running away and towards


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#15
So much for Halo being the 'easy' option! Quanil remembered their tea and picked it up to sip at it, not really paying much attention to the taste or the fact that it was burning their tongue. (They'd jerk back when scalded, blow ineffectually on the tea, and then sip it again immediately, prompting another quick jerk, etc.) Their focus was, as always, on the provost. The hand that wasn't holding the tea mug was thumbing the sigil on the pin repeatedly.

The idea of someone to talk about Halo with was intriguing, but then there was the need for warmer winter clothes, the need for offerings... Quanil had nothing but the clothes on their back now, so they weren't sure how to get these badly-needed items.

Still, Quanil was happy as a landshark at a dance contest to just sit here and read, or to wander the Atheneum. They nodded absently as they sipped hot tea and pondered. "I would like to start with sciences here, of course. The books even just here in the guild hall are more'n I've ever seen in one place, and there's the whole Atheneum out there, too! But... I don't suppose you know a way I could... I mean, I don't have anything to trade for the necessary equipment for Halo, so obviously I can't go now," which was too bad because they were really worked up about it now, "but I need to find a way to get what I need so I can go and hopefully help our other Seekers there."

"OUR OTHER SEEKERS"! And I can say that 'cause I'M A SEEKER NOW, Rae bless it, I never thought I'd make it but I'm here and I'm a SEEKER and...
Jigano Silversmith
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#16
Quanil might have been watching Jigano and not paying attention to their tea, but Jigano was watching Quanil, taking note of their repeated dance of pain and distraction, the lack of learning from the stimulus, and he felt another pang of worry that he had done the wrong thing by accepting them so quickly. Curiosity was the primary required trait for being a Loreseeker, yes, but the second required trait was being able to keep oneself alive. That meant learning from mistakes, not making the same ones over and over again... and the newest Seeker was not making the best impression on that front.

But what was done was done, and at least within the Guild they would have some protections and assistance in case things got dangerous. No place in the Hollowed Grounds was safe, as the tragedy of Fiat Lux had proved, but perhaps the risks could be somewhat mitigated.

At hearing that they had nothing to trade he raised a brow, head tilted in curiosity. "What do you normally do to trade for food and clothing?" he asked. He'd met younger people than Quanil who had lost their families and scraped by on their own. Given the mention of mother and siblings earlier he had thought them part of a farming family in the Outskirts, though that covered quite a lot, in truth. "I assumed you had a farm out in the fields, but I didn't quite catch what your family grew?" He, too, lived in the Outskirts now, after all, in a farmhouse on the edge of woods and fields where he had learned a significant amount in the past year about the tending of goats and growing of rye and hay.


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#17
"Well, the family's tried our hands at all kinds of things, but most of what we've stuck with has been chickens, squash, and turnips." They set the tea down and held onto the pin with both hands, looking down at the radiant book it depicted.

"But, see... my parents didn't really want me to leave home. Ever. And certainly not to become a Loreseeker. So, I'm not real likely to get much in the way of support from them. If they catch sight of me again, they're most likely to try to drag me back home."

They looked back up to the provost. "I know they just fear for me and want me safe, but I'm tired of hiding under the dining table every time something scary happens. I think that, if you learn more about what's scaring you, you'll either find out how to deal with it or that it's not something to be scared of in the first place. They think the table's proved fine enough armor as is so far, so no need to change that.

"When we got evacuated, I took my chance to come here. It's not a chance they'd ever have allowed me if they had their druthers, sir. I..." They looked back down at the pin in their hands, or, more accurately, through the pin. "...I'm not real proud of myself just leaving like that. We had injured from the... incident. But, after that, they'd just have held on even tighter, and... this was my only chance."
Jigano Silversmith
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#18
Those all sounded like excellent trade goods to Jigano, but when Quanil continued he felt his heart sink a little in his chest. Both at hearing that their family disapproved, and that they might be forcibly removed. He'd known Quanil was young, of course, but if they were still entirely dependent on their parents... He took a deep breath. The Guild wasn't set up to oversee children, and with their struggle among Naturals already, being accused of kidnapping or brainwashing a Natural youth could put the Guild in a very difficult place. Quanil's bravery was inspiring, and their enthusiasm appreciated but...

Gods least fortunate, the lack of consideration for consequences could start a storm that buried the very Guild they were so eager to join.

"You left injured family members to come here?" He asked softly, at the risk of repeating his guest. "Quanil... although I respect and admire your zeal to learn, Loreseekers exist to help people. We pursue knowledge for that purpose, even when that knowledge is painful or personally unpleasant to us. And we must think carefully of the consequences of using what we've learned and how it will affect not just us, but others. How will your actions affect your family? And... do you know if they all survived?" The last question was gently, his expression concerned.


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#19
It seemed to take all the strength they had to set the pin down, even just letting it rest on their leg. What had they expected? Was the provost supposed to be pleased by this? Still, it'd been a long time since Quanil had gotten a lecture they felt they deserved. They felt small and tiny again, not in awe but in shame. They addressed the pin on their leg.

"I know everyone made it to Sanctuary except my sister. I'm not sure about her; we lost her in the press of the crowd. I don't think anyone was badly injured. Mom was the worst off, and that shard just went through her shoulder." They sighed. "My little brother might have a limp at worst."

"I'm seventeen now, as of last... Deepfrost." Sometimes they believed the rumors they'd been born during LongNight. But they didn't want to. Their birthday was never celebrated before or during LongNight, only after, at the beginning of Flowerbirth, as if their parents were waiting to see if their oldest child would still be around to bother with. "I wanted to leave and come join the Loreseekers, but they wouldn't let me. They just want to keep me locked up, because that's what they think 'safe' is. They think the very act of reading books puts me in danger!" Okay, that might be a bit of an overstatement, but not a lot of one.

"I'm their mistake. They just wanted a kid who could bargain better with the merchants. They didn't want someone like me. I'm helping them most by getting out of their lives."
Jigano Silversmith
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#20
He listened quietly, holding his reservations and opinions back, keeping them silent within as he let Quanil talk. A missing sister who she didn't seem to care about finding, a brother who might well be permanently handicapped, and a mother who had lost the use of an arm for weeks or months to come as they moved into the growing season? Not all Naturals would accept Healing from an Abandoned, he knew, and it sounded as though Quanil's family was one of the more traditional ones. He held his tongue as the young applicant revealed how young they really were, hiding the wince but not the raised brow that followed at the blatant hyperbole about books and danger.

"It sounds like they care about you very much," he said slowly, considering each word,"if they're so worried about your safety. And they were the ones who taught you to read in the first place." He paused for a moment to consider his next words carefully, seeing a problem set before them both with no easy solutions. "I said that Loreseekers had to consider the consequences of their actions and the knowledge they hold. I do not know your family or home as well as you do, so tell me this: what do you think will happen to them, if your mother and brother are too injured to work the farm for the next few weeks, or longer? And your sister's fate is still unknown?"


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#21
They hadn't wanted to think about what would happen to them. They'd just wanted to be gone, to start living the life they wanted. But now that the provost was asking, Quanil had to consider it.

"Dad's okay. With one good arm, Mom can still tend to chickens. It's mostly scatter feed and collect eggs as far as the day-to-day goes. Turnips and summer squash have already been planted; the turnips'll be ready to harvest soon, and Kedran can help sort seeds for the late summer planting. It won't be as easy as it used to be, but I think it'll be fine. No one'll talk to the chickens and crops, but everyone thinks I'm crazy for doing that anyway."

It relieved them a little, to actually think about this and work it out. But a literally lost sister still nagged at them.

"Mom taught me to read and do my numbers so I could better haggle with merchants. That's pretty much what Freina's been doing. So, if she's lost, then they'll be back to relying on Mom for that, or maybe Dad."

They risked looking up at the provost of the Loreseekers' Guild, the person Quanil considered the Loreseeker. "Fields folk are hardy, adaptable, and... and used to losing people abruptly." Maybe not in their specific family, but plenty of others had done so. "My parents fight about me, about it being Mom's fault that I'm so curious and want to learn, about how I can possibly be their kid. I heard Mom suggest to Dad once that maybe I'm cursed." Their eyes fell back to the pin, to the symbol of everything they'd wanted.

"They can just tell everyone I never made it out of the festival. I know they'll be sad, because even if it doesn't feel like it to them, I am their kid. But I really do think they'll be relieved, too, because they never knew how to... handle my existence. They didn't know how to relate to me, even though they're my relations. I made things awkward for them. Mourning me is easier; everyone knows how to do that by now."
Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
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#22
Quanil's estimation of their families chances was clinical, even analytical, and Jigano watched the newest Seeker closely, trying to determine if that would be a problem for the guild. Curiosity and a love of learning was good... but curiosity that wasn't balanced by compassion or empathy for others was potentially dangerous. Onni's fall into shadow was years distant in his memories but still fresh enough to worry him. The flicker of relief in Quanil's expression as they worked out how their family would be fine without them was a point of reassurance, however, so he continued to listen and wait.

'Freina' was a name to put to the missing girl, at least, a sibling who Quanil had read stories to and helped to raise. An idea began to form, but his young guest continued and he had to hide a snort at the idea of being 'cursed.' He kept his expression thoughtful as he tilted his head at them instead, watching their hands as much as their face. "Are you Abandoned, then?" he asked quietly. "Do you have Earth or Healing magic that helps the chickens and crops grow when you talk to them?" That wasn't really a curse in the eyes of most outlanders, no matter what local opinion on the matter was. Simple curiosity, though? No, they were painting a better picture of why they had wanted to get away, and it was understandable...

Even if the underlying consequences hadn't changed.

"There aren't so many people here that you can hide from them forever," he said gently. "Someone who knows you will see you in town eventually and tell them. And is that really how you want to start out as a Loreseeker - by building your place with us on a lie?" He shook his head, leaning back to sip his tea as he considered Quanil the Quandary. "I won't revoke the place I offered you, for it's my own fault for not asking these questions before I gave you that pin. But before you are sent on any other Loreseeker business you will need to do things. One: find out what happened to your sister." Simply separated in the crowd? Or dead, with so many other children? That might be the first hard truth that Quanil had to face. "And two, you need to let your parents know that you survived, and show that you are capable of supporting yourself on your own, as an adult in your own right."


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#23
"N-no, I don't have any magic." They didn't have the normal fear (or hatred) of the Abandoned most folks did. They were people, too, right? Quanil didn't see how doing magic made them evil. 'Course, that was up to the Gods, they supposed. They just really desperately wanted to know how magic worked. It was another point of curiosity.

"I just thought that... well, the plants and animals are living creatures. And I like it when people are nice to me and talk to me. So I talked to them. I don't really think they understand the words, but I still feel like it makes the food taste better afterwards. Like they grew up a little bit happier, and you can taste it. Mom and Dad think I'm crazy for it, but they decided I wasn't hurting anything, so they let me do it."

But that just resurrected the awkward feelings of trying to belong to a family that felt like they put up with you more than actually loved you. Quanil wasn't a hindrance but also wasn't much help - not in the ways they'd wanted, anyway - and so they were just... there. One more mouth to feed, a pair of hands to help, too, sure, but...

They sighed and listened to the provost's words. They traced the pin, tried to keep their tears in, and then offered the pin back to Mr. Jigano Silversmith the Sage, sir. "Here. 'Til I earn it. Has to be that exact same pin, though."

They considered the quests. It was easier to think of them that way: Quests to Prove Yourself to the Guild was better than thinking of it as punishment. Even if it was.

"Mom and Dad know I made it to Sanctuary. They've just lost track of me since then. At least, they should know." They thought back to their hectic arrival, as chaotic as a flock of frightened hens. "All their attention was on Kedran, right and proper, but they didn't even ask about Freina. And they tend to ignore me as much as they can on normal days. So I guess I'll go back to them, explain why I left. Does that satisfy?"
Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
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#24
The Abandoned were usually distrusted by naturals because it had been Abandoned who had been involved in the war that resulted in the barrier being placed around the Hollowed Grounds. Of course the Abandoned today weren't the same ones... but who was to say they wouldn't fall back into the same power-hungry ways as their forebears? Certainly the gods seemed to follow that logic in keeping them at arm's length. Outlanders rarely had such hangups, in Jigano's experience, but it was still something kept hidden by most naturals - Rory and Evie in particular, he knew, whose secret he had promised to keep.

Quanil's efforts, though, seemed simply unorthodox rather than a result of Abandoned powers (unless, of course, they were lying because they didn't trust him enough yet with the truth). He simply nodded, expression softening to silent encouragement for the young Seeker's willingness to try something new and untraditional.

The abandonment of their family, though, however rocky the relationship, was a far thornier maze to navigate. Quanil could do what Zariah had failed at: destroying the Loreseekers Guild, not through malice but simply through youthful selfishness. If their parents raised a hue and cry to get their child back and stirred up the greater part of the populace against the Guild he would be forced to disband them - at least within the Hollowed Grounds. There would be several Outlanders, as well, who might encourage such a coup, just to see him toppled. Politics be damned, but he had been so eager to welcome a new face that he'd let his guard slip and made the very promises Safrin had so cruelly mocked him for making when he couldn't keep them...

This was his mess, not Quanil's, and he reached out towards the offered pin--

And closed their fingers back over it gently. "I said you were a Seeker and I meant it," he said gently. "Though you are by far the youngest of us, and that makes for some differences here at the beginning. Make your peace with your family, or your break with them, as your heart dictates. Find out the fate of your sister. I am visiting the Infirmary often right now to lend my skills were I can, so perhaps I can help with your brother and mother's injuries and try to build some goodwill, if they share your lack of concern over magic?"


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#25
It was reassuring to have the provost insist they keep the pin. Still, Quanil knew they wouldn't put it on until they felt they'd earned it by completing these quests. It felt more like an adventure that way, more like proving worthiness than receiving (admittedly just) punishment. I'll have it as a reminder, for when I face my parents.

They had no idea where to begin to try to find Freina, but standing up to their family, telling them in no uncertain terms that they were leaving, they were going to be a Loreseeker, that that was the end of it... it terrified them.

The idea of the provost tending to their family to win their goodwill seemed appealing, helpful beyond measure, until he clarified how he'd be doing it. "O-oh, uh... well."

They wanted him to do it badly. Not just so their family would be better-mended, better able to be without them, but to make them face magic and deal with it, find out that it wasn't scary! Well, at least, not all the time. But they stopped and tried to figure out how their parents would react to it.

"I mean... Kedran would be interested, definitely. He loves it when I read stories about magic. My parents might be a bit more squeamish, even if I vouch for you. Maybe especially if I vouch for you. I think if... if they could be convinced it's a good thing, they'd be okay, but it's like I said: they tend to run and hide from what they don't understand. Convincing them it's okay might not be easy."
Jigano Silversmith
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#26
The pause was enough to tell him all he needed to know, and he smiled a little sadly as he nodded in understanding. He waited to hear the young Seeker out, though, and it was promising to find out that the brother might yet be willing to accept a little magically-accelerated healing. Doing so without the permission of the parents, though, would cause almost as many problems as accepting their eldest child into a Guild without their permission... even if Quanil was old enough to make their own decisions - by some standards.

"It sounds as though they are not very approving of Loreseekers in general," he said softly. "So perhaps we can leave the titles and guild affiliations off for now. I used to help out at the Infirmary even before I... came into this power. I can still change bandages and check on the progress of healing wounds, fix stitches, and make poultices even without magic. And if you would like, I could stay nearby afterwards while you speak with them. Close enough that you can reach me if you need me." The offer was made gently, for he knew he was asking a difficult thing of his newest colleague. Personal matters of the heart were always far harder to face than ancient truths in dusty tomes. Ideally Quanil would be able to find some sort of peace with their family, and support however distant. Things rarely went so well on Caido, however, and Jigano knew that things could also end in a messy argument and wounded family ties all around. If that happened, he didn't want the young would-be scholar to be alone and adrift without a safety line.


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#27
Quanil pounced on this generous offer. "Oh, that-that'd be great! I mean the non-magical healing, but the... the staying nearby, too. So you know that I did it. I mean, I wouldn't lie to you and say I'd done it if I hadn't, but you don't know that, and... well, yeah, it'd be helpful."

And quicker for "quest completion" while they were at it, but mostly they were focused on not facing their family alone. Well, not entirely alone.

"It's very good of you to offer to help my family out, sir, and to help me out like this, too."
Jigano Silversmith
the Sage
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Portal Guardian
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#28
He didn't know whether they would lie to him or not yet, but given their willingness to let their family believe a lie - to lie in actions if not words - it didn't build a great deal of trust right off the bat. Still, it would have been an easy enough fact to check on if he was truly worried about it. His offer had been made from kindness, not distrust, and he nodded gently as she accepted it. "You're a Loreseeker now, Quanil, even if it's one of the rockier starts," he said with a flicker of a smile for his earnest young guest. "We help each other." Not always the way that was wanted, admittedly. Sometimes 'help' came in the form of refusing to enable self-harming behavior, but for the most part he tried to be there for his guildmates, even when they couldn't - or wouldn't - be there for each other.

Sam had certainly stuck the fly in the ointment with becoming a portal opener, for one. How the Loreseekers had become stuck in the middle of the gods' war would forever frustrate the Provost, even as he toed the line given him.

"It might help to think about what you want to tell them - and how you intend to say it," he suggested thoughtfully. "Perhaps writing it down and practicing it will make it easier than trying to improvise in the moment?"


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