why are you so petrified of silence

Turning a corner, Loren’s brow furrowed slightly as he scanned the titles there. They seemed mostly on hunting practices, which was interesting but hardly useful for his cause. ”It probably can't hurt." He spared a glance for Peter. "The only other option is sending them out without any training at all. Surely it's better than that." The healer's eyebrows rose as he waited for the adopted Launceleyn to respond. Still with that blank expression on his face, he stared at the other man. ”He said that the advocates are investigating Halo.” Loren cocked his head to one side. ”And that you’re planning to go to Torchline.” The words came out in the same dull tone. LOREN Not quite an open book

”The training they... receive now is...” Peter made a face, his lips pulled into a thin line, something close to but not quite disapproval. ”It’s lacking already. I don’t... I want to... do better. Do good by them.” There was a waver in his voice, but the core of it was made of steel, of a confidence that did not often come to him. Leaning back on the balls of his feet, Peter tried to not look too directly at Loren, half wary at the lack of expression and half worried that his gaze would be seen as rude. He did offer a slow roll of his shoulders in response to Loren’s statement though. ”I know... there’s more than me here.” He confirmed lightly, turning to look at the spikes of the books like they were suddenly the most interesting things in the world. ”I... haven’t heard anything about Torchline. Not yet.” Peter try, try your whole life to be righteous and good

Loren nodded almost absently, without much interest in his eyes or expression. Mostly, he was still focused on perusing the volumes on display. "I'm sure you will. Setting up some appropriate training for them would be a good start." Finding another volume on legends and customs of Halo, he tucked it under his arm. Only then did he glance at Peter to see how the healer's words had been taken. As the spymaster turned away, Loren's eyes narrowed slightly. "Like who?" It came out quite casually, and still in that same monotone, but he was still watching the adopted Launceleyn. "Not yet. So you think you will hear something?" Loren's tone was still dull, but again, he was staring at Peter unwaveringly. LOREN Not quite an open book

The thin line of Peter’s lips curved into something that could charitably be called a smile as Loren looked up at him. ”Thank you.” He said softly, eyes dipping quickly. He was not a creature built for support, and he hated how keenly obvious it was in moments like this. Hated how much it sounded like his Thank you was for something else. Something in Peter prickled at the new focus of the healer, feeling like he was being tested, like he was being pulled between two things. ”I’m not sure exactly.” Somehow his voice didn’t waver, though that only made the lie more obvious. ”I was... wasn’t there, when it was decided. I do... I know Sunjata will be visiting soon.” Peter nodded, forced his eyes back onto Loren. ”I’ll hear then.” Peter try, try your whole life to be righteous and good

Not letting Peter off the hook, Loren continued to stare at the spymaster almost unnervingly. ”But you have your suspicions?" The healer tilted his head to one side almost imperceptibly, blinking rarely and slowly. Brow furrowing a bit, he took a step closer to the adopted Launceleyn. "You weren't there when it was decided." Pausing, Loren's eyes studied Peter's features. "And yet, you know that a discussion took place, and that Sunjata will be visiting soon?" Frowning now, he readjusted the position of the books he had under his arm. "Care to explain that slight discrepancy to me?" Although it was phrased as a question, it very much wasn't, and the healer raised his eyebrows as he waited for the spymaster to explain. LOREN Not quite an open book

”I do.” The admission came softly, twisting as it was pulled from Peter. The tightness of his lips returned, spread over his whole face as Loren stepped closer, invaded his space in a way that made him grow stiff. This was dangerous in a way he hadn’t ever expected from Loren, in a way that made his eyes grow distant and his face go blank. Situations like this always caught Peter like a snare; he couldn’t lie, it was a betrayal, a disrespect, but he couldn’t be honest, didn’t have the trust in Loren to let himself be. Something had to give. ”I... I’ve been talking to Adam still.” Not a lie, not the truth, and followed up by Peter, bolder than ever before, leaning in. ”I don’t like this.” It’s clear, quietly upset despite his best efforts. Peter try, try your whole life to be righteous and good

Unfortunately for Peter, in Loren's current state, he didn't care that much about the spymaster's discomfort. However, when the other man revealed exactly who he'd been speaking to and why he didn't want to have this conversation, the healer raised his eyebrows. However, he also stepped out of the other man's space. Loren turned back to the stacks, almost bored and almost dismissively. "I see. And I understand." Not even looking back, his free hand trailed over the titles. "Well, luckily for you, I have no problems with your relationship. So I'm not the one you have to worry about." Pausing, he finally glanced over his shoulder at Peter. "You might want to figure out what, exactly, your priorities are, and talk to Adam about them, extensively, before this house of cards you've constructed comes tumbling down around your ears." Turning to face the adopted Launceleyn, some emotion bled back into the healer's expression. "Make the right choice, Peter. Don't...be like me. Don't wait too long to appreciate what you have, and fight for what you want." His eyes and voice were suddenly sad, and he shook his head to clear his mind of the bout of depression. LOREN Not quite an open book

Immediately, Peter felt like he’d stepped over a line, and wanted to shrink into himself, to step back. Loren made the space for him, stepping back, giving Peter a moment to breathe, to look over Loren again, taking in everything, fitting this into the picture of Loren in his mind. ”Thank you.” He said after a moment, the words uncertain. ”I... I’ll keep it in mind.” Worry returned to his face, brows pulling together. It was strange, Peter had spent the whole conversation wishing Loren would show something, some emotion, and now that he had, Peter was lost. Was uncomfortable. His hand came up, his scarred skin stretching as he hesitantly touched Loren’s shoulder. ”I hope... the bad is over soon. I... I’d like to talk, when... when you want. Um, properly, though.” Not whatever this conversation had turned into. ”I hope you... find your book too.” Peter nodded, then stepped away, leaving Loren alone in his depression, in the stacks of books, and somehow feeling like he was making the wrong choice with every step away. Peter out for the last time Peter try, try your whole life to be righteous and good