the promises of the change I'll show

Samuel

Sam hadn't meant to insist he knew better and found himself now morbidly curious about what it was Remi knew. He took in a breath, tried to think about what was important to know; it wasn't like he was entitled to all of Zeph's business. "He doesn't...kill people or anything like that, right?"

That Remi could be so nonchalant about the likelihood of violence in his future was concerning, though Sam supposed by this point they'd all seen their fair shares of trouble. "...Well, Seren for one. She's only a child and surely she'd be a target for any kind of criminal looking to extort you...I'm sure Ronin can look after himself, but what about all your friends? With all your powers and shifts, I'm not worried about you, obviously, but.." He shrugged. "Maybe I have just too much of a tendency to think of every what if."

I drink too much coffee and I think of you often

In a city where reality has long been forgotten

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

'Like an assassin? No." As for whether or not Zeph ever had killed someone, Remi couldn't comment. After all, working with Jack, smuggling...in a place like Torchline? Such was not the line of work that invited stability and above-the-board morals.

"She isn't my daughter." The Alchemist said almost tenderly, but there was a strong curve in his jaw just the same. 'And besides, staying at home the whole time wouldn't keep anyone safe, if someone was determined to harm me." He replied with a shrug, before shaking his head. "I don't have any friends, not anymore." Having friends meant caring about them, being obligated to them in certain ways, and Remi...well, after everything was said and done with Aoife and Ludo, he'd found he simply didn't have that capacity anymore. The sunny man with room in his heart for everyone was long gone, as he'd tried to explain over and over again.

'Well, that's never changed about you.' Remi chuckled, skipping another stone over the dark water. 'I've stopped though. There are too many what-ifs, and not enough ways to prepare for them all, and not enough hours in the day to worry over them."

THE ALCHEMIST

maybe it's a long gray game, but maybe that's a good thing

Samuel

"Hmm. Okay." Sam felt like he wasn't likely to get much more information about Zeph from Remi and he didn't want to get a reputation for poking about too much about his host. At least it didn't sound like he was known for being a bloodthirsty murderer, which was surely a step in the right direction.

That Seren wasn't his daughter surely didn't mean Remi was fine with her being in danger; the insistence made Sam frown with some concern. Truthfully, a lot of things Remi said were a cause for concern, from his seemingly deliberate misunderstanding of Sam's question (he had never said the man should 'stay at home') to his claim of no longer having friends. "You don't think...that eventually you might end up caring at least a little for someone? I don't..even mean me, particularly. It just seems odd to cut yourself off from the possibility of friends forever." Sam supposed he should have been hurt, but he was so used to hearing callous comments from Remi now that they were starting to bounce off.

At least he could laugh a little and nod about himself. He knew he had far too much of a tendency to worry; even when he was trying to brush it off and be more optimistic he worried about that making him too blind to legitimate things to worry about.

I drink too much coffee and I think of you often

In a city where reality has long been forgotten

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

The Alchemist paused mid-throw, and turned to look towards Sam with a nearly blank expression. "Does it, Sam? Does it really? After everything I have been through in the past two years?" Straightening, Remi pulled in a breath. "Did having friends stop Ronin from being killed by the demon? Did having friends stop what happened between us? Did it stop the blight, did it save Aoife?" It wasn't callousness, so much as it was a refusal to invest his time in futile efforts anymore. "The little bit of good that is left in me, I'll not dilute. I only have enough love in me for Ronin, and that's all."

That Sam didn't understand was one thing, but that it seemed the bookmaker was judging him for his decisions was bothersome. Turning back to the sea, Remi ran a hand through his curls as he looked out, unable to find where the horizon bled away into the sea.

THE ALCHEMIST

maybe it's a long gray game, but maybe that's a good thing

Samuel

While Sam knew and knew keenly that Remi had been through a lot of pain in the last years, he found it hard to follow his friends reasoning. No, having friends didn't stop any of those things happening, but they helped him feel less alone after, at least at the times when he'd let them. Rather than be intimidated by all the questions he just frowned and watched Remi turn away, tried to consider what to say.

"Then...alright, tell me this: We arranged to come here and spend time together. We're talking and taking time to be together." He gestured to where they had been sat, the sea they were skipping stones on. "You have to at least like me a little bit for that, surely? So what does that make us if not friends?"

I drink too much coffee and I think of you often

In a city where reality has long been forgotten

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

Remi raised a brow as Sam spoke, wondering where the bookmaker was going with all of this. Hearing that a few minutes of rock-throwing was enough to make Sam judge them as friends again made the Alchemist exhale the air he'd been holding in his lungs, in a long and low sigh. "Perhaps for you, but not for me, Sam. Not anymore."

Despite these words, Remi's expression was almost painfully genuine and honest, not intending to be hurtful, but also not one to mince words any longer. "Friendship creates certain obligations. Friends should be able to call on one another in times of need, shouldn't they? To expect of their friends certain types of favours, certain responsibilities." The Alchemist explained. Helping with this or that, lending a hand, being there for them.

"I don't have it in me to be that, for anyone Sam." Remi added in a doleful, but certain voice.

THE ALCHEMIST

maybe it's a long gray game, but maybe that's a good thing

Samuel

Remi was really becoming an expert at delivering tough blows in a few words. Sam tried to pretend he wasn't hurt, but there was a little sting in his chest. Really, he still wasn't sure he believed it; so Remi didn't want to be there for people, but the Alchemist had always been so kind and giving before - that didn't just go away this quickly.

He probably needed time, Sam thought.

"Well. Maybe we could still be casual...people who know each other and talk, then?" He asked, with a hint of humour in his tone. "What about other people you used to be close to? Phoebe or Amalia, Deimos? I saw you at their wedding reception." That event had been a lot of awkward standing in corners silently for him, but he'd seen some of the more sociable among them having a good time. "Have you told them this?"

I drink too much coffee and I think of you often

In a city where reality has long been forgotten

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

"Hey Sam, you know how sometimes you have a tendency to need to label things and rush into them?" The Alchemist asked with a sly sort of smile, as his brows raised accusingly. "This is the first time we've been alone together where blood hasn't been involved, so maybe we could just...take things slow?" Friends or not, Remi wasn't necessarily keen on having to have things pinned down or pre-planned with the way his life was going as of late.

"What about them?" Remi asked. Deimos had punched his husband and acted as a pseudo-sounding board for the Alchemist a few weeks prior, and though the Sword now ran Remi's old guild, he wasn't sure they'd ever been friends. "We weren't even invited to their ceremony." He said with a shrug, not minding it, but also inferring that perhaps the tethers of friendship weren't terribly strong on their side as well.

"More or less, yes." Remi said with an even sigh. He had told most that he wasn't looking to engage in friendships, that his heart had been reduced to something capable of loving only one man, and one alone.

THE ALCHEMIST

maybe it's a long gray game, but maybe that's a good thing

Samuel

For a second Sam felt offended at Remi's sly question, but after a moment of thought on it he let out a quiet laugh and nodded. "...You're right. I'm sorry. I think I just find things easier if I can put them into little boxes for my brain and..." With some vague gestures before himself, he tried to communicate how his very neurotic brain worked: he failed. "...Well, I sometimes don't know I'm doing it."

With all that said... "I don't think anyone was. I wasn't, and Amalia's my sister." Sam pointed out, only sounded a little affronted. It occurred to him after he said it that he wasn't sure if Remi knew, and he watched the Alchemist carefully out of the corner of his eye to see how he reacted.

I drink too much coffee and I think of you often

In a city where reality has long been forgotten

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

Remi nodded slightly at that; it was why he'd mentioned it after all. Still, for all the growing the two men had done since their time together, something between them always seemed to stay on the immature side. Something that wouldn't grow and would always remain green and easily bent beneath the slightest amount of pressure.

It wasn't true that no one else was invited, but Remi didn't know that and so he simply shrugged. What caught him off-guard was the revelation about Amalia being his sister. Raising a brow at that, the Alchemist found that he was only vaguely interested in this new piece of information. As he'd told Sam, he hadn't much place in his heart just now for others, so shocking as this new bough on Sam's family tree was, the Alchemist merely nodded. 'I'm sure that complicates a few things.' He noted dryly, before glancing back towards the lighthouse.

"I..should be going." Remi said a touch awkwardly, before throwing the last stone he'd been holding. "I'll see you around, Sam." So saying, the Alchemist gave his once-friend an undecipherable look, something shadowed by melancholy and what-might-have-beens, before departing back towards his home.

~FIN

THE ALCHEMIST

maybe it's a long gray game, but maybe that's a good thing