From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"Can you ask questions about the um... the foundation? Does it stop being that then? Or... is it like the answer for all of them?" Peter is very quietly glad that she is willing to answer his questions, to explain this to him. It feels like playing with putty, every time he thought he made something concrete, the shape would changed, morphed by careless hands. Though his wrinkles to match the distaste in her voice when she talks about poetry. "I don't like poetic things." The words are simple, matter of fact. The terminal statement, he thinks to himself.
His face quirks as she pokes yet more holes in his idea. It's all too easy to watch him think, if she were so inclined, his face changing with each new thought, until he looked back up at her, a little bit excited about his words this time. "What if you said um... numbers, and... and everything, I guess, that uh, that we know, only mean something for as long as there's someone who uh... who understands that meaning?" This idea feels like one that covers the holes she's poked, though it also feels like meaning for the sake of meaning, and Peter isn't sure if that's something that works.
"I didn't know that... that that's what dreams were for." Peter admits, blinking slowly as she explains more, about not really being, not really disappearing. He does not like that one bit, and it shows in his deeply exaggerated frown. "I think, if... if thats how it works, then maybe I do want to be." He shakes his head, then asks something else, something that hasn't been quite important enough to ask yet. "If you were a um... an acorn, then... why aren't you a tree?" She wasn't human, even he could tell that, but he didn't think rock people came from acorns.
Distance, distance keeps you safe
And I don't wanna scare you away
You're laughing cause it's funny
How you're fooling everybody but me
“It is the answer for all of them.” You say with a rather knowing nod. “If it wasn’t, it wouldn't be the foundation” Pausing a moment, you briefly consider a better way of explaining this. ” Imagine you were asking a group of friends who they borrowed a book from. Of each friend you could say, “Who gave it to you?” And they would be able to answer, until you got to the friend who loaned the book initially. Of that person it wouldn’t make sense to ask who loaned the book to them, since it is their book. “ Shaking your head, you seem to agree. “Nor do I.” In fact, you find poetic things a bit lacklustre and hard to understand.
For a moment you consider, and then shrug. “Perhaps...but. What if it is just you and me? Do you think you could convince me of the truth of numbers, with all you currently know?” This, you genuinely wonder. You aren’t sure whether or not you could, if the roles were reversed.
” Do you?” You wonder nonjudgmentally, large blue eyes widening slightly as your head tilts.
As he asks you about acorns you smile broadly and look around. “Maybe I am. Maybe you are a dream in the mind of a great oak. After all, what sort of girl has the power to stop time and make your feet warm in the middle of the darkness?”
The answer for all things. That had a rather elegant ring to it, though Peter appreciates the idea more for the sense of finality it rang with. Though the example she gives serves to muddy things again, just a bit. ”Not everything can have a Uh... a terminal answer, can it? Or...” He makes a face as he tries to get things straight. ”...everything does, but it’s not... known? Knowable?”
Honestly, at this point, as his understanding shrank and grew with each back and forth, Peter wasn’t sure that he really knew anything. Which was less discouraging than it normally would be, since it comes with the idea that maybe he didn’t really need to know anything.
”If it was... if it is just me and you, then... why would we need numbers?” Another question to cover the actual answer, which was no, he didn’t think he could explain numbers convincingly enough to matter.
Peter paused for a moment, considering how to best answer, how to justify his change of heart. ”If...I don’t exist, then the things that happened, that I... know, and remember, wouldn’t have a point.” He couldn’t accept that, not without throwing everything in his head into utter disarray. Things were finally starting to actually come together.
Being the dream of a tree was only slightly more palatable, but Peter didn’t focus on that part. Instead, he stepped closer, looking at his conversation partner more closely. He wondered absently if whatever power kept his feet warm would contribute as he closed the distance between them, wading through the melt. ”What sirt of girl can Do those things?”
Distance, distance keeps you safe
And I don't wanna scare you away
You're laughing cause it's funny
How you're fooling everybody but me
You nod in agreement, though whether you're agreeing to both or just the latter is unclear, contradictory though the combined statements are.
"What does need have to do with you?" You wonder almost encouragingly.
As he nears, you feel yourself tense only slightly before relaxing. You don't like other people being close to you (Kai aside), but you don't mind this human too much. He isn't as bad as most of them are. "Who knows. If this is all a dream, perhaps when we awake everyone will be able to do those things."
Well. Maybe being unknowable and not existing were close enough that it didn’t really matter which one the strange girl was agreeing with. Peter supposed they were the same thing, to someone like him at least.
Peter stopped, just to think about the question she asked. ”I... need is... not uh, not decided but... there are still things I need, isn’t there? Food, and water, and air. Compon.. uh, com...” He sighed, giving up on the word and using another. ”People around. Numbers are... for when I have more than that?” He isn’t sure if this is the right answer, if there even is a right answer, or if he’s answering the right question.
Stopping midway in the water that separates them, closer, but still far enough away that unless they both reached out they wouldn’t touch. Peter had realized, as he was doing it, that he was approaching, something he usually didn’t do. But... the girl intrigued him, seemed like a kindred spirit. ”Would you mind? If... if this was a dream, and everyone could do... could do what you do?”
Distance, distance keeps you safe
And I don't wanna scare you away
You're laughing cause it's funny
How you're fooling everybody but me
"What you need depends on a lot of things. Your goals, maybe. You only need air and food if your goal is to keep living. If your only goal is to count a few stars before you die, then you need numbers and nothing else. Eyes too, maybe."
Instantly you shake your head. Pride and hubris are not emotions that you understand well, nor that you believe you've ever felt. If the world was full of those like you, there would be problems of course. But you wouldn't mind. "Of course not. Would you? Mind, if everyone was like you?"
”What if I don’t... don’t have a goal? Or don’t know it?” It’s not like Peter can argue with her point, so he asks after the specifics. Looking for the terminal answer, or at least something closer to it. ”Does that change what you... what I need? And-“ Peter blinks, harder than he would normally, and cocks his head. ”-why are eyes... only maybe?”
It’s not surprising to see the girl shakes her head. It seems the simplest answer, the one with the least ruffles, and even Peter has picked up that she is not one for ruffles. When the question turns back to him, he thinks for a moment, then nods. ”I would mind. If... if everyone was like me, then I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t be as useful.” It’s a more honest answer than he would normally give. Honestly, it’s more of an a than answer than he would normally give, and he’s surprised even himself by not responding with silence.
Distance, distance keeps you safe
And I don't wanna scare you away
You're laughing cause it's funny
How you're fooling everybody but me
'Then you can't need anything." You reply almost effortlessly. You take the time during his pauses to sneak glimpses at him. Understanding facial expressions and body language is hard for you, but like any wild creature, you grow more comfortable the stiller things are. "I think so." You say with a nod. And then, "Seeing things is overrated. You know how...emotions can cloud things? Your eyes are like that too. They often show things that aren't real at all, but everyone keeps trusting them just the same." The other senses fall victim to this too of course, but none so readily as the eyes.
You consider this for a moment, before shrugging. "Usefulness only matters when there are goals. If I held up an object and you didn't know what it was, and I asked if it was useful, how would you answer? You'd have to ask, "I don't know. What's it for? How does it work?" in order to know if it's useful."
”So then... I have to have a goal. Because I need things... or... want things, but... does knowing it even matter?” The line gets finer and finer the more Peter tries to find a place he is comfortable with, the conversation keeping him on a philosophical razors edge. At least the information about eyes gives him something new to fret over, to pick apart in his mind. ”Is there a way to tell what things are real things?”
As the girls words sink in, Peter expression sinks into one of true discomfort. It is the most emotion he’s shown so far, his brows knit close together and his lips pulled into a thin tight line, save for the places scars deform it. ”Some things... some things are always useful. They have to... I have to be.” There’s an edge of desperation to his words, like if he pleads with her, she’ll change her mind, take the words back.
Distance, distance keeps you safe
And I don't wanna scare you away
You're laughing cause it's funny
How you're fooling everybody but me
"Having a goal is why you need and want things. But no, knowing it doesn't matter. Babies still suckle for milk even though they don't know they're doing it to stay alive. Sometimes we can figure out what our goals and motivations are, by looking at the things we want or don't want."
This latter question makes you smile, really smile. It is one of your favourite questions. It's one of the things you like to use your magic for most often, and the fact that Peter has found his way to your most favourite topic all on his own makes you adore him. Intellectually speaking, of course. 'Almost never." You say, and as you do, the world shimmers.
You aren't freezing in the depths of the underground, but standing at the entrance. Neither of you is cold or standing in the wet. The air is warm and the birdsong is overwhelming.
”Does that mean our goals... don’t matter? Don’t... need to matter? If we don’t need to know them to keep... to keep trying to do them.” Peter is still stuck on the idea, but not having to worry about it too much does seem like a weight taken off.
Though really, everything they’ve spoken about up until this point stops mattering when the world melts around him, the deep dark caves shimmering like a mirage before fading entirely. Peter turns, looking all around them, then down at himself. He’s warm. Not like he’d just stepped out of damp cool and felt the first rays of light, but like he’s been in the sun for hours.
Blinking, Peter turns to the girl, staring like she might fade away as well, and takes a moment to find his voice. ”How did... you? That... happen?”
Distance, distance keeps you safe
And I don't wanna scare you away
You're laughing cause it's funny
How you're fooling everybody but me
