Secret Keeper

Well he didn’t totally lose his cool at her. In fact, he lost none of his cool, though his expression indicated he was deeply concerned. Which was fair. When he had last seen Frey to her knowledge anyways they had both been in a terrifying position. And while she had been terrified at first, she felt less…mortified at the thought of seeing Frey again. So long as they were given the respect they deserved, and their intent not misconstrued, they seemed content to leave her be…so long as she did as they now asked of her. Her eyes followed him as he went behind the counter to brew tea. What a marvelous idea! That would’ve calmed her nerves…maybe…if she had thought of it. Stupid Phoebe. She followed him, staying on the opposite side of the counter for now. She worried her lip, trying to decide if there was a delicate way to put this. Nope. Nope there was not. ”They uhm…They said I needed to go out and have passionate sex with someone.” she said, her voice cracking as it rose in pitch again, her cheeks turning a dark crimson. ”Because I am boring and vanilla apparently…” she added, looking at the counter. That statement still bothered her. She was young and inexperienced and naive…but did that mean she was also boring? Then another thought clicked in her mind of what she sounded like and she looked up horrified. ”I’m not propositioning you or anything! Oh my goodness that is what I sound like, don’t I?! I know I’m not your…I don’t think that…Ugh I’m sorry!!” she said hurriedly, covering her face with her hands. She was a hot mess. ”Remi, I’ve never even been kissed, I don’t know how I am supposed to do this! I’m supposed to put myself out there but I don’t even know what that means!!” Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

Reaching up for a jar above the counter, Remi produced various herbs that he added to the pot. It was a mixture that he quite liked lately: pepperment, some snowbark, some honey, and some white flowers that resembled honeysuckle but weren't quite as sweet. Mixing everything together, Remi turned back around to regard Phoebe with a gentle silence as she considered her words. At the words passionate sex Remi's eyelashes fluttered and coral coloured his cheeks as his lips fell open slightly. With Rexanna the request from Frey had seemed...if not appropriate, at least not out of the realm of possibility. But Phoebe? Especially after what had happened at the temple? Swallowing down his rising feelings of upset and disapproval at Frey's way of doing tings, Phoebe's unnecessary qualification issued a boyish chuckle from the kindly alchemist as he nodded his head with understanding. "It did not sound like that." He offered smoothly, reaching out a hand to try and pull hers from her face. It wasn't as if Remi hadn't been with a woman before—as it was currently he'd still slept with more women than he had men—but unlike most men he'd found, he could easily speak with a woman about sex without immediately thinking of himself in the context of the conversation. That she'd never even been kissed made Remi's dimples deepen slightly. It was an adorable fact about her that made the alchemist just want to wrap his arms around her. Instead, he offered her an affectionate smile before turning around to pour them both a cup of tea. Gently he regarded her for a moment, his eyes softly scanning her youthful face before he sighed. "Well I would not worry about having never been kissed. I am sure men would line up for the chance." He chuckled gently. "As for what Frey has asked of you ... are you...bound to do this? Will something happen if you do not?" REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

Phoebe sighed when Remi assured her she hadn’t sounded like she had come around asking him to take her to bed. She wasn’t bold enough to do that with a man who would want to take a woman to bed, let alone a man who didn’t appreciate her lady parts. He would have no trouble pulling her hands away from her face, the blush on her cheeks obvious against her pale skin. But she was frowning, brows furrowed in concern. If her eyes had been glassy she might have been mistaken for being on the verge of tears. ”I’m sorry.” she said as a knee-jerk reaction, just a throw away phrase to fill the silence. She stayed still as he watched her, examining her face. Wide brown eyes, voluminous blonde hair, delicate feminine features – she was a pretty thing that had a tendency to look younger than she was. But his statement…well the face she made in response would do nothing to make her look more mature. Her brows knitted together and her cheeks puffed a little with air. ”If that were so then how come no one has ever shown interest in me before, huh?” she said a bit indignantly. Frey had also said there was nothing wrong with her, that there was every reason for a man to want her. But where were these men who wanted to be with her? Not at her doorstep certainly! But he asked the more serious question and she was brought back to reality, not one to stay in a huffy mood for long anyways. ”I am. I said I would and I don’t know what would happen if I don’t…At least they didn’t give me a specific timeframe in which to…you know…” Her whole face turned red again. Ugh! She couldn’t even really talk about it without getting bashful! ”Though I don’t think I should wait for too long.” Frey didn’t seem one with a lot of patience. That wasn’t her only worry though. ”I can’t just…find the first man that will do it with me though just for the sake of it… I think that would actually make the god or goddess mad. That isn’t…well they made it clear that both parties have to want it…but I don’t think I would unless I felt a little something for them…” She had never had an emotional connection to a man, and she had never felt particularly aroused…ever either. The two had to be linked for her in some way. Remi Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

Instead of being put off, Remi merely smiled clumsily and shook his head. Leaning forward casually on the counter the alchemist gave Phoebe a fixed stare even as she puffed out her cheeks. "And you are quite sure you would know if you were getting that sort of attention?" He asked, dimples appearing in his own cheeks as he grinned at her. "I...am not normally one to normally suggest something so old fashioned, but if you have never even been kissed it seems like quite a jump to experiencing passionate sex, simply for a deity." Concern laced his voice as he raised his cup of tea to his lips to blow on it gently before taking a small sip. "I clearly am not on Frey's good side given recent events and I do not pretend to know the mind of the gods here but, surely rushing into sex like this is not .." What? What Frey would want? He already admitted to not knowing that. What Phoebe would want? Really, that was the question. Listening as she went on, mildly Remi was reminded of the masquerade ball and just how quickly morals and forethought seemed to disappear once masks were on. That was what it seemed like Phoebe needed. A smile crept onto his features as she mentioned that she would need to feel something. Just to hear her say so was a relief, quite honestly. "I know what you mean." The alchemist admitted with a cheerless smile. Being with Ianto and Loren had been so drastically different from anyone else that he'd ever been with, and not just because they were men (well, obviously because of that as well). "It would seem then that what you first need is not a man to have sex with, but a ... well, boyfriend." Remi winced slightly at how immature the word sounded given the context, but it seemed apt. If Phoebe wanted to feel something before she had sex for the first time (as Remi more or less thought that she should), it sounded more like she was looking for someone to date. REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

Phoebe was thrown off by how sure Remi seemed that she would be oblivious to a man's advances. "Yes I would!! Wouldn't they just...isn't it like...they just...it uhm...well...maybe! I don't know!" she huffed, stumbling over her words in an effort to defend herself. And failing, miserably. She was sweet and innocent, she assumed very little of anyone's intentions, and was incredibly oblivious for it. Really she could have a line of men out the door holding bouquets and chocolates in their best suits, and unless one of them said 'Phoebe, I think you're beautiful and would like to be in a serious romantic relationship with you' she probably would just think everyone was being nice. So he had a point. Bother. Suggest something old fashioned? Well, she was a tad old fashioned if no one had noticed - if only because that had been her upbringing. But her brows knit together at his statement. "What do you mean you aren't on their good side? Celosia was the only one they got short with." she said in confusion. She did not know about his other run in with the diety, nor the consequences he suffered for it. He did have a point though. Rushing this might not be good for a number of reasons. Frey hadn't actually given her a timeline...and in their first interaction had actually said they thought one's first time should be with someone she loved. Perhaps...perhaps the task was less about having sex and more about exploring the sexual aspect of her personality? And to do so...she would have to go through her romantic half first. She would have to seek it out, rather than waiting around for it to happen. It did strike her then, that Frey did seem as if they would appreciate someone taking active control of that part of their life. Is that what she really needed to do? Phoebe did not take the term 'boyfriend' as childishly as Remi heard it. But it did bring a little color to her cheeks, when she put it in context. There wasn't a better word for it that she could think of either frankly. "That...makes a lot of sense based on what I learned of the diety this last time...I should've come to you sooner instead of sitting in my house anxious about it. she said with a sigh. But it didn't relieve her stress. "But...how do I go about doing that then? I don't...I'm not any good at this. What man would want a boring, vanilla mess like me anyways?" she mumbled with a frown. That statement had really gotten under her skin. Boring. She didn't want to be boring. Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

As she stammered on, Remi's gentle smile grew in size though never once did his expression take on a told you so stare. Instead he merely nodded slightly. Her question momentarily confused him until understanding dawned on him. Sheepishly the alchemist winced and ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed that he had somehow deluded himself into think that everyone was aware of the divine occurrences in his life. Normally Remi wasn't quite so self-centered in his thinking and mentally he reprimanded himself. "I met Frey again...there is another shrine in the glade. A friend and I happened upon it and Frey came to us." Remi's smile faltered slightly, though he'd been through this narrative enough that it didn't hurt quite as much during this retelling. "I must have offended them ... I was merely trying to understand how it was they wished to engage. I asked if sex was a fair trade for information and they..." Sighing the alchemist shook his head. "Well. As a punishment they took away the feelings of love I had for someone. The only way to get them back is by displaying passion and need and desire, which is of course precisely what they took from me." There was the small issue of Loren apparently being in a relationship with someone else which complicated matters, but that did not seem worth mentioning. "And the friend I went with—Rexanna—returned back to ask Frey to restore my affections...Instead they gave her a challenge not unlike your own." Given all the explicitly themed quests the deity was giving out, Remi really was at quite a loss as to how he had offended the being, but he had no interest in pushing the issue further. "Many men quite enjoy vanilla." Remi said with a genuine smile and sideways tilt of his head. As for how to go about finding a suitor? Exhaling and letting the air puff out his cheeks slightly, Remi shrugged. "We could arrange some sort of ... mini-dating event? Describe a bit about you, and then weed out unsuitable candidates?" REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

Phoebe's hands rose to her mouth to cover it as it fell agape, her eyes widening when Remi told his tale...and reached it's horrifying conclusion. How awful! To lose his ability to love and feel passion or desire? These were emotions that, while foriegn to her as of yet, she cherished deeply. They were what gave the world color! Vibrancy! Reasons to continue in the darkest of times! And now her friend had them snatched away for a mistake...a misunderstanding. Her heart ached for him. "Remi...I'm so sorry." She said, she said as sincerely as if she had been the one to bring this upon him herself. Her powers of empathy knew few bounds. But she did know where he misstepped, and understanding the problem was the first step to fixing it. "If it helps...I was able to get the diety to say enough about their nature for me to...better understand." She said. "Sex is the... ultimate byproduct of what they seek. Desire, pleasure, love, and passion are more accurate for what they represent...and it makes them very angry to be misinterpreted as representing mindless or unwilling sex. It would be why...in using sex as a trade item...that they were offended." Asking for knowledge in exchange for sex was an insult to Frey, just like rape was. If there was no passion, no desire, no want - Frey wanted no part of it. They were more the diety of foreplay than sex itself in many ways. That thought alone made her cheeks turn red. But how could this be used to help Remi? Her brows furrowed as she thought, but she didn't find the answer immediately. The conversation turned back to her vanilla boring self. She blushed when he said many men enjoyed vanilla. Hopefully he was right, but she had no way of knowing herself. The thought of a dating event sent her heart racing at the thought. "That's...really bold isn't it?" She said in almost a squeak. But...didn't she need to be bold to complete this quest she had been given? A thought struck her and that streak of determination she had in her bubbled up. In going forward, in being bold, in pursuing passion and love and desire...perhaps she could help them both. "Will you help me? If...if I can complete this...task...that I have been given...maybe I can help you. If Frey is pleased with what I accomplish...even if I can't get them to reverse it maybe I can get more clues to help you gain your feeling back?" Maybe, just maybe. She had escaped Frey twice with no punishment after all. It was possible that while she bored the diety, she didn't outright offend them. "Let me help you! We will find a way to get your feelings back I know it!" She said with a smile. Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

Remi smiled crookedly as she offered her apology. It wasn't her fault of course, but were he in her situation he'd likely have said the same. However as Phoebe mentioned that perhaps she had an insight to share, Remi's smile fell away and his gave grew quite studious and respectful as he listened with rapt attention. Though what Phoebe said did not necessarily not make sense, it still didn't cohere with the arguments that had built up in his mind, and indeed in Rexanna's as well. "Sex as a trade does not mean that there would not be passion in it." The alchemist said gently. "I have been with women before and while there is much to be said about being with someone you are emotionally attracted to as well as physically, certainly passion does exist outside of those relationships." With a sigh, Remi ran a hand through his curls. He did not mean to sound petulant, but certainly he had thought the deity acted unfairly. "I was merely asking if that was what they expected from us. My aim was not to offend and given that Frey seems to be able to ...know our minds, I would have thought they would have seen that." Shrugging again, Remi sighed. "Nor were Rexanna and I actually proposing to have sex right then and there. It was simply a question." Watching Phoebe's cheeks turn red made the alchemist smile gently. It was rather ironic that it was the young midwife who knew so much about Frey's expectations, and yet was the least likely to be able to meet them. "Is it?" Remi asked almost distractedly. It was perhaps a little forward, but had there not been match-making events back in Northaven as well? Was this really so different? However as Phoebe mentioned that perhaps she could get Frey to return to Remi what he had lost, or help in some other way, the alchemist's expression grew stern as he stood up from his former position of leaning against the counter. "No." He said quite definitively. "Promise me that you will not ask Frey for anything more, and certainly not on my account." Rexanna had alright tried that route and look where it had gotten her. Though Phoebe seemed to somehow have evaded the god's wrath, he would not see her harmed in any way on his behalf. There was also the small fact that Loren was not around and, if Edy was to be believed, had actually found something else. Though Remi still knew that he did love Loren, he was in no hurry to have the actual emotions returned to him just so that they could turn to ash. "Please." Remi said, voice softer now though his concern was still evident on his face. "Promise me that you will not. Not for my sake." REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

Phoebe considered his words quietly, trying to make them fit into the puzzle she had been building in her mind of this diety. They were close...but not quite right. Unfortunately she didn't have enough personal experience to help her, everything she knew was purely technical. Her brows furrowed. "I...don't know for sure obviously but..." Phoebe didn't know how to explain it. And Remi seemed so much smarter than her, and obviously more experienced than her. She just sounded stupid. "I agree that passion could exist outside those relationships, but...would that passion have been sincere, when conjured up just to get something?" It seemed insincere and a bit manipulative to her. Trying to manipulate a god was like trying to walk through fire and not get burned. Phoebe sighed, looking rather defeated. She wanted to do good and do right but...she was apparently out of her depth. "I...it is just something to consider." she said quietly, her confidence shaken. Just when she thought she understood...she second guessed herself when experience was flaunted in front of her. His insistence that she avoid interaction with Frey or helping him surprised her though. The midwife considered him, watching him with wide brown eyes. "I can't promise that, Remi." she said quietly. Her full lips curved in a soft smile. "I know it comes from a place of concern but...if we are to thrive here we have to understand how these dieties function. Their likes, dislikes, what motivates them and what they mean and can do...it is just like discovering a new plant or developing a new method of practice. There are risks in the discovery but we are ultimately safer knowing what we are dealing with." To live in fear of these dieties? That seemed a miserable experience. "But know I won't let my guard down or be wreckless. I will be careful." Nor would she seek them out until she thought she accomplished her task. Speaking of which..."But will you help me find someone? You have so much more experience than me!" she said brightly, cheeks reddening. "You're my only friend here. I trust you." Remi Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

Again the alchemist smiled gently. ”In my experience passion is always sincere. It is quite hard to fake.” He said with a small smile. ”Nor would I try to, not before a being like Frey. But being with someone in that way...when done right, passions has a way of sneaking up on you regardless of how you feel.” Perhaps that wasn’t quite true all the time, but Remi had been with enough women with whom he would not have gone home with were it not for alcohol to know that it was possible to enjoy oneself physically at least some of the time regardless of emotional attachment. Though Remi was pleased to see that Phoebe seemed to have confidence in what she was saying, the alchemist was disheartened by the context of her words. ”There is understanding about them, and then there is...well...” With an exasperated sigh Remi gave Phoebe a pointed stare. ”And then there is having to fulfill some sort of sex quest. And really what have you learned? Anything that will help us? You’re giving up your virginity and the ability to simply fall in love at your own leisure because this being said so?” Tlting his head he shook it gently from side to side. That she would be careful was all that he could really ask of her of course, but it didn’t seem like enough. Nothing would be enough if any harm came to her. ”Seek information if you must, but not because of me.” Remi was not trying to rid himself of any blame should harm come to the midwife, but to exonerate her from having to track down information for him. He could live with what Frey had done to him. Perhaps there were ways of restoring his feelings, but that should have been under his jurisdiction. And now two women seemed to have decided to take it upon themselves to aid him and he was worried what the consequences of that might be. With a sweet smile the alchemist nodded immediately. ”I am not so sure that I will find anyone for you that I approve of.” Remi said with an expression that, despite not having any siblings, seemed very much like the sort of thing a big brother might do. REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

Phoebe had a little frown on her face as Remi spoke to her, for a number of reasons. The first being his experience. He spoke of passion and what it was like with such confidence it made her a bit jealous. She so badly wished to know what that was like, to feel strongly about someone in more than a platonic, friendly manner. To want to want – a seemingly inescapable circular pattern wrapped in a vortex of self-doubt. That was what it felt like to her anyways. The second was the pointed way he looked at her and the claims he made about this quest of hers. She looked down, wringing her skirt in her hands. She did see his point when it was laid out like that. But…it was from his perspective, from the viewpoint of someone who had been in love, who had experienced passion, who knew how to put themselves out there. “I…Remi if I did this at my own leisure I don’t think I would ever find anyone.” She admitted quietly. “Not because I think I am completely unwantable but…because I wouldn’t put myself out there. I wouldn’t seem available and I wouldn’t be looking for the signs…you said it yourself that I am oblivious.” She said, glancing up at him. “I don’t want to be alone and this is giving me a reason not to be. The end-goal is sex but the journey there is about so much more for me.” Her voice was hardly above a whisper now as she spoke. Frey had said her first time should be with someone she loved, and this quest was about putting herself out there and finding it in a way. She nodded at his request to not be the reason she sought out more information. Phoebe was smart enough to know that asking favors from a deity regarding a person they didn’t care for was probably not wise unless she knew exactly how to interact with them. At this point, she had just enough information to be dangerous and she was cautious about making a misstep. But his agreement to help her find a boyfriend brightened her up. Phoebe smiled and laughed a bit at his comment. ”That sounds like something my brother might’ve said.” she said, trying not to think on how she missed him. Truly, it seemed Remi was on the fast track to being more like her brother than just a friend, and it comforted her to know it. ”So…what do I do now?” Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

Gently the alchemists gaze settled on the young midwife as she fidgeted both internally and externally. "You are still young, and neither Northwind or Northaven were particularly keen on love." Keen on making babies yes, but love? Well, that was entirely unrelated. Lucky if you found it, but irrelevant overall if you did not. Sighing, Remi shrugged. Phoebe seemed to want to cling to the god's quest if only because it gave her a reason to seek out love. Perhaps there was nothing wrong with that, but it seemed...insincere somehow. Though truthfully, what would Remi know about it. He'd tripped and fallen haphazardly in love with Loren Launceleyn and look where he was now. "I understand." Remi said gently as Phoebe's voice ghosted to all but a whisper. He smiled warmly as his features turned thoughtful. Not wanting to pry as she mentioned her brother in the past-tense (she seemed upset enough about their current topic of conversation without bringing presumably missing family members into the mix), Remi leaned against the counter once again and sipped his tea. "I suppose I shall try and think if I can come up with anyone suitable. If not we might have to host a sort of...get together. Like we had back in Northaven and see what sort of candidates we find." The roster of single men that Remi knew here was quite low. There was Tristan, Deimos, Koel, Jigano, Bastien, Sam, Rory, Archebold and perhaps Kalt? Some of them would turn out to be not interested in women, not interested at all, or otherwise taken. There were also more that he had not yet met but who had turned up at the meeting Ronin had hosted. REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

She did suppose that much was true. Love wasn’t particularly common in a world focused on keeping its birth rates high. It was, perhaps, a bit more common for common folk like herself, but still seen as a commodity. But this was a new place with new rules…and if she could have it she would pursue that feeling to its fullest. But her brows did knit together with confusion as he tried to explain the next steps. Phoebe had not been in Northaven for very long when they all randomly appeared here. She didn’t know anything about these matchmaking events that had been commonplace in the settlement. ”I wasn’t around for any of those. I had only come to Northaven in the most recent wave of settlers.” she reminded. Obviously she understood the basic concept of what he was getting at. Some kind of meet and greet to get her in front of potential suitors. But she had no clue what was all involved in that. ”What would I have to do? What were they like?” Remi Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

"I never went either." Remi admitted with a grin and a wink.The alchemist had been putting off marriage as long as he possibly could. Given that he was a commoner no one looked too closely, though if they did, they'd see the bumbling alchemist making attempts at dating. Well. He certainly went on dates and found his way into enough women's beds to quash any suggestions that his head was not in the right place. "You would not do anything. Well...I suppose we might talk a bit about what you'd look for in a potential partner? And then I would try and find one for you. If there were more than a few who I thought fit our criteria I would host them...at...the guildhall perhaps. I am sure Ronin and Vanya would not mind. And then you would almost interview them. We might play games to judge your compatibility, but otherwise it would just be an evening for you to get to know them and they you, if you didn't already." Smiling gently, Remi shrugged his shoulders as if the entire idea might be fun. "That being said, is there anyone who had caught your eye already?" REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love