the words

i've got a river for a soul

To this, Remi had nothing really to say. No judgement, but no understanding either. What the Voice was to Sam was quite unknowable, the alchemist having experienced no relationship that even came close to what his friend was describing.

"No..you are right about that." The old gods had locked them all inside of a barrier 5and basically left them to their own devices. It wasn't murder, but perhaps it was just as cruel in its own way.

"Take the ascended back? What does that mean?" The alchemist interrupted with a slight tilt of his head. As Sam elaborated on the Sage, Remi could only smile in sad understanding. "His judgments can be quite harsh." He agreed with a weary sigh. Remi had been on the receiving end of those judgments more than a few times, and he knew just how hostile the bard could seem in those moments. "But he is just one man, and certainly not your only friend." So saying Remi nudged Sam's shoulder affectionately. "You will always have me." For whatever that was worth.

"I am not sure. Stop you from doing it, I assume. Or at least make sure that nothing deadly happens again." Letting his body relax into the ground, Remi gazed softly at Sam for a long moment before shrugging. "They might." He said honestly, biting the inside of his lip as he nodded.

SAMUEL i am the ocean, crawling madly at your moon. and with one wanton whoop — Honestly Sam was not entirely sure what being taken 'back' by the Old Gods would look like, but he tried his best to say what it was he had imagined: "I don't know, really, but I suppose...to get to a point where the Old Gods would be willing to accept me as one of their own again, and I suppose I wouldn't be associated with The Voice. I don't...think they can change my body, though." He felt that the upgrades and fluid The Voice had placed within him was too ingrained to be removed now. "But I don't want to do that." He was sure of that now. Even speaking of it felt wrong, almost distasteful. Remi's nudge drew a smile from him; he did not want to speak too poorly of Jigano for he respected the man greatly, but it was refreshing to spend time with Remi's easy acceptance and kindness. "I know. And you me." His talents lay elsewhere, but he would always show up to help Remi. He sighed deeply as Remi confirmed his fears. "It feels unfair, that there is only me with four of you. You...won't hurt me, I know that much. I am honestly not too worried about Phoebe. But...Amalia? And even Jigano..." Sam frowned, wringing his hands together. "Perhaps it would be good for me to hurry on my way...I'm going with Nate. He is Ascended, now." — i melt into a sycophantic soup, & all that's left to do, is giggle, fawn, and swoon.

i've got a river for a soul

"I...suppose if she released your soul back to Mort, he could place it in a new body? Or..a new one that looked like this. Like he did with Ronin." Whether that would mean making all the ascended into demi-gods Remi had no idea. He was even less certain whether such a thing was possible or even likely.

Chuckling, Remi gazed affectionately at his friend with a slight shake of his head. "I remember when all you wanted was to be normal." Did he remember that? who the fuck knows with memory-removal anymore. "In a way I am happy to hear you say that." He added with a smile.

"I know." The alchemist agreed with a contented sigh.

Nodding in immediate confirmation—Remi never would hurt Sam, no matter what the gods might command him to do—but the others? "Hurry? To Halo you mean?" The news of Nate's ascension was surprising, but perhaps not so unexpected. Still, Remi didn't quite know what to make of it. "Will it make you two closer, do you think?"

SAMUEL i am the ocean, crawling madly at your moon. and with one wanton whoop — "I suppose..." Sam considered it, but the method Remi suggested felt very odd and not like anything he'd want to do. It had taken him a long time to grow accepting of his body - to start anew with a different one sounded absolutely disorientating. "Does Ronin ever speak about it? What happened to him, becoming a Demi-God like that? It must have been odd." He smiled a little at Remi's memory, nodding his head. Things had changed - a lot for the worse, but some of them for the better. "Yes. To Halo. To explore...before people can rush to stop us." Sam sighed, hugging himself, not liking the sudden fight he'd found himself in the middle of. As for Nate...he smiled weakly, tilting his head side to side. "I don't know. I don't know what to make of...us. He seems so tender sometimes, and I think he might love me...but he hasn't said so. Not yet. I made it clear when he Ascended I wasn't putting any expectations on it...though of course, I hope he might stay with me." He laughed a little, embarrassed at the admission. — i melt into a sycophantic soup, & all that's left to do, is giggle, fawn, and swoon.

i've got a river for a soul

"He doesn't often, no." Remi said in a soft voice. "He...it was hard for him. I think most think that it must have been wonderful, to live in the stars and then to come back to this life but..." Though the alchemist knew it was nothing personal, sometimes the things Ronin would say about wishing he'd never come back did wound him.

"Us, mm?" Remi said with a youthful laugh, nudging Sam as if they were nothing more than school boys talking about crushes. Neither of them had that experience though, but the sentiment was an easy enough one to come by. "And you? Have you said it?" Recalling that Sam was the first one to tell Remi he loved him—and then Remi only admitting the spectrum of his feelings for the bookmaker once all was said and done—the alchemist genuinely hoped the same would not be true of of the doctor that his friend was so smitten with.

SAMUEL i am the ocean, crawling madly at your moon. and with one wanton whoop — "I'm sure the only thing better than living in the stars is getting to come back and be married to yourself." Sam smiled. Sometimes he did wonder if he had not done what he had, if he would be in Ronin's place right now; though oddly he was not sure that was necessarily where he wanted to be anymore. Life moved on and on and he could never be quite sure where he'd be in the next year. He looked down and smiled bashfully at Remi's teasing, letting himself sway a little with the nudge. Though he became more serious as Remi asked his question. "No. I'm...hesitant. I'm not sure, it feels as if it might scare him...his world was like yours. With people objecting to two men being together - I think he still finds it odd to publicly admit he even is with me at all. We are getting closer when we are together, but I think it still may be hard for him." Sam pulled at a blade of grass, splitting it in his fingers. "I also worry that I don't know how love feels. I mean....how do you know you love Ronin?" — i melt into a sycophantic soup, & all that's left to do, is giggle, fawn, and swoon.

i've got a river for a soul

Remi snorted loudly at that, shaking his head. "When did you become such a flatterer, mmm?" Rolling his eyes the alchemist smiled to himself, wishing that at least part of that was true. That he made Ronin at least half as happy as the ex-guildmaster made him.

"Hey...it is okay to take things slow. It does not make it any less real." Remi said, his voice softly soothing as he offered the bookmaker a reassuring smile. Perhaps many seasons down the road the alchemist would be in a position to say, well had you not removed your memories, you'd know what it was like, without feeling his heart clench. Now though, a year or so later, it was still a wound not quite healed. "Well.." Thoughtfully Remi turned his eyes towards the sky, his fingers fidgeting with the ring on his finger. "All the normal things, I suppose. I really cannot imagine my life without him, and everywhere I go, I wish he were there with me. There is nothing I experience that I do not wish to share with him, no place I want to go that I would want to share with anyone else." The alchemist had plenty of friends, but at the end of the day, he'd happily trade everything for his time with Ronin.

"There is the way my heart speeds up when he is around.." Remi's smile grew crooked at that, a blush creeping across his cheeks. "How I want him always." He admitted with a chuckle. "But its..." Reaching up to press his hand not to his heart, but instead around his sternum, he drummed his fingers there for a moment. "You really do just feel it. That sort of...bubble of emotion that you cannot quite put words to." Running a hand through his curls and shooting Sam a bashful glance, Remi laughed. "Sorry. I have never been good with words." He said with an apologetic wince.

SAMUEL i am the ocean, crawling madly at your moon. and with one wanton whoop — "It's not flattery if it's true." Sam almost stuck his tongue out, but managed to resist the temptation. In some ways, he and Nate had really not taken it slow at all. After all (and this seemed to be becoming a habit for him, as Jigano had pointed out) they had begun a romantic relationship because of the sexual effects of the Ascended bite and had rolled into bed immediately. Everything else had come after - they had not slept alone since but had hardly even discussed their feelings. It was not how he had imagined a relationship would be. He was quiet as he listened to Remi speak on his love for Ronin, watching the way his fingers fiddled with the ring. It was sweet and to know his friend was so happy made him smile (only the faintest edges of something jealous and hurt there now, enough he could ignore it), though he couldn't help but become a little worried by the end. "I'm...not sure I feel like that about Nate. With him it's more that...when I'm with him I know I'm safe and he won't hurt or judge me, no matter what. And that he wants me, and thinks I'm valuable...he just makes me feel like...like I've found a home." Now it was Sam's turn to be embarrassed and he laughed, covering over his eyes for a moment. "I don't know how to tell if that's love." — i melt into a sycophantic soup, & all that's left to do, is giggle, fawn, and swoon.

i've got a river for a soul

Glancing over as Sam described a bit of what he felt, Remi listened without judgement. "But those are all wonderful things...just because you are not sure if it is love right at this moment, does not take away from all the things you do know it is." The alchemist said with a warm smile. "Being wanted, feeling safe, feeling valuable...who cares what it is called. It sounds like something good."

Watching with an adoring smile as Sam bashfully turned away, the alchemist softly scanned the profile of his friend's face before quietly asking: "Do you need it to be love?"

SAMUEL i am the ocean, crawling madly at your moon. and with one wanton whoop — The question Remi posed was one that Sam found he could not quickly answer. He could agree with the first thing his friend said, but none of it helped him to work out the correct response to the question. Did he need it to be love? In many ways, yes. He had grown up escaping into books when his life was descending into hellish torment and in those tales love had always been the be all and end all, the thing to save the day, the thing the heroes fought for. He'd spent years dreaming that he might get to experience the magical thing he'd read about for so long. It felt like what he needed to transform himself, to make his past not matter, to end his story. But...on the other hand...he had learnt in the last year he was more than capable of improving himself. The work was slow and had setbacks, but it was happening. Without romantic love he had gained confidence, reconsidered his assumptions of himself, built friendships. He no longer needed love quite as intensely as he once had - not as much as he had when he had tried to force it with Remi. He realised he had not answered and had just been quietly considering. "I...Don't think I need it to be, no. But I would quite like it to be." Admitting this with a shy smile, he looked up at Remi. "Everybody wants to be loved, don't they?" — i melt into a sycophantic soup, & all that's left to do, is giggle, fawn, and swoon.

i've got a river for a soul

Long used to Sam's extended silences, Remi merely let his mind softly drift as his friend contemplated and considered. When he did finally speak, the words were met with a boyish and gently approving smile. "Yes, I think that they do." He agreed, more than a little pleased to hear that no longer did the bookmaker seek love out as if it was the only thing that would validate him.

Sitting up and glancing down at Sam Remi sighed contentedly. "I should be getting back. Both Ronin and Aoife get quite cranky around this time." He chuckled warmly.

SAMUEL i am the ocean, crawling madly at your moon. and with one wanton whoop — The smile Remi gave him felt like a proud one, and Sam wanted to feel it's glow forever. Perhaps the things he were learning were concepts he should have known years prior, but given where he had come from it had been hard to see them until he was free. To find pride in the eyes of his friend was a sign of progress, one that made his heart swell. "I hear babies like warm milk. Maybe you should try it with Ronin too." He laughed, sitting up but not standing, looking into the woods. "I think I might stay here for a little then continue my walk. It is a good place to think. Goodbye Remi, and...thank you." — i melt into a sycophantic soup, & all that's left to do, is giggle, fawn, and swoon.

i've got a river for a soul

For a moment the alchemist merely gave the bookmaker a wry smile; warm milk perhaps meaning something else. Though Remi very much doubted Sam would ever say such a thing out loud, still he couldn’t help but chuckle beneath his breath.

‘Alright. If you are sure. Though if you do see Ianto, you tell him I would very much like to see him.” Remi didn’t expect the fox to show himself, and so he didn’t much worry about whether or not Sam would or wouldn’t deliver this message, or adding how he might be found (though Sam knew this, should the fox indeed show himself).

Standing and brushing some of the grass from his pants, the alchemist gave his friend a warm smile. ”See you soon?” He asked, hoping it was rhetorical and not an actual question. With a nod, the alchemist strode back towards the Settlement and his guild.

~FIN