WESSEX
One could say it was for those things that Melita lashes out. Or it could be because she’s being sucked in to the bullshit by her surroundings and the people she surrounds herself with. It could be because she doesn’t listen, which at this point is never a surprise (Wessex’s resilience to disappointment at this stage in her life is remarkably strong), and because she hasn’t tried to find the truth. How long has the girl wanted to say that? How long has it been simmering and bubbling and poisoning her heart?
“No,” she responds reflexively, the look of a wounded animals lingering in her face. The face of a kicked puppy, perhaps, who keeps trying for love and affection but is violently rejected at random moments so that it doesn’t know whether or snap back or stay in its corner. “I’ve been rewarded for being reliable, smart, and strong. I’ve been rewarded for saving lives.” They all forget, don’t they? Everyone who’s come after her has forgotten that when they were trapped beneath rock and rubble, when a monster kept them penned in, she was there, fighting to free them. “For fighting monsters in the Drop, for making this past LongNight one with the fewest deaths in probably a whole damn century. Only four deaths? Melita, that’s some kind of miracle, and it's in spite a whole house continuously opening doors and going outside.”
She shakes her head and turns back to the stacks, looking at the spines but seeing nothing in front of her. “I’ve been rewarded for teaching and training with probably half the people in the Grounds, for leading a group of people who love to talk but don’t know how to listen. For stepping up to help my people because for some forsaken reason, Outlanders think we have to have a leader - but everyone that’s been ‘chosen’ by them has stepped down.” The scorn there is evident, as she recalls the various crownings and abdications in the absurdly short time frame.
“I’ve been rewarded for feeding people when I don’t need to eat, for building shit and listening and doing away with Zariah’s stupid laws. I’ve given you nothing but freedom and when I fucked up, I gave you all a voice you haven’t had before.” All at cost to herself. All they had to do was show up. And still they criticize.
“I’ve been rewarded for saving the Ascended from Roana and Ludo. A god is actively telling people to kill us, Melita. A whole race. Gone. And it’s not just Ludo, the others also tried to kill me with sunshine. Jigano tried to bite me in half while a dragon. And did the Voice try to kill him for that? No. Do you think I would have gotten such leniency from any of the Old Gods?” But does she go around whining about it? No. Does she let it affect her? No. Wessex soldiers on and privately counts her grievances until she can no longer keep them bottled up. They they explode. Like this.
“And yes, for opening two portals. For doing what I had to do. For protecting Rex and Sam and Amun when we got into a shitty situation that was beyond our control.” She turns back to Melita now, addressing the heart of what she imagines the girl is upset about.
“I killed a Fae who was trying to kill me after I offered everyone cease-fire. The rest? Not by my hand, but no one knows that because no one’s asked what happened at the Mathair. And I don’t know how many times we have to say it, but I didn’t know about the blight. And when I did, I worked to restore everyone to their rightful senses. I made it a priority against everything else I had to do as Queen.” She shakes her head and practically growls in frustration. “I don’t know why She did that, and I’m sorry she did. But She isn’t the only one who does shitty things. Do you know why Rae allows plagues and crop-failure and starvation and other things that kill plants and animals and people? My whole family died from sickness and no one ever came to help.”
Does she need to say it? That no one died from the Blight, so how were their lives ruined? “Why there are predators and landsharks and Ursurs and Frost Giants? All of those things have killed more than I have. People here have killed, but call it a career and that’s ok, but I’m -?” There’s something wet and shiny in the corner of her eyes, something that springs unbidden in her outpouring of frustration and reckoning. “I've done nothing but try to right the wrongs and personally show you, Melita, that I care - and you still come after me.”
Wessex looks up, trying to blink the wetness away. “If the Blight and the Fae are all you see, then…” she drifts off, unwilling to finish that sentence. Then she doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know what to do. Then maybe Melita isn’t the girl she thought she was.
No, I’ll be the stone
I’ll be the hunter, a tower that casts the shade
I lie awake and watch it all
I’ll be the hunter, a tower that casts the shade
I lie awake and watch it all
