On Broken Wings
for Amalia
Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#15
In that we are very much alike, he admitted quietly, finally turning to nuzzle at her arm as the words and affection of the girl, the starwhale, and the gryphon began to sink in. Not being enough... and not being able to stop trying. But though she might not have always succeeded in what she set out to do, he did not think she had ever sunk to the depths that he had... and he could not bear the thought of it happening to her, as it had with him.

You are helping now, he said instead, tired and sad, weary and lost, but not as alone as his head had tried to trick his heart into thinking he was. You are enough for me. And maybe together... maybe we can better together than we are alone? the question was a hesitant one, his heart reaching out to hers, to the sister he had never had, the family he had found in this most unexpected of worlds. People who cared, not about what he could do for them, but simply for him; a lesson Rory was still trying to drum through his thick, white-haired skull.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Archangel
Baker

Age: 29 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
Level: 5 - Strg: 49 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 52 - Luck: 49 - Int:
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: shark Offline
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Posts: 3,098 | Total: 4,577
MP: 2580
#16

She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help


Her fingers continue to play through his fur, taking solace in the feeling of it, the way he breathes and moves beneath her hands. Amalia is lost in her own thoughts, her own reflections on who she is, what she has done, where she is going from here. Is it enough? Will it ever be? She feels Jigano's pain acutely, empathizes and understands, aches and breaks and yearns for him. When will it ever be enough, when will they ever be enough?

Perhaps never, and that is their curse. But at least it is a burden they can bear together.

"Yes," Amalia replies, smiling down at the fox. "We can be better together." It is a strange thing, to be offering him solace, when she has always seen him as all-knowing, composed, wise, while she in comparison is childish and rash. When did she become mature? When did she learn to see her emotions, to identify the flaws inherent to her soul?

When did she grow up?

a m a l i a
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#17
It was still new and fragile to him, this idea that he could lean on the strength of others when his own wasn't enough. The seed had been planted only in recent seasons, after years of self-imposed solitude, but his friends had tended the tender shoots of it and its roots had slipped through the cracks of his defenses until he found himself turning into Amalia's comforting touch, her words of gentle encouragement, both surprised and not that she had stayed with him in spite of his misery. She loved him, as did Isuma, and though he had protested the Attuned bond for a long time, he could not deny the power and saving grace of it now, when the emotions that played through it left no room for misunderstanding.

Thank you, he sighed, and though the weariness and pain remained they were not the entirety of his world as they had been before she had arrived. Isuma peeped encouragingly, snuggling against both of them, and Jigano blinked up at Amalia before ducking his head to lick her hand apologetically. I'm sorry for worrying you... all of you, he amended, including the companions. How easy it would have been to fall back into self-deprecation and castigation, and a few such thoughts nudged their way forward, but he held onto his friend's words like a lifeline and picked his phrasing with care. I had wanted to protect you... and instead I have been the one in need of protecting.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Archangel
Baker

Age: 29 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
Level: 5 - Strg: 49 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 52 - Luck: 49 - Int:
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: shark Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,098 | Total: 4,577
MP: 2580
#18

She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help


Amalia laughs richly at his apology, her clear alto ringing out through the peaceful Glade. "If you apologized every time I was worried you would quickly run out of breath." It is a wry statement, humor underlined by a current of resigned truth. The baker cannot pinpoint a period of time when she was not worried about something or other: the difference is that now her worries are real, tied to faces and places and people instead of existing solely in her head.

It's exhausting, but in a way it's also a little bit nice.

She does not say anything else, content to sit in silence. Part of her is still concerned, running the things he's said through her mind, trying to make a plausible narrative, to find a thing to fix. Another part is amused, bemused, that he should be the one to break, all her many insecurities said at last aloud. In that way (and so many others) he is stronger than her, wiser, for he knows when to trust and release while Amalia holds the world in, too afraid to cry.

She is happy to be his shelter, though. She is happy to have him as hers.

a m a l i a
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#19
Then it is a good thing I do not need breath to apologize like this, the fox said solemnly, though he appreciated her humor with the spark of hope that she had lit in his heart. He curled back into a ball, though this time it was without the wire-taut stress and aching tension. His body was warm beneath Amalia's touch, not fully relaxed even yet, but able now to rest a little and recover his strength while she sat with him. It should have been terrifying to trust someone so much; he should have run, fleet and desperate, from the entanglements such emotions could cause.

Less than a year ago he still would have.

But that had been before Sam had become both colleague and friend, reminding him how good it felt to be able to protect others. Before Rory had gentled and tamed his sharp-edged heart. Before Rexanna had helped him laugh and find the fun in life again. Before Edrei had reminded him of what it was to be young, and Caiside had shared memories of a world similar to Jigano's own, building a shared bond between them. Before Maea and Kiada, stoic Deimos and quiet Seiji, bright Killian and cheerful Ronin. Some, like Isla, had been lost to him... but all that he had gained from those he had met and come to live with on Caido made even the risk of such loss worth it.

It was the weight of that love that had brought him low, feeling the responsibility and the failure to live up to the expectations of those who depended on him. But now it was the support and strength of it that buoyed him up again as Amalia - dear Amalia, sister of his heart, who sang with him, taught him to bake, hugged him until he didn't shy away in surprise at the open affection, and now held his heart in her fiercely gentle hands - let him borrow her resilience and refused to let him make the mistake of thinking he was alone in holding up that blessing.


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