From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"I do not wish to do these changes just because I can." He sighed, keeping his voice steady, recognising this as another time where it wasn't time to overreact, to feed more than necessary into the ragepit that was Korbin right now.
He wasn't surprised, when he did stop to think about it. Rage was a part of grief, and change stirred up stress and insecurity - it was bound to come out sooner or later. Apparently Korbin was going for sooner right now.
"And I do not do it to undermine those who have been sacrificed, either. I do it because of those sacrifices, because they shouldn't have been needed, because I want to prevent more death. You speak as if the death of a few members of your region are a fair price to pay for the survival of the rest, and I disagree with that assessment.
"Is wanting to help a bad thing now? Am I to feel guilty for not accepting the price of 'a few lives' when a better price can be negotiated?
"Halovians are not stupid - you are hardy, strong, survivors. I was dumped in this world with nothing but a few biscuits in my pocket. I come from a world where change was the only constant, where you adapted or you were left behind. I am sorry the idea of that offends you, but Morgan chose me because she recognised I might be of use, because if Halo is to survive in this changing world, it is going to need to change too."
He let the words sit there, let them stand for judgement - he hadn't raised his voice, had emphasised what bits he intended to emphasise, and that was is. It was up to Korbin to rebuke them, to argue that any loss of life was acceptable when an alternative was possible, even with the loss of his own sister so fresh. Surely he would not wish that on whoever became the currency Korbin seemed to think was 'acceptable loss of life'.
Returning to the point of this Sunjata and official business, Chuy merely shrugged. He would follow it up, though he expected Morgan would already have that well in hand. Possibly it would be worth asked Neron too, as former Warden, he surely would know what Halo's communication status with the other regions was like?
At the boy's downtrodden reaction, and sombre words that followed, Chuy frowned slightly, saddened, but also thoughtful. "I'd say it was more about her wanting to protect you." He quietly suggested. "You'd have done the same for her, under the right circumstances."
Remember when I swore That you and I would never die
Leering sidelong at the man, Korbin's jaws tightened. It was a compelling set of arguments, and for a moment he was silent, trying to digest it all. But it still did not sit right with him.
"You seem to be under some assumption that life is supposed to be easy," he said eventually. "That everyone is supposed to survive, and be happy. But nowhere in life do you see that happen. Take any group of animals anywhere and there will be individuals who die. As young, from illness, from wounds, from starvation and lacking intelligence and strength. It's part of nature, part of Rae's design, we are not exempt from that." Korbin felt as though he fumbled his way through a dark tunnel, groping for reasoning towards a point he couldn't quite see. "But the changes you want to implement... it's not some new hunting technique or a new use of an already existing plant. You want to use magic to force growth where there is none, change animals to suit your needs, expand the population of humans beyond what the region can naturally sustain... What will be the price of that, in the end? Will a few human lives make up for the long term consequences?"
That line thinking seemed dangerously similar to The Voice, and maybe that was why Korbin's hackles rose in opposition of it. It seemed that it was a path moving away from the natural, close connection with the land they had now. Of course Korbin missed his family, and losing them nearly broke him. But didn't that only mean that they weren't strong enough to survive, in the end? That he wasn't strong enough?
There came no reply to his arguments, and though he could keep ranting on for a good while about the issue of Sunjata, he knew it was pointless. Weariness was sinking in, threatening to drown the anger, smother the spark, drag him back down into the misery again. These flashes of vitality never lasted long.
"Protect me from what? Her? The man she did business with? The corrupt nature of people? The idea that she was only following laws and rules as long as it served her? Oh, I feel so protected."
Chulane was assuming a great deal about Korbin's so called goodness. They all were. "Would I?" He turned and faced Chuy more fully, tall and dark and looming, grim and cynical despite the youth written in his bones. A boy, but not a child. A man, but not yet fully grown. "Can you honestly say you know me enough to be a judge of that? You seem to assume that I'm a good person just because I helped you once. That's awfully naive."
It would get the guy hurt. Already had, if memory of a flashing elbow served him.
"I am under the assumption that the strongest survive. And that the desire to be strongest is also a part of nature, a part of this Rae's design, too. I am not disputing that - I do not need to be schooled on the harsh realities of life and death and nature." He almost brought up Darwin's theories, but knew they would be useless. He had spent most of his life learning about evolution, about survival of the fittest, and about how far humans could alter nature to suit their own needs. And that was the thing, he knew that it was possible to go too far, and with that knowledge in hand, he knew not to take it too far as well.
"Has this God of Nature not also given human's the intelligence, the wit and cunning to recognise that they could shape the rest of the world around them to prolong their survival? My plans are to help those of Halo, primarily. The cost of a few lives is too high for me to bear. And if the population continues to expand, through mechanisms outside of either of our control, then we will be ready for it." Why couldn't he see it, or at least accept it, rather than simply pine over it - the world was changing, in ways outside of their control. They would not survive if they continued to cling onto old methods.
"And if you think it's going to be easy, you're in for a ride." It will take an enormous amount of work to get going, and then to maintain his plans - but he would not go ahead without the support of all, including Korbin. "My arguments will not change. The people of Halo elected Morgan to speak for them, and she has permitted me to go ahead with these plans when the season turns. Take your concerns to her - I will not proceed unless I have the blessing of the all it will impact."
Perhaps it was foolish of him to continue pursuing his plans. He knew it would take some convincing, but he thought better of Korbin - thought that the boy would at least see the benefits his plans could bring, would appreciate that Chulane would do what he could to preserve all things Halo even as he did them.
Korbin was getting what he seemed to want - he was stomping all over Chulane, finally beating him down, finally making him realise that perhaps he did not fit here. That perhaps, even though the Voice had brought him to the snowy tundra, he was not meant to stay here.
Then the boy was leaning over him, and Chulane felt himself prickle, tense, but did not move or shift, did not rise up to the boy's level. He wanted to - he longed to stand up too, to shout back in the boy's face. But he didn't. There was much he wanted to say back, but he simply met the boy's gaze, sharp and sure, taking a deep breath, before speaking with gentle inquiry.
"Wouldn't you?"
Wouldn't the boy, who lived to protect and serve his sister, who was so lost when she died that he saw no point in living anymore, protect his sister against a perceived danger? If keeping a secret would keep her alive, keep her safe, would he not keep that secret? Chulane thought so, genuinely. Perhaps he was wrong.
Or maybe he was right, and Korbin wasn't nearly as much of a 'bad boy' as he thought he was.
Remember when I swore That you and I would never die
Korbin could have argued that Chulane did not, in fact, belong in Halo. Not even in Caido. That if the Voice had brought him here then he was already a disruption in the natural order of things. But he did not know that his words created such insecurities in Chulane. The raven merely shook his head in doubt at the response.
"Possibly your ningo farm won't change anything. Possibly a greenhouse won't either. But what comes after that? At what point do we become so reliant upon these new mechanics that the people forget how to live close to the land? When do you start saying 'no' to those who appear and want to stay? How do you decide who gets to stay? Can you stop change once it has taken root and started to grow? Chulane, can you even guarantee that you will be alive or present to oversee these changes?
"I think it's a dangerous game to play, to alter what has worked for centuries just for some illusion of protection. Weaver thought she could escape the Tundra by staying in her bar, and yet the Tundra came to her all the same. And now she is dead. Avoiding what's difficult and dangerous doesn't mean it will stop affecting you."
Case in point; he had tried to avoid Chulane, and yet here they were now, having a conversation anyway despite all of Korbin's intentions. And were either of them happier for it? Would it do anyone any good? He did not doubt that Chuy would have been happier if he hadn't been faced with all these harsh arguments against a well intending suggestion.
Korbin wasn't shouting. His tone may be intense and heated, but it was tempered and not above normal conversation volume. If he loomed over the other it was merely to meet his gaze, and it was unyielding. He was convinced he was right, that his aeguments were sound and to the point. Harsh, yes, but so was Halo. Korbin was nothing if not a product of his environment, softness and naivety and care scraped away time and time again by loss after loss. He had seen his whole family die one by one, had killed with his own hands; there was no way he did not understand the cost of maintaining the current lifestyle of this region.
"No," he replied simply, and shook his head for emphasis. "I would not keep her in the dark. I don't believe that ignorence ever kept anyone safe. Nor would I have been conceited enough to believe that she needed me to protect her from anything. She was far stronger than I will ever be, and if ever a threat appeared that either of us could not face alone, then I would have trusted her to face it with me. Together."
He wouldn't pretend that he was nice, or kind. What did it mean to be 'good?' He would go to any length to protect those he cared about, but lying and keeping secrets would never benefit anyone.
Maybe he didn't belong. But he was here, brought here against his will, to a world beyond his imagination, beyond his comprehension. And while he was still alive, he wanted to contribute, because if he didn't he would lose his purpose for surviving - he didn't know another way to be, to exist. If Halo truly didn't want what he could offer, then he would go elsewhere, hating himself for it all the while.
"You set boundaries, Korbin. You discuss the things that you have control over, and you implement them. I do nothing without consultation. I hear what you are saying, and I promise I will not enact my plans unless all of Halo are on board for it.
"Change has already begun. That is out of our control. What is within our control is how we cope with that change going forward."
It wasn't the first time he had gotten the vibe that Halo would reject anything new - Morgan's initial suggestions about the Ascended was troubling, Chulane had a whole history of his world to know where segregation led, where judging by one's racial makeup and not by one's actions could lead. Was Korbin proposing something similar, only with something as innocent as a farm, a means of food production.
"No one can guarantee that they will be around forever. All I can say is I would try, if Halo would have me." Because if Halo did not want what he proposed, then he saw that as they did not want him - and he would not linger long after coming to that realisation.
"The farm would give Halo the ability to face those difficulties and dangers, by feeding its residents and giving them strength, by ensuring every household has food enough to weather all of Deepfrost, by giving jobs to the Outlanders who are going to keep on coming, whether you want them to or not. It is not going to stop hunters from hunting, or everyone from dying, but it might help, it might just let Halo weather the change that has already happened, and endure those still to come.
"What would you have me do instead?" He finally asked, wondering how he was meant to live up to Korbin's impossible standard. What did the boy want of him? To stay, to leave, to contribute but not to change or alter anything. To respect tradition, when his very presence insults said tradition. To accept that death happens, and not want to change it?!
He merely quirked an eyebrow at the boy's declaration that he would never keep a secret from his sister. Chulane doubted it, perhaps out of pure stubbornness, but he doubted it all the same. He merely shrugged though, and tried to accept the words as the truth that Korbin believed. "You are pretty strong too, Korbs." Was all he offered, in softly spoken tones.
Remember when I swore That you and I would never die
Korbin still looked doubtful. He heard the arguments and they were sound, reasonable, quite agreeable. But he still didn't trust it, because he did not trust the man who suggested the ideas.
"You're right, I don't want Outsiders to come here. If I could, I would shut down the portal and cut off everything that comes from the outside, because I don't think it's necessary." The raven's expression grew hard, every bit the xenophobic, isolationist that he apparently was.
"But I can't. So what I would like from those who do come here is a little bit of gods damned respect. You've been here for all of a season, Chulane, yet you still think you know what living here is like? Enough that you think you can implement new things and understand the consequences it will bring?" He raised his hands in frustration.
"You are just like every other outsider I've met or heard of. Not a single one of you have paused to actually look at what you have around you before trying to change it. Not one of you have tried to adapt to the place you are in. Rather, you try to change it to suit your needs. It's arrogant and it is dangerous, and it will take more than a few words before I trust that you know what you're doing with anything."
Reckless expeditions into mountains and mines, dragon hunts that lead to people dying, intrusion into the natural community and contempt for the nature, the climate, for the disrupted lives of those who were there before. Sunjata's words had summed the attitude up perfectly: it was available so he made use of it. Egocentrism at its most destructive, and Korbin would not ever keep quiet about it.
He shrugged off the soft words with an irritated jerk of the head. It was only more of the same, assumtions formed without real understanding. "Everything I've ever done screams in contradiction to that," he said, not without bitterness. "If I really was strong, my family would still be alive and my sister would have seen fit to trust me with her dealings. I would not have become so dependent upon another human being that I could not function without her. Not a mistake I'm going to make again."
06-20-2020, 07:41 AM (This post was last modified: 06-20-2020, 07:43 AM by Chulane.)
And there it was, the confirmation of everything Chulane had seen, had suspected, but hadn't wanted to recognise, or believe. The boy didn't want him, or any other Outlander, or Outsider, near him or his village. And little would ever change his mind.
Chulane didn't want to be a part of a place where he wasn't wanted, not by any member of the region he was trying to help. He wanted to belong, to contribute, and to feel like he was welcome to do so.
Korbin had never hinted at anything different. Why did it hurt so much now?
"I'm sorry."
Was all he said, with honesty, with conviction.
"They are only ideas. I have tried, to fit in, to find a place. But it is in my nature to always seek a better way, if one is possible. I see now the arrogance in my assumptions." He looked again to the boy, his gaze having drifted after his apology.
"I'd like to earn your trust, but you've made it clear you do not seek to let me, to know me, to judge me further than lumping me in with all the others you've known." He sighed, letting the wave of guilt, of weariness, of fatigue and listlessness consume him - he was done, done arguing, done with this conversation. He was hurt, battered and bruised, though no injury was visible, he felt fractured, broken, like someone had snuffed out the last candle in the room, leaving him cold and empty.
"I'll speak with Morgan, I'll rescind my plans and I'll step down. I'll leave here as soon as the portal is available. You were right, and I was wrong." Is that what the boy wanted? He didn't know. He rose from his chair, turning his back to the boy as he made to exit, a man defeated.
"It is possible to depend on others without losing yourself in the process. But what do I know? I'm just another Outsider." He offered, not knowing what else to say, not knowing if there was any point to it at all anymore. Korbin had made himself quite clear - in his eyes, Chulane was nothing, less than nothing, and he had been saying it all along, though the vet and the farmer simply did not wish to believe it.
He made to leave, not even wondering if Korbin would say anything else - this is what the boy had wanted all along.
Remember when I swore That you and I would never die
Dark eyebrows rose in disbelief when the man before him seemed to suddenly crumble. It was unexpected. He hadn't thought his words actually meant anything, and if this was an discussion won then he didn't think it was because his arguments had been solid enough. What was this? Why did everyone assume things about him and then become disappointed when he didn't live up to their glorified expectations?
Korbin's eyes narrowed when Chulane said he would give up his post in the Council and leave. His lips twisted, disgust and disappointment abundant as he pushed himself away from the wall.
"That's it? That's really all it takes for you to give up and run away? You know what, maybe it's for the best. If the words of one angry person is enough for you to lose conviction then you never had the devotion to stick with this place at all. You say you want my trust, but now that you've heard plain and clear how you might earn it, you run away?"
He shook his head, throat burning with emotions he couldn't name. This was the second time someone said they wanted him and didn't stick around to fight for it. Did they really think it would be that easy? That he would wag his tail and fawn over the first best face that showed up, and risk getting hurt for nothing?
Trust had to be earned, and Chulane had been persistent enough in insisting he wanted to be around that Korbin almost started to believe him. Almost... through all the brutal, straight forward calling out of bullshit that was his language. But apparently he had been wrong.
"Good luck, Chulane. I doubt any other region will be any more welcoming to someone who won't fight for his place. The naturals have, from the day we were born; I'm not expecting more from you than anyone else."
Including himself.
With that he stalked back to the fire, and let Chulane leave if that was what he wished. They wouldn't get any further in this, not while emotions still ran hot. Once he had schooled his expression back into that neutral mask, Korbin picked up his kit and resumed the rounds of checking the hearths.
