we can't make any promises now

Maybe if Loren had been anyone else, or if he’d been in a different mood, or if the situation had been anything what it was, the Launceleyn would’ve laughed. However, as Remi shifted his hand to other shapes—one’s that were unfamiliar to the Launceleyn—the summoner just stared at the other man. “I didn’t mean…” Loren sighed, and shook his head. “You know that was about me and not about you.” The teasing and playfulness wasn’t something the librarian could stomach, and he turned away just slightly so he wouldn't have to look at Remi. The summoner also couldn't (or wouldn't) allow the alchemist to accompany him back to the manor. “No, we won’t. I will. I meant what I said earlier. This is a problem I can deal with on my own, and you have far too many concerns already.” Probably not, but Loren had any number of wondrous creatures at his disposal for all sorts of purposes; presumably one of them would help him ferret out hidden passages or get through locked doors. If not, he’d find some other method. Remi didn’t have to help the Launceleyn with this particular task, no matter what nonsense the summoner had spouted earlier. LOREN Not quite an open book

"Mmm, I did yes. Hence my efforts to make it seem as if it was not." The alchemist replied with a dry smirk, wondering if there were limits to Loren's deflectory remarks or if the well ran as deep as Remi was starting to think it might. "Well, If I remember correctly," Frowning and squinting as if drawing up some long forgotten memory—or any memory really, given how often the alchemist's thoughts were hijacked these days—Remi made a show of trying to pluck something out of the ether of his mind. "Ahh yes. I think we both agreed that LongNight falls well under the list of things that are already my concern." So saying, the alchemist crossed his arms against his chest and merely gave the Launceleyn a roguish look. "Best of luck. You will need me though to find and get into those rooms." He added with a casual shrug. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

It was silly of Remi to try to rouse Loren out of his depression. And it was sweet that the other man was even bothering to try. Then again, that was the essence of the alchemist, and why the Launceleyn had fallen in love with Remi in the first place. It was misplaced, though: the summoner was beyond being distracted or cheered up. “Save your efforts for those who are worthy of them.” There was little force behind the statement beyond force of habit, though. Loren was tired of trying to deflect the other man. And truth be told, the Launceleyn wasn’t sure he wanted to anymore, at least not completely. It seemed they were at an impasse, and he sighed at Remi’s gesture and words, trying to figure out a way to placate the other man without actually getting him involved in this endeavor. “And I seem to recall you delegating the task of preparing the manor to me and me alone.” Actually, it had been the warrior woman, but that was besides the point. If the alchemist wanted to bandy words and responsibilities, Loren could do that all day. However, it would be a waste of both their time, so the summoner held up a hand to forestall whatever quip was no doubt about to come from the other man. “Let me exhaust every other option before I involve you.” That had to be enough: if Loren actually failed, he’d come find Remi. And if the summoner succeeded, well, that was one less thing on the alchemist’s plate. Besides, though the other man had magic now, Loren couldn't help but believe he still had to be more of an expert on the subject. LOREN Not quite an open book

"Tch." Remi clucked beneath his tongue. "Have you always been so fond of telling me what to do?" He asked with a raised brow and patient smile. "You might be confusing me with Wessex," The alchemist countered just as Loren might have known he would. "Though I suppose it is an honest mistake to make, what with how alike we are." Which couldn't be farther from the truth of course, not to mention the Launceleyn had nearly had sex with one of them. "Yes. Why chose the easier option when sheer force of will might do the trick." Even so, the conciliatory puff of air the alchemist directed up into his curls seemed to be answer enough. Loren could do it his way, if he was so determined to. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

“No. Only when you forget that you can value your own wants and needs as much as you worry about everyone else’s.” The words were out of Loren’s mouth before he could stop them; Loren flinched when he heard them, and tugged on his sleeve to avoid even accidentally meeting the other man’s eyes. Just because what the summoner had said was true didn’t mean he had the right to say it. The name was unfamiliar, and so the Launceleyn gave the alchemist a quizzical glance. “Wessex is the tall female warrior?” His voice carried quite a deal of uncertainty, but it was uncanny how well Remi’s words mirrored the librarian’s thoughts. Seeing as Loren didn’t know the woman—and didn’t know the alchemist that well, not anymore—the Launceleyn couldn’t exactly comment on any similarities. Well, they could debate who it was actually easier for and whose approach was best all day long. Loren wanted to counter that just because something was the easy choice didn’t make it the right choice; he had a whole list of mistakes proving just that. But it wasn’t worth the argument. “It costs you nothing to let you try my way first, and potentially saves you a great deal of hassle.” Remi might’ve been able to sway Loren on pretty much everything else during this reunion, but the summoner had to draw a line somewhere, and this was it. "I'm not going to change my mind about this." Maybe straight up saying it would convince the alchemist, but the Launceleyn sincerely doubted it. LOREN Not quite an open book

"That is what I thought I was doing, until I told I was doing it wrong, apparently." The alchemist ruffled a hand through his curls with a slow shake of his head. "I have been told that I do just about everything wrong, since arriving here. Too naive, too caring, weak-willed, morally confused." Ceasing the turning of his head to fix his shattered stare on Loren, regardless of whether he returned it, the alchemist merely chuckled under his breath. "And then one day someone told me I could simply be who I was. Make my own decisions." The alchemist's smile grew infinitely warmer then, for that man had been Ronin. "And so I did, and have. " Remi nodded. "Mmmm. The queen now, actually." He added. Flashing Loren a crooked smile, the alchemist merely nodded. "I suppose I can add stubborn to my list of Loren-traits, having witnessed this one first hand." He added with an easy laugh. Not mocking the Launceleyn no, but certainly not letting this mulish behaviour go unnoticed. "It costs me nothing no, save for the knowledge that I could make your life much easier if only you would allow me. But if you are sure, then be my guest. I only offered since I assume your talents could be more usefully applied elsewhere." REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Loren listened to Remi’s words, a sad expression lingering on the Launceleyn’s face. “Most of those were virtues in disguise, though.” It came out in a whisper, one he hoped the other man hadn't heard. Too naive was just a symptom of the alchemist’s optimism; too trusting was because he had too large a heart; too weak-willed was just because he wanted everyone to be happy and aimed to please; and morally confused, well, whoever thought that was simply an idiot. However, just because the summoner had always known all that didn’t mean the alchemist did. As Remi kept speaking, Loren turned away, leaning one shoulder on the wall he’d been sitting against earlier, needing the support of the tangible stone propping him up. The librarian had wanted to be that person for the other man. Now he would never get that chance. However, Loren wouldn’t deny Remi his joy, not after how hard fought and won it was. “I-I’m happy for you.” And the summoner was, even as his own heart broke anew. The tall blonde warrior woman—Wessex, Loren reminded himself firmly—was the queen. It was odd, since Ronin was king and yet the two weren’t married, but Northaven had an ever stranger mode of government, so the Launceleyn dismissed it. Still, he tucked away the knowledge of who she was for later. For now, he’d continue letting the alchemist’s words wash over the two of them. Saying anything would probably just confirm to Remi that Loren was, indeed, stubborn (and he was) so he wasn’t going to deny it. The laughter made him flinch again, but luckily his back was still to the other man. The summoner turned, though, when Remi mentioned the Launceleyn being more useful elsewhere. Alright, Loren would take that bait. “Where? Where can my talents be put to better use?” Honestly, he was genuinely curious about the answer. Because until LongNight rolled around the summoner didn’t see how his skills could benefit anyone. LOREN Not quite an open book

"Mmm." The alchemist replied with an unhelpful shrug. Once, long ago, he'd tried to defend himself against those accusations, many leveled at him by Jigano. Now, the need for such safeguarding had nearly gone entirely. Perhaps he was all of those things and more—too impulsive, too unconcerned about his own well-being, short sighted, reckless—but at a certain point, the alchemist's flaws were just as much a part of his character as his more positive traits were. As Loren turned away, his mention of approval felt flat; the librarian's posture indicating something quite different from happiness. Then again, the alchemist hadn't been trying to solicit any sort of reaction from his once-friend, other than perhaps hope that men were indeed capable of change. Turning back to regard the alchemist once again, Loren would find his expression still softly amused and infinitely patient in its boyish determination to not be dissuaded by Loren's stubbornness. "Well you are the oldest of the remaining Launceleyns. From what I know of your family, that means something. The political unrest both here and with the fae.." The implication being that as a duke, Loren might have some insight as to how best to negotiate those strange waters. "And there's prepping the manor, sure. But I can tell you now that the majority will not be so inclined to step inside. Not after Zariah's sudden ascension to the throne and all that came after." That too, would take some smoothing. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Loren not afraid to use every trick in the book When Remi mentioned Loren’s family—and the fact that he was the eldest of those remaining—the librarian rubbed his arms as if to provide himself with some small comfort. Hearing someone else say out loud that he was basically the head of the family was both horribly depressing, because of what they’d lost, and deeply terrifying, because it implied he had some legacy to uphold. But he wanted nothing to do with that heritage. He’d run away from it, and having it thrust upon him was unwelcome. ”From what I know of my family, it means something terrible.” Everything he’d heard since coming back had just confirmed that the rest of the Launceleyns hadn’t changed in the slightest. Then again, he was pretty much the same as he’d been as well. Picking at a thread from his shirt, the librarian shot the other man a considering look. ”I’ve heard some rumors about the political unrest here, but I don’t know the full story. And I don’t know, well...anything about the fae, to be honest.” Granted, the summoner had no idea what he was supposed to do about it—it wasn’t like he, the disappearer in chief, was going to sway people’s minds about anything, especially with his last name—but if the alchemist had something specific in mind, Loren would hear it out. The warning that people wouldn’t want to go to the manor was worrisome, but given the little he’d heard about Zariah (and knowing his family was generally hostile to outsiders) he shouldn’t have been as surprised as he did. ”I’ve already started making plans to secure food and medical supplies.” Granted, they weren’t particularly successful, but that was the last thing Loren was going to tell Remi. ”I figure sealing the entrances and exits should wait until later.” After all, it was already an oppressive place: blocking it off would just make that worse. Besides, the librarian didn’t want to do that to Jace and Beatrix. He was already on rocky ground with the children. As for other preparations, well, he'd come here about the doors, and would seek out knowledge about how to defend from the monsters at the Atheneum. Running a hand through his hair he pondered the problem of making people willing to approach the manor. It wasn’t something he felt particularly well-suited for. However, there were a few tried and true approaches. ”Well, we could always throw a party there.” Loren hated them, but few things changed people’s perspectives of a place like a well done party. ”And...maybe I could offer free healing services to anyone who stops by?” It was a relatively weak set of suggestions, but it was all he could think of off the top of his head, given the short notice.

The more the alchemist was around the librarian, the more the man reminded him of Sam. The subtle attempts to soothe himself, his inward posture, his fleeting gaze. Remi couldn't help but wonder what it was that had drawn them together, indeed, that had drawn Ronin and Loren together. The thought fluttered uncomfortably at the back of Remi's mind like some worrisome moth leaving dust-trails all over his thoughts. Remi could only offer the librarian an uncertain hum of acknowledgement; he knew precious little about the inner workings of the Launceleyns, save for the aggression and violence he'd witnessed from them first hand. "And dangerous too, perhaps. Your...niece?" The alchemist offered Loren a quizzical look, all raised brows and scrunched nose, unsure where in the Launceleyn tree the term 'family' became less about lineage and more about common upbringing. "Came to see me. She wanted..." Colour flushed brilliantly across Remi's nose and into the apples of his cheeks as he smiled crookedly. "..one of Edy's dildos to be magically enchanted." Nodding easily as if to say that this wasn't a surprise, the alchemist relaxed his grip on his arms slightly. "You were a duke, if I remember correctly. I do not believe the fae have that sort of hierarchy, but given that most of our interactions with them have consisted of them telling us to stay out of their woods, and us basically disobeying, whatever political tact you might have learned in Northaven would likely be far better than the measures we have used so far." Ronin was meant to be the face of the Hollowed Grounds, the diplomatic one, but blighted as he was, he was just as likely to start a war as broker any sort of understanding. Biting the inside of his lip, Remi regarded Loren with a soft and considered gaze for a moment. "Not that the manor is not a good plan...but...there is something to be said for the temple. The rathskeller has plenty of food, the infirmary can be reached without going outside, and the temple was able to accommodate the beds." Softly his teeth tugged at his lower lip as thoughts of, you were not here. You do not know what it was like sparked unnecessarily in his mind. Watching Loren ruffle a hand through his hair, a gesture that struck Remi as entirely whimsical given just how little the Launceleyn seemed to currently be focused on his appearance, he all but choked at the suggestion of a party. "A...party." He said, dimples deepening as he fought off the slow spread of his smile. "Well...there is a wedding coming up. Perhaps you could offer the manor for the reception. The couple are ascendeds and so do not feel the cold, but the rest of us surely will." REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Well, the danger was a given, but Loren was too perplexed by Remi’s story to pay much attention to that. The Launceleyn gave the alchemist a confused look. ”I have a niece too?” Neron really must have gotten busy with Zariah, though the timing seemed off and there hadn't been a baby at the manor as far as the librarian knew. Then the other man continued the explanation and the summoner’s mind supplied the convoluted cover tale they’d come up for Beatrix, and he sighed. He really didn’t know why everything needed to be so complicated with his family. ”Oh wait, are you talking about Beatrix? She’s my half-sister, actually. It’s a...long story.” One he didn’t know all the details of, so probably best they didn’t dwell too much on it. The librarian couldn’t help the long-suffering sigh that escaped his lips. ”I’m sorry she bothered you with that. She’s distraught, understandably so, and even more understandably doesn’t trust me.” Loren woudn’t in her shoes. Then he paused, feeling incredibly awkward. ”You uh...didn’t, right?” He really didn’t want to say dildo to the other man for oh so many reasons. Loren rubbed his temples, the emotional output and drain, the spell, and this completely confusing and long-lasting conversation starting to take its toll. Yes, he’d been a duke, but barely (and not a particularly good one at that), and he was about as far from a diplomat as it was possible to be. ”Let me get this straight. You want to send the cousin of the evil queen, who has absolutely no knowledge of the situation at hand and is pretty much hated by the people here for one reason or another, out to talk to the evil fairies, who have no idea who he is and absolutely no reason to trust him, and it’s all because you’re hoping that because I was a duke once upon a time it bestows some sort of magical people skills on me?” Loren was trying to be charitable and understanding, but even his guilt and enduring love for Remi couldn’t prevent the incredulity from creeping into the Launceleyn’s voice. He really didn’t see how that would end well. ”My political advice: don't do that. Find the coolest head you know, who is known and accepted by the fairies, and send them out with every apology and gift you can muster, and in the meantime try to prevent people from doing any more damage. A delegation would be better, but if you’re asking me, a stranger to you, I figure your options are limited.” That was just plain common sense, though, not some mythical noble wisdom. And it probably wouldn’t work anyway, because people were dumb. Loren included himself in their number. Remi’s reluctance was understandable, and the librarian looked down with another sigh. ”The manor is actually designed to house people though. And as I mentioned, I’m sure Zariah designed it to withstand a siege if necessary.” Which it sounded like LongNight was. And whatever Zariah's faults were—and there were many—she knew tactics and strategy well enough. ”If you really think the temple will be better, I can call off the preparation at the manor and let Queen Wessex know about the change of plans.” Oddly enough, it bothered the summoner to say that, and the words didn’t come easily. It had been just about the one thing he’d actually felt could be helpful, and to hear that he’d been mistaken was tough. But this wasn’t about him. Yeah, it sounded stupid, Loren knew that, but he was running out of ideas here. Glancing up, the Launceleyn saw the alchemist’s smile; the pang that shot through the summoner at the sight of it forced him to look down again and hug himself once more. ”I know it’s dumb, but if done well maybe it could dispel some of the feelings people have about the manor...and...maybe it could help lower tensions?” His voice grew uncertain on that last part, since as Remi had already pointed out, the unease was deep seated, and the summoner hadn’t been around for it. At the mention of the wedding, the librarian finally looked up again. ”Who is getting married?” He doubted a stranger would want to host a reception at the manor, especially if they were Ascended. But Loren would ask. The other man hadn't even acknowledged the free healing idea, which meant he'd probably dismissed it out of hand. The summoner tried not to sink even deeper into depression to have yet another suggestion immediately shot down. It helped that he was pretty much already at rock bottom. LOREN Not quite an open book

"Ah.." Remi blinked uncertainly, long lashes fluttering to convey his dismay and lack of clarity at the many boughs of the Launceleyn family tree. "Yes, Bea." He said with relief, though his confusion was still apparent given that she was somehow even more closely related than Remi had initially thought. "Ah...right." He mumbled unhelpfully. "Mmm. Very upset. I think she misses Edy a great deal." Much more solemn now, Remi sighed deeply, his inability to extinguish the child's pain evident in the deep from tugging at his lips. "Did I turn her sex stick as she decided to call it, into a flaming weapon?" The alchemist shot the once-duke a disbelieving look, before shaking his head. "Surely I have not changed that much from the man you knew." He scolded playfully. That Loren would accept Remi now had the ability to create magical items, but that he'd also lost his damn mind was enough to make the alchemist chuckle ruefully. . "Do I think you should head off just now? Of course not. But I think perhaps those problems are more solvable and worthy of your time than seeking out secret passageways inside of the manor, when you could simply have me show you were they are." Remi countered. Then, with a grin he added, "Besides. You are the one who told me not to rely on what I thought I knew of you. So how am I to know that you are not charismatic and persuasive when you wish to be?" As Loren offered his actual advice, Remi merely raised a brow as a self-satisfied grin brightened his features. "Hmmm." He trilled, pale eyes flashing with amusement. "What good advice. Almost as if...Oh I don't know...it is the sort of thing you are good at." Remi added, and had his presence physically not seemingly burned the Launceleyn's skin, he'd have leaned forward to give Loren's shoulder a playful nudge. As it was though, he merely offered the man a crooked smile. "Well, we have nearly a season to figure it out." Even if people didn't want to stay at the manor, having a fortified and safe plan B seemed worthwhile. Besides, if tensions were running as high as they currently were throughout the Grounds, it might be smart to be able to separate warring parties. "Not dumb, just a surprise. You...do not strike me as the partying-type." Remi ventured with a gentle shrug. Seeing Loren continually hold himself so, his mannerism dismayed and insecure made the alchemist inwardly wince. "Ah...Bastien and Rexanna." He answered, slightly distracted as he pulled his eyes up from Loren's intertwined arms. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

At the mention of Edy’s passing, Loren grimaced. ”We all do.” Despite their differences—and despite how they parted—the librarian had known she had only wanted the best for the family. It just sucked that at the time he’d convinced himself that what he wanted was incompatible and more important with what his kin wanted. It seemed so dumb, now, but he couldn’t change the past. If he could...he shut down that line of thinking, knowing it would drive him insane. Perhaps it was relief or perhaps it was the fact that his mind was still grappling with, well, fire-spouting dildo, but the summoner grew careless with his tongue. ”Well you did say you were weak-willed and too caring, and she is quite stubborn.” His voice was light and mocking, but as soon as his mind caught up to his ears he flushed a brilliant crimson. ”I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have,” He swallowed. ”I shouldn’t have said that.” The other man’s accented voice and kind banter had been too familiar, and Loren had allowed himself to forget that he couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t tease like he used to. There was too much space between them now, and despite the alchemist’s easy (almost shockingly and worryingly so) acceptance, the librarian knew he had a long way to go to get back into the other man’s good graces. Loren forced himself to meet Remi’s now white eyes. They were quite a potent reminder of the changes they’d both been through, and how the Launceleyn would be forever apart from what he’d once craved and still maybe did. ”Remi.” The librarian’s voice was surprisingly soft and gentle; Loren didn’t know where he’d found this particular pool of understanding, but he’d draw upon it for as long as he could. ”Just because you, through a variety of literally miraculous circumstances were able to accept my presence does not mean that others will be willing or able to do so.” Ronin sprang to mind, but the summoner knew better than to bring that up now. But there were others, who were right to be suspicious of Loren. As for what was and wasn’t worthy of his time, well, he would be the judge of that. And the alchemist’s time and talents were far more worthy of the librarian’s. Then his eyes flicked away as Remi grinned. The Launceleyn still refused to see the cheer in any of this; the alchemist’s boundless optimism crashed against the summoner’s pessimism and broke apart, leaving Loren unchanged and unmoved. ”What part of our conversation today possibly convinced you that I was either charismatic or persuasive?” His voice came out flat and dispassionate, unintentionally underscoring his point. ”And if no one has suggested that to you before now, well…” He trailed off, because he’d been about to express that the other man had surrounded himself by idiots. However, Loren couldn’t say that: for one it would be rude, and for another, it would prove the alchemist’s point, and the librarian was loathe to admit that, even to himself. The librarian shook his head. ”You have a season to figure it out, which I know you will. I will just provide what assistance I can.” He knew he was waffling back and forth between insisting he could be of service and then insisting he could no nothing that mattered, but he was still so lost, buried beneath this confusing reunion, and his warring emotions, and his low self-esteem, and all this new information...it was too much for one person, so a little inconsistency would have to be forgiven. Surprising was definitely better than dumb. ”I’m not. But it wouldn’t be the first time I threw one for the greater good.” He was an expert at setting aside his discomfort, after all, and his awkwardness and annoyance at parties was easier than most of his emotions to push deep within himself. Then Remi mentioned Rexanna’s name, and Loren’s head shot up, eyes wide with surprise. ”Wait, really? She didn’t say anything...” Then again, they were strangers, and it was hardly the sort of thing that casually came up in conversation. The librarian slumped again as he realized she’d gone out of her way during such a busy time in her life to help someone who didn’t deserve it. He’d have to find some way to pay her back. LOREN Not quite an open book

In response, Remi merely laughed warmly. "It is true. I very nearly did give in. Only..." Tugging in a breath and giving Loren an uncomfortable look, the alchemist's grin grew crooked as he shook his head. "That would have required me to touch it, and...knowing what it is and whose it was..." Remi made a show of gulping exaggeratedly, before snorting. Touching one of Edy's dildos was a hard no. It was strange to hear his voice said with such familiarity, and not for the first time (and certainly not the last), he read the lines of Loren's face as if held somewhere therein would be a spark of memory. Something to link the man before him, to a bit of the past he could remember. Nothing came of course, but still the alchemist looked and searched. "I wouldn't quite call being cursed numerous times miraculous." Remi replied, finally looking away and up into the sky, his voice suddenly quite sombre. While he knew it to be true, that without the loss of his memories many things would have turned out differently, still he couldn't help but long for the pieces of himself that lingered like inevitable ghosts. For a moment the alchemist remained silent, and considered. The slow spiral of the conversation was again looping in on itself. That Loren hadn't left suggested perhaps there was more to say, or more that he wanted. Remi was fairly sure though that despite the small steps forward, there was a marathon left to go before any real progress was made. Only...he thought that even if Loren did know what it was he wanted, he'd not actually articulate to the alchemist, leaving Remi torn between doing what presumably Loren wanted, but didn't need, and what he needed, but didn't want. "Loren." The alchemist implored, his voice soft. "Look at me." REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences