Was it pain or was it circumstance

Some people crash two or three times and then learn from their mistakes
We are the ones who don't slow down at all

It’s a wonderful way to compare them, because it is so painfully true. Hotaru has had her heart broken - or done the breaking - far too many times to have not learned the value in picking out the good from the shattered glass and resentment. Little pieces of proof she was not only capable of being loved, but loving in return; no matter how the ending might have played out.

Her lips twitch slightly to hear such a formal tone from him. Even before things went bad, he has rarely used that tone on her, and his accent and intonation never fail to make her chest bubble with fondness. The smile falters with surprise as he shuffles closer and reaches to gently touch her face. Though she blinks quickly, it takes all of a moment of adjustment before she tilts her cheek into his touch as it caresses down her temple. Her smile turns wry, and then breaks into a huffed laugh of something closer to true humor at his teasing.

“You’re saying seeing mine is bad enough to drive you to drink?” Opening eyes she can’t remember having closed while she soaked in his touch, she picks up her glass to offer it to him. “You can have mine. I don’t think I’ll end up touching it, much less finishing it. Plus wine hangovers are the worst.” She wouldn’t drink nearly enough to make that a reality, but she is trying to follow in his footsteps, keeping their faces angled towards the lighthearted shades of what lies between them instead of all the shadows that roam plentifully even when they are apart.

And there's nobody there to catch us when we fall

HOTARU

We're riding 'round this carousel, getting dizzy 'til we're sick

Surprise crosses her again as he shuffles closer, as the warmth of his hand meets her cheek, as he wonders if she’ll do the same that he had — forgetting herself for the moment for him to simply offer that touch to her. And she does, a split second later, her beautiful face tilts into his touch and he spreads his fingers a fraction to thread them through her blonde hair, keeping his hand cupping her face as he remains close and huffs a soft laugh paired with an easier smile.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” He rumbles, before he does finally withdraw his hand from her face, to reach for the wine glass she offers. “I’m saying I need to be more drunk to pretend it’s not there.”  He tacks on, taking the glass to sip from. He wasn’t much of a fan of wine these days, but he isn’t one to complain when she offers it to him.

He sets it down once he’s finished the sip he’s taken and returns his attention to her, brushing off a bit of sand that has made it onto his pant leg. “Luckily I don’t get hangovers often these days.” He tilts his head toward her, reaching for her hand again as if he’s starved of her fire. He is.

the flood

Love is like a circle, there's no easy way to end

totally sniped from odd ilu

Some people crash two or three times and then learn from their mistakes
We are the ones who don't slow down at all

She shouldn't envy a glass of wine, and yet she does the moment his hand falls away from her face to take it between his fingers instead. It's merely the touch starvation she tells herself. Or simply nostalgia. But it's hard to argue to herself when Sunjata is right there, speaking quiet at her side, saying things that make her question and regret and reconsider.

"Maybe we both need the call outs more than the pretending," she murmurs, though she smiles slightly as she says it. This one genuine, as he'd requested, and as such smaller. When his hand reaches for hers, she gives it to him willingly - though it's questionable whether that is the right thing for them to do. He is her fix, and she the addict who will never really be able to stop relapsing, no matter how many years she stays sober between.

"Is it your tolerance, or being a demigod?" Hotaru doesn't drink nearly enough to be jealous of things like lack of hangovers, but it's an intriguing prospect. Slowly intertwining her fingers between his, vainly hoping it would make it harder for him to part them, Ru extends her legs out towards the fire and leans slightly into Sunjata's side. Companionable and nothing more, that's all.

And there's nobody there to catch us when we fall

HOTARU

We're riding 'round this carousel, getting dizzy 'til we're sick

“You’re right.” Sunjata agrees softly. The companionship of comfortability rather than pretending with everyone else. They could wear masks all day with people that didn’t know them, but together? It was like a film pressed on, bubbles in the wrong spaces, where they’re intimately aware that they’re hiding. And for good reason, too, because he places it upon his face when he gets too close to something, when the conversation shifts in a way that hurts but he doesn’t want to give anyone fire to shoot back at him later.

But with them? They’d already hurt each other the most they could to each other. With broken hearts, imprisonment, arguments, and the burned remains of a building that had so many memories in it; they’re moths to each other’s flame. Perhaps it was their nature, because even if they had so many painful memories and parts of their pasts, nobody knew them anymore the way that they knew each other.

So he sips from the glass, keeps his hand with hers as she intertwines it, not even daring to think that he might part the connection they have as he readjusts to lean on his hand. “I think it’s being a demigod.” Though he has no true way of knowing. His tolerance was high as well, given his coping mechanisms. Only one he’s followed through with since Nate, the rest he’d felt too guilty to indulge in. Not this, though, not as she leans into his side and he presses back in against her. “How has Halo been?” He asks, trying to find some idle small talk to keep them there, even as his head shifts slightly to rest against her own.

the flood

Love is like a circle, there's no easy way to end

totally sniped from odd ilu

Some people crash two or three times and then learn from their mistakes
We are the ones who don't slow down at all

It’s true they are the only ones left to know each other so intimately, and somehow that makes it easier to begin putting their painful past behind them. What was it worth when compared to how badly they need the companionship, the understanding? How much longer did they have to cling to those injustices and grudges, when they could have this instead? Interlocked fingers, bodies leaning together, shadows becoming one as the firelight lights their faces.

It’s a poorly concealed attempt to have a reason to stay longer, but Ru’s twitch of an amused smile is easier to conceal with their temples pressed together. “Thriving. The Academy is doing well, Evie and Deimos are a wonderful powerhouse, Frey’s touch grows every day to counter Eirachi’s.” It’s amazing to see how far the region has come from where it had started. “But being here…it reminds me of how much I miss Torchline.” Practicallt blasphemous considering how deeply tied her soul is to the snow and mountains that remind her of the only home she has ever had. Torchline had been home to her once. But that had seemed to die forever the moment they all broke apart - never to be obtained again. Now, though? Now she doesn’t know what to think.

And there's nobody there to catch us when we fall

HOTARU

We're riding 'round this carousel, getting dizzy 'til we're sick

Sunjata would offer all the terrible attempts to remain like this, nestled up against her as if it might right all the wrongs he’s done to her, as if it might right all the wrongs she’s done to him. His fingers remain intertwined with hers, squeezing lightly as he tries to imagine the shift of her face, knowing full well what he’s doing. She’s always managed to see right into him, anyway. “I’m happy for you.” Comes the genuine rumble, the way he tries to imagine it.

Halo was one of his least favorite places to be, and still he finds he can’t step foot there even if he wished to take a trip. But while Hotaru was melded and one with the mountains and snow, Sunjata was molded by the warmth and seas of Torchline, and it does warm his heart to know that she missed it here, too. So he hums a quiet agreement with that, taking a deep breath as his eyes shut away from the bonfire that crackles toward their feet. “I miss Torchline too.” He pauses to clear his throat. “But King’s End isn’t too bad either. There’s snow there during Deepfrost. Warm Longheats.” He adds without realizing the implications of it, as if he’s saying “you know how much I hate snow and I know how much you love it, how much I love the heat and ocean, that maybe it’s a compromise.”

the flood

Love is like a circle, there's no easy way to end

totally sniped from odd ilu

Some people crash two or three times and then learn from their mistakes
We are the ones who don't slow down at all

It feels like, from anyone else with the amount of history with her as he does, that sentiment would sound hollow. It doesn’t. But Hotaru concedes all the good with the reality that hides behind the facts - “Thank you. Though I owe a lot to the people who kept me around. I’m sure you understand.” She doesn’t let the stiffness enter her voice despite her desire to. Ru cannot contend with the deep gratitude and debt she feels for Isla that stands in direct opposition to her jealousy and suspicion. “Although half of them enable me when it comes to staying in Halo eternally working, and the other half are trying to get me to leave every other week.” Her wry grin can’t easily be seen, but it’s clear even Ru hasn’t been sure who to listen to this whole time. Or even what her own gut says. Admittedly after everything Hotaru doesn’t much trust her gut at all.

But the topic seems to meld almost dangerously easily because what he says sounds like. Well, like a compromise. Like something she can’t dare to consider because of the gravity of it all. But it doesn’t stop her tongue from running away from her. “I really should visit then. See it for myself. Maybe I can extend my vacation a bit, or visit after we finish our regional quest for Frey.” And, like him, so much goes unsaid on her behalf too; would you want me there that soon? Or at all? Do you need time to yourself after all this - after seeing me? Will I be the one who needs it?

And there's nobody there to catch us when we fall

HOTARU

We're riding 'round this carousel, getting dizzy 'til we're sick

There’s a soft hum that leaves him in agreement to her statement – though while Isla was the one that had kept him around, it had been belated. He hadn’t stumbled across her until a year and some change after – when they’d both been too broken and lonely to be by themselves any longer, taking up a truce that maybe their lives were shit but at least they had each other. Which isn’t all that different from the tension that sits between the Valkyrie and the Flood now.

He bypasses it, though, not wanting to bring the conversation down again as he feels the pull of her cheek into that wry smile and Sunjata snorts, certainly understanding how that went. Work kept his mind off of everything else. It was a distraction as much as any to keep him from delving into the impossible. “Think you need to find a healthy balance, Ru. Nobody likes a workaholic.” He teases her, despite entirely being a workaholic himself.

But he makes the offer of King’s End in an unsaid promise of compromise, and he feels his chest tightening with shameful hope when she suggests that she extends her vacation a bit, hearing the underlying question that she doesn’t dare voice but that he knows is there. So he pulls his head away from hers momentarily to take a sip of the wine only so that it does get drained, before he tilts his head toward her to press his forehead against her cheek bone. “You could do both, if you wanted. I don’t mind. Whatever works easiest for you.” Because only now has Sunjata found patience – no longer on a time crunch of anything impending to guide his motions.

He'd have her any time she wished to deign him with her presence.

the flood

Love is like a circle, there's no easy way to end

totally sniped from odd ilu

Some people crash two or three times and then learn from their mistakes
We are the ones who don't slow down at all

His teasing shouldn't lift her spirits so high, but it has been years since they've been in a place where it was welcome much less fitting. Even if he is most definitely a hypocrite that she unfortunately cannot prove is. "When have I ever valued balance in my life? Much less a healthy one?" she laughs into his shoulder, head turning naturally into him as she chuckles. "I just need to conveniently find an entire community of friends, coworkers, and dating material in my Academy. It's big enough, why can't it exist there?" Then she'll never have to leave its hallowed halls for anything but the brief, empty comfort of her home.

It is the reminder of those blank walls and absence of personal touch that makes his offer so tempting. Especially with how bold - for them, at least - he is being in his openness. As his forehead touches against her cheek, she indulges in turning the slightest bit to brush her lips against his brow in what is unmistakably a kiss. "I can do both," she murmurs, and squeezes their interlocked hands to seal the deal.

And there's nobody there to catch us when we fall

HOTARU

We're riding 'round this carousel, getting dizzy 'til we're sick

Their laughs pair together as she retorts to his comment over her life balance, lips twitching into that easy carefree smile as she continues, squandering every rebuttal he could try and think up. At least, until she’s finished. “Sounds like a lot on the checklist.” He admits, before their conversation shifts and he can’t help but to offer whatever makes it easier for her, anything that would work given her busy schedule and his selfish need to see her again.

His forehead presses against her cheek and soon her own head twists to press her lips to his forehead and his mind blanks out for a brief moment – her kiss squashing everything else he could think to say. So when she suggests both and gives his hand a squeeze, there’s a surprising amount of hope that blooms in his chest, one that he can’t quite keep hidden as he pulls back and keeps their hands combined. “Both it is.” He agrees, before he seems to take note of the area again, realizing how the party has started to die, and perhaps realizing a touch later that he’s simply abandoned his partner.

So it’s with an apologetic smile, lopsided from the scar that spans his smile, that he speaks. “I should stop keeping you all to myself.” Even though I want to, so badly. “See you tomorrow.” He reiterates their plans, before he shifts to press a reciprocating kiss to her forehead, helping her up with their interlocked hands from the sands, before he lifts it to his lips too and presses a gentlemanly kiss to the back of her hand, before he separates them and feels ice cold in the absence of it.

A feat that he tries to hide with finishing the rest of her glass of wine and depositing the glass on the top of a barrel out by the bonfire, before he goes to find Isla.

the flood

Love is like a circle, there's no easy way to end

totally sniped from odd ilu

Some people crash two or three times and then learn from their mistakes
We are the ones who don't slow down at all

His cheeky response has her snorting an inelegant laugh she would normally hide from anyone else. "I have high standards; when has that ever been a surprise?" If the rest of the world would simply fall in line it would be for the better.

As he pulls away she feels momentarily bereft, but the spark of hope in his expression makes something melt in her chest that she had sorely hoped would stay strong. Helpless to look anywhere but his eyes, she notices immediately when they part from hers to rove around the bonfire and the dwindling number of attendees. Her own follow in their path, having her own realizations (and equally realizing she'd abandoned Talyson). Sunjata's voice breaks through her reverie, and she has to curl her tongue against the roof of her mouth to stop herself from saying no, please. Keep me. That's all I ever wanted you to do.

She rises almost against her will as he helps her off the sand, easily bearing her weight as she finds her footing. Having already heard his goodbyes, she isn't expecting much more. As her hand - still held in his - is lifted and his lips descend to gently touch the back of her hand, her breath strangles in her throat, and electricity dances from her knuckles to her chest, which tightens painfully. So frozen is she that it's not until he has relinquished her hand that she manages to speak.

"See you tomorrow," she whispers in turn, and stands there with the bonfire at her back, watching him walk back towards the Hanged Man. Ru stands there until someone walks past her, breaking her line of sight and making her realize she's been staring into space for far too long. Exhaling shakily, she gathers up her dress and slowly makes her way back to the bar as well - though keeping to the outside, lest she encounters anyone from within before she is ready. Before she can pretend what just occurred hasn't shaken her to her core.

- Fin <3333

And there's nobody there to catch us when we fall

HOTARU