(SE) twist the knife, break my heart, put it back

SUNJATA

the flood

'cause we might as well be blind,
if seeing is believing, this parable's misleading

A knowing nod is given her way at the mention of fabric, making way for the comment of him not questioning it on the off chance she takes the option away. His brows raise and he snorts lightly to that, mimicking keeping his lips shut as he picks between the glass offerings – something far better than what he could imagine originally having used. But he gives her the tar she seeks as a binding agent, settling while he focuses on the glass he picks and the color scheme to go with it – picking out the shells him and Haai had found.

Mostly similar color schemes, those greys and hints of blue shells that remind him of the Launceleyn’s eyes. But he listens as his question reaches her, for the thoughts that swirl within that head of hers, steel gaze slipping over to focus on her as he pauses in his approach to the lantern’s artistry. She’s done a fairly amazing job, and he purses his lips a small amount to keep from frowning quite so hard. So he nods to her, offering a soft hint of a smile. “I think you’ll manage it.” He tells her gently, focusing on the lantern she’s working on. “He must have gotten your eye for creating things, hm?” A moment while his gaze slips toward her before he focuses on his lantern again.

After a moment of thought of what his base could be, he picks out a few different types of shells that are flatter, that could be layered over each other in a sense of bat wings – pale like Peter’s shift had been. And he pauses briefly, brows drawn together as he sits back in the seat a small amount, reaching out to any bats that might be in the abandoned homes of Haulani.

He manages to find two that flutter their way through the light to the dimness of the boxing ring, one that sits along the top of the table while Sunjata has Haai grab a bit of fruit from the back edge, bringing it over to give the bat something to munch on. The other hangs from a rafter, steel gaze lifting to look and see how it folds its wings, before he begins to replicate it to recreate the base – studying the bat both on the table and the one at the rafter. “Peter didn’t really talk much, but I think he watched and understood a lot more than people gave him credit for. He’d… Been through a lot, really.” He says with a light frown, gaze focusing on the lantern and avoiding Hotaru. “Not unlike my own upbringing, which he never deserved to deal with any of that. I felt like he was just, good. Maybe he had to do some bad things now and then but it didn’t change him.” Somehow it feels weird to say aloud, something stumbling as he focuses on the lantern to swallow the words he wants to say – something about how Peter was better than he was just because of that fact alone.

you've got your shotgun loaded with excuses
— that you'll fire in vain —
but those 12 rounds just won't do

Hotaru

His support and faith is a balm to her aching soul, and she takes a steadying breath before giving him a small smile. "I'm glad you think so. Though he was always the creator, I didn't start until after our home was destroyed. I probably got it from him realistically." She believes she has done her son proud in that way, that she has learned so quickly and even incorporated it into her daily life and business. At least, she hopes so.

Her thoughts are disrupted by the sudden appearance of...bats? They flutter in on quiet, leathery wings as she lifts her eyes to watch their flight. Hotaru hadn't known Peter well, certainly not enough to know his shifts, but she assumes that's what they're for. Inspiration. Curious creatures, ones she hasn't had the chance to observe at such close range, and she takes the time to do so as Sunjata begins to speak. Hearing how his voice stutters, she can assume what he means to say but chokes back, and regrets that he still thinks so badly of himself. "The world isn't fair, always taking better people than us. The idea that he is hopefully at peace now...it's the best we can cling to." Something she does hope for, no matter how briefly she'd known the man. Something she can't do for herself in regards to Ru'in.

I'm ready to hope, swing me out of the low
Wide awake in the glow, I can't do this alone

SUNJATA

the flood

'cause we might as well be blind,
if seeing is believing, this parable's misleading

“So then his memory lives on with everything you make.” He announces easily, a smaller smile crossing his face to that before it fades and he focuses on the bats that enter as inspiration. Things grow quiet while he stutters over his thoughts, shifting them over his tongue in such a way that causes him to swallow back his own dread and drowning thoughts. It’s been better lately – since meeting Maea, since moving on a small amount, though his thoughts continue to race back to things that could have been and how he’d affected everyone around him.

Most notably, the way Deimos had uttered words that could have come from his own father for all he knew.

Her comment makes it easier to swallow down, however, his gaze not leaving the bat that nibbles on the piece of fruit. “Him and Adam were together when they both died. I think Adam was the only thing that ever made him truly happy… I’m glad they got to go together.” He offers, trailing off once more with another deep set pang of regret at the thought – of how he had tried when Lusea had died the first time.

Would things have been better? He’s not sure. But the base of the lantern seems completed, bat wings swirling down and he sits back to let it dry while his gaze flickers up toward Hotaru. “Something to strive for, hm?” He says quietly – to be truly happy by the time the end finally comes. A goal he unknowingly has, yet knows he’ll more than likely break it.

you've got your shotgun loaded with excuses
— that you'll fire in vain —
but those 12 rounds just won't do

Hotaru

"That's what I hope for," she admits candidly. "Kiada is the one burdened with the quest of freeing his soul from the LongNight monsters...it's the least I can do to keep his memory alive while she tries her best." No matter how bitter and hateful she feels over her own uselessness, her weakness that keeps her from assisting Kiada in freeing her son's soul and allowing him the rest he so deserves in the afterlife. Still she strives to grow stronger in the hopes that perhaps she can be called upon to help someday as so many of her family have.

She's not alone in that connection, that protectiveness. Though Hotaru hadn't known that Adam and Peter were connected in such an emotional way, she can't help but agree that it had been a small blessing in those last moments. "I am too." Though she's not fully educated on Mort's realm and how it differs from the afterlife she'd known in Helovia, there always seems to be a unifying idea of peace when your soul passes to the beyond. As her gaze is drawn to Sunjata's progress, she feels her heart ache at his words. Turning away, she begins gently gluing the glass to the metal base, holding it still until it becomes tacky and ready to hold.

"Strive for? Yes. Achieve? Sometimes I think I'm too jaded to find that again, much less keep it until such a dire moment." Hotaru isn't in the habit of lying to Sunjata, and she certainly isn't going to start now. Even if it makes her sound pathetic.

I'm ready to hope, swing me out of the low
Wide awake in the glow, I can't do this alone

SUNJATA

the flood

'cause we might as well be blind,
if seeing is believing, this parable's misleading

His fingers still at the lantern at the mention of Kiada’s name, gaze focusing a bit more on the lantern to hear the intertwinings of what Hotaru considers family. Ironic, considering his own little bit of family he has left absolutely despises the girl. There’s a small hum that leaves his throat, torn between supporting Melita in her frustrations and angers at the girl, to realize she’s suffered just as much pain and to support Hotaru as well.

So he continues the work, offering the bat another small bite to eat. “Kiada. She’s Dorobian, isn’t she? They're known as warriors of a sort.” He muses thoughtfully. “When I fled Korofi after Lusea’s first death, that’s where I hid out with my sister.” His fingers, despite their size, work fairly well to keep things somewhat together. “Melita told me she spoke the language. I could teach you some if you wanted to give her some support when she needs goes on her quest?” A quick glance toward Hotaru with a quiet raise of his brow to that before he focuses on settling and speaking of Adam and Peter.

Of course, the conversation grows a bit darker there – neither of them lying to each other. And he swallows hard as he nods in understanding, a quiet hum of a laugh leaving him to that. “I’m currently in the middle of doing the same stupid shit I do when someone gets too close.” A heavy sigh to that, knowing Hotaru would know he means pushing them away.

you've got your shotgun loaded with excuses
— that you'll fire in vain —
but those 12 rounds just won't do

Hotaru

Instinctively Hotaru's shoulders tighten at the knowledge he displays, that fierce maternal instinct rearing its head at the notion of Kiada's secrets or past being known to anybody but her family. She knows Sunjata is a good man, despite his nonstop efforts to make everyone think otherwise. Even so, she'd forsake him in a moment for Kiada without hesitation. As he speaks however the tension unwinds, her initial reaction giving way to the more stable forces of logic and trust. "Yes, she is." There's no point in denying it if he already knows. Though her head cocks slightly at the name, mind whirring. At one point she'd memorized every name she ever came into contact with, and she'd been held prisoner in the Throat for quite a while. It certainly sounds familiar. "Melita...I feel I know that name." Murmured more to herself than anything, though she doesn't mind if his sharp ears catch the words.

His offer nearly makes her fingers trip over themselves as she attaches a piece of sea glass to the base of the lantern. She remembers Rexanna's romance with Tembovu, the way she'd tried so hard to learn the language, and how the twins had been brought up to learn both tongues. It's a large gesture for Hotaru to say the least. "I'd...yes, I'd really like that. Thank you." So stunned she can't even tease him, reduced to her base sincerity.

It wipes away quickly enough, turning to rolled eyes and frustration that flits briefly over her pretty face. "Is it Maea?" Her time with the woman had been illuminating, and she knows Maea had lived in the bar for a significant amount of time. "You know I don't mince words Sunjata. You're acting foolish. If you are not ready to release Lusea from your heart - and I will not be the one to judge you if you are not - then at least have the decency not to drag others hearts into it. You're only casting your pain onto them, which you'd think you'd want to prevent since you know how it feels." Despite their actions, she still loves Ashamin and Thranduil. Perhaps she always will. But she has been open and honest with everyone she has entangled herself with so far, Sunjata included. He clearly needs to do the same, or at least be honest sooner. Breaking Mara's heart will only further piss Hotaru off, she's rather find of the girl after all.

I'm ready to hope, swing me out of the low
Wide awake in the glow, I can't do this alone

SUNJATA

the flood

'cause we might as well be blind,
if seeing is believing, this parable's misleading

A slight brow lifts at the mention of knowing Melita before something clicks. He almost laughs, shaking his head. “She’s from Helovia.” He offers quietly, rolling the word over his tongue in such a strange way with his accent. “Dragon’s Throat, I think it was?” Another quiet addition before he lets the bats go to flit up the ceiling and continue their nap. “She’s sort of my niece in a way. Her father was engaged to my sister before he arrived there.” A brief purse of his lips as he regards Hotaru. “I thought I killed him when we fled Korofi but apparently I didn’t.” A brief shrug of his shoulders before his offer is on the table to teach her a few words.

The sincerity of it relieves some of the tension in his soul and as the base of the lantern becomes solid enough to add the glass to it, he spends a moment to add the tar to it and wait until it’s tacky before applying the pressure of adding it in. “It’s a very unique language.” He rumbles thoughtfully. “I’m teaching Melita Korofi at the moment. Should be easy to slip some lessons toward you too.” He offers with a light tease.

But then the smile falters as Hotaru replies to his comment about pushing people away, suggesting exactly who it is and he inhales deeply, applying pressure to the lantern while he chews on the inside of his lip. “It is Maea.” He agrees once she’s done speaking before shaking his head, steel gaze narrowing on the lantern. “I thought… I honestly thought I might have been ready. But things moved pretty fast and I got antsy and we both got too drunk one night and realized I wasn’t.” He clenches his jaw to that. “Getting attacked by Deimos though certainly put some things into perspective. Sounded just like my father.” He doesn't deny having deserved it, but the words after still stuck with him.

you've got your shotgun loaded with excuses
— that you'll fire in vain —
but those 12 rounds just won't do

Hotaru

Hotaru snaps her fingers softly as soon as he mentions the Throat, a certain smugness coming to her visage at having at least recognized the name. "Aw, she was just a babe when I first came across her." Though she certainly isn't expecting the ties between Sunjata and Melita as they're summarily revealed. It only makes her all the more curious about the different worlds they've all come from, how closely they move in tandem, and how The Voice manages to pluck people from their homeland. "I'm glad she has you here at least. I can't imagine how Helovia's destruction must have felt at her age." How old had she been when Kaos killed their gods and destroyed their home? Did she remember her parents at all? It's a tragedy, an old wound that Hotaru hadn't anticipated being revisited today.

His offer is a balm to that ache, and she banishes the memories with a smirk aimed his way. "I'll play second fiddle to her if it means learning," she teases, amused by the way he'd worded it, as if he was slipping cheese under a fence to the neighbor's dog in secret.

The smirk fades alongside his as he admits to her suspicion, and she sighs as she glances away from him and focuses back on her lantern. Beginning to attach the bones as he speaks, listening even if she'd rather not have to look into his face as he does so. The way he mentions Deimos makes her curious, but she can't focus on it first. "And have you been honest with her about needing to create space again until you feel you have actually, fully moved on?" Hotaru keeps her voice even, betraying nothing of whether she thinks he has or not.

I'm ready to hope, swing me out of the low
Wide awake in the glow, I can't do this alone

SUNJATA

the flood

'cause we might as well be blind,
if seeing is believing, this parable's misleading

“Oh?” He asks with a tilt of his head in reference to Melita, some small smile creeping along his face to that. It fades a small amount as she mentions how the destruction of Helovia had affected her, and there’s a quiet almost sad hum that slips from his throat. “She lost everyone. Her twin, her mother. Her father wasn’t around much.” The tone he uses when he speaks of Graasvoel is something a bit sharper, but it fades soon after. “She doesn’t forgive Kiada for her part in it… It’s caused a lot of strain on her.”

He continues to work on the lantern while he thinks of what exactly to add to that, trailing the shells along the edges of the glass. “So perhaps keeping my lessons with you on Dorobian a secret are for the best when it comes to Melita.” A small wry smile to that – fitting for the course the conversation drifts to at the mention of Maea. A soft sigh leaving his lips as she speaks, hearing the annoyance within it as they both avoid looking at each other.

“I was.” He says quietly. “I told her I needed time to, well, realize Lusea wasn’t coming back.” A feathering of his jaw as he shakes his head a small amount to that, pausing to let the shells on the lantern begin to dry. “It didn’t go well at first, but we talked it out after.” Though now it’s not like it matters much, now that she’s gone. A crisis to find out another day.

you've got your shotgun loaded with excuses
— that you'll fire in vain —
but those 12 rounds just won't do

Hotaru

"As did many of the rest of us," she agrees softly. Not just her own ghosts, but so many others too. How many children had been running about when Helovia crumbled? How many had gone through the Rift to find themselves orphans even when their parent had been alive at their side moments before? It kills her that her children had experienced that, that she'd been the one to disappear between one heartbeat and the next. Though she's surprised at the mention of Kiada, and can't help but frown and sigh. "Kiada was just as young, and children are easy to manipulate, especially when an entire land of people did not suspect the new God would be quite so monstrous, even those suspicious of him." Shaking her head, she pushes her hair back to avoid getting it tangled up with the adhesive she's using. "I can't fault her for holding a grudge when Kiada is a convenient target, but I wish it didn't have to be that way." And she thinks to herself that perhaps she should have a conversation with Kiada soon about Kaos, if Melita is attacking her with such accusations.

She is only slightly surprised by his admission that he'd communicated with Maea. He seems to be much more willing to bend and change for the woman, and that was after he'd already made decent strides under his own power. "And Lusea? How is that coming along?" A sincere inquiry. Hotaru is all too familiar with the loss of a lover, knows how long and hard the road can be to relinquishing them from your heart and accepting their absence.

I'm ready to hope, swing me out of the low
Wide awake in the glow, I can't do this alone

SUNJATA

the flood

'cause we might as well be blind,
if seeing is believing, this parable's misleading

He listens to her, both in understanding and some part tension — feeling the need to defend and support his niece much like Hotaru felt the need to do as well. So when the blond woman he sits beside tells him that she wishes it didn’t have to be that way, he hums quietly in agreement to that. “I wish it didn’t either.” There’s a light frown to that, working to adhere the shells along the lantern a bit more before pausing to settle. “But I try to give her what little bit of family I can. I have these pearls I’m looking to add to a hilt of a short sword for her. Considering taking one and getting my ear pierced again to add it to as a reminder.” His tone is serious though he doesn’t look at Hotaru with this.

Instead, he focuses on the next comment that slips from Hotaru on the subject of Maea and their break, of him pushing people away and not being able to figure out what to really do anymore. He sighs quietly, arms bracing along the table while the shells continue to dry, gaze focusing on whatever other small things he can add to it if only to ignore the sincerity in her tone.

“It’s hard. Not quite there yet.” A feathering of his lip to that, a shake of his head. “She was gone last time only to appear again three years after. I think subconsciously it’s like I’m waiting for a round three — to be better in that way. Though I know it’s impossible I can’t quite let go.” He reaches up to run a hand through his hair.

you've got your shotgun loaded with excuses
— that you'll fire in vain —
but those 12 rounds just won't do

Hotaru

What else is there to do but agree? Neither can police the actions or opinions of their nieces, nor can they change the past or the actions that had wounded both girls. Instead they are left trying to console and mediate, intrinsically biased. "All we can do is give them the love and support they need." Something she will continue to do, even if she meets Melita somewhere down the line. There is too much pain, too much grief in the wake of Helovia's loss. She is not one to hold a child's actions or feelings against them, and Melita will be given the same respect. Turning her gaze briefly to Sunjata, Hotaru glances at the lobes of his ears, considering. "I think that would be a good idea. A memento to carry with you that cannot be easily misplaced." Or stolen, considering Torchline's particular moral code.

"It's not exactly the same, but...I feel the same way about Ru'in. I think we will always have that small seed of hope that maybe it will happen again, but we can't invest in it. Feeding it with attention only gives it roots." Knowing her son's soul is out there, lost but otherwise free of Mort's grasp, is a temptation she fears she will not be able to avoid. Hotaru will go to great lengths to return her son to her side, and she knows that makes her dangerous to herself and others. At least Sunjata knows that Lusea is at Mort's side, at least his temptation - the seed of doubt and hope - is more manageable even while still freshly watered with grief.

I'm ready to hope, swing me out of the low
Wide awake in the glow, I can't do this alone

SUNJATA

the flood

'cause we might as well be blind,
if seeing is believing, this parable's misleading

A nod is given toward Hotaru for that comment – to support them whenever they could. And he thinks he has been, all things considered. Back in Melita’s good graces after a moment of forgetting, of ignoring the fact that she was there – something he regrets immensely, but has since fixed. Still, Hotaru glances toward him as he suggests the idea of getting his ear pierced again, a small pearl of an earring to add to the growing collection to force him to not give in, to not forget.

“I think so.” He agrees quietly, lips curling a small amount in a ghost of a smile that is there as soon as it is gone.

But she speaks of Ru’in again, and he gives her his undivided attention while the additions to the lantern continue to dry and adhere to the metal and the glass. And in the end he realizes that she’s right, that it makes sense to try and not to give into it as much as he wishes to, to blind himself under those possibilities of what if. And he hums a quiet sound from his throat as he nods and goes to add a few more details to the lantern. “It took me… Quite a while to get over her last time.” He admits quietly, lips pulling into a frown as he stares at the lantern – another to add to the mix.

“Two and a half years I think.” A shrug to that, a sharp exhale of a sigh as he reaches up to brush a hand through his hair.

you've got your shotgun loaded with excuses
— that you'll fire in vain —
but those 12 rounds just won't do

Hotaru

Neither seems to have the emotional energy to sustain much by way of smiling or cheer. It doesn't bother Hotaru much in her current state of mind. Though she regrets that he feels the same way, hoping she has not dragged him into the mire of her despair. She is not the type to wallow, but this? This, she has earned. And surely he has as well, with the loss of two of his friends and comrades. Unaware of just how much more he has lost. That they have both lost, really, with how fondly Hotaru had regarded Maea.

"It's not a swift process," she both reminds and agrees in her uncharacteristically soft tone. "The more you pressure yourself and fixate on it, the slower it will go. Because she will always be in the back of your mind, even if you're just trying to remind yourself to let go." Which will only make him dwell further, deeper, in ways she has experienced herself. "It took many years of searching different worlds for me to come to terms with losing my family. But I know they'd sooner scold me for making myself eternally miserable than thank me for preserving their memory." Not when she can honor their memory in other ways. "Which is really just a lengthy way of saying don't expect too much of yourself. Don't rush through the process, or you'll never find the closure you need." And Lusea deserves more than a half-baked goodbye, even if it's an unanticipated second goodbye.

I'm ready to hope, swing me out of the low
Wide awake in the glow, I can't do this alone