this madness of now

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi felt it and was comforted by it. Comforted that Ronin too was lost in this, that he wasn't the only idiot who'd gone out to see with nothing but a puddle and the now-known to be fucking absurd idea that it would all turn out alright.

It wouldn't. It hadn't. It never would again it seemed, but at least they were there together. Though they'd filled the silence with the screaming of their bodies as they'd done so many times before, it wasn't to hide what had happened. It was to acknowledge it.

"I don't want another. I don't want to make sweet charms to remember her by, and in years to come, I don't want to reminisce about what she might have been." As he said this, he could already see sea-shells cut into stars for trade on the beaches and it made him grimace against the ridge of Ronin's collar bones. Arching his back and pressing up to look down at Ronin, the alchemist regarded his husband with shockingly clear eyes.

Blinking quickly as Remi arched up to gaze down at him, Ronin found himself struggling to speak past a lump in his throat at his husband's words. Nothing to remember her by. Nothing about her life-that-wasn't. She may as well have never existed. He scowled, feeling the screaming sadness of that implication start to prick at the corners of his eyes. Not having another? Doable. The rest? "I don't know if I can forget her like that," he said, voice rough with emotion carefully held back. "I'm sorry. But I'll keep you out of it." He could give Remi that much, at least. "I... I don't know what else to say." Silenced. Usually Ronin couldn't keep his mouth shut, but the events of the past couple of days might as well have made him a mute. "I just want to wake up and for this not to have happened. And that's a stupid, pointless thing to want, because it won't make a difference." RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

"I didn't say forget." Remi clarified, his expression far gruffer than his words were. Swallowing down his own uncertainty, he nodded in a pained agreement at his husband's words. "But it won't." Holding himself up with one arm to ruffle a hand across his forehead to brush away his curls, he pulled himself out and off of Ronin to lay down next to him.

"I can't bear to think of a life like that. Of sea-stars and sand-dollars with stars in them that whisper her name. Wondering what here she would and wouldn't like...just thinking her name makes me want to go mad. To walk into the sea and never come out again. I dreamt last night of killing everyone at the festival, especially those fighting whatever creature it was that damned ice was meant to stop. And after they were dead? Even in the dream, she was still gone."

Ronin nodded quietly, glad for the clarification, and wincing only very slightly as Remi shifted to lay down with him. He wrinkled his nose at the life the alchemist painted, at the constant reminders, the mental torture. "No," he agreed. "I don't want that either. Forgetting her is impossible, but worshipping her death is madness." His expression darkened slightly as his husband spoke about his dream - not with trepidation or judgement, but understanding. "At least it was only a dream," he murmured. "I don't know what happened to the Temple. People tried to stop me - Jigano, Amalia, Sam. I'm sure the building came down, and I don't know if they're alive or not." And I don't care, part of him wanted to whisper, but the chaos was not so potent today as it had been. Fumbling, Ronin reached for Remi's hand. "This is us now. Whatever we want to make of it. As long as we decide together, I'll walk whatever path we make for ourselves." RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi raised a brow at this, his lips curling into a grinch-like smile at hearing Jigano's name, before shrugging dismissively. He didn't care either. They were all big boys and girls and robot vampires. If they wanted to take on a demigod bent on destroying a temple, that was their funeral.

Instinctively Remi's fingers curled around Ronin's, but they tightened as the alchemist let his head loll to the side to look properly at his husband. "It's only you for me. Where you go, I go." If that was into mutual destruction, so be it. Mort's realm had nothing on the life they'd already lived.

"And if includes breakfast, so much the better." The alchemist said with a wicked grin, nudging Ronin with an affection that he'd never again show anyone else.

"Well," Ronin said with a faint smile that held all the warmth in the world in it, "right now, I think we should probably sort out our new wagon so it looks a little less stolen, and ride somewhere that can tell us where the fuck we are." Because beaches and oceans were all well and good (and fuck the gods for managing to ruin something he had been craving since setting foot in Caido), but they should still probably figure out where they had landed. "Oh and breakfast - of course." Nudging Remi back, Ronin leant in to press a kiss to his husband's temple, before he finally struggled to his feet. It wasn't an act easily done, especially given how sore he was likely to be for the next day or two, but he managed to buckle up his pants again and turn to offer Remi a hand up. "We have the fish you definitely caught, and whatever is in the wagon." RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi's grin grew entirely crooked; there might as well have been canary feathers between his lips for how absolutely smug he suddenly looked. "So that it looks less stolen." He agreed.

Curling an arm around to stop Ronin's sudden departure, the alchemist tried to stop him there if only for a moment. "I love you." Not an apology for things said, not sorrow for things lost, not lament for things that would never be. Just the only truth Remi honestly knew anymore.

Following Ronin and clothing himself as well, the alchemist stretched his arms wide for a moment, luxuriating in the act before letting his arms fall unceremoniously and boyishly to his sides. "Right. Today we make the wagon look a little more ours—" —and a little less like someone else's. "—and figure out where we are. I suppose depending on what the weather is like here we should probably find somewhere to sleep that isn't a beach. Romantic as all that sand was, I've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle, I'll have you know." Teasingly said, Remi parted the foliage with a wave of his hand.

"Well when it looks less stolen, it will be less stolen." Ronin shrugged honestly, as if it should have been entirely obvious to Remi. He paused as his husband stopped him, quiet confusion melting into something altogether more affectionate than had entered his expression in the past couple of days. "And I love you," he murmured, allowing himself to linger on that simple and wonderful pleasure - easy enough to do, when it was the only thing he could rely upon anymore. "Oh - the wagon has a bed in it." He beamed, like he had been clever in choosing to steal something with living space built in, moving across to show his husband the interior of the thing. Shelves upon shelves of stacked spices and salts, a small, closed trunk and a bed at the back. "Is this to your taste, sir?" Because if it wasn't Ronin knew well that Remi would change it. RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

"And here I thought I knew everything about alchemy." Remi tutted in reply.

Tilting his head around with comical slowness, Remi firmly locked his arms across his chest as he shot his husband a look, following him over to peer inside the wagon. For a moment his expression was unreadable. He had spent countless hours and all those 11 magical-item slots creating a wagon whose every inch was sculpted with them in mind. Tapping one of the interior cabinets and tilting his head as if to listen for some audible quality of the craftmanship hidden in the echo, Remi turned back to Ronin with a broad smile.

To hell with his wagon.

This was perfect.

"It'll do." He said coyly at first, before beaming at his husband. It was cramped and stolen and smelled of any number of things; just like when Remi was a boy. "Now.." Running his fingers along the boards of the wagon and biting his lip, he glanced over his shoulder at Ronin. "Who are we, here? Traveling merchants? Sell-swords?" He grinned. "The commoner and the once-king is a bit cliche, don't you think?"

"Ah, well - there's your mistake. No one can know everything about something." Ronin grinned to his lover, having padded over to the mare who was grazing and leaving them very much to it, retrieving the sweetly spiced fish Remi had thrown. It was still good, Ronin was sure. He turned in time to see Remi inspect the wagon, and for a second the hunter was concerned, guilty even - whatever had happened, he knew the efforts on his husband's part had been monumental when it came to getting them out of the Hollowed Grounds. Turned out, one simply had to go mad and destroy a Temple. So Remi's smile, when it came, was so relieving that Ronin found himself grinning too, moving to hop up and inspect the interior of the wagon a little more. The spices and salts seemed in good condition, though whether they sold those or used them was utterly outside of his interest. The little trunk contained a few outfits, a book - and a map. "Well, lookie here." He handed the scroll to Remi, and hopped down again to look for a suitable place to build a cooking fire. "Such a cliche," he agreed, beginning to gather together some kindling. "I am still a monster hunter, whether that's a good one or a bad one. I'm sure there's many a creature out here bothering the natives. And you, sir, are a travelling alchemist. I challenge you to create the most interesting items out of the bits of monster I haul home." RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Opening the scroll, for a moment Remi just gazed down at the haphazard scratches on the parchment. He didn't even really see the outlines, the names and labels. His eyes focused singularly on the word at the top, written with what was likely meant to be an impressive flourish. After a moment he tipped his head back and laughed a mad, guttural sound.

Torchline, it said.

Walking towards Ronin the alchemist added his own bundle of larger sticks and such, the dark amusement still rife on his features. "Well here is hoping I rise to the challenge." He agreed, kneeling down to arrange the wood. "I know the anticipation is likely killing you, so let me be the first to welcome you to Torchline." Remi's voice was without mirth or joy now, and the look he gave Ronin was similarly devoid of anything save for a grim acknowledgment of the irony.

”Well you’ve certainly risen to all the challenges given to you so far this morning alone,” Ronin said with a mischievous waggle of his eyebrows, gathering together some dry grasses to add to the wood Remi was arranging. They worked effortlessly together, magic or no magic, and it was a simple moment that Ronin found himself absurdly enjoying. He tried very hard to seem uninterested in the scroll his husband had been examining, failing spectacularly as Remi finally spoke about it. Something in him withered a bit, even knowing that’s where they had to be, and he took a long breath and let it out again. ”Of course it is,” he said, sounding calmer than he felt. Thanks a bunch, Safrin. ”At least we have a map and a place to start now. Come on - let’s eat and get this wagon up to scratch.” RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

"Alright. How about I name the wagon, and you name the mare? Get it right though, remember I can speak to animals." He absolutely couldn't, or at least not in the capacity needed to confirm the accuracy of Ronin's name, anyways.

Splitting the fish between them, Remi reclined on his elbows and stared into the fire as it crackled merrily away. No sooner had they started to eat, eyes began appearing in the fronds overhead. Looking somewhat like a regular old gull, the Hels watched the two men eat with happy fascination, a few even flying down onto the grass and hopping closer.

"Ah. I knew it wouldn't be long before stories of your heroism drew an entourage." Remi quipped slyly, kicking a barefoot out at one of the birds.

How Ronin was supposed to get it right while naming the mare was beyond him, but he had lost track of how many things Remi could do by now, and speaking with animals might well be on the list. ”Her name is Molly. Molly the mare,” he said proudly, thinking it quite the personable name if he did say so himself. Relaxing back into the foliage and listening to the crackle and spit of the cooking fire, Ronin was utterly ravenous by the time they actually got to eat. He was thoroughly enjoying Remi’s version of catch of the day, glancing up only as a token gesture when the alchemist pointed out their entourage. ”I’m afraid there’s only enough fish for the two of us, and even then that’s pushing it. Curious little things though, aren’t they? Go on, oh mighty speaker of birbs. What do they say?” He grinned at Remi. RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.