From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Shrugging, Loren took a spoonful of his own soup before moving on to work on the next remedy. "Why not both?" His hands moved deftly as they ground an herb in the mortar and pestle, before he added a splash of water with his magic, turning it into a proper paste that he scraped into a nearby vial.
However, he paused in his motions, though he was not foolish enough to leave ingredients where she could reach them. For a long moment, he was quiet. Then he sighed. "You know, many very wise people told me that the only time what I wanted didn't matter was when I decided it didn't." He tilted his head at her. "I think getting married out of spite is something you'll come to regret. And I think you're too deep in your grief to be making any good decisions, let alone about something as momentous as this."
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?
Phoebe sighed. It really would be easier to placate him it seemed, and so she took a bite of soup. One bite. There. Now he couldn't be mad.
But then he began to lecture, and usually she had the patience for such things. Just not today. Likely not anytime that week or month even. Only Frey alone could likely get away with it. "If what I wanted mattered, the first love of my life wouldn't be dead, every relative I had left wouldn't be dead, and I wouldn't be mother to five dead children." she said pointedly, looking at him with her blank expression. "I regret a lot of things. Being so harsh with Emmett, and not being strong enough for him when he needed me most. I regret how cold I was to people while blighted - moreover I regret not being helpful at all to Frey in pursuing answers about it. I regret living my life with rose colored glasses as long as I have." she said, lips pressing in a thin line.
"But I know what I am getting with this. I am getting a husband who will hate and resent me for all my days, but will still provide and protect me, and should children come of it, will be a good and loving father to them. I am getting someone who will be with me at night. A presence, a living soul just an arms reach away." she said, shaking her head slowly. "Say what you will, judge as you wish, but wanting has made me miserable, so I am settling. My reality is sad and the only constant I will ever have is Frey. I've finally accepted that."
Nodding approvingly as Phoebe took her own spoonful, he took another as well. ”You’ll have to have the whole bowl before I let you get back to work.” He continued his own steady work of mixing and grinding, combining and diluting.
However, his eyes remained trained on her as she spoke about the tragedies that had led her to that point. His expression was sympathetic, and he let the silence ring between them for quite a while after she finished. "And what would they say, to all of that? Frey, I mean. What would they say about your settling? About your regrets?" The words were quiet.
01-04-2020, 02:35 AM (This post was last modified: 01-04-2020, 02:35 AM by Phoebe.)
Phoebe
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?
She sighed and reluctantly took another bite. It wasn't that the soup was bad, she just didn't feel like eating.
Her shoulders shrugged as he asked what Frey would think. "They would say it is my decision to make probably. But they have always supported me, even if they questioned my decisions." she said softly, staring down at the bowl of soup. "And they'd probably say regrets are boring or a waste of time." Though she wasn't sure why he mentioned it. He was the one that had told her she would regret it. "Frey doesn't particularly have strongly voiced opinions about anything not specific to their interests."
Nodding again as Phoebe kept eating, Loren went back to working on the medicines, pausing every now and then to have some more of his own soup. "Well, from my personal experience I imagine they'd say the best way to get over grief is to get under someone else." Perhaps unwisely, his voice came out a bit tartly.
His tone and expression both softened, though, as his eyes searched her features for some sign of emotion. "And do they have any opinions about spite marriages? Or marriage in general?" Although his voice came out quietly, it held a great deal of concern for the midwife, as well as a healthy dose of skepticism.
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?
Her head shook slowly. "Frey does not treat all grief equally." she said quietly, eyes growing hazy and distant once more, reminiscing and falling once more into her day dream. When she had lost her first child, and Frey had ferried her away to their realm for a time to mourn and heal, ever comforting. She did not for a second think Frey would recommend the same treatment as what Loren had gotten, given where hers was stemming from. Just like not all plants required the same care, such was the same with people.
But again she shrugged. "They don't see the point in marriage. But they are a god. There are many things people do they do not see a point in." she said.
Loren leaned forward, setting aside both soup and medicines for the moment. ”And how do you think they would tell you to deal with your grief? Have you spoken to them?” Both his voice and his eyes were gentle.
As she admitted that Frey didn't see much point in marriage, the summoner had some soup, then went back to his work with the medicines. "Don't forget to eat." It came out distractedly. "I think you're making a mistake." He took a deep breath. "But I've also been told that sometimes I need to let people make their own mistakes and learn from them. No matter how much they might come to regret it." He glanced away, eyes distant. His hands moved almost without conscious thought, grinding another herb with just a little too much force.
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?
Phoebe shook her head before taking another bite of her soup. "I just saw them before Fiat Lux and have a task to complete. I don't want to bother them again. These are the months when they are busiest." she said softly. Flowerbirth through the beginning of Leafchange were the most common mating and growth periods of living things. Given what Frey oversaw, she knew they didn't need her coming to them to whine about here sadness and grief. She needed to deal with things on her own and be strong, and she was trying to do that (though clearly failing miserably). As far as what Frey would do or say about her grief? She shrugged a bit. She didn't know exactly. Frey had never given her advice on how to get over something so sad, just that it would pass and she would move on. Time didn't heal the wound but it made it easier to ignore it.
"I probably am." she said softly, staring at her soup. "But it shouldn't matter to you, nor should you worry about it. I know you are only doing so because I was Remi's sister." she said quietly, no judgement in her tone. It was just a fact. Had Remi not been so important to them both, Loren would likely be paying her absolutely no mind.
When Phoebe revealed she’d been given a task, Loren looked up from his latest spoonful of soup. ”You have a task too? What is it?” Then the summoner shook his head. ”Too busy for their friend? I can’t imagine they’d see it as a bother.” His voice was gently encouraging.
He frowned. "And here I was thinking I was allowed to make my own decisions about what I did and why I did them, without Remi having to be a part of it." There was a sharpness in his voice, both concern and annoyance. Realizing it, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Then he gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm doing this because we're friends, and I'm concerned about you. Or at least I'd like to think we're friends." He glanced away, tapping his foot on the ground before he stilled it.
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?
Suddenly, life seemed to come back into Phoebe's eyes. This was about work and a quest and making the world a better place, not about her. "I have to do a few different things in order for them to give me a plant that grows functioning body parts. This way we can research the body without cadavers." she said with a small smile. "I need a seed from three different locations, and I need to kill a summoned creature." she explained. As far as her being a bother...well..."Perhaps...but it is better to be considerate of their time if I can help it I think." she said softly.
But the sudden edge in his voice took her off guard and she was quick to retreat back behind her wall of nothingness. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." she said, barely more than a whisper as she stared at her lap. She didn't move or glance up as he continued, frozen in place. "You...consider me a friend?" she said, a hint of surprise in her tone.
As Phoebe showed some signs of life, Loren stirred himself, sitting up straighter and giving her an encouraging look. However, he couldn’t keep the confusion from his voice. ”You...I’m sorry a plant that does what?” Shaking his head, he held out his palm. ”I can help with many of those, and I can definitely help with the summoned animal.” A fly appeared in his hand, motionless. "If you'd like, of course."
The midwife’s concern about Frey was legitimately confusing to the Launceleyn, and it showed. "I wasn't aware that was how friendship worked." His eyes narrowed as he studied her features once again.
Then the confusion and the edge bled out of him, and he sighed more than a bit guiltily, looking aside. "No, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that." His gaze snapped back to her at her at her question. "Of course I do." The words came out firmly and without hesitation.
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?
"A plant that grows body parts. For example, if I wanted to study the lungs, it would grow a pair of functioning, healthy lungs." she said, this time giving a more concrete example to hopefully make clear what she was questing for. Brown eyes glanced at the fly and she shook her head slowly. "I don't think killing a fly would count, I am afraid. The point of the task is that to understand how to maintain life, I need to understand how to end it...its a conditioning task so I presume it ought to be a creature I wouldn't normally try to kill unless I absolutely had to." And flies she killed without mercy. Irritating little bugs, some of which bit rather painfully. No, it probably had to be something cute like a bunny.
"It doesn't always work that way, but I try to be that way with friends. I don't want to be a nuisance." she said softly. But her eyes fell to her soup again as he apologized, and she simply shook her head. Nothing to be sorry for, not really in the grand scheme of things. "I...didn't know you thought that. I figured...well I had figured what I said, I suppose."
Loren let out a huff of air. ”Huh. Sounds useful, if a bit creepy.” As Phoebe explained that it needed to be something more than an insect, the summoner shrugged. However, the fly disappeared. In its place on his palm, a chipmunk showed up. It stood up on its hindlegs and stared at the midwife with soulful eyes.
Tapping his fingers on the table, he frowned. "Well. As your friend, first let me say you are never a nuisance or an inconvenience. Second, let your friends decide whether we have time or energy for you. Not you." His voice was gently chiding. However, both voice and expression turned into something much more sympathetic. "It's okay. I told you I was a bad friend, but I am here for you."
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?
Phoebe looked at the soulful little chipmunk, lips curving down into a frown. She actually didn't mind chipmunks, in fact they were kind of cute. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she reached out to grab the creature around its neck. The fur felt so real, the warmth of its little conjured body too lifelike to have been created by magic. For a moment she simply sat like that, staring at it, wishing it had been a bad conjuration so it was more clearly fake. But with a sudden burst of will, knowing Frey had given her this task for a reason, she pressed her thumb forward, snapping the poor chipmunk's neck. It cracked and then squeaked in alarm before it went limp in her hand.
She let go quickly, dropping the dead creature back into Loren's hand, where after a moment it dissipated. Horrifying. That's how killing it had felt.
"Thank you." she said softly after a moment, before retreating back into her make-believe Frey world.
