From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
It struck her as a little odd that he thought it surprising all Outlanders showed up to help me. It made perfect sense to her. "Outlanders have all had to start over from nothing. Pitching in is sort of second nature now." she said with a small smile. She was glad though that so many had showed up to help him. It was just one more example of how they could all get along - how they really weren't so different.
He backpedalled quickly from what he had insinuated and she appreciated it...and felt badly for overracting a bit. She sighed and shook her head, looking down. "Sorry...I shouldn't be so snippy." she said quietly. "There just isn't much to say about it. It's not...particularly dramatic thing physically that early." Unnoticeable. The whole thing could have gone unnoticed. The pregnancy, the miscarriage - were she not a midwife and intune with the signs it could have all been missed.
A frown curved the corners of her lips. "I just...had been so happy. I hadn't been that happy in a really long time."
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
"I guess so. Maybe I can find farm hands easier now." Emmett softly smiled, the comment feeling odd in the midst of what was happening, but...he wasn't sure what else to talk about. Phoebe didn't want to discuss the miscarriage itself, and talking of the baby would just make both of them sad.
Luckily she seemed to understand he had not meant anything bad by his question and she lost some of the tension in her body. Emmett reached forward to take her into his arms, pushing his crate closer so he could hold her and sit comfortably, if she wanted to be held. "Yeah, I know. I was..happy too. Scared, but...really happy, after that."
It had been the promise of a fresh start, a new chapter. "..But...y'know, we can...take the time we need to get sorted, then one day..." He left his words trailing off, but the implication of try again was obvious.
"Maybe." she said with a small smile. She hoped he would be able to find more help. It was clear he needed it. Running a farm really wasn't a one person job after all, but she knew Emmett would work himself to the bone if given the chance.
Phoebe certainly wasn't going to protest being held, closing her eyes as her cheek pressed to his chest. The position was a bit awkward but she didn't care. As much as she craved praise in general, she also craved physical affection from him specifically. Her arms wrapped around his waist and a shuddering breath escaped her lips as she continued to try and keep it together. "I'm sorry." she whispered again, feeling the weight of his sorrow on her shoulders too. That he had been scared was no surprise - in a way she had been too but only because it was new not for the reasons he had - but that he had also been happy about it was both comforting and painful to hear.
What he said next was logical - she knew this to be so. But it wasn't something she could agree with. Not wholly. "Other children won't replace this one." she whispered, her fingers curling into his shirt. It wasn't a criticism of what he said, because it was all true. They had time to figure themselves out. They had time to be more ready. But that trying - with the intent of a pregnency there - again would somehow fix this hurt just would not resonate with her. She would be happy, but this wasn't a pain that could be fixed with something new.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
Emmett was glad to feel Phoebe press in closer to him, but then she apologised again and he shook his head, sighing as he ran his hand up and down her spine. "Bee, there ain' nothin' to be sorry for. It's just a thing that happens. A horrible thing, somethin' nasty and unspeakable but...it's no one's fault. I ain' blaming ya, so you don' gotta say sorry to me."
She was right about there being no replacement for what they had lost, though. "...Yeah, yeah. But...we can still remember this kid and be happy too, right? Not...now, but..later on." The same way his family had mourned for each babe gone before their time, each new brother or sister gone by the end of harvest.
"How about...y'stay here for the night. I got a bed big enough for both of us, and in the morning I'll walk ya back to town." He asked, though it wasn't really a suggestion, Emmett desperately wanting her to stay so he could make sure she was...well, not alright, but as close as she could be.
Phoebe sighed and pressed her face against his chest, as if to hide away there for a time. "I know...I know you don't I just...don't know what else to say." she said quietly. She knew he didn't blame her. She knew it wasn't her fault per se. She knew it was just something that happened but...but what was there to say then? Oh well, life sucks sometimes it's a thing that happened... That just didn't sit right with her. It didn't carry the weight of what she felt, and as Frey said, what counted was how she felt - because she could think and know as much as she wanted but sometimes the heart spoke louder.
Again Emmett spoke sense and she nodded a little against his chest. "Yes, that's true. Just...not just yet." she whispered in agreeance. She had moments where she could feel a sense of joy. Her baby was with Mort, and that was a very wonderful place to be. They were loved and looked after and at rest. They would never suffer the hardships of life, only ever knowing the love Mort gave. It was really a wonderful existence for their soul to have. But...she still grieved not ever knowing them or holding them or raising them. Her mother's heart ached, and would always in a way, even when new children finally came into her life.
That he offered for her to stay warmed her heart, and she nodded without hesitation. It was comforting being there with him - how she had longed for it when he'd left her before, and having it now made it all the sweeter. "Thank you." she said quietly, hugging him a little tighter for just a moment.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
05-07-2019, 03:45 PM (This post was last modified: 05-07-2019, 03:46 PM by Emmett.)
Emmett
Tell me, how do I feel?
It seemed he was finally saying the right things, Phoebe softly agreeing and moving closer to him. As awkward as the angle was, he held her tight and stroked her hair, unable to think of much beyond the woman under his fingers and the gaping hole in his planned future.
She agreed to stay, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. "S'alright. C'mon, we'll go get comfy." He stood and helped her up with him, then took her up the ladder that led upstairs. There were two rooms on the higher level, separated by a thin corridor and two doors on either side. Going to the right door, Emmett opened it and let her into his bedroom.
It wasn't exactly beautiful yet, but he had the hole in the roof fixed and the bed was made, his old sheets and blankets in a messy pile over the mattress. "Here we are...s'not much yet, but I've been workin' on everythin' else first." There was a pang in his heart as he thought how some of the specific work he'd done lately was a nursery, but he didn't say anything, gesturing for her to get into bed while he went to check on the kids one last time.
Phoebe appreciated being held for a few moments longer, soaking in the affection like a plant in sunlight. The position wasn’t the most comfortable technically, but she would have gladly stayed there forever. But alas, there was a bed to lay in upstairs which would be a far better place for such comforting cuddles.
She followed him up the ladder, making a mental note to gently remind him at a later date that stairs were a generally safer option for small children and more common in homes than ladders. The sight of his room made her smile a little. Such a boy’s room – minimalist and messy. ”It’s just fine.” she assured him with a small smile, venturing to kiss his cheek before he left to check on Chris and Milly. She took off her shoes and tucked them near a wall before making the bed – tucking in sheets under the edges of the mattress, piling blankets in an orderly fashion, fluffing pillows and putting them in logical spots. Once it was more resembling of how a bed should be organized she climbed in under the covers, curling up and waiting for Emmett to return. For a moment her mind wandered and she was quick to focus on breathing to calm herself.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
Chris and Milly both wanted to see Phoebe, having heard her voice, but Emmett managed to convince them to wait til the next day with promises of sweets from the market. Once they were both snuggled in bed and ready to sleep he came back to his room, stretching and yawning as he passed the threshold.
Seeing Phoebe in his bed brought a smile to his face despite everything. Something about that just felt right. He noticed she'd taken some steps to neaten it up, make it more comfy; hopefully it was now up to her standards.
For a moment he stood, unsure if he should be embarrassed to get undressed before her, but...they had done far more than see each other naked at this point, right? He took off his clothes slowly, avoiding looking at her still with red cheeks and finally went to get some more comfortable pants, slipping into them then getting into bed, leaning over to put an arm around Phoebe and kiss the top of her head.
"..So..." There really was little else to say about their tragedy. "I was wondering if y'wanted to start stayin' up here some days a the week. Not all the time, cos you gotta run y'clinic. But sometimes. If you wanted."
Emmett certainly didn’t need to be embarrassed, but Phoebe wasn’t going to lay there and gape at him either. She rolled over, her face towards the opposite wall now to give him some privacy while he changed. It wasn’t out of embarrassment or anything, just simple courtesy. He wasn’t getting undressed so they could…you know…though it would be a lovely distraction at the moment if she was being honest with herself. And the potential consequences weren’t an issue at the moment – it would take a few months before her body was fully recovered and re-adjusted to worry about conceiving. Something to do with hormones, Frey had called it; giving a name to a phenomenon she had witnessed but never fully understood.
When she felt his arm snake around her, and a kiss placed to the top of her head, she rolled back over to face him. She kept one arm tucked to her chest, the other wrapping around his waist, feeling more than comfortable laying there with him. It was right where she wanted to be, safe and content, a little place where she could feel peaceful happiness; shielded from her sorrows in Emmett’s arms. It was as close to feeling home as she had since arriving in Caido. At his suggestion she smiled and nodded. ”I would like that a lot. You and Chris and Milly are always welcome up that way too, you know.” she said. There would be times after all when she couldn’t leave, when she had clients who might need her at a moment’s notice and she needed to be easily available. But for now she was content more with the agreeance that they would be spending more time together overall, wherever they happened to be a piece of logistics that could wait. So tilted her head forward to press her lips gently to his, hoping to if for a moment pretend that everything was fine.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
As Phoebe pressed into him, warm and content, Emmett smiled and closed his eyes. Maybe this was what his ma had meant when she'd said real love is in the quiet, Emmett. Her hair was soft and silky beneath his fingers, her arm comfy around him.
"Yeah, maybe after the big harvest weeks. I gotta stay up here when there's so much work t'do. But in Leafchange, I could come n...maybe..." He paused, clearly nervous about this suggestion, unsure of his own ability. "Maybe I could...help out at the clinic? If y'showed me what to do. I know I'm not all tha' smart with book stuff, but...cleanin' and stuff, maybe. I've noticed a lotta couples and well."
It was a little bittersweet, but he smiled. "I think y'might be needed a lot soon."
Well apparently he wasn’t in a kissy mood. Or he still had things to say. She wasn’t necessarily looking for a lot herself but any sort of distraction would help at the moment. Talking was a good one too. ”It could be a cycle almost. In Leafchange and Deepfrost you spend more time in town and during Flowerbirth and Longheat I spend more time out here?” she said with a small smile, her hands drawing lazy circles and shapes on his back as she spoke. Both their professions were a bit seasonal. Sure there was work all year round, but there were certain seasons that were particularly busy for them both.
The he might want to help at her clinic though surprised her.
She smiled at him warmly and nodded a little. ”Oh I could certainly use your help. Especially with the herb garden out back now.” she said. He was a farmer. Growing things was what he did best. And frankly she wasn’t very good at it. ”Just don’t tease me too much when you see the mess I’ve made of it.” she said. When he said he thought she might be busy she sighed a little, shrugging a bit. ”I hope work picks up soon. I wonder if Frey could take a joke if I told them they were slacking off on getting me work.” she said with a light laugh. What Frey inspired did keep her in business after all. Again Phoebe tilted her head to kiss him briefly. It felt like a luxury now, to simply be able to do so.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
"That sounds good, yeah. My sister Susanna used t'work in the markets with a leather makin' guy in the winters, then come back up for the summer. It'd be kinda like that. Maybe I can find somethin' for the kids to do down in the town when I'm helpin' too. I don'...think the stuff that happens in the clinic is for the kids." As much as the realities of farm life were something that ran like a natural current through his family, he wanted to preserve the innocence of his siblings just a little more.
Emmett smiled at her comment about Frey, remembering a little what had happened the last time he'd seen the Goddess. Phoebe moved to kiss him and he returned it, his hand curling in her hair and his eyes falling closed as he pressed his lips to hers, smiling and sighing happily.
"Y'know, speakin' of Frey..." He said as he pulled back, chewing at his lip. "They gave me a gift. It's some leaves...they said they're good for the harvest, or...that if y'ate one before we uh...did stuff, that you'd get pregnant and I..assume it'd go well, for sure. So maybe one day, when we're ready, we do it that way?"
Phoebe smiled a little and gently brushed some hair off of his forehead, listening quietly. Again, it was good to hear him speak of his family in such specifics. It was a sign of progress, of moving forward. But the thought of Chris and Milly helping at the clinic, she laughed a little and kissed his chin. "I think most of it would go well over their heads to be honest, but they are pretty young. My sister in law has three sons Chris could spend time with and Milly still might like to hang around and help with other things." There were pleanty of things for a young girl to learn. Sewing, cooking, cleaning and the like. Then of course both the children would need to learn their letters and arithmatic. It wouldn't be hard to keep them occupied.
She would have been very pleased to continue to kiss him, but he apparently had more to say. At first her face followed his, not really wanting him to pull away, but she stopped herself, opening her eyes to look at him. The sentiment was sweet and she smiled at him, her fingers tracing abstract shapes on his back. "That seems a good idea to me. For someday." she said with a little nod.
Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?
"Mhm. Yeah...It'd be good for 'em to have friends their age. I...worry I ain' gonna be enough, when they get older. I don' know about...y'know, girl growin' up stuff. That's a way off, but..." When you were thrust into sudden parenthood, concerns for ten years on seemed worrisome even though he had time to consider them. "And I dunno what they're gonna do when they grow up. They might not wanna be on the farm when it's...y'know, kinda small 'n' not so good right now."
She seemed to like his idea about the leaves and he smiled, leaning back in to kiss her again. He had noticed the way she had followed him back, like she was pulled along with him; if Phoebe wanted to kiss him he was hardly going to say no.
His hands wrapped around her back, his eyes closed as he kissed her just a little bolder, tilting his head into it and holding her close. In the sleepy little room, even with the news just imparted, he felt warm and content in that moment, happy with her. He knew it would not last so he drank it like air, stroking her skin and kissing her with all the love he felt.
