Beneath the Strawberry Moon
Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
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Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#15
Jigano smiled to himself and sipped his tea at Sam's humble deflection, just as he'd expected. The bookmaker really was a good person, even if the lorekeeper was left with the wriggling little worry about that disassociation issue his friend had mentioned. It was something he should pursue at some point, preferably before they found themselves in a dangerous situation where it might happen again, but... Well. This night was too pleasant to turn down that dark road, and the bard chuckled at the playing companions as he waited to hear what Samuel would ask - not without curiosity on his part, as to what the other man considered a personal question.

He had made the mistake of just taking another drink of his tea when Sam's not-entirely-innocent question had him swallowing and coughing at the same time, resulting in a breathless wheeze as he started choking. He managed to get the teacup set aside, pounding his chest to knock loose the tea that had gone down the wrong pipe before looking at Sam, aghast. "Together with Amalia?" he croaked, staring at his friend as he coughed again. "Sam, what... Amalia is like a little sister to me! And to Rory! Gods least fortunate..." He shook his head, settling back, though his voice was still rough. "No, I am not romantically involved with her." He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, considering what he had already told to Eliza, in the tree at the edge of the Barrierscar. He had been keeping too many things from Sam, really. But then the bookmaker said things like that and he had no idea how the man would interpret what he was told. "Rory and I... are... it's complicated," he said, more hesitantly. "But, yes, we're 'together' in the way you mean. Just the two of us, though," he added wryly, looking up at Sam again and hoping his faint blush wasn't too distinguishable from the flush leftover from his near-choking experience. "But we're the closest thing Amalia has to a family, really. And she is very dear to both of us. Just not in that way!"
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
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#16

As soon as Jigano responded with such a shocked, offended tone, Sam knew he'd read this situation wrong somewhere. In some ways it was quite funny to see the calm bard so flustered, but he was so worried to have hurt his friend he chewed at his lip and tried to look innocent and unassuming until Jigano was done thoroughly explaining exactly what the situation was.

"Oh, um, well it's just...back in Sidhe, you called her my Amalia, and I've only ever heard that kind of thing romantically..." He mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. He certainly wouldn't call anyone he wasn't together with 'my', but maybe things had been different on Jigano's world. If he'd been missing, would he had been 'My Samuel'? Was he...like a little brother to Jigano? He didn't ask, but he desperately wanted to know.

As Jigano finally actually confirmed his relationship with Rory Sam smiled. "I'm happy for you, Jigano. I do not know Rory very well, but it's good to know you're finding comfort here." He felt hundreds of questions fly by his mind in a flurry of curiosity, and chose one to ask. "Did...you ask him out? Or the other way around? Not to be nosy, I just...I wish I knew more about your life. I feel like I tell you far too much about me."

Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
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Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#17
"No, you and your sister don't have that kind of relationship, do you?" Jigano murmured a touch sadly, considering the messed up complexity that was Samuel's family situation. "One of fondness, pride, protectiveness... affection. Not all love is romantic, after all, nor all bonds that matter." He had his ties to Sam after all, that had nothing to do with romance and a great deal to do with fondness and affection. Amalia and the bookmaker had much in common, though they each displayed their traits in their own unique ways. Still, it was those similarities that had endeared them both to the bard, and Sam who had first begun to break down the walls around his brittle heart, and that was not something he would forget short of a god's curse.

It felt strange to be talking about Rory, even now. What they had needed so few words between them, and he still wasn't sure what was his place, what was acceptable to say to those who had known the hunter all their lives. Sam's honest joy brought a smile to his face, and he nodded his head in acknowledgment of the kind words. "Thank you," he murmured, content to leave it at that - but Sam, it seemed, was not, and the bard blinked at the prying question. He arched one brow in silent reproof, then sighed, giving a slight shake of his head as his smile turned wry. "I am honored by your interest, my friend, but I enjoy hearing about you, and about those who are dear to me. You never need to apologize for sharing your life with me. But it is... not something that I do easily. A bard tells stories about others, usually, or about his own slightly embellished grand adventures, but the man behind the bard? That is something that is not shared easily. When you give so much of yourself to the world, the parts that remain private are all the more precious." He settled back, watching the companions rather than his friend for a moment as he tried to settle his thoughts. Finally he sighed and gave a little shake of his head.

"I told you that things were complicated. Neither of us has... 'asked out' the other. I am not much given to doing things the 'traditional' way, I'm afraid," he added wryly. "Though I suppose I don't even know what the local traditions even are, in this case."
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
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#18

"No, we really don't." Sam said with a sad chuckle, though he didn't think he could ever be close enough to Evie to call her 'my Evie'. Even if they spent years together, he thought the phrase would sit uncomfortably in his mouth; perhaps though that was because he could not think of her without thinking of the hundreds of barbs and insults that had passed between them in the years, the endless contest of favouritism that she always won.

Jigano's musings on being a bard were a sort of miserable beautiful, and Sam listened quietly, pressing his lips together and absentmindedly watching Mia and Isuma play. It had to be sad for Jigano, didn't it? To be so cut off?

"Oh. I suppose I can understand that...is that...is that why you never told me.." Sam sighed and shook his head. "No, never mind. I shouldn't pry too much. I'm trying to improve myself." With a new resolve he looked back up to Jigano and changed the topic. "Did you have things like marriage in your world? Not that I'm suggesting you and Rory will, at least not so soon, but I am curious...sometimes there are more differences than similarities between Outlander worlds and Caido, but sometimes I find myself surprised at how alike they are."

Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#19
Sam's empathy would have touched Jigano deeply had he known the direction of his friend's thoughts. His improving tact did not go unnoticed, however, and perhaps it was because he didn't ask that the bard smiled, his warm, lopsided smile that he hoarded for intimate moments and people who had cared enough to try and peak behind the mask with respect. "Never told you what?" He asked gently. "There are a lot of things I've needed time to adjust to... but, like you, I'm trying to improve myself. Ask your question, and I'll answer if I can." How many people tried to ask about him? He had been afraid, and stubborn, and caught up in the instincts of his past... but now that they had time to sit and relax with one another, it was easier to let his defenses down.

And Sam deserved truth more than almost anyone else he held dear.

He chuckled at the question, but in a way that held approval of how the bookmaker's curious mind was reaching out, and accepting that things he had taken for granted in his life were maybe not so 'normal' after all on other worlds. "We do," he agreed, grinning. "Sometimes made for love, other times made for political or mercantile connections, still other times arranged by parents... though usually only in noble circles, for that last one." He tilted his head at his friend, curious rather than upset at the suggestion that he and Rory would get married. "Does everyone who becomes a romantic pair on Caido get married? And what are they like, the Caido marriage ceremonies?"
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
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#20

Jigano asked what it was Sam wanted to know, but he still considering hiding it for a moment, unsure of his confidence. "Well...it's just...I saw you change your foot, in the forest. And you...well..I've been thinking for a while about it, but I'm not sure why you'd hide it from me. Are you an Attuned?" He didn't quite look Jigano in the eyes, looking down at his clasped hands. Since Jigano's last reaction to questions regarding his race, he was not sure this would go over well.

But why would Jigano hide such a large part of his life (because in Sam's experience, for the Attuned it was an important thing, the ability to shift) from him?

"I haven't been to a wedding before. But as far as I know, you make vows to each other and then...well, it changes by the couple. Some people tie their wrists together, some jump over a fire...I think I'd like something simple, sweet...not that it's likely I'll ever get married." Sam shook his head and laughed at the ridiculousness of the concept.

Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#21
It was the question he had been expecting, since the day in the Guildhall when Sam had asked it before. The abruptness of it then had prickled the kitsune's pride, and a closing up of the defenses that he was only just beginning to lower. Things were different now, though. It was not the secret it had once been, and this time he had offered his friend the question. It made a difference, what was offered and what was taken, and he smiled wryly at the bookmaker's confusion. "We just talked about how marriage and courtship might be different between worlds," he said gently instead of answering immediately. "So, too, with other things. The ability to use magic was common on my world, often celebrated, and it was not unusual for it to be a gift from the gods themselves, granted to their worshipers and priests. Here... Here, mages are called 'Abandoned' and the gods have turned their faces away from them. Many of the Naturals who are mages do not like to talk about it or reveal their powers. In the same way, just because Attuned are 'normal' and welcomed here does not mean it is that way on other worlds, where they may face difficulty for being a shapechanger." The bard sighed, sipping his tea and closing his eyes to savor the taste of the apples beneath the rich flavor of the tea leaves.

"Yes, I am Attuned, Sam. But on my world I was a kitsune, from a race of shape changers neither human nor animal, but something... both. And neither. We are our own people, our own race, much as the Fae are. I was not born human, and I was not given a choice of it, as your Attuned here are. If I had been raised in the land of my ancestors, among my own people, it would have been different... but my parents had traveled far, across an ocean and a continent, to settle in a strange land where our kind were very rare, indeed. They wore their human shapes at all times, and kept me hidden and disguised until I was old enough to control my own shifting... and I was raised to hide my abilities and the truth of what I was from everyone. I never told anyone on my world, not my closest friends who I had known for years, not those who I owed my life to a hundred times over, that I was anything other than a human mage, an Oracle and Bard. Of those who learned of it on their own... well. Only one was still alive when I last heard from him, but he, too, was from the land of my ancestors. So." Jigano shrugged carefully, raising his eyes to look at Sam over the rim of his cup. "So the secrets kept for a lifetime are not so easily shared, no matter how close the friendship. It has taken time to try and unlearn the defenses that kept me alive, on at least two occasions, when a foe aimed for the heart of a human and struck - but a kitsune's heart is a little further down and to the right, and so I survived a blow that would have otherwise killed me, had I flaunted what I was as your Attuned here do."

He raised a brow at hearing that Samuel would never likely get married, a silent chastising of the Ascended man's low opinion of himself, and the bard let his disbelief speak for itself, finding silence to be as effective as dissent sometimes.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
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#22

When Jigano began to answer his question talking of marriage, Sam thought he was dodging it again and sighed with a resigned tone. But then the bard went on, beginning to explain a way of being that Sam could hardly imagine. Perhaps because he had never participated all that much in his own countrie's racial politics, always tending to think that nothing was as bad as being him, so he wasn't in a place to judge.

But even if he couldn't imagine it, he did not doubt Jigano for a second and his brows knitted together in a sympathetic frown. He did not like to hear of his friend being treated so, especially not for anything he couldn't help. "I'm...so sorry, Jigano. It sounds awful. I...I'm sorry I pushed you to tell me.." The words came out before he'd really considered them and as soon as he heard them Sam was hit with a belated sense of guilt, drawing his shoulders in and looking down. "I never thought it could be something so...well. Like that."

It was interesting, though, to know his friend was not truly a human. Or -- was he now? Cautiously, Sam asked:"So...now that you are here...um..d-do you still consider yourself..a.." He took a pause, wanting to be sure to pronounce the word correctly. "Kitsune? Or a human, now?"

Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#23
Sam's earnest apology, sincere and heartfelt, was appreciated, and Jigano nodded his head to accept it with a smile. "Thank you, my friend. And I understand why you did it, with how the Attuned are treated here, and how 'normal' they are as part of the populace. I just... wasn't ready to talk about it yet, when you asked. It was something I needed to find my own time and courage to do, and I'm glad that you know, now." He tilted his head to watch the playful companions, lips quirking a little higher as he shook his head slightly to try and clear up a misconception. "It wasn't awful, though. Or at least... maybe because I grew up with it, it didn't seem strange to hide what I was. It was just the way things were. No one knew what I was, so it was never an issue. I only had the usual problems with being a slender, bookish boy in a town filled with the sons and daughters of smiths," he added wryly. "But I was my mother's son, and an Oracle by birth, so even then they didn't push me too far."

The cautious question earned a chuckle, and Jigano set his empty teacup down with a smile. "I will always be a kitsune, in my heart and soul," he said simply. "It is how I was born, and who I am, even if it was a secret from everyone else. But technically, yes, I suppose the body I wear is human." He raised a brow at his friend, wondering if Sam would have any other questions for him while he was in an answering mood.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
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#24

Sam knew all about the difficulties of being a slender bookish boy in a town that did not appreciate you, and smiled sympathetically. Even if he couldn't understand what it had been like to be a Kitsune, he did understand being an Outcast. At first for his personality and then for his Ascension, which was not exactly an oppressed role but it was one that often made people uncomfortable.

Jigano's answer to his question was interesting but he had nothing to say about it, so he just nodded then fell quiet for a little while as he watching their companions play, the energy of the two young animals seemingly endless. He envied it, the innocence and ability to simply have fun, enjoy each other. He could feel Mia's happy glee and smiled vicariously with it, wishing it was his own.

In the quiet, a question came to mind he'd had for a while, though it was likely not one Jigano expected. "I...there is something else I wish to ask, but not really about you. It's just...well...I want you to be honest. Truly honest. And I'm not asking this for any kind of romantic reason, I just want to know. It's..um...well..." Sam turned to Jigano with a worried look on his face. "Am I handsome?"

Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#25
They fell into a companionable quiet after that, and Jigano was content to let the moment stretch. He needed time to recover his emotional equilibrium after sharing so much of himself with Sam, and though he was glad that it was finally out, it was still not an easy thing to have done. He let his mind drift a little, touching lightly against Isuma's and enjoying her happiness with her new playmate as he wondered if Sam would have anything else to say. When it seemed as though he did not, the bard began to shift as if to get up, but the tentative sound of his friend's voice focused him back on the bookmaker once more, and he arched a curious brow as the other man stumbled through the preamble to a question that seemed like it would be very convoluted indeed, with all the buildup that went into it.

When it came it left the bard blinking and nonplussed, sitting back and tilting his head in bemusement. The bookmaker had baffled him, the question coming from seemingly nowhere, and he gave a helpless sort of shrug. "Sam, how am I expected to answer that? I would say that you are not my 'type,' but I didn't think I even had a type until very recently. And even then, most blond, blue-eyed men don't interest me at all. Whether someone is 'handsome' or not will change depending on who you ask so..." He sighed, knowing that it wasn't the answer Sam wanted, and resisting the urge to rub the bridge of his nose. "Remi clearly thought you were attractive, and his judgment is better than mine in judging standards of masculine attractiveness. So... yes, Sam, I would say you are handsome. May I ask where this came from, and why?"
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
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#26

Jigano began his answer with a rhetorical question and then a lot of preamble, so Sam didn't have high hopes. Immediately he felt embarrassed for asking, hugging himself and trying to look as if he were just casually watching Isuma and Mia. The point about Remi...well. Sam, or at least, this Sam had never experienced Remi considering him attractive, and nowhere in his diaries had he actually written Remi had called him handsome. Still, he smiled weakly, knowing Jigano was likely trying to be nice.

"It's just...I've been doing a lot of thinking. About what happened with Remi, and me, and relationships in general, and speaking about marriage just now reminded me." He loosened his posture and took another sip of tea but still did not meet Jigano's eyes. "And I realised I had no perception of whether I was attractive or not. As a child Evie was always the 'pretty' sibling, so I assumed I had to be ugly. But...sometimes, I see myself, and I actually don't mind my face." This was whispered as if it were a terrible, shameful secret.

"I suppose I just want someone who isn't biased to tell me, but I suppose you are biased by being my friend..hm. I also find it difficult because I don't know what I am attracted to. I think you have lovely hair and a good nose, but I do not find you um..romantically attractive." He laughed a little nervously as if Jigano might take offence. "..I'm rambling, I'm sorry. It's just when there's something in my head, I go over it from so many angles that it takes over."{/b}

Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child


Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
Provost of the Loreseekers Soul Shepherd
Portal Guardian
Age: 36 | Height: 6'2" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 12 - Strg: 30 - Dext: 45 - Endr: 38 - Luck: 42 - Int:
ISUMA - Mythical - Griffin (Venomous)
Played by: Cirago Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,914 | Total: 7,219
MP: 10170
#27
Jigano tilted his head curiously as Sam tried to explain where the sudden question had come from. He nodded slowly, but more in acknowledgment than understanding. As a performer, looking good was part of his livelihood. One could be a bard and be ugly, of course, but that tended to pull more towards the comedic or creating masks or such to foster an air of mystery, or else honing songcraft to the point where no one noticed your face. The idea of not knowing whether one was handsome or not was one that he wasn't really familiar with, though of course he knew of the ploy to use the question to fish for compliments.

That didn't seem to be the reason behind this, though, for all the reassurances Sam often needed. "Have you heard the saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'?" he asked curiously, trying to grasp after something that might help. "If you are finding yourself more comfortable with your reflection, it might mean that you are becoming more confident in yourself and who you are." Something the bookmaker had long deserved, the guildmaster thought, heartened with the hope that his friend was finding his center.

The bard chuckled and nodded agreement that he was biased, not trying to deny it. Sam was his friend, after all, and while that sometimes meant unvarnished honesty, other times it meant support. "I always found my nose a little thin," Jigano admitted with a grin and a little shrug of his shoulders. "But my hair is definitely my best trait!" He tilted his head, smile widening at hearing that he wasn't romantically attractive to the bookmaker. "It's alright to ramble, Sam. If it helps you work through what you've been thinking about, I'm happy to listen. But perhaps... with all that has happened this past year, your heart needs some time to recover?" he made the suggestion tentatively, watching his friend for his reaction. "You have done quite a lot, and perhaps it is a good chance to discover how it has changed you, and which of those changes you want to keep and encourage in yourself, and who you want to become as you move forward?"
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
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#28

Sam nodded that yes, he had heard the saying. He'd often thought it when he picked up a flower that had gone otherwise ignored, or touched the cracked leather detailing on the cover of a book long tossed away in the Atheneum. He had a talent for seeing something in the ugly and forgotten, probably because he hoped for the same chances himself.

Jigano seemed anxious to suggest he wait before a relationship, but Sam nodded eagerly. "Yes, I have had much the same thought myself. There is not...really anyone I admire right now anyway. I would just like to know if I am handsome as much for myself as for anyone else. I...don't want to be in a relationship, not until I am more...whole. It could end up like it did with Remi again, and.." He trailed off, but the way his fingers trailed slowly along the edge of the table spoke volumes.

"Thank you." He said after a moment. "It is very nice to have a friend who I can trust to talk to."

Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child




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