirthless.

Returning to the houseboat a few minutes later with wood stacked beneath both arms, Remi deposits the bundles on the ground before shaking out his curls outside the door. Stripping off his wet clothes (leaving him in just his underwear), the alchemist dons a blanket instead of proper clothes. "We're going to need to cover the wood outside. Most of it is already too wet to use."

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who I am

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN

"I love you too," Ronin whispers in return, pressing numb lips to his husband's curls before nodding and letting him go so they can trudge towards the houseboat. Whilst Remi busies himself fetching the wood (and the Huntsman has definitely noticed that the other man has said he's alright physically, and that he hasn't made a dirty joke), Ronin sets the kettle onto the stove and peels off his own wet clothes.

By the time the Lullaby steps into the boat as well, there's a small fire already going, but the wood he's bringing will definitely help to stoke it, and Ronin is also standing in his underwear. "Oh? Well, shit. There's some tarp here somewhere, I'll go out and cover it now," he grumbles, though he of course does none of that. Instead, he slinks over to try and worm his arms beneath the blanket wrapped around his husband to resume their hug.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks softly.

soft spoken with a broken jaw
we step outside, but not to brawl

the lullaby

i don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think they'd understand

"No, don't—" Remi tries to protest, but of course Ronin isn't actually going anywhere which fills the alchemist with a warm sense of relief. Spreading out the blanket like wings to drape around Ronin's shoulders, the alchemist shrugs a touch childishly in a gesture that very much says no, he doesn't want to talk about it, but that he will.

"I feel..." Pausing, Remi noses toward the chairs arranged around a small wooden table that the pair might sit instead of just standing against one another in their kitchen. "..it sounds so silly to say. I think I feel jealous. Or at least I did." The alchemist admits. "The whole time we were away in the desert I felt like the odd one out. It was you and Sunjata, and then me on my own. And after everything that happened before I think I read into things too much or make more of them than I should, but.." But he was unable to help how it made him feel.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this." He adds softly, his frown turning apologetic and then disappointed.

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who I am

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN

Smiling softly and nestling into the side of Remi's neck, Ronin presses a few kisses there - gratitude mingling in with an attempt to help his husband feel better. He doesn't need to be told twice as the Lullaby gestures towards the chairs, though Ronin naturally sinks down into one and draws Remi onto his lap. "Mm...? Jealous?" He raises his eyebrows, absently teasing a tangle out of one of Remi's curls as he listens to him in earnest.

"Oh gods, I'm sorry as well," he says, as if only just realising how things might have seemed from Remi's perspective. Clasping the other man's hands between his own, he tries to warm his fingers with more kisses, leaning up to brush his nose against the Lullaby's. "It wasn't on purpose. I just kept seeing Sunjata getting torn to pieces, and I couldn't just let that thing kill him." Still, that doesn't really help the way Remi feels.

"You are my odd one in," he murmurs with a soft smile. "Can I make it up to you by making us dinner while you get warm?"

soft spoken with a broken jaw
we step outside, but not to brawl

the lullaby

i don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think they'd understand

Grumpy and annoyed with himself as he is, Remi would have preferred to sit on his own but of course he complies easily enough with Ronin's silent maneuvers of him. Sitting a bit like a stone and firmly rooted in wanting to sulk, it's reluctantly that he lets Ronin take his hands if only because he knows that the Huntsman's kisses will go far in soothing away his hackles. "Don't be sorry. You were there for your friend who needed you. That isn't something to apologize for." Remi says, knowing well what an irrational idiot he was being.

"You're doing that thing again." Remi mumbles softly, his jaw feathering once, then twice, before he exhales out the frustration that wants to build in his muscles. "You don't always need to kiss it away or try and fix it." Rising from Ronin's lap, the closeness of his husband making him feel stifled and claustrophobic for some reason, Remi goes to the kettle which was threatening to whistle. Reaching for two mugs and keeping his back to the Huntsman that he might keep his expression and voice neutral, Remi closes his eyes. 'We need to find a balance between...wallowing, and treating things too lightly, I think.' Haai had died. Sunjata nearly had too. Remi had feelings about it, and he hadn't even gotten to what happened with the blade and already Ronin was covering it all up with promises of food.

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who I am

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN

"I can apologise for it making you feel bad though, can't I?" Ronin smiles, before Remi's quite suddenly gone from his lap and he's left with the empty feeling of you fucked up again, Taliesin. "Oh," he says softly, his husband managing to succinctly point out his shortcomings as usual, and so he merely itches at the stubble on his chin and rubs at some blood flecked across the back of his hand. "Well, I..." He's got nothing and he knows it, the Huntsman shifting to prop an elbow on the table and rest his chin in his hand.

"I should have been able to kill that thing," he mutters. "It feels like it should have been dead long before Sunjata tore its throat out." He shakes his head. "It felt like the last time I was in Hak Etme, with that dragoon and the bone monster." He'd killed them both back then.

soft spoken with a broken jaw
we step outside, but not to brawl

the lullaby

i don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think they'd understand

You're being an asshole. Stop. It helps, sort of, to tell himself to snap the fuck out of it. Though some large and untamed part of him wants to lash out at his husband—sure, fuck my feelings. let's move right along to yours—Remi can and should and needs to be better than this. To Ronin, if not to anyone else. Pouring them each a healthy cup of coffee and not bothering to ask if the Huntsman would like his spiked with anything, Remi adds a shot of whiskey as well as whipped cream to both cups.

"I have never seen you miss so much." Remi agrees, knowing how hollow empty reassurances would sound right now. "But then, we've never faced anything that strong." He adds, setting down Ronin's coffee next to his elbow before taking a seat next to him. "Can you imagine if Aurelia had stuck around?" If Sunjata had been on thin ice when it came to survival, the alchemist is fairly certain that Torchline's queen wouldn't have lasted more than a few seconds.

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who I am

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN

Ronin's blue eyes darken at that - because agreement doesn't feel any better than hollow reassurances, honestly - and he rubs a hand across his forehead and through his damp hair while the snow continues to fall outside and cold air whispers about their ankles. "Mm, it packed a punch," he mutters, before shaking his head. "I'm glad Aurelia wasn't there for it. Though I do hope she's alright, whatever happened to her." That's a letter to send to Torchline tomorrow, he supposes.

Mumbling a thanks for the coffee that appears at his elbow, the Huntsman leans his forearms against the table and continues to examine the wood grain in fine detail. "We probably could have worked better as a team," he continues. "Maybe that would have helped with you feeling left out."

soft spoken with a broken jaw
we step outside, but not to brawl

the lullaby

i don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think they'd understand

Looking at the whorls of melting cream in his coffee, Remi considers. "Maybe." He replies vaguely. "I think this is the first time we've all been together since...." The Incident. "..and I don't know how to describe it. I'm probably just being insecure for no reason." No good reason, anyway.

Picking up his cup, Remi pauses just before it touches his lip. His eyes have gone unfocused as he tries to stare at the dollop of cream, but it's too close now for him to see and his eyes keep trying to focus on his nose. "I think the dagger thought about killing me. I felt it, just for a second." He says almost conversationally, before taking a far too-hot sip of coffee and ignoring the way his lip and tongue began to sing with the heat.

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who I am

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN

Ronin hasn't even considered his coffee, letting the cream melt into it and inhaling the sweetness of the whiskey by accident rather than intention. "Either that or I'm not as good a soldier as everyone makes me out to be," he mutters with a mirthless laugh. The entire reason that Ronin had been brought to Stormbreak, the reason his opinion is valued here in the Greatwood, and it still ended up as a flailing mess. "Just because there's no reason, doesn't mean it's not valid. You're my husband, I still care even if it doesn't make sense."

Absently cracking his knuckles, he blinks a few times at the sudden revelation from Remi, Ronin glancing sharply up. "...It's a sword," he says dumbly, as if that's the only thing he can focus on right now. "A rapier. It's not a dagger." Massaging the heel of his hand against his right eye, he shakes his head. "So is it alive or something?"

soft spoken with a broken jaw
we step outside, but not to brawl

the lullaby

i don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think they'd understand

Remi considers this for a moment. "If you heard one of your dragoons saying that they'd failed as a soldier because their aim was a bit shaky during the most difficult encounter they'd ever faced, what would you tell them?"

Frowning across the table, Remi's hurt compiling on itself like frozen waves that added layers of ice on some frigid beach somewhere, the alchemist's brow furrows. "It certainly doesn't feel like you care." He comments, raising a brow at Ronin's slouched position, his studious detailing of their table with his eyes.

Frustration falls like flurries onto Remi's emotional shores, blowing coldly through their bond. "What is with you?" The alchemist suddenly wants to know. "I tell you that I might have died, and you're correcting my use of the word dagger?" Rubbing the heels of his hands over his eyes, Remi wonders if they shouldn't just go to bed and tried all of this against in the morning. "I don't know if it's alive. It isn't as though I've had a chance to study it at all."

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who I am

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!