From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
He could hide the glow of the magic, but not its effect. It still prickled and itched inside her as it burned away the illness. Made her gasp and shudder when it reached her lungs, and grit her teeth as it expelled rancid tears from her eyes, fixing them too. Maea glared at Loren, offended that he took away her choice by not even asking if she needed the help... but it was too late, already done.
When he shifted to sit beside her, to put his arm around her, she remained where she was. Stiff and unresponsive, though at least she tolerated the touch. Barely.
"Isn't this where you are supposed to stop me?" she wondered, wearily. "Say 'oh no, don't do that to yourself, it won't fix anything'?" She supposed it was nice of him to say she didn't have to pretend, that she could be whoever she wanted... "Does that include being a hateful bitch who uses magic to force a kiss on someone?"
His question whether she still wanted to be the Loreseeker just earned a shrug. "Can't say anything really excite me right now. I don't have anything else I want more, is all. Might as well stick to it. Better than nothing."
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren didn't push Maea, just held her gently, ignoring her glares and the way she stiffened. Shrugging slightly, he shook his head. "Why would I do that? It might help, and it'd be rather hypocritical of me to tell someone not to sleep around." He gave her a faint grin, though his cheeks flushed slightly with embarrassment.
However, his eyes widened in surprise when she mentioned forcing a kiss. "What?" Despite his best efforts, he couldn't keep his dismay entirely out of his voice.
Sighing, he nodded sadly. "That's alright. Better than nothing will do just fine." Giving her an understanding look, he glanced at her tea. "Come on, drink up."
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
Turning her eyes on him, Maea considered his face. The blush, the grin, the calm casual way he talked about it, like it wasn't something to ache and scream about. And she was made quite aware of how close they sat, of his arm around her shoulders... and it made her look away. Frowning. Leaning slightly away. "I suppose it would be."
His reaction to her comment earned him a shrug in return. A twist of her lips that could have been a smile, but seemed far too dark and bitter for something like that. "You heard me. What, you thought this was all his fault? That I'm some pure, sweet, innocent bird who got her wings singed? Don't give me that crap. You've seen me angry, you think I was any nicer to Sunjata than I was to you?"
Maea pulled herself free from his grip and from Astra clinging to her side, their close proximity stifling. Standing up, she rolled her eyes at his insistence to drink the tea - like it would help - and took the cup, downed the cold, thawed-once-frozen contents in a single draft, then set the porcelain down on the tray with a clatter.
"He's got every right to be angry with me, Loren. He might have started all this by saying he wanted a break, but I fucking broke it by questioning everything, and losing my temper. I pushed him around until he lost his temper - which he hates - and then I called him a whore who sells his body for cheap loyalty, and forced a kiss he didn't want."
Maea had begun to wander the room, eyes roving restlessly over shelves and jars, staring blindly at labels - there was something familiar about the handwriting, but she couldn't place what or why - with her fists clenched by her sides.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
As Maea pulled away, Loren let her move away easily enoguh Astra was happy to have the Loreseeker closer anyway, and the healer smiled as the luxere shifted slightly to allow the pale woman to snuggle. His own eyes lifted to Maea's as she grew agitated and he sighed. "No." Shrugging, he shook his head a little. "I rarely think anything in a relationship is one person's fault."
Letting her go easily enough (though Astra bleated) he tracked the Loreseeker as she down the tea. Rising to his feet, he padded cautiously behind her. When she finished speaking, he bit his lip. "So you both said some things in anger, and you, at least, regret them. What are you going to do about it now?" He crossed his arms, the hesitancy gone from his voice and his posture.
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
It irked her to have him follow behind her. Loren's presence was an itch between her shoulders, a weight she couldn't shake, comforting and annoying all at the same time. Just like his prodding questions. Constantly poking fingers into the wound, demanding answers she didn't have.
"There's probably nothing I can do, at this point," she muttered through clenched teeth. Her temper simmered beneath the surface, churning and roiling just like the storm outside. If only she could unleash it. The temptation to break the jars was immense. "I apologized in the letter I sent. Probably did a shit job of it, because I meant most of the things I said to him, and I can't take them back. And you saw what he wrote; he's not even trying to mend anything. All that's left is waiting. For him to calm down, for me to stop chewing it over, for him to drag his ass here... and hope that maybe one of us will have an answer by the time he does."
Between the daydreaming of better times before things broke, the pangs of awful, unbearable pain and this kind of restless, impotent rage, Maea had to wonder if things could ever really be the same again. The rose-colored shimmer that had settled over their days since the festival was gone, the shattered pieces of illusions laid before their feet. She had seen Sunjata at his worst, he'd seen her too, and all the promises she'd ever made felt like so much ash on her tongue.
"It's not really up to me, in the end. He wanted the break, he doesn't believe this will work, and I'm not sure he ever really wanted the same things as I. For all that he said that he wanted to try being with me, even though he claims to love me... can there even be a middle ground?"
Stopping, Maea wrapped her arms about herself and sighed, halfway into a hiss. Shoulders hunched, eyes to the floor. Shii had stopped trying to remain on her shoulder and drifted away, dimmed to a sulky blue hue that hardly cast any shadows.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
As Maea spoke, as the words feel from her lips, Loren pressed his own lips together. Eyes tracking Shii as the will o wisp departed, the healer clasped his hands in front of him. "So what are you doing to find the answer?" He stepped closer to her, his eyes narrowing slightly. "If he's not willing to meet you halfway, then no, there can't be a middle ground." It came out bluntly, and his expression had lost some of the kindness and softness.
He gestured after the departing will o wisp. "But that doesn't mean everything is over for you. Even if this break is a full breakup, there's a whole world out there waiting for you." Nostrils flaring, he crossed his arms. "And there are still those who care for you and rely on you."
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
At the changing tone of his voice, Maea turned towards Loren. A brow raised when she saw his expression, his face and eyes hardening.
"Why are you getting angry?" she asked, puzzled by his shifting attitude. "I'm here right now, confiding in you, aren't I? I've not dropped any of my duties or broken any promises to anyone. Am I not allowed to question and doubt what happens in my life, just like everyone else?"
Pursing her lips, Maea folded the arms under her chest. "As for what I'm doing to find answers... what am I supposed to do, besides think? Jump into bed with someone just to find out if it's as awful as I think it would be?"
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren let out a huff of laughter at Maea’s question. ”I’m not angry. Trust me, you’d know if it was angry.” However, he did tilt his head to the side and give her a pointed look. ”You’re allowed to question. Of course you are. I'm just a bit miffed that you seem to be rejecting everything I’m doing to try and provide something comfort, that's all.” Though his time was mild, he raised his eyebrows, as if daring her to contradict the fact that she was being difficult.
”You could do that. Orrrrr,” reaching out, he rested his hand on her shoulder, ”you could come cry on my shoulder, and then get a good night’s rest.” The suggestion came out softly, and he wasn’t going to press the issue.
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
Her jaw shifted, stubborn and annoyed and... perhaps a little guilty. Maea's eyes flickered across the room, searching for arguments, and found none. "Well... back at you, I suppose," was all she could think to say. A little grumpy, though without conviction; Loren had been difficult too, when she tried to cheer him up. So it was only fair he should feel the other end of that.
Still. Maea didn't intend to be difficult. "I just... don't have any answers to the questions you ask," she admitted weakly. "I don't know what I want, or what to do, or... anything. The only thing I see when I close my eyes is the expression on his face just before he left..."
She didn't move away when Loren reached for her yet again. His offer to cry was met with a sidelong glance, and a twist of the mouth that might have been meant as a smile. "I don't know.. haven't done anything but cry the past days. I might never stop if I let it out."
The girl did lean into the hand on her shoulder, though. Took a half step into Loren's space, and let her head fall forward, to lean her forehead against the top of his chest. Like most men around Maea, he was more than a head taller than her.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Letting out a huff of laughter, Loren rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Fair. Sorry about that." He gave Maea an apologetic and understanding smile. "So let's both try to do better?" It came out tentatively.
His smile slipped away when she continued speaking. "That's okay." He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "You don't have to have all the answers. Not now, not ever. And if you just want to vent, I will stand here and listen."
As she moved into him, he brought up his hands. One rested on the back of her head and the other on her upper back. Holding her gently, he made soothing noises. "You don't have to stop." Speaking quietly, he just stood there, waiting for her to respond in whatever way she needed or wanted.
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
What could she say to that? Or do, except nod? He was right, she had been fighting back against his efforts to soothe and help. "I can try," she sighed. Hated the word, as it had become synonymous with Sunjata's half hearted attempts at changing without actually putting in any effort. "I'm sorry. I just hate feeling weak. It's part of what I want to change most. Always leaning on others to fix my problems."
And yet here she was again. Leaning. With arms around her that wasn't Sunjata's. It didn't matter much that Loren was acting the friend, Maea still felt a stab in her chest, as if she was somehow betraying something. Ridiculous, because she was allowed to hug whoever she wanted. Had before without any problems, and yet...
And yet.
"It was all going so well," she said, voice quieting. A little muffled as she spoke into his chest, not looking up. A small, pale hand reached up, to take hold of the back of his shirt. "The day was beautiful, and he looked happy. More than I have seen in so long. The house... it was perfect, Loren. I could really see us there. Living." With each word, the fight left her. The anger, the belligerence, the seething annoyance... it was all a facade to shield against the ceaseless onslaught of pain.
"I-I really... wan-wanted it t-to work..!"
And just like that, the floodgates were breached. Maea began to cry, those same quiet, shuddering tears Loren had been faced with on a rooftop not so far away. But as the grief overcame her again, the sobs became harder, more desperate, until she let out an agonized sound and buried her face fully against Loren, clinging to him like she might crumble if she let go. Or if he did.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Sighing, Loren rubbed Mae'as back in what he hoped was a soothing and reassuring way. "I know this is hypocritical coming from me, but it's not weak to lean on people every now and then. Everyone needs help sometimes, and it's far from always in your case." His voice was soft, and he did his best to make sure there wasn't anything but a supportive tone to the words.
Smiling sadly as she revealed the future she'd been dreaming of, he nodded. "I know." He didn't move to release her as she finally started crying in earnest. All he did was begin to stroke her hair gently. Continuing to hold her, he made sure that he was just there for her.
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
In the end, it was difficult to say if it helped. The crying. Maea had cried like a child in Sunjata's arms when he told her he needed time away, to figure himself out. She had cried bitter tears into her pillow in the long nights ever since he left her on the cliffs of Aumakua, to find her own way back from the shattered remnants of that dream. Now she stood here, crying once more, and possibly the only good thing that came out of it was letting Loren feel needed, and making her tired. It certainly did nothing to lessen the grief or the pain she felt.
It took time for the sobs to abate. A long time. But the soothing strokes over her hair kept Maea from trying to break it off on her own, from pulling away to bite it all back down and give him a chance to withdraw. With all that selfish willfullness, she took full advantage of Loren's offer of sympathy, and cried until there were no more tears left in her.
And then, she just stood there. Leaning against the healer, sniffling. Her shoulders occationally shuddering as breaths hitched and caught, the hiccuping sobs of a child... because Maea was too exhausted to care about holding herself together at this point.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
All Loren did was just hold Maea. He didn't shift an inch as she sobbed into his chest. Continuing to stroke her softly, he kept his other hand on her back, just pulling her in close. Astra got up from the bed and trotted over, pressing herself against the Loreseeker's thigh and bleating softly. However, neither he nor his companion did anything to stop the pale woman from crying for as long and as much as she needed to.
As her sobs abated though, he shifted his weight slightly. Bending his knees, he lifted Maea up in a secure position, holding her against her chest. Thankfully, it was a short distance to the nearest cot, and he laid her gently on it, before sitting on the edge. Astra climbed up and settled next to the Loreseeker once more.
