you’re looking to disappear

SUNJATA

the flood

anyway, you say you're too busy
saving everybody else to save yourself

“I spent some time bounding between beds to kind of cope with what happened, kept Saar safe. And one day I woke up and walked across a threshold to the kitchen and ended up in the Labyrinth where Lucas found me and invited me into the Advocates.” A brief pause, a retelling that’s almost as though he’s said them before. “I met Phoebe sometime later, and we went together until Lusea showed up. But I had gotten the blight and well… you basically know what happened after that.”

After a few moments, he turns his head to her. “So. It’s not the first time that things like this have happened to me.” He says quietly, shifting to face her, still unseeing fully but still reserved and hidden away. “And yet… It’s different because they were like brothers.” Brothers he’d never had, even Peters history aligned with Sunjatas in one way or another. And he hopes that Peter can find whatever peace he needed within Morts Realm for the things that had happened to him.

and you don't want no help, oh well
that's the story to tell

MAEA

Lucas. A name she hadn't heard in a while. The man had helped her gather up lost sheep once, and died in the Spire shortly after. An Ascended... and that was as much as Maea knew of the man. It felt strange to think that she had been surrounded by the Advocate's members for a long time without even knowing it. Been their friend, without ever learning of this secret connection... until now. When it was too late to let them in on the surprise.

He turned to face her, and Maea tried to wipe away her tears again. Realized, that she needn't have bothered; his eyes might be open but he didn't actually see her, still lost in his own grief. And Maea finally understood the weight he carried on his shoulders. So many lives lost. The boys in the Trial, his subordinates while working under his father. The members of his rebellion, his mother, Lusea... the person he'd been coaxed to marry, who had ended up a sacrifice to escape his father's clutches. Oh, she had washed the blood from his face but his hands were still soaked in it, dripping scarlet. He thought himself a monster... and perhaps she saw a glimpse of it now. The twisted darkness, the lengths to which he would go for those he loved, and to be free from oppression.

Phoebe was quite fortunate, that she had not pushed him over the edge. Who knows what might have happened, had their farce of a marriage dragged out too long?

And yet. And yet. As Maea searched his eyes, his face, for some kind of sign that he knew she was still there, she couldn't bring herself to feel afraid. Or blame him. Not even for this last disaster, where the consequences affected so many lives, brought on so much pain for more people than just Sunjata himself. Not so much a monster, but perhaps a walking natural disaster? A great Flood to occasionally strike the land, leaving change in its wake. For better or worse.

The girl blinked away the burning in her eyes, and nodded. Understood the difference, even though she didn't know the full story. This was his mother dying all over again. This was a Lusea class disaster, where his chosen family had been torn away from him, yet again.

And he thought it was his fault. And perhaps it was.

"Is there anything else I should know?" she asked him, very quietly. Ready to hear any other secrets he might have, to let him spill it all now, when they had the chance. This was the moment, if ever he'd needed one, to confess.

He had her full attention.

I'm bleeding out for you

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SUNJATA

the flood

anyway, you say you're too busy
saving everybody else to save yourself

Is there anything else? He thinks on it, teeth grinding ever so slightly despite the attention she gives him, he can’t look at her. His gaze faces the ceiling again. “The blight caused Phoebe to miscarry a child that would’ve been mine.” He begins, slowly, quietly. “So I felt like I owed her a lot, even when she attacked me while deep in the blight. I took her to Remi who put her in the jail. And then the blight started to get better for many but worse for me.” A pause as if he can search the ceiling for the answers.

“And I went to get her out of there, to ask if what she’d told me during the blight was true. And I panicked, when we got back to the clinic. I had been drinking, she gave me something to quell the panic, and that was the first time I cheated.” Because he hadn’t done it any time before – he had been loyal to Lusea until this place, until the blight, until drunkenness and relaxation tonics soaked in.

“After that… I had said I’d keep my distance, and I tried to but we’d always cross paths. She came to me in the Atheneum to tell me about the miscarriage and after that.. Well, Lusea died and I got close to Hotaru. And after Fiat Lux I wanted to help Phoebe because of her nephews, and that was the start of the wedding.” And she knows what happened after that – had likely seen Hotaru kiss him on his wedding day, seen how he hadn’t cared what Phoebe thought of everything, because she had forced him into that position, manipulated him into saying yes because she knew he’d say no.

The rest? Well, the rest was written here in moonlight and sand and blood, beaches and secrets crossed off for hints at something good. And perhaps that might help Maea understand why it terrified him, the idea of love. And perhaps it might also help her see that this time, this time, he thinks they might have a good shot. Provided he doesn’t go and destroy that as well any time soon.

and you don't want no help, oh well
that's the story to tell

MAEA

Well. There certainly was a bit more. Was it strange that the revelation of the unborn child hit her harder than the deaths of too many ten year old boys? Was it awful of her to care more about Hotaru's kiss at his wedding than blighted, drug-induced sex? Probably. But it hit so much closer to home, was somehow more personal because she knew the faces of these people, would see them walking around, talk to them... She recalled the conversation she'd had with Hotaru, the woman's light flirtations and the lingering hand as she'd called Maea beautiful. It had made her blush.

For a long time she lay silent, very still in the bed beside him. Her gaze traveled away from his profile, up into the ceiling, not quite seeing the rough structure of the building; a dull ache was building in her temples from the crying and her head was full of thoughts, scattered and confused. A bit overwhelmed.

"Is... this the part where I decide?" It was a quiet question, asked to the air; it was hard to tell what she might be thinking, her tone did not reveal anything. And still her face was quite impassive, unreadable. "To stay, or not..."

Maea turned her head back to look at him; her eyes were red and swollen but there were no tears there, no clues, no hints.

"What would be your best case scenario, Sunjata?" Tell me, let me know what you fear losing the most.

I'm bleeding out for you

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SUNJATA

the flood

anyway, you say you're too busy
saving everybody else to save yourself

“Yes.” He tells her simply, turning his head to finally look at her – to see that hidden away mask of unreadability. But he lets her have it just as he has his own masks to wear, burdens to bear. If she doesn’t want to let him in on what she’s thinking with all those revelations that lurked deep beneath the surface of what he’s done here since he arrived, then so be it.

He meets her gaze when she asks what his best case would be – and at this point? He feels like he doesn’t deserve a choice. He pushes people away when things get too hard, becomes a monster to those that he cares about most when he inevitably leads them down terrible paths of no return. Gods, he can’t even say ‘I love you’ anymore, as though the words taste like ash on his tongue, like memories of people he’d said them to long gone. Forever. Never to return.

So he inhales deeply, lips forming a fine line as he considers her question. “I want you to do what’s best for you.” He finally manages, hoarsely and equally as quiet. Haai, as if sensing the tension in the room sits up and places her head along the crook of Maea’s leg to peer at the two of them. “You know now… Why I can’t do certain things or say certain things. And you know that I make terrible decisions that get people killed time and time again.”

Some crack of clarity cuts through his gaze then, storms swirling as though this was the make or break it. “So I want you to choose and not think about me for it.” He looks back to the ceiling again, shutting his eyes tight and reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I’ll manage one way or another. But I don't want to force you to stay if you don't want to, if the shadows of my past and present scare you or threaten you. Or make you feel like you have to because of them like I'm sure Loren's mentioned at some point.” Because the summoner had also confronted him about how he spins tales of woe to get into beds, when that wasn't entirely true.

"So you decide." He wants her to stay, but only if she wants to. Already he's improved, he's kept her close instead of pushing away and diving deep into drink and smoke.

and you don't want no help, oh well
that's the story to tell

MAEA

Choose what was best for her. What made her happy. Her decision.

Maea closed her eyes. Lay quiet, with the warm weight of Haai's head on her knee. Sunjata was warm too, even though there was a distance between them where they lay, she could feel the heat radiate from his skin again. If she reached out a hand just a little, she would be able to touch him.

What did make her happy?

Sunshine peeking through clouds when it was still raining, so that the droplets splarkled and glistened like crystals in the air. The first frost, where mist had frozen onto ruddy leaves and coated them with ice. Lavender blooming in pots, the scent of the dried flowers strewn over clean linens. The peaceful quiet of the Atheneum, the feeling of old parchment under her fingers.

Reading books. Singing, dancing. The way her magic had formed a little galaxy in Rexanna's kitchen, of raindrop stars and wood-carved suns, and made the Queen smile. A tickle of pitch-dark rags by her ears as her god spoke to her.

A pair of gray eyes sparkling with wicked mischief at her, and the inked lines of feathers so elegantly etched into bronze skin.

"I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life," she said quietly. Draping an arm over her eyes, so she didn't have to look at anything but the images dancing before her inner eye. "I always did what others needed me to. The Loreseekers was the first choice I ever made for myself... and when my family disappeared, it was the only thing I had left. I thought... that working in the Aetheneum, and searching for secrets in distant lands would be the ultimate way to spend my days.

"It's why I sold the farm. Why I train. Why I wanted to go to the Academy... so that I could be as strong and capable as Jigano. He always knows what to do. Always have the answers, or know where to find them."

She shifted, scooted down a bit, and brought her free hand to Haai's head, fingers reaching for the soft fur. Seeking comfort, the feeling of something alive under her fingers.

"But lately... when I close my eyes and try to envision the future... all I see is you." Looking up, Maea gazed at Sunjata. The blankness of her expression faded into a half smile, a little puzzled, plenty amused. "It's... not what I'd ever expected. Or looked for. I never planned to leave my happiness in the hands of anyone but myself, and yet... when you're not there and I can't share it with you, nothing is quite as fun as it used to be."

Maea chewed on her lip, breathed in deeply.

"I.. really want to stay with you. It's... it's the only thing that makes sense anymore."

I'm bleeding out for you

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SUNJATA

the flood

anyway, you say you're too busy
saving everybody else to save yourself

The difference is that he doesn’t know what makes him happy. Sometimes it’s the bar, sometimes it’s training, sometimes it’s boxing. But nothing fills the hole that’s been there once before, that’s growing larger and larger with every passing moment, every event. Asking Safrin to Attune had brought happiness, had brought him the ability to shift himself into true wings to take him away, predators to fight back with, whale forms to swim as far into the ocean as he dared to go.

And yet… Now when he thinks about it, it’s all fear. He listens to her as she explains she never knew what she wanted to do, and he’s in the same boat. Though he doesn’t know what he wants. That had been another thing Loren had accused him of, not knowing what he wanted with his life. How could he decide when it shifted at the tip of a scale, too much weight added to one thing over the other that tipped them and flipped them and ruined any sort of plan at all?

It hadn’t been a plan to get this close to Maea, to agree to trying it out. And yet here he was, feeling far more than he ever anticipated, willing to change himself because of her – for her.

Haai takes the scratches with happiness, as much as the griffin can muster, head tilting into Maea’s hand as Sunjata tilts his head toward her as she tells him that all she sees is him. He can’t tell if it hurts or makes him feel better in the end. But then, then she tells him she wishes to stay, darkness and shadows and terrible thoughts and all of it. He sighs his own quiet, shuddering breath, getting over himself and his fears because at least now she knows.

He reaches for her then, to pull her close and against him, to rest his forehead along her own, to search her eyes with that hidden spark returning. Despite the half smile she had given him before, he can’t find it in him to reciprocate it. So he doesn’t, instead, focusing on her as if he’s memorizing her face. “Then… Please stay with me.” He manages, reaching up to brush her pale hair from her face. “And I’ll try.” Try to be better, to not make the same mistakes, to be different than he was.

He doesn’t know if it’ll work.

and you don't want no help, oh well
that's the story to tell

MAEA

He reached for her, and suddenly her heart was hammering in a chest that felt impossibly tight. He did not have to coax to bring her to him, Maea was there in a heartbeat, closing herself to him like a puzzle piece clicking in place. His head leaned in, forehead coming to rest against hers, and she searched his gaze as he did hers. The light within his eyes was so small, and so fragile, but it made her want to weep in relief. Like a single star, the first and the last... and maybe, just maybe, it meant he might find his way back. Out of the darkness, up from those shadowed depths.

'Please stay with me. And I'll try.'  

Maea breathed in, another deep, shuddering breath. He wasn't smiling, nor saying the words, but it sounded so much like a love confession to her all the same. It was in his eyes as he looked at her, in the fingers that brushed her hair away, in the promise he made, despite everything that really should have made it impossible to make.

Effort. It really was the lead word of the season. Effort and change.

She reached up to brush her fingers over his cheek, knuckles tracing the cheekbone in a tender caress. Happiness so fiercely strong in her despite all the sadness this day had brought. "I'll be here," she whispered. "No matter what, I'll always be by your side." Or at his back. Ahead of him, leading the way. Or in his arms. Wherever he needed her the most.

Maybe she wasn't quite strong enough to be his equal just yet... but Maea was working on it.

I'm bleeding out for you

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SUNJATA

the flood

anyway, you say you're too busy
saving everybody else to save yourself

She lets him pull her close, to search her face, to tuck her hair behind her ear and rest his shoulder along her neck. Inside, he’s still quiet, terrified, anxious, some part angry at the events of the day. At least now the numbness of it all takes over, the exhaustion combined from the task, the bath, the conversation, his emotions… It all feels like it leaves nothing within him. But she’s an anchor to hang onto, and she’s told him that she wants to stay.

Even knowing his shadows, his regrets, the thoughts that pang him late at night when things don’t go right and he takes them too close to heart.

He closes his eyes when she brushes her fingers over his cheek, listening to the whispered words. A confirmation, perhaps an understanding of what it might mean if she were to stay. But it’s something, at the very least. So he moves somewhat to pull her closer, to break that gap where he can rest his head along the crook of her neck, arms wrapping around her to pull her close against his chest. “Thank you.” A quiet whisper against her skin, nothing with any of the heat of before… Just… Quiet, empty, sad.

and you don't want no help, oh well
that's the story to tell

MAEA

She made a soft sound, half acceptance of his gratitude, half return of the sentiment. 'Anything for you', she wanted to say... but Sunjata pulled her in tighter against his chest and buried his face into her neck, and the words did not quite want to come out. So she just draped her arms around him, held him close and let the gentle fingers brushing through his hair do the talking for her.

If her blood heated a little at feeling his breath on her skin, she ignored it. Wasn't in the mood for anything but to lie there, wrapped up with him and breathe, think, just... absorb everything. Try to acclimatize herself to the fact that they were really, truly together now. Far more than they had been after the Midnight Gathering, their choices confirmed and restated...

It was a tragedy that it would take the deaths of two friends to bring them here, but despite all the grief Maea still smiled. Sad, tired, but a little more confident too. Something for something; it was the only constant in her world.

She didn't know how long they lay in silence, saying nothing, with Haai's bundled up form resting at her legs. But eventually her breaths slowed and evened out, and the arms around him relaxed their grip a little. Did not let go though, even as Maea drifted off to sleep.

For once, despite everything, she did not have a single nightmare.

I'm bleeding out for you

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SUNJATA

the flood

anyway, you say you're too busy
saving everybody else to save yourself

He wonders how he can manage to fall asleep after everything – but exhaustion sets in, her fingers running through his hair so softly, so rhythmic that it’s all he can focus on until he falls asleep as well. Though instead of the sweet nightmareless dreams Maea may have had, Sunjata dreamt… Well, nothing. Perhaps a bit of tossing and turning, shifting him here and there in the late hours of the night.

When the morning light begins to filter in, he wakes – breath hitching when he does, when he stares at the ceiling briefly and takes a sharp inhale of breath, heartbeat thundering in his chest and neck, pounding in his ears. He reaches up to rub at his eyes, recalling where he was, what happened, and feeling something… Different. Acceptance, perhaps? That what happened had happened, and that was the end of that?

They couldn’t bring them back anyway. He’s too emotionally tired to care much at all right now.

Haai is still fast asleep in the crook of Maea’s legs, sprawled out to take up half the bed with one wing sticking up in the air, and he turns his head in the pillows to spot the river of white hair peeking out from the blankets, recalling what had happened last night, that she’d truly remained. He’s not sure if it makes her naïve or his savior.

Still, he can’t help but to watch her sleep, so peacefully despite knowing everything about him, what had brought him here, why the version of him that remained in Korofi would still be in hiding or dead. He takes a deep breath, rubs at his neck for a split second, before he turns to her and drapes an arm over her pressing a kiss to her temple – somewhere internally, thankful she hadn’t left, surprised she stayed, imagining that he wouldn’t mind waking up like this in the morning, minus the dread and sorrow.

- FIN!

and you don't want no help, oh well
that's the story to tell