Where do I go from here?

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Maea listened without commenting, only nodding occasionally to show she was paying attention. It was so strange to hear about these things, to know events had unfolded in impossible amounts of time, where she still felt like only a few days should fit. Her sense of time warred with the retelling of past events, until she found it hard to breathe and pale fingers tightened so hard around the water glass that she feared she might break it. "Perhaps it's just that no naturals feel up to the task," she heard herself say, in a voice that was oddly calm. "You Outlanders have previous experience with these things. Governing. All we have are traditions, and stories. But Wessex.... well. She's always been different." There was a shrug, a half smile, and slowly she managed to pry the fingers from the glass again. It was empty. No reason to hold onto it anymore. Like so many other things in her life. "I'm sorry you got hurt. Is... the Ascension part of how you got better?" Hesitating, she asked the question anyway. It was... something Maea hadn't thought possible. The Voice had showed her quite thoroughly what might happen if an Abandoned underwent the procedure... it had not been pretty. It horrified her that Rexanna had risked it, that the Voice had allowed it. Had the risks been properly explained beforehand? Maea wouldn't put it past the new god to omit details like those... Something Rex said did make her think about the farm again. To turn it into something else... "You know, I did talk to Vai about something similar before she said. "I offered the Infirmary a piece of the land to grow herbs and other such things. Nothing came of it then, but... perhaps they might be interested in taking over the whole thing? I could rent it out, perhaps, let them use it and get some of the harvest to barter for something else." She looked up at the queen, wanting to know what she thought of the idea. Who was in charge of the Infirmary now? Was Vai still around? Still alive? Who might she talk to... But she just shrugged off the notion of asking Jigano for more help. He was doing enough for her already, asking for more would just be greedy. He had enough on his plate to worry about, without adding her to it.

in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be

holy enough to save you

There’s a light tilt to her head as Maea suggests that there’s the possibility of not many naturals that feel up to the task. And she nods, consideringly. She doesn’t think it’s so much of not being up for the task as it is the idea of it being such a monumental task. There’s a whole world of the unknown out there, just waiting – with no idea of what yet to expect, what storm will come next. At the mention of Wessex though, there’s a light tilt to her head in agreement. Different, at least to Rexanna, was good. Wessex was far more sharp edged than Rexanna was – and working together, well, she likes to think the two of them make a fairly good team.

The question of the Ascension being how she got better, Rexanna nods to that. “I’m sure had I not been Ascended, I probably would’ve died.” There’s almost a far away look to her gaze before she shakes her head and takes a completely unnecessary breath. “But, I was healed enough to go see the Voice once LongNight was over. But for a while there I was blind, my wrists were broken, a few ribs were gone, and my nose was broken as well.” She shrugs, gaze lifting back to Maea with a soft smile. “And then she fixed me after I gathered a few things with help.” A small shrug at that.

But as the Penumbra mentions the things Maea might be able to try and do to make a small amount of normalcy within her life, her head cocks curiously to her at the mention of the land for the Infirmary. And well, that was a very intriguing idea indeed. “I think Phoebe is in charge of the Infirmary now, she also has the Medical College in the Settlement. Perhaps you could speak with her about lending some of the land?” That’s definitely a thought, and part of her is almost sure that Phoebe would be delighted to have the help and the space.

REXANNA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Phoebe? That was a name she did recognize, and Maea had to admit she wasn't surprised to hear the young midwife had gotten herself up in the world. She had been ambitious and hard working since Maea first met her, and far more capable than her years suggested. "I'll go talk to her" she nodded, smiling a bit. "It's been a while since I talked to Phoebe, it's about time." More than a while - a year and then some. It was so easy to forget, so quickly done to fall back into the trap her mind set for her. Not days. Not a week. Longer than that, don't forget. But those were the easy topics. When the subject angled towards ascendancy, the pale haired woman tensed almost imperceptibly. She couldn't help it. She frowned, pushing he crumbs back and forth on the plate. Not quite looking at Rex. "Did the Voice tell you how dangerous it is for abandoned to try and ascend? Or did she forget to mention it?" Now, Maea wasn't going to berate the queen for her choice. She had her opinions about ascended and their goddess, it was true, and no doubt it would be very hard to change her mind about it. The idea of what this woman had become did make her a bit uneasy, but like she had told Amun, it wasn't so much because of what they were as it was ddue to her lack of understanding. What did it really mean? What were the upsides, the downsides, the risks implied to them and people around them? For all that she was a loreseeker now, Maea still only had the rumors and stories to base her opinions on. Oh, and the brief encounters she'd had with the Voice itself, of course. Those had not done anything to change her mind.

in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be

holy enough to save you

At the mention of Maea going to see Phoebe, Rexanna nods to that with a small thoughtful smile – though it fades slightly, uncertain what exactly is going to be happening for the young midwife. “She lost her nephews during Fiat Lux after she started caring for them after LongNight when their mother died.” She informs the other woman, gaze drifting over to the windows with drawn curtains, the light filtering in slowly. “So she would likely love some good news.” Something good among the bleak streak of black.

But the conversation shifts toward Ascending, the Voice, how she’d survived and what the Voice had given her for it all. And her gaze flits back to Maea, feeling a hint of a tone of judgement from the pale girl – so similar to Jigano’s own worries and anxieties that perhaps she hadn’t thought it out fully before doing it. But she had, and nobody had forced her into it regardless of what people thought. She had made the choice for her and her alone, and she was proud of it.

“She did tell me, yes.” She announces at first. “She asked me numerous times that if it was something that I wanted to do, and I said yes, even when it felt like my magic was trying to rip out of my soul and my being. It was worth it, to me.” It’s almost casual the way she says it, but there’s that light smile that crosses her face afterwards. Yes, it was talked about, it was considered for a long time. “I had weighed the pros and cons for months before there was a slight push in my life and I went to the Voice and asked.”

REXANNA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." If that was the case, if all the facts had truly been made plain, and Rexanna had chosen this despite it... then there was nothing more Maea could say. She was prejudiced against the Voice, not all its followers. Not yet. For all that she heard Rex speak of blight and changing rulers, Maea didn't know how deep the rift between the religions of her home was growing, how a quiet war was slowly boiling to the surface. Unaware that they, two women on good terms courting friendship and cooperation, had chosen opposite sides in a conflict that surely was nowhere near over, she merely nodded and smiled a little. "That's good, at least. I was just worried... The Voice showed me in rather explicit detail what it would be like if the... eh.. procedure went wrong. I've never regretted asking anything so much in my life." Shuddering, she looked away, eyes searching the room for anything at all that might banish the nightmarish memories of the vision. Herself reclining on a table, strapped down by hands and feet while the body shook uncontrollably. Skin oozing, flesh melting, as the spark indeed tore free and escaped. "Thinking it might've happened to you..." Maea's voice faltered and died away. Drawing a deep breath did nothing to banish the haunted look in her eyes,, and she shook her head. So much potential tragedy. So much real, actual sadness all around. Phoebe's kin, Remi and Ronin, their daughter, the ruined Temple and Amalia's broken body... "Are there no good news?" she asked, a plaintive sound that was gentled only by the lopsided smile. "Tell me more about Halo. I only saw the tundra myself... what are they like over there? Have you met their leader?"

in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be

holy enough to save you

Rexanna’s main goal as of late has been to represent both parts of her. The parts abandoned by the gods but still having met them (at least one of them, Frey, cursed and then blessed by the very same) and the Voice. A midway point, if there were an ability to be both, to understand both sides and try to temper it. She had failed as of late, watching it bubble to the surface in a mighty overwhelming fury. Her talks with Delah to reopen the Grounds have been successful thus far, and her attempts at finding a council have started forming well as well.

Little steps, but steps nonetheless, hopeful it’ll make a difference.

She inclines her head toward Maea with a light smile at that. “The pain was gone quickly, aside from the magic.” She offers, in case it eases Maea’s worries. “I didn’t watch it happen, I was… Sent back to my home world as a sort of trial – the Voice let me decide every step of the way if I wanted to continue or back away. That I’d have to sacrifice some parts of me to make it work, and in the end the pros outweighed the cons.” And that’s all that really needed to be said in the end, didn’t it? In order to survive, there were constant give and takes, compromises to be made for the sake of living.

As Maea falters, Rexanna gives her a bright smile – as if to say that she’s fine, she’s made it. She’s almost been Ascended an entire year now, and while tensions remained high, well… She’s thankful she’s alive, certain that had she not been Ascended that her trek out on LongNight certainly would have destroyed her one way or another.

But there’s a lopsided smile she’s greeted with at the mention of no good news, and Rexanna snorts softly. “It seems harder to come by these days.” An honest answer, however pessimistic it may be. As for Halo? Well, she knew very little about the place. “It’s a harsh and cold climate of ice and snow. Apparently it’s a crime in the entire place if you let a fire go out?” She murmurs, recalling her conversation with Neron (which apparently takes place in timelines right before this, despite the narrator being dumb and not realizing) before she smiles softly to the pale woman. “I have met Neron, just recently actually. But I haven’t quite been to Halo just yet.”

REXANNA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." There really wasn't much to add, was there? If Rexanna was happy with her choices, if it hadn't cost her more than she was willing to pay, then who was Maea to argue about it? Had she not been saying to Amun just a few days ago that she didn't think the Ascended to be monsters? It was not a discussion she wished to launch into with this woman too, not after all the kindness she'd shown. If Maea had issues, then... then she would just have to continue to have them, and deal with it later. But she could try to educate herself more. Now, in this private space, faced with a friend and little else that vied for attention. "Could you...? Would you mind telling me about it? Being Ascended. I only know what I've heard from the stories. They aren't... kind." Letting the matter of the new area drop for the time being, Maea stood and went to refill the glass with more water. She was feeling decidedly better. Already the pulsing of the temples had recided, and while her face was still flushed and sunburned it didn't feel as painful as before.

in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be

holy enough to save you

The question absolutely catches her a bit off guard, and she contemplates exactly what it might be that Maea is seeking. Regardless, once the woman returns after getting more water, Rexanna allows her green gaze to linger on the pale, sunburned face as a contemplative look crosses her face – trying to figure out where to even start. The stories, indeed, aren’t kind. But she likes to think that she is, and mentally she hasn’t changed at all. Perhaps grown a bit more brazen, a bit more bold… But that wasn’t really too different in the end, was it?

“Is there anything specifically you’d like to know? Or just… General things?” She asks at first, tilting her head as she contemplates it. “General things would be like… Well, we don’t need to eat or drink, but we do it for normalcy. Same with sleeping.” A brief pause, of how Bastien and her still slept with one another but she typically used it as a time to run scans. “We don’t feel pain either. That was the first to go when I Ascended.”

REXANNA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Maea sat down, not quite able to meet the searching gaze of the Queen as she made herself comfortable again. What was it she needed, indeed? The more outrageous parts she'd already dismissed, about stealing babies from the crib and commanding the monsters of LongNight in great hoards. But there were other things that made her cold to think of, not least of which had to do with the strange liquid that now flowed through Rexanna's veins. "What about the blood drinking?" she asked, equal parts sheepish and embarrassed to be so fretful about it. I was stalked for a long while by an ascended once, who seemed to enjoy the fact that I was anxious very much. He implied... he'd been out looking for dinner." Color was rising on her face, a dramatic flush of blotchy pink that was all too obvious on her pale skin. Desperate for something to distract herself with she yanked the glass off the table a bit too forcefully, felt the rim knock sharply against the teeth, and had water sloshing over the edge down over her hands and front. All while getting hardly any of the liquid into her mouth. Flustered, she began pulling on the water with her magic, struggling somewhat to dry out her clothes and keep it from spilling further to the floor. Her thoughts were, quite obviously, on other things.

in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be

holy enough to save you

Rexanna’s eyes widen a fraction of an inch when Maea asks of the blood drinking – something that Rexanna had rarely even participated in her nearly year long endeavor as an Ascended. Only for abilities, to fly with Remi when she otherwise could not, to summon a Luxere from Loren during the darkest trek of LongNight. But where a smile would have graced her face at such a question, she can sense the fear from Maea as she begins to grow sheepish, explaining why and Rexanna’s brows furrow slightly to that.

“Oh, huh.” She begins pursing her lips before her green gaze lands on Maea once more – a glimmer of honesty within them. “We can get away without drinking blood. Though I have a couple of times before. I’ve always asked first, and it's been to acquire some sort of power. I drank from someone before LongNight in case I needed to create a Sparkbird.” She offers in case it helps alleviate the worries of the pale woman. “It actually feels kind of terrible in the system. It’s kind of a last ditch attempt at surviving if we can’t get replenished by the Voice and we’re pretty hurt.” She shrugs, offering a brighter smile at that.

“I’ve noticed there are some Ascendeds, however, that take it quite far and have a taste for it. The majority I know now though could honestly care less.” She shrugs, waiting in case there’s more questions.

REXANNA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Not sure if it was a real comfort to know that someone just wanted to snack on her for fun - or plain enjoyed letting her think so - Maea nevertheless forced herself to take a deep breath and relax. Bringing the spilled water from the table and herself, she magicked it over to the sink to drain away, and made another attempt at drinking, more successful this time. "So... it's really just for emergencies, for sustenance?" she wanted to know, hoping to clarify it once and for all. Honestly she had never dared to ask about it before, had always tried to ignore the parts of the ascended she knew that were odd or difficult to explain away. Perhaps she should make more effort to understand them... even if the concept still made her uneasy. "You still have your magic?"

in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be

holy enough to save you

She hopes her words do soothe Maea – to think that people thought they were walking around looking for their next meal definitely would unsettle her were she normally just Abandoned. But knowing and both becoming Ascended has opened her eyes to the many ways of survival, of their life, and blood drinking wasn’t one of them. Unless of course you’re looking for a good time or trying to survive in the end.

The question is returned with a nod. “I had to bite someone after LongNight when we returned, but that was because I’d lost too much of my fluid to survive the wait until it was over to see my goddess.” A small roll of her shoulders before her green gaze lands on Maea once more, a soft smile at her lips. “But when I fought the blighted pumpkin before and got pretty hurt, I was able to wait it out without needing to bite.” It was all dependent on how badly they were hurt and how likely it would be to get to a shrine to replenish.

The mention of magic has her bobbing her dark head in response, palms opening and pulling together to create a small little trinket of a sun that she hands to Maea. “I do.” She admits. “I thought Ascending would take it away, but it hadn’t. Though… Having fire magic as an Ascended made it difficult. It felt like my magic was trying to escape, like I was burning from the inside out.” An indifferent shrug.

REXANNA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Seeing the item come to life in Rex's hand, Maea smiled, relaxing a bit more. It was indeed a comfort, hearing that her own awful experience had been the exception and not the rule. Not that she'd actually been bitten, mind, but she recalled the implication that it might happen if she tried to run... and was not at all sad to set it behind her. Now she would really have to apologize to Amun. "Is fire a bad thing then? And... sunlight? Your umbrella, the darkness you used... It seems that's at least true, as far as the stories go. You can't be out in daylight?" Taking the little sun in her hand, Maea turned it over and inspected it. It was a new trick she hadn't seen the Queen use before, but the ability in itself was not new to her. Peter could do it as well, and a few others had in the past. Her father had been quite adept at it, though he refrained from it most of the time out of piety. It was not a gift Maea possessed, though she definitely thought it more useful than her own weak telekinesis. Taking the trinket in her minds grasp, she let it rise to hover above the table, slowly spinning in place in as she rested her chin in the palm of a hand. Using some more of the water from her glass, she raised it in small droplets, shaping them into stars to hover about the miniature sun in a slow cosmic dance. "Rex... do you think it's a sin to make use of these powers? If the gods hate us having them so much, I mean?" It was something she'd always worried about. Still did, from time to time, though her talk with Ludo on the subject had eased her mind somewhat.

in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be

holy enough to save you

She nods to Maea as she begins to speculate. “Fire is very dangerous for us.” She agrees quietly, frowning at the thought momentarily before she exhales and smiles lightly. “The fluid inside us is flammable. So we have to be cautious. That’s also why the sunlight can be dangerous… But once we get a bit stronger we can handle it better. That’s why I can go out with the umbrella. When I first Ascended I never left the house aside from dusk for fear of something happening.” A small snort at that. “But, most people are awake during the day and this is the season for the longest amount of sunlight. So I do what I have to.” She smiles easily before shrugging and watching with amused green eyes as Maea lifts the trinket and the water to make it dance between them.

She decides to add to it, bringing the fire from a nearby candle over to act like a shooting star among the sun and star droplets, before she lets it fade in a whiff of smoke – focusing on Maea’s question. It seems like a lot to unpack at first, and she isn’t sure where exactly to start with it. “I think that it isn’t a sin to use them.” She pauses, head tilting as she looks to Maea and the dancing trinket between them. “In fact, I think the gods might encourage it should we use it for good, right? Like healing and protecting our own.” A brief shrug. “But there are ways to stop it too, I have an upgrade that blocks magic - my own included. If it really was an issue that the gods didn’t want us to tinker with, don’t you think they’d just… Take it away? Alter us to remove it somehow over generations perhaps?” She muses, brows furrowing.

REXANNA