take me back home

KIADA

Her head lifts to look at Jigano when he speaks, and he seems to say the same thing Deimos has told her. She has them, and she knows she does, but it’s not necessarily that kind of comfort she wants. They are her family, and family has it’s ups and downs, but are knitted together tightly woven beneath the same kind of fabric. She just wants someone to talk to, the way Amalia and Deimos talk to one another – the way Jigano has Rory to talk to. Someone not necessarily a part of the family, but becomes one.

She sips from the cup again and looks back down toward Auni as Jigano poises the question to her, and her shoulders roll in a slight shrug. “I fight for my family, I always have. For those that can’t protect themselves.” She thinks of the child in the cavern of the Magnus Metus that she happened upon, bathed in cloaks of metal and fury and flame. She thinks of the people she’d saved by sacrificing herself toward the river of the dead only to surface with a lung condition that burned and swallowed her up entirely. But is there anyone else, a single person she’d fight for?

Not that she can recall.

She can’t convince herself that she’d fight for Auni because he’s innocent within it. She fought for Khairi too, and yet the vulture had been ripped from her hands too. The only ones she can think of are Amalia, Deimos, and Jigano now. And they’re capable people, she doesn’t believe they need her protecting or her fight.

Had he known what thoughts slipped through he mind he might have reached out to her, his own pain forgotten in the all-too-familiar direction of her yearning for more than the world had seen fit to give her. Instead all he could do was nod in relief at her answer, his worry easing a little at her reasons for fighting - the best ones, ones that he respected and would have suggested if she had not. But... clearly they were not enough, and he tilted his head at her soberly in concern.

"If you fight to protect your loved ones, and the defenseless, then you are no monster," he said at last. "No matter what the shadows inside you try to say." But, oh, they were pernicious things, weren't they? All too easy to believe, especially when one's heart was brought low by loss and fear and pain. He sipped his tea, seeking inspiration in its apple-cinnamon warmth, his eyes falling to their companions as the pair snuggled together.

Perhaps a different direction was called for, though it was clear that the darkness in her thoughts, like his own, would not be cured in a single day. "Is there anything that brings you joy?" he asked gently. "Anything that you create or pursue for the fun or beauty of it? Baking or singing or art?"

KIADA

His head tilts in concern and she gnaws at her lip, avoiding his gaze as she goes to sip more from the cup. It’s a good answer, she knows this, and yet… Yet it doesn’t feel like she’s doing enough. It feels like it’s a constant crack within her, chipping away day after day until there’s nothing left. She inhales and lifts her gaze toward Jigano and offers a small, rare smile in response – uncertain how she could even muster it but agreeing. Despite there being those that still believe her to be the monster she once was. Melita, comes to mind.

When he asks her if there’s anything that brings her joy, it’s a turn of the topic that causes her to stumble slightly in her thought process. Her own head tilts and her eyes almost glaze slightly as she has to think about it. “I… I’ve never tried anything?” She stutters, brows furrowing together. She enjoyed baking with Deimos and Amalia, but had that really been the only thing she’d done without there being a need for it? Everything else had been survival, as it was now. Was there even enough of her to dedicate to something like art, singing, or baking?

Something she could do without a necessary purpose and end result? “I want to try.” She says, eyes lifting toward Jigano to see if he has suggestions. She hasn’t tried reading, though it might be interesting. She hasn’t tried singing, yet she doubts she could hold a tune. She hasn’t tried making art aside from the bird she’d placed on the bread she’d made. Yet she trusts Jigano to not judge her with such shortcomings.

The smile was a gift, and he accepted it as one, graciously and grateful as he found a smile in return, offering her his support and his quiet acceptance of her flaws as well as her strengths, as Amalia had done for him the night before. Mighty warriors were important as defenders, protectors, guards, and heroes. He was a fighter mostly be association, though he had learned to defend himself. Still, as he had told Deimos he belonged in a support role, bolstering those who fought far more effectively than he ever would.

The turn of subject was deliberate, not made on a whim alone, but her reaction made it well worthwhile, and he tilted his head thoughtfully at hearing that nothing came to her mind. She had fought long and hard, sacrificed much, it sounded like, but what had that life left her? Scars inside and out, and little else to warm her heart at the end of the day. He nodded slowly, pieces falling into place, and his smile when she said she wanted to try was far more like his old self. "I am barely adequate at drawing," he admitted, with a faint touch of humor. "So I might not make a good teacher for that. But music - singing, instruments, and the like - and dancing? Those I can share, and gladly. A moment, please..." He rose, Isuma watching him with golden eyes that seemed more alert for her cuddling with Auni and his own stronger heart.

He might not be able to help himself, but he could find strength in being able to help others, and he delved into his office for a few minutes, returning shortly with a simple wooden flute he had carved while Rory had mended leather one evening. The piece was plain, but polished to a high shine and he showed it to Kiada with a smile. "A gift, for a new friend," he said gently. "Hold it like this--" He demonstrated for her. "--with your fingers covering the holes. Blow into it gently and lift your fingers in turn and combinations to see what notes you can make with it. Don't worry if they sound strange or squawk," he reassured, with the shadow of a chuckle. "Just have fun seeing what noises come out for now. I'll get one so we can play together for a bit." He handed her the flute and retreated to his office once more, taking his time as he retrieved one of his own instruments. He could at least give her the illusion of privacy while she made her first mistakes.

It wasn't what he had come here today to do but... perhaps this was even more important, in the long run.

KIADA

She glances to him as he returns a small smile, quietly thankful within herself that he’s so willing to help. She doesn’t know if it’s pity because of what happened, or if he genuinely cares that much for her wellbeing. But she takes it anyway, and while she thinks of what she can do and comes to no result, her eyes flicker toward him as he speaks of drawing. She wouldn’t know if she was good, she hasn’t tried. But he then suggests music, singing and instruments, and dancing, and Kiada’s eyes flicker away from him for a moment.

Dancing seems fun, she comes to the conclusion, something you could do with a partner or alone, something that’s similar to fighting in a way. And she thinks on it a bit more as Jigano rises from his seat and she sets her cup down among the empty end table, ensuring there’s no books to be ruined in case things went awry. When he returns, there’s a small wooden instrument that he hands to her, and she looks at her slight reflection through it as he demonstrates the way to hold it. She obliges, taking the instrument and doing what Jigano has told her, her icy gaze wide and when Jigano had retreated to get his own, she begins to blow into it.

At first, there’s a nice solid note, and Kiada takes one of her fingers off one of the holes to change the note. And for a moment she’s prideful in how well she’s picked it up, but as she inhales and goes to do it again, it squawks so terribly that she holds it down from her face as Auni huffs a sigh in response. Kiada, meanwhile, works with putting her lips in a form that would do well to try and prevent the squeaks and squawks, before she tries again. It’s shaky, but it’s something, something she’s created.

The first note was surprisingly good, and he smiled faintly to himself as he slowly rummaged through items he kept neatly stored to retrieve a simple flute of his own. Not the twin-tailed, that he played at the tavern or in public, but one similar to that which he gave Kiada, though in a darker wood and lower key. The squawk a moment later only had his smile quirking a little higher, recognizing the beginner's impulse. She was exploring the instrument and the sounds it made, and that was what mattered at the moment, far more so than how true the tones were.

He returned to settle into his chair, taking the flute in his hands and raising it with a nod to her. "If you blow too softly, the notes will be quavering and thready," he explained. "Blow too hard, and the flute will squawk like a plucked chicken. The first lesson is simply finding how hard to blow to make a steady note without overpowering the instrument. Whichever note you like will do for practicing. We can practice together," he added with a soft smile for the companions.

Sharing the joy of music with Kiada, her willingness to learn from him, softened some of the jagged edges the previous night had left him with. As Rory had once taught him, she might not need his company, but he hoped she stayed because she wanted it. That she chose to do so made the shaky foundations Amalia and Rory had laid strengthen a little further, reminding him that he had more to offer than his rapier or lost magic in times of conflict.

Jigano blew into his flute, producing a single, steady note with all his fingers covering the holes, then he lifted one finger at a time starting from the bottom so Kiada could hear the change as he moved up the scale.

KIADA

She continues to mess with the flute while Jigano is away, a few squawks and solid notes as she figures out how to form her lips and blow into the instrument correctly. Jigano returns soon after, and her eyes follow him as he settles in and raises his own flute to his lips and nods her way. She lowers the flute as he explains, her eyes watching as he demonstrates. It isn’t much, but it’s enough to distract her from the sour bitter feeling that’s encompassed her stomach.

It’s something else to focus on.

And so she watches, listening as he blows into the flute and plays a scale. She focuses on the way his hands hold the instrument, and she works on placing hers the same way – almost delicately, but with enough precision to cover all the holes – and she focuses on the way his breathing patterns are and how hard he seems to be blowing into it.

Then, when he pauses, she lifts it up trying to mimic the same posture of hands that he has, and she begins to blow into the instrument. She focuses on her breathing to keep it steady, and she manages a steady note before it begins to waver as she loses the force behind her breath. “How do you hold so much air in your lungs?” She asks, partially as a joke, and she offers him a small smile in response to her own question before she lowers the flute again and practices breathing in deeply.

Something else to focus on was something they both needed, it seemed. To create, rather than to fight. To do something for themselves, rather than trying to hold up the weight of friends and strangers alike across the Hollowed Grounds. For a little while there was no Zariah, no Safrin, no brewing war, no fear of disappointing others. There was only the sound of quiet explanations and the mixed notes of their instruments as Kiada explored and Jigano found a piece of himself that had been missing for too long.

"Practice," he teased back, nodding approval of the note she had sustained. "For singing, for speaking in public, for playing wind instruments... it's a learned skill, but a useful one." He offered her a small but sincere smile, wiggling his fingers along the flute. "Also for swimming or climbing mountains. But the flute is also a good way to call luxere in Deepfrost," he added, nodding at Auni with a smile. "Especially for anyone who doesn't want to sing. That was how Amalia and I met," he added, realizing Kiada probably didn't know that. "She was singing in the dawn and woke me up, and I went to investigate. I played my flute while she sang Rae's praises and we coaxed a big old buck to come investigate her snacks and my hair." A sweet memory, and a welcome one, hearkening back to simpler times.

Putting his lips back to his own instrument he played the scale again, a slow meander up the finger holes and then back down again, letting Kiada hear each note clearly before moving to the next, keeping it simple and straightforward so she would have a goal to work towards, if she wanted to play with the flute more.

KIADA

She listens as he explains how he’s learned to control his breathing, and for a moment she doesn’t particularly care for public speaking and the likes of it all. She’d done it twice, and well… that was far more than enough. Still, she notes the way he seems to inhale deeply without it looking like he is, and she tries to mimic that, watching as he refers to the flute working on the Luxere — Auni’s own ears ruffle with the words. He can’t deny it, it’s a comforting sound; and the Luxere were known to comfort and ward away darkness, it seems as though the flute had an ability much like that too. She nods to him regardless, picking the instrument back up and breathing slightly deeper, pulling the air deep into her diaphragm and starting from the bottom of it.

She does her best to mimic his scale, following with slow fingers as she focuses on maintaining it. She finds that certain notes have to be held slightly different, whether it be how hard she blows into it or for how long. She tries to keep it from wavering but it happens from time to time. The Harpy doesn’t get angry, though, she knows it needs work and she’s willing to try it. And during it all, she imagines Amalia singing, wondering if the Leopardess would sing for her if she figured out how to play this instrument. It was a goal, an attempt at giving her mind something else to focus on rather than what was there.

She spends quite some time working the scales and the amount she’s put into it already, begins to show progress.

Jigano played the notes slowly, patiently demonstrating and letting Kiada see and hear and practice her own scale. When she produced a strong tone he smiled and offered approval, and when her notes wavered he gave quiet encouragement until she found the right combination of breath control and finger pressure. He was content to focus on the scales for awhile, simply playing them with his friend while the companions listened along. Isuma perked up as some of her human's weary pain was lifted by Kiada's friendship and company, and began to help groom Auni, nibbling his fur and helpfully combing it with her little beak.

Once it seemed Kiada has a solid foundation to continue on, Jigano sat back and smiled, the expression easier and brighter than it had been earlier. "Keep practicing your breath control and scales, and when you're ready I can help you with more," he offered, grateful for her willingness to give him a chance. "And if the flute doesn't work out, if it doesn't bring you happiness to play, then we can try another instrument, or add in dancing, or see what we can learn together about drawing or painting," he added, smile softening. "There are many other skills that allow for creation and joy. Not giving up... that's the important thing." Amalia's words, paraphrased from the night before, but no less true for being borrowed and shared with another who needed to hear them just as much as he had.

He hesitated for a moment as he looked around the darkened Guildhall, and some of the weight seemed to settle back onto his shoulders at the shadows from the shuttered windows, the once-bright Hall reduced to a quiet dimness. "I... should really begin to pack things up," he said softly, with a faint wince. "I want to move some of the more dangerous books to a safer location, in case anything happens to the Guild in the days to come..."

KIADA

Jigano’s encouragement helps her keep up, helps her find the right combinations of pressure and breathing, and after a bit longer she’s able to find a way to inhale without having to pause for so long. It’s a good feeling, and Auni appreciates the lift in her mood as well, turning his head toward Isuma who preens his pale fur. He sticks his wide tongue out and aims to lick her right on the forehead before he licks his lips and settles down again, ears flickering with the tones of music.

Kiada listens to his instruction and lowers the flute, surprised a bit that he’s allowing her to keep it but appreciating the gift all the same. “Thank you.” She says quietly at first, before tilting her head slightly. “And thank you for the time and lessons.” She adds, giving him a soft smile — a sign she’s starting to get out of her funk, out of her frustration and angst. The anxiety is still there but it’s mulled a bit after spending time thinking about something else.

When he mentions and explains the packing situation, she nods and stands, still grasping the flute tightly. “Thats a good idea, can’t be too careful after all.” She offers, another soft smile reaching her lips. “I’ll let you go to focus on that. Thanks again.”

Isuma received a luxere kiss to her little feathered head, and chortled merrily at the attention, even if Auni got a few downy feathers on his tongue for his trouble.

"It was my pleasure, Kiada," he assured her, blue eyes warming at her smile. "More than that... it helped me, too. Reminding me there is more than war and the fates of worlds to life. It was a lesson I've been sorely needing lately." He hesitated only a moment before taking another recent lesson to heart: that he wasn't alone, and didn't need to be.

"Actually," he said, a little tentatively as he rose as well. "Since you're here, could I ask your help with it? We can move more with two of us than one alone, and it would be good if someone else knew where they're going, in case..." In case something happened to him. Something Zariah-related, specifically, but Caido had plenty of other dangers, too, and not all of them were so blatant.

KIADA

For a moment, Kiada thinks he’s mentioned it as a dismissal, and she prepares herself to leave – to go home and practice the flute in her own home to annoy Auni as she squawks and squeaks, but she listens to Jigano as he speaks and she nods once more. She offers him another small, rare smile, placing the flute in a place of safe keeping as she tightens her furs around her shoulders, when Jigano asks her for her help. Her brow raises slightly and she pauses for a moment before replying. “Oh, yes, sure.” She stumbles a bit on her words before smiling lightly again.

“Yeah, understandable. How many books are we moving?” She asks curiously, her eyes slipping away from her silver haired friend to look down at Auni who keeps sticking his tongue out at Isuma and wiggling it out of entertainment. She snorts quietly to herself before stepping away from them toward Jigano and the rest of the hall, prepared for the instructions on what she needed to do.

Isuma was perfectly happy to be Auni's hostess while the humans went off to do silly human things with Jigano's precious books. She curled her talons into a blunt fist and tried to bat at the luxere's tongue when it emerged in a gentle game of tag, chirruping happily at her friend as her long, fluffy tail lashed behind her.

Jigano smiled at the companions yet again, their resiliency inspiring and hopeful that he and Kiada could bounce back again someday from their self-imposed prisons of weariness. "Not all of them, thankfully," he answered his friend, leading the way into his office. "But with things as unsettled as they are with all these notices and proclamations going up, well... I'd rather move some of the more dangerous and important books to locations that are less well-known." He hesitated, slanting a glance at Kiada as he began pulling a pile of books from the personal shelves in his office. "And things that the guild might want to reference if we can't come back here for awhile."