From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Loren’s thoughts were curious. Maybe. Although other worlds had legends and myths, but they didn’t have magic. At least, not how I understand it. Sending the mental equivalent of a shrug to Oliver, the summoner was sure to follow it up with a wave of reassurance and encouragement. I remember. I’m sure more will come back to you, in time.
He made sure the other man could sense the Launceleyn’s agreement. Great. We can start now. He made sure he was centered first, clearing his mind of all distractions. To start, take a deep breath. Loren’s own nostrils flared as they took in the air.
Pressing them against your head doesn’t block out the sound? Again, there was an almost academic curiosity in the Launceleyn’s mind. Then, however, he mentally shrugged. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be appropriate.
Loren does have a point and it was something that Oliver had considered multiple times. Yeah. All I can do is state that we have unicorns in some capacity. Maybe they're fairy tales or maybe we actually had them. I don't know. He didn't sound aggressive, rather, he seemed relaxed, as though he was alright with his current situation. It was a drastic change from the early Oliver. He was once a man who worried about how his lack of memories would ruin his life, that maybe others would hate him for it. Now? He had no fear, the lack of memories was no longer a hindrance or a roadblock. I wish I could get specific memories...since there's some super weird stuff that I'd love explanations for. Yeah, he wasn't going to go into detail if Loren didn't ask. He was pretty much positive that Loren wouldn't be interested in hearing all the....unique aspects of his memories.
Oh wait- wait wait. Start now? Like, right here? He looks at the badger, clearly surprised. Would this even be a good place? How could you even meditate as a fox if you cant do the leg crossy-thing. Still, Oliver obeyed and took in a deep, long breath.
Loren clearly belonged with the Loreseekers, as evident by his search for answers about Oliver's fox body. I mean...kind of? But not helpful. It kind of blocks out sound, but also not really. Oh yeah. I mean, this one is incredible. I can squeeze into tiny places and I have sharp teeth. And claws.
Rather than responding to Oliver’s comment with words, Loren just continued radiating a steady comfort and warmth. However, curiosity twined its way in there before too long. What kind of weird stuff? He shot a glance at the fox.
Amusement bubbled up within the summoner. Right here, right now. The mark of a master of meditation is the ability to do it under any circumstances. As the other man took a breath, the Launceleyn did as well. Good. Again. Feel the way your chest expands and contracts with your breath. Splitting his focus between his own meditative state and Oliver’s was tough, but Loren managed.
Wouldn’t even a partial blockage help you not overhear things? His confusion was evident, but he sent the mental equivalent of a shrug. I remember.The image of the tiny fox clawing at a worm, its fur soon covered with gore flashed through his mind, leaving him bemused.
The comfort is helpful and allows Oliver to process his thoughts and emotions even easier. It's nice, really, to be able to have someone like Loren just send him good vibes. Is this why the attuned are always so chill? They can just send each other good vibes? Of course, good vibes must come to an end and now, Oliver must indulge Loren in the tales of the freaky shit he remembers. Okay, there's quite a few....for one I remember children. Like, children I was close to...don't remember their names, but I know I helped to care for them sometimes....it's why I can remember a lullaby. His voice is now a bit more strained, showing how much this memory affects him. Were they.....his kids? He couldn't remember his age at the time of the memory, making it harder for him to process. Were the kids okay now? Gods....
Shaking his head, he tried to quickly change the subject. I also remember a think I wasn't allowed to touch for a while. It was something and it was dangerous...but eventually I was allowed to and it was a huge moment for me. So you know, it'd be nice if I could remember what that was. That one was a lot different. While the other played at his emotions, this one taunted him. Saying that he couldn't even remember a defining moment in his life.
The meditation would help him to calm down after bringing up those two memories. He'd continue to take deep breaths, listening to Loren's words and choosing to remain silent himself. He'd focus on the visual of his own chest moving, the way the air traveled around him. Oliver wasn't sure if this was meditating, but it did kinda help. Or maybe that's the placebo affect. Either way, he wasn't going to complain.
His ears press against his head and he tilts his head, clearly in deep thought. I mean....yeah I guess it does help a bit. It obviously doesn't, you know, completely block them....but yeah. Maybe I could do that when I'm passing by the homes and stuff. Mostly just to see if it actually works. It's kind of hard to test it here.
Loren glanced at Oliver, though the summoner was picturing the man and not the fox. Younger children than you? Were they siblings, or unrelated to you? The summoner fell silent again, though curiosity was basically eating him at this point. Dangerous how? Who told you not to touch it? Who allowed you to touch it in the end? The questions came swiftly on the heels of each other.
However, he reigned it all back for the sake of the meditation. Once they were both breathing deeply, the Launceleyn introduced the next step. Now that you feel your body, I want you to feel the way in which it connects to the world around you. Feel the way your feet are connected to the ground as you walk. Feel how the wind ruffles your fur. Let those feelings ground you. He took another deep breath himself, and radiated as much serene calm as he could manage.
Loren sent more encouragement the other man’s way. It’s definitely worth a shot. Padding closer to Oliver for a moment, the summoner gently bumped the fox with a shoulder.
The curiosity of the other is interesting, for sure. Normally Oliver was seen as the curious one, but looks like the tables have turned. That's...what I don't know. Which is so bothersome and weird. It feels like i'm being taunted. He couldn't even remember their god damn names. Just singing to them once or twice, helping to take care of them, and feeling a large responsibility for them. It was an odd feeling where part of him felt like they could be siblings, but another said that they weren't. It was confusing, to say the least.
The next part few questions were met with very similar answers as to the first set. Again, I don't really know for sure. Some older figure is the one who allowed me...like. I know it was locked away, behind a door. Then I was finally allowed. I was told that I'd get to go in the following day and I remember the excitement....and how proud I was after the fact. This meant that he had actually gotten to experience it, rather than having it ripped away entirely by the portal. No. He couldn't really remember where he last was before entering the portal.
The mood continues to shift on and Loren becomes a teacher, guiding him to center himself. Closing his eyes, Oliver hoped that nothing bad would happen around the two. Instead, he focused on everything Loren listed. The way his ears would occasionally flicker, the smells around him, the way his fur felt as it was gently ruffled by the wind or when he moved his legs. The way his paws felt the ground beneath him and how he could feel each individual claw. To identify each part of his body individually....no longer to focus on Loren or anyone else.
Their conversation moves on after the meditation has finished. The fox turns to look at Loren, almost a smile of sorts appearing on his face. He had an idea, but he'd wait a little bit before actually doing anything. Really just waiting for timelines to fix up since he has to wait for the meditation to end first.
Loren made sure his thoughts were as comforting as he could make them. That's alright. It'll come to you. Turning, he gave Oliver as appraising a look as the honey badger could manage. Describe the door. The summoner's words were again underscored by a great deal of curiosity.
As they slid deeper into the meditative state, the Launceleyn could feel contentment spreading through the bond, from both him and the fox. Good. Now let your mind go blank. If a thought drifts in, don't get upset or try to get rid of it. Just acknowledge it, and let it move on in its own time. With that, Loren fell quiet, hoping his explanation made sense.
The comforting thoughts were not missed by Oliver, not in the slightest. Loren wasn't mad at him for not being able to remember anything and that felt incredible. To not feel a pressure or any anger towards him....it was fantastic. Loren pushed a small bit, but Oliver didn't mind. Um....I feel like it was a wooden door? I think all the doors in my home were made of wood....are there any other things a door can be made from? Yeah....he was a bit confused by the question. It was inside where I lived, not to a new building or anything. I could go in the main room, but not {i]this room.[/say}{/i} And that's all the things he could really think about to include. Other than that, the door was pretty bland. Just a simple wooden door, nothing special.
Let his mind....go blank? But what if he ran into something while walking? Oh well, Loren was a healer. He could help him if he broke a leg or some stupid shit like that. So, Oliver kept his eyes closed, his body still in motion. He simply tried to clear his mind....which was surprisingly challenging. He'd try to think about having an empty mind, which would lead him to thinking about things to not think about. How does one even empty their mind? A disgruntled growl left him, clearly upset that he was struggling to do what Loren asked of him.
Loren once again let Oliver finish before the summoner said anything about the door, or any of the fox’s recollections. Okay. Can you describe the room the door was in? The curiosity was still there, but muted, and tempered by a patience, the same one he'd been urging the other man to feel.
At the growl, however, the Launceleyn let out a veritable wave of calm and serenity. Don't get frustrated with yourself. This is the hardest part. It's okay to think. As I said, just acknowledge any thoughts that spring to mind, but don't pursue them. And don't forget your breathing Loren continued to breathe himself, as well as tried to radiate a feeling of steadiness to Oliver.
The questions that Loren has are obviously logical and Oliver really should have expected them. He had absolutely no idea, which again made him feel a bit frustrated with himself. It wasn't that he was sad, more like he was a bit fed up with the finicky memories that he was dealing with. He wished that he could get solid ones in replacement of, say, that one time he tripped walking down the stairs and almost snapped his neck. Nope. I have absolutely no idea what that room was in. I know it was like, the front entrance to where we lived? Oh, and it was on the base floor. I lived actually on the second floor. Okay, maybe he actually knew a bit more than he thought he did. Who knew? He certainly didn't.
The little wave helped to burn off some of the steam piping in the little fox, but he was still unhappy with what Loren had to say to him. But....what? How can I not pursue the thoughts but also recognize them? The moment I think about the they're just....there! Oliver was clearly a bit upset with himself for not being able to grasp this. He desperately wanted to be able to meditate. To relax himself and actually be at peace for once in his entire fucking life. Christ. One moment he's fine and the next he's either being attacked by mud or someone is turning his life upside down.
As Oliver's frustration washed through their bond, Loren made sure he responded with as soothing a feeling as he could conjure. It's okay that you don't remember everything. As the fox actually managed to remember a few more details, the summoner made sure to pulse encouragement. How many floors was the building? His words were as calm and steady as he could manage.
However, when the other man started spiraling, the Launceleyn managed to find even more serenity within himself. I told you this was the hardest part, and that it would take a while to master. You need to have patience with yourself. Deep breaths. Think of your body, and the world. Loren took a few deep breaths himself to demonstrate. Perhaps an example might help. Let's say you're hungry, and you realize you haven't eaten in a while. You'll tell yourself, 'I know that I am hungry, and I'll deal with it in good time.' And then you just let it stay or leave as it pleases. You don't need to do anything about or act on your thoughts.
Loren was right, it was okay that he couldn't remember everything. Already he had made so much improvement, so maybe someday he'd be able to remember everything. Tell Loren all kinds of stories from his past. For now? He'd just have to deal with what memory he still had. No idea how many floors, unfortunately. I just remember the staircase going onto the main floor. It was made of wood, but it had little carvings along the base of it, where the wall met the steps. It was hard to describe it, really, and he most likely couldn't draw it very well either.
The other man managed to calm him down after his little spiral. He was able to see and understand how to handle this whole meditation thing. It may be a bit hard to actually do it, but he could now understand what exactly Loren wanted him to do. Okay...I think I can try it out. And with that, he closed his eyes once more and tried to calm himself down, taking in deep breaths. He wanted to be at peace, to not stress out so much. Someday, it'd happen. For now? He'd just keep trying his hardest, in hopes that Loren could guide him to relaxation.
Again, Loren sent an encouraging feeling to Oliver as he revealed more details. What were the carvings of? They continued padding through Ludo’s Woods, and the summoner’s nostrils flared as a particularly appetizing scent reached them. However, he stayed right by the fox’s side.
As the other man sank back into the meditative state, the Launceleyn tried to simultaneously watch their surroundings, meditate himself, check in on Oliver, and project as much calm as Loren could muster. It felt like his mind was being pulled in every direction at once, but he kept steadily at it, a stubborn determination stealing over him. He pushed through the discomfort, and managed to focus on everything and nothing all at the same time.
Loren certainly was a chatterbox today. What had happened to him? Did someone give him some fancy tea and now he's just super duper curious? Or perhaps, maybe becoming an attuned, Loren had become more open? And Oliver also becoming attuned meant the man was more likely to chit-chat with him....whatever it was, Oliver didn't mind. He liked this new side of Loren. Well...I think they were like, waves? and little flowers and stuff. Like....there was a tiny bird and a bee. It was super frilly and fancy and stuff. No animals other than bees and birds and butterflies, but it was still cool. He could remember playing with a wooden hummingbird toy by them, pretending like the bird was in those scenes.
The little fox did notice the scent himself and his ears perked up, his mind basically screaming HUNGRY, which he didn't realize he was projecting out to anyone nearby.
He returned to his meditating or at least tried to. This time, he was going quite a bit better, his mind becoming a bit more clear. Once or twice, he'd think about the way the dirt felt underneath his paws, which he'd try to ignore. As well, the scent of decay also caught his attention, which was much easier to push out of his mind. It wasn't quite meditating, but he was clearly trying his best.
