I don't want a whole lotta might-have-beens

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Remi's brows raised in surprise at the mention of Jigano, and by the way his jaw clenched, it was clear the alchemist was none to happy to hear the bard-turned-king-turned absconder's name. But Amalia? "And you do not think that means something? If we all think that the Voice is behind this?"

Watching with surprised and wide eyes as Sam retreated and all but closed the door on him, the urge to tear it off its hinges was suddenly very strong. "SAM." The alchemist roared again, quite properly as well, his vocal chords and teeth shifting to properly punctuate the sound into a leonine growl.

"Don't you dare do this. If there is even a chance...you might be all we have that can stop this.".

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Perhaps Sam would have been more receptive to the idea that his friends had a good idea, had he been approached in a calmer fashion. But in his state, upset and with his chest feeling as if his lungs had been churned up...all he could see was a mob ready to attack him for something he hardly even knew about. He held the door still for a moment, though it still shook from his anxious hands at the sound of Remi's roaring voice. He was angry, disgusted with Remi, but he was still himself. Still shy, still unsuited for true confrontation. After a moment he sighed, and said through the door, the gap so small now Remi would not be able to see him. "If you calm down, and stop being so angry, so...treating me like I'm guilty already..I know this must be hard, but Remi, you're scaring me. And I did not do anything. If you're willing to talk to me like you actually believe I could be innocent, I am more than willing. But this? I..." He frowned. "I've learnt I'm worth something, and that means I don't have to put up with people treating me like shit for no reason." The words felt so good to say that he shed a tear with them, a little bump of happiness rising up in the midst of everything else. SAMUEL How could a night so frozen Be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild Be so raw?

bring back the water

Calm down he wanted to scream back. Stop being angry? He was angry, and terrified and—

—he was scaring Sam.

Immediately the anger left his body, leaving him simply feeling drained, and cold, and ashamed. Blood still on his palms, his claws retracted instantly and his shredded hands clasped his biceps. "Sam, you are right...I am so sorry. I.." The words clogged in his throat, his voice gentle and broken now, free of animosity or anger.

Shuddering out a breath, Remi took a hesitant step towards the door but kept his eyes low, too ashamed to even try and peer through the crack in the darkness. "You are worth something. You are worth so much. I...I am so scared Sam, and I have not slept. I know that is not an excuse, it is just—" But his voice cracked then as tears tracked down his cheeks, a painful burning sensation roaring behind the bridge of his nose.

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There was a beat of silence, almost painful now after the yelling had become the tone of the conversation. If Sam still had breath, he would have held it, unsure what was about to come. Remi leaving? The claws of a beast tearing through his door? But to his surprise, there was instead an apology; something he very rarely had received earlier in life. He was used to arguments (or in the past, more accurately, being yelled at) ending in a cold silence and resentment. Slowly, he opened the door and for a moment just stood, looked at Remi with his eyes watering and his lips shaking - then he surged forward, hugged him hard, arms wrapped around his shoulders. Eyes closed tight he whispered: "Remi, I promise you. If I knew I had helped to do something that was doing this to Ronin..I would stop it. I would tell you." With that said he pulled back and sighed, shaky and deep. "Come in, and we can talk...calmly about this, right? I can make you some tea. It might help you to...to sit down, for a moment. Breathe." SAMUEL How could a night so frozen Be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild Be so raw?

bring back the water

The arms around him were unexpected, almost painfully familiar, and blissfully needed. Hitching in a breath the alchemist wrapped his arms around the smaller man, leaning forward to press his forward against one of Sam's shoulders as he did his best to hold in the sobs that wanted to burst forth. This simply caused Remi's body to quake under the tensing of his muscles. "Sam I am so sorry. I did not mean—" But the words were lost as more tears poured from Remi's eyes and hopelessness utterly clogged his throat.

Nodding and letting Sam pull away, Remi tried on a weak smile that lasted only an instant. Following the bookmaker inside Remi tried his best to take a few calming breaths but found his lungs seemingly incapable of doing more than bouncing the air straight back out.

"I know I could be wrong about this...all of it. But..even if the Voice has something to do with this...I know it is not your fault. Please believe me. I do not blame you. I do not think you did this intentionally." Remi whispered through lips moist with tears.

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Sam nodded at Remi's words, brows furrowed and lips pressed together. A part of him was still angry, but even more he was scared: Remi had calmed down now, but he was the third friend to turn on him in as many days. Turning from Remi he began to prepare some tea. It seemed to almost be automatic for him in times of crisis - make tea, sit and talk, wish it wasn't happening. As he strained the leaves, he began to speak. "I...I just want to know what evidence there is that The Voice might be behind it. Other than the other Gods saying so, because well...do you really think they wouldn't blame her just to incite hatred against her? They certainly have enough of it." The tea poured out into two cups, steam rising up into the air. "And the Ascended have been in the woods, yes, but...The Voice is always very open with us about her plans. We can ask her questions and she tells us things. She has never mentioned to me that we had anything to do wit hthe blight. If...If she wanted me to spread it, I think she would have asked me. And I would have said no, of course. Or at least asked why." SAMUEL How could a night so frozen Be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild Be so raw?

bring back the water

The alchemist pressed his forehead into his hands as Sam spoke. His eyes were shut tight wanting nothing more than the quell the flood of tears that relentlessly were being produced. "They do not like her, you are right. But even Vi is involved now...do you really think they would all just make it up?"

Glancing up as Sam placed the cup before him, he offered his friend? a weak smile. "Have you asked her, then? Or would you? Ask her why she wants you to explore? If she is as honest as you say, then this can all be put to rest now."

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"Vi? Have you seen...seen him in person?" Sam asked, looking more than a little amazed. He had never heard of anyone actually meeting such an important figure in this time. He supposed with the barrier down it made sense that they may be able to (and that Vi would not appear to him, as an Ascended) but it was still rather odd to hear. He sipped from his tea and frowning, shook his head. "I have only asked her about the blight once, but it was during another conversation and I think it somewhat..got lost inamong everything. I.." Looking Remi over, Sam tried to decide if he could trust him. Maybe it was best to be vague, just in case. "I am considering making a new shrine for The Voice. If I do, and she appears...I will ask her then, alright? It will likely be soon." Though, perhaps he needed to be faster: "...Do you know how long...I'm sorry, it's an awful question. But how long Ronin has?" SAMUEL How could a night so frozen Be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild Be so raw?

bring back the water

"No.." Remi clarified with a soft shake of his head. "..Amalia." He added with a shrug, the explanation seeming to mean little now. Vi said seemed to more than appropriate evidence in this case. Or so he thought. "Safrin is dying of it as well. Or...if not dying, sick from it." He added, his throat suddenly quite dry which he remedied with a hasty sip of tea.

Looking up with renewed hope as Sam mentioned having spoke to the Voice about the blight, he bit back a grimace of pain and despair as the ascended all but confirmed his suspicions. Got lost in among everything? Did it? Or was Sam lying?

A new...shrine? From all Remi knew of his friend, he hated going to her shrine. Hated feeding. What had changed?

He might have asked, but the question instead asked of him made the colour drain entirely from the alchemist's face. Remi drew in a wispy near-sob of a breath, as his lips fumbled over the words he couldn't quite make himself say.

"One.." His eyes closed, suddenly feeling very, very heavy. "..season."

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"...Oh." Sam said, frowning. He was unsure how to feel about the death of Safrin. He had never met the other Gods, and she could well be the one that had hurt him at the shrine. His Goddess would likely be happy at the news. But...Sam knew she was important to many people. She had brought Ronin back, after all. She was a support for many. Could he really celebrate her death? But that was not the main concern here. Remi was sad, no, despairing, and he had no idea what to do. When he heard the sobbed and quiet words, Sam shook his head slowly. "..I...I'm..so sorry." One season was not a lot of time. He'd seen whole years go by from his bedroom window, leaves changing to orange then bare branches welcoming the snow; sometimes it had been so fast he had thought it to be a trick. "I promise you Remi, I will talk to the Voice soon, for you. I will make sure I have done all I can. Though..." He sat back and sighed. "I..don't think I will be able to help the way you want me to. I truly don't think The Voice is the cause, and I don't...know how to stop it. But..." He sat forward and held out a hand between them, offering friendship. "If I can help in any other ways. For you. To just...be here. I..." Forgiveness was a new thing for Sam. Only ten minutes ago he had hated Remi and nearly shut a door in his face. But he was growing, and that meant letting the people around him stumble and grow too. "I am. Always." SAMUEL How could a night so frozen Be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild Be so raw?

bring back the water

"Can I go with you?" Remi asked breathlessly, the air in his lungs all but dissolved as he spoke the request. It wouldn't be the first time Remi had gone to the Voice, not even the second. If it did have nothing to do with her, hearing it first hand would go far to dissuade the alchemist's worries. Or at least set his mind potentially down a more fruitful tract.

Looking at the offered hand, Remi swallowed. He reached for it as it seemed the expected thing to do, but of course the flair of comfort that was once there no longer was. It seemed every obstacle the two men faced together served only to push them farther apart, and despite how Remi's fingers curled against Sam's, the ascended seemed a world away.

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Remi's question surprised Sam; after his recent anger and suspicion towards the Voice and the man's general caution with Gods, he had assumed this would be a trip he would be making alone. For a moment he almost instictively said no, a protective kind of jealousy washing over him. The Voice was his place of comfort, somewhere secret to him and very few others. But...he did trust Remi, really, and perhaps it could help to clear things up. "Yes, alright. I will probably go to the Underground Shrine some time at night." Their hands linked together but there was so little...feeling to it that Sam hardly noticed. By the time he did he was letting go, frowning as he wondered why it was every time they met Remi felt a little less like he remembered. SAMUEL How could a night so frozen Be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild Be so raw?

bring back the water

"A few of us are going to go back into the Spire...to clear out the plants below if we can. If that does not work, then..." Watching as if in a dream as Sam pulled his hand back—though not the sorts of dreams that Remi once had—he swallowed and withdrew his own as well.

"...then we can go." The alchemist's jaw clenched several times, whether to instill confidence in his words or to belay his own sense of helplessness. Rising unsteadily, Remi offered the man across the table a weak and sad smile. "I am sorry Sam. I should not have spoke to you the way I did." The corners of his lips twitched upwards, as if the thoughts in his mind made his lips want to smile. Instead though, he simply looked tired and broken. "I never want you to think I feel that way about you. That you do not matter, that I do not trust you. I do. I hope you can believe that...and forgive me for tonight."

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