It's just the trauma talking

ashe They may say, "You're too small, you're too young to do it all," But you're a giant on the inside. They may say, "It's not enough, leave your dreams collecting dust," But there's a fire that you can't hide. Ashe shot Ronin a half-hearted glare at his remark; if there was anything Ashe had never been before, it was pudgy. Either always at peak condition or wasting away, Ashe had been too small since she was only five. She managed a half smile though with a huff, shaking her head. "On my toes?" she echoed haughtily. "You're right, I've gotta keep tiptoeing with you or I'll break you." She met his eyes a glimmer that hadn't been there in a while - a silent challenge. "Sunset then, what day? You pick the time and place and I'm there, Crab-Kicker." Her mother had said it well, and.. she was starting to get it. Starting to see. Ashe nodded thoughtfully then, taking a long and slow breath. "Landmines wouldn't hurt, but they rely on on that demon's movements - movements we don't know how to predict very well yet," she murmured, looking down at the table as she pictured the grotesque creature. She hadn't seen it when it first appeared, only after Mimora and MJ had run from it. "Better to draw it away and launch hits at it that way, unless we can flank it and funnel it to a certain place somehow, set a trap. Shit ton could go wrong with that though, not limited to being blown the hell up." She tapped her finger on the table before leaning forward in her chair again, bracing her arms against the wood She was thinking more on how they could snare the demon into some kind of immobility - her lightning had seemed at least temporarily effective against it, and if it didn't like fire...If they played this right, went in prepared, they could stand a chance. She was still thinking on the demon as Ronin confirmed his trust in the goddess, and she frowned slightly. All she wanted was for him to tell people about her? Ashe narrowed her eyes as she considered this. Safrin, she thought to herself again. Safrin, apparently now the patron goddess to her brother. Would she truly help them face the beast? "Forgotten gods are all I've ever known, in Northwind, Northaven, or otherwise," she said quietly, but she nodded. Maybe Ashe wasn't ready to trust in a goddess she never met or the divine deals of any sort... but she trusted Ronin. She took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter as she stretched her hand out, encouraging a now consistently hiccuping spider into her palm. She hadn't felt this.. this drive in so long. "Well then, lets hope she's on time when we need her." While Ashe wasn't particularly fond of the idea of gods at all, she would not turn down the help. As long as the price didn't end up being too steep to pay, else she would sort it out on her own. "We should start cross-referencing information on it, unless you started that already?" she said. She encouraged Soot absently back up her arm, keeping one hand hovering near his stumbling little form that nearly fell with every hiccup until he settled into her blue hood. "Who will you call on?" she thought of who she knew had been around the beast. "Koel, Remi I know would have help to give.. Ro I don't even know the hunters you've got under you." Gods, she was missing so much.

Ronin bounced his eyebrows right back at Ashe, meeting her challenge with a mix of playfulness and anticipation. He had no doubt that the Assassin in Blue would hand his ass to him, especially now that he wasn't training the Guard every day (and running himself ragged and hating himself, but hey whatever), but he was still looking forward to it. "Certainly. Tomorrow evening, meet me here. There's a space out back we can use." Or there would be, as soon as Ronin cleared it all up. But training with Ashe would light a fire under him to make sure he got it done, right? His brow furrowed as they continued to discuss the pros and cons of explosives, Ronin sighing and nodding in agreement with the small woman's points. "No, you're right. We ought to draw it away to launch our attacks at it. Landmines are too dangerous, and so are traps when it's so unpredictable. Perhaps Remi could make us some simple projectiles that would detonate on contact with the creature? That seems like the most simple way to get this done." He recalled using similar contraptions in his capture-the-flag training in Northaven. If anyone could reproduce that here it would be Remi. Ronin smiled warmly and shrugged as Ashe spoke of old and forgotten gods; he could hardly disagree, not having held much faith in anything back in Northaven. Things changed though, evidently. "I believe she will be," he told her with quiet certainty. "I have no reason to believe otherwise, after all. So with a little luck and a little faith, we might go into this next fight with a trick up our sleeve." And from their previous encounter with the creature, they'd need all the tricks they could get. He nodded as she spoke about cross-referencing their information. "I met a native of this place, Rory, and Remi wrote down everything he had to say about the monster. I'll call a meeting in the next few days, see if we can find out anything further. Then, I guess... it'll be time to make a plan." That made it all sound very real, but Ronin couldn't exactly put this off. Who would he call on, though? "Right now I have Edrei Launceleyn, and... Alistair." He shrugged. "But I was hoping I might have you, too." RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

ashe They may say, "You're too small, you're too young to do it all," But you're a giant on the inside. They may say, "It's not enough, leave your dreams collecting dust," But there's a fire that you can't hide. Ashe smirked and sat back in her chair with a sharp nod. Back here? ”You’re on,” she accepted, eyes faintly glinting in the candlelight. Training with Ronin back in Northaven fell in with some of her favorite memories of the place. She nodded then and tapped her finger on the table. ”Explosive on contact I can work with,” she agreed, and a spark of blue jumped at her fingertip as it touched down on the wood. She knew Remi would surely have ideas, and she wondered what he could come up with in combining magical attacks with those of one of his creations. What kinds of possibilities were there? And if Ronin was right about this goddess of his, then all the better. She wasn’t going to count on things like gods and the divine, but she’d be happy for any advantage. Ashe kept her gaze steady on him. Rory. She didn’t recognize the name, but she commit it to memory anyways. A meeting.. she felt something in her blood spark, and she took a slow breath. It felt good to talk this way, and she still felt whatever spike of determination had struck her. She wanted that barrier down, and she had a sharp instinct telling her that eliminating that demon would be the first step. She needed more information on it, real information. This meeting would be good for that… He listed who he could call upon, the hunters that joined him, and Ashe froze. Her eyes flashed up to the reluctant sound of her ex-husband’s name, and something in her gaze cracked. Right. Of course Alistair was one of the bounty hunters. He and Ronin were friends, it made sense.. but Ronin wanted her to join his guild? ”Ronin,” Ashe started reproachfully, and she cast her gaze downwards. She chewed the inside of her lip as she reached for her flask again, drinking deeply before she let it rest on the table between her hands. Near empty, but she didn’t think too much on it. Instead she finally looked up at the guildmaster, brows pulled together as her fingernail dug at the leather strap of her flask. ”I will fight this demon, Ronin. I’ll be there whenever you need me, I’ll fight to get that barrier down, but I..” She paused and glanced down to the table, her jaw feathering. ”He’s free of me, Ronin. Let it stay that way.”

"I'll be sure to have a whisper in Remi's ear, then," Ronin murmured, grinning at Ashe. "Right after I rub your face into the dirt tomorrow." It likely wasn't going to pan out that way, but hey - Ronin could dream, right? Ashetta wasn't the only one who had enjoyed keeping her skills sharp, and it was probably their rigorous training regime that had helped him improve enough to attain the role of captain in the first place. In the cosy light of the guildhall, speaking frankly like this, it really did feel like old times. The difference was that Ronin actually felt that something was going to come of the meeting he planned to arrange. He had been expecting a much worse reaction than he had gotten, in truth, as he brought up Alistair. The guildmaster's eyes softened, Ronin glancing away briefly as Ashe turned to her flask to deal with the reality presented before her. He shrugged off her reproachful tone, reaching out to slide the flask away once she was done with it, setting it to the side of the table. He cupped her hands between his own, gazing up again to meet her eyes. "It is not your job," he said warmly, "to make him free of you. That is his path to walk. You can let him walk it without cowering at every small sight of him." Ronin sighed, dropping all pretenses and squeezing her hands. "You are one of the most skilled women I have ever met, Ashe. And I have the pride of calling you something close to a sister. Now do your big brother a favour and stop trying to disappear. You are needed here. More than that, you are wanted." RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

ashe They may say, "You're too small, you're too young to do it all," But you're a giant on the inside. They may say, "It's not enough, leave your dreams collecting dust," But there's a fire that you can't hide. Ashe let out a long sigh through her nose as her flask was set to the side, and before she could figure out what to do with her hands, Ronin clasped them within his. She stared down hard at their hands before she glanced upwards to meet the bounty hunter’s rich blue eyes. Her throat constricted, but she made herself hold his gaze. She knew she was skilled, of course she did - she was one of the best - but needed? Wanted? It wasn’t as if her family, Ronin included, didn’t know why Alistair had left her. If he was still close to them, then surely he told them all about how terrible she was to him. It was hard to fathom why any one of them would want her after that. She had been exactly the opposite of everything a wife was supposed to be. And that wasn’t even speaking to how she was with everything else she ever touched. Ashe swallowed past the lump in her throat and shook her head, glancing upwards with a bitter sort of smile. ”Do I not owe him that?” she said before turning her eyes down to Ronin once more. ”I fucked him over right? He hates me. Least I can do is stay out of his life.” She heaved a breath and glanced sidelong at her flask, but made no move to retrieve it. She worried her lower lip in her teeth as she struggled against the tightness in her chest. ”I thought staying out of everyone else’s lives was what was best too,” she admit softly, turning her eyes to the candlelight. She stayed silent for a moment, eyes prickling. Wanted. She looked back up at Ronin as she went on. ”I thought if everyone just forgot me, let go of me, it would be better…” Ashe shook her head, releasing a soft sigh as her shoulders slumped. Thinking on her last few weeks. ”I’m starting to see I was wrong. I’m… I’m trying to come back. I want to come back, but I..” She trailed off and furrowed her brow in thought. ”I’m no bounty hunter. I don’t belong with your hunters. I will fight this demon, one way or another, I will help you take it down. You’re my brother, I will never hesitate to fight at your side. You can always count on me for that, Ronin, but I.. can’t do this.” She gestured vaguely to the guildhall around them, presumably referring to joining a guild. ”Not now. Maybe not ever.”

"Yeah, you fucked him over Ashe. Own it, though. That's what being an adult is all about - you fucked up, you made a mistake and you hurt someone who didn't deserve it. Now straighten your back and promise yourself you'll do better." Ronin frowned at her, though his gaze was soft and his hands over hers were warm. He didn't have time for bullshit on the best of the days, and Ashetta was the last person he would pander to. He snorted and shook his head. "You only hurt people more by trying to sneak off quietly into the sunset. You and I both know you didn't do it for them - you did it because you were a coward. We've both been there, shutting people out because we didn't want to hurt them." Or because they didn't think they were worth anything. Or that anyone deserved to be troubled by their stupid problems. But Ronin had grown, he knew better, and he was determined to help Ashe through this too. So as she continued to speak, he heard her out - and slowly, he nodded in understanding. Not joining a guild because Alistair was a lot different to not joining because it didn't suit her. "I'll make you a deal, then," he murmured, giving her hands another squeeze before letting them go at last. "You train with me every day at sunset here, like we used to. Every day, yeah?" He smiled. "And once a week, you come and sit in here with me and I'll keep you up to date with what's happening - with the guild, with that monster, with anything new or anything I might need help with. You in?" RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.

ashe They may say, "You're too small, you're too young to do it all," But you're a giant on the inside. They may say, "It's not enough, leave your dreams collecting dust," But there's a fire that you can't hide. Ashe held Ronin's gaze, her jaw feathering as she listened. Somewhere deep down, she knew she wasn't protecting anyone. She was hiding. While she did believe there was nothing in her that was worth anyone's love, that she wasn't sure how to trust people with parts of her even she didn't understand... she feared the horror. The disgust. The contempt. They knew she was was an infamous killer, but gods, they didn't know. How could anyone? How was it she could ever hope to explain what her life had been, what she had been raised to be? Ashe just nodded, unable to form the right words to truly respond to him. She didn't know how to explain herself, not beyond what he already had. It didn't matter why she had been hiding - she had been. Maybe she still didn't know how to open herself up to anyone, maybe she would never be able to live life the way any of them did, but they wanted her. At least, Vai and Ronin did, and Remi had been asking after her.. Did she have the right to try and tell them not to care? She squeezed his hands in return before he released them, and she folded her arms over themselves as she leaned forward against the table. She let out a long and slow breath, and a small smile spread over her lips. She hadn't realized how much she missed her time with Ronin until just then, and she found herself eager for the following day. She was starting to get back into her regular regiments of staying fit, jogging in the mornings and following a schedule of working out - regularly training with Ronin again sounded more than ideal. And.. sitting with him, talking to him? Maybe she would never be ready to talk about the details of her life or ever forgive herself for what she did to Alistair, but she missed Ronin. She missed her mother, and Remi... Devrum, though she feared facing him under threat of death. "I don't know what my life is now," Ashe admit. "I haven't known since I took care of my Master, I didn't really know before that. What I thought it was supposed to be is just... not something I can fit into. And everything is different.." She straightened in her chair, and she still didn't understand where her sudden confidence came from, why she felt so sure now. "But...I want to make you fit into different. I'm in." Everything had changed, and she had begun piecing together a life she didn't quite understand yet, a life she knew would never fit into the realm of "normal"... but that didn't mean she couldn't have Ronin or the others in that world of otherness that she lived in.

Ronin flashed her a bright grin as she said she was in - if that was all she could manage then that was enough for him, for now. Because of course the guildmaster still had plans for his talented sister. Of course he did. But Ashetta needed time, and in truth so did the guild. It didn't look like they were going anywhere, after all... speaking of which... "If you haven't noticed, Ashe, we were all dropped into this ruin of a place. None of us know what our lives are now, and we're all trying to figure it out." It was just easier for some of them, apparently. "I can fit into different. I managed it for myself back in Northaven, and here actually seems a bit easier." He chuckled, reaching across to clasp her shoulder warmly, standing up from his seat so he could lean in and plant a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Now let's enough of this morose talk. I'll show you around, including the place where I'll hand your ass to you tomorrow. Come on." Ronin would step out from the table, stretching mightily and proceeding to give Ashetta the grand tour of the place and its grounds. It felt good, just to walk and talk with her again, like old times. He felt, perhaps, that he could shoulder some of that weight she was carrying. If only for a little while. {END THREAD} RONIN Darkness is a funny thing. It creeps up on you.