From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Delphine settled next to him, listening as he explained his apology. Her fingers curled into his hand, and she murmured, "It's okay. You lost somebody, the night we got together. If... you weren't a tiny bit wrapped up in yourself, I'd worry." She squeezed his hand and grinned sheepishly, "Besides, this isn't all on you. I kinda dropped the ball, keeping my feelings to myself."
When he explained about his shifts, she grinned and leaned to kiss him. "I think a cat suits you, just fine." She murmured, nudging the books out of her way, so she could snuggle against his side.
"Since... you don't like sharing, does that mean I won't have to worry about..." She bit her lip. "I didn't like being second... But if that's something you want..."
When she squeezed his hand, he reciprocated. He leaned over and with his other hand gently traced along her jaw and brought her face to his. He placed a gentle, sweet kiss on her lips. "Thank you for having grace." He kissed her again, still sweet and gentle and full of all of his I'm sorries and Thank yous.
When she snuggled in, he held her close. "I think that gods let us have more as they see fit. I've known other shifters who stay the same animal their whole lives. My father had three shifts." He recalled all of his father's forms: a great, grey wolf; a massive moose; a brilliant snowy owl. His father was the reason he attuned, because he had not been born with his mother's magic.
Eyebrows knit together and he leaned back, looking down at her to answer her firmly: "No. Never."
feel defiance burning through my teeth it's not enough to drag this blade across the day
Delphine accepted his kiss, and listened as he talked. Attuned were so strange to her, despite the fact Remi was one. "So... you might get more? That's really neat!" She declared, with a grin. Already she was trying to think what other shifts the man beside of her might get.
When he answered her, she furrowed her brow. "So I'm enough? Just me?" She inquired, almost as if she wasn't sure whether she should believe him or not. So far their "rules" were working out quite well, but...
Delphine knew that sometimes couples fought. She and Noah had yet too. And that worried her a tiny bit, because she hated being given the silence treatment but she also hated being yelled at. Not knowing how Noah handled conflict was a constant worry. But mostly, she had issues with trust. Especially when it came to not being forgotten or pushed aside.
"Mmhm, I am sure I could. I don't know if I will, but I am sure I could." He leaned forward from her, and let go of her hand. He reached and grabbed one of her books, bringing it back to his lap and opening it wide. "I am sure there are books on attuned in there. There are at least genealogies, and usually they have magic or shifts listed with them for Abandoned and Attuned peoples." He flipped through the pages, though the particular book he grabbed seemed to be on creation magic. He glanced to all the spines of her books. "What have you learned about magic so far?"
At her question, Noah let his hand leave the book and rest on her upper thigh. "Yes, you are enough." He looked at her with serious, stern eyes. She was not being scolded, no, but he wanted her to know the seriousness of his words. He was not a liar, and he hoped he never would be. His word mattered--what he said meant nothing if it didn't match what he did. He wanted his words and his actions to be reliable to the people in his life. He wanted to be dependable and trustworthy and honest, and so he worked for those things.
feel defiance burning through my teeth it's not enough to drag this blade across the day
"Well, Korbin told me about how the magics are grouped, light, grey, dark... and what falls into those categories, and..." She scrunched her nose, biting her lip. "...I know that if somebody has life drain magic, then I can't heal them. And I know I could never have life drain magic." She nodded, certain. Korbin had told her that.
She reached out to tap the book in his lap, "I read one of these, but it was on healing magic and there's so much I could do with it!" Of course she sounded excited about that; healing magic back home had been... very, very similar.
Her gaze met his, and she beamed at his answer, like a flower turning its face to the sun. "I picked up books on creation magic, earth magic, and healing magic, for now." She explained, before drifting into silence again.
After a moment, she reached to pull a small piece of paper from one of the books, she'd been using it as a bookmark, and as she flipped it to show Noah, he'd see the flower was yellow tansy. "My mama's name was Daphne, and she was a scientist and a healer... My papa was called Alder, and he was a guardsman, but papa had destruction magic. My big brother had destruction magic too." She'd never spoken too much about her family. "I was... five when my magic first showed itself. I think I was reaching for paint, up high, and... I was able to move the air around the can just long enough to get it off the shelf. I dropped it, and I got covered in paint," her lips tugged into a grin, her father had loved telling her that story, she'd tracked paint all over his clean house. "We called that 'alteration' magic because the basic principle was that we could alter the surrounding area, or... I used to be able to dry my paint, or make it wet again, by using that magic." It was a struggle to explain. But he'd asked what she knew about magic.
"This flower's a tansy. My mama got me my first tansy, a year after my first magic. It was supposed to teach me responsibility, but... it didn't live very long, I was just a little girl. I remember crying about it, clinging to the pot, refusing to let my mother take it away." She'd settled against the railing, humming quietly. "Eventually, I stopped crying long enough to see that my tears had brought it back. And... that was the day I knew I wanted to work with plants. But it doesn't seem to work like that here, just on people."
Waving a hand, she laughed and stated, "When the first wave came through from Northwind, we were chosen because my parents had a skillset that the settlement needed. Going through that portal for the first time was... it was amazing. But my father used to call me 'Tansy', because I was always carrying tansies around, painting them..." She grinned, sheepishly.
"My mother painted as a hobby, so she taught me. Everything I do with paints is because of her." Her mother was also where her love of plants came from, and her decision to be a healer had come from. "I see... hm, when I hear sounds, people talking or something is dropped, whatever, I see colors too." She had just recently finished a painting of a pot falling through the air, surrounded by a variety of oranges, it was currently on display at the end of their bed. "So for a long, long time, I made my living by painting people's voices, or magic, and studied healing on the side."
She realized she was rambling, and flushed, turning the bookmark over in her hands to run her fingers across the drawing. Face bright red, she pulled her knees to her chest and made herself small, hiding.
He listened to everything she said. He put it all to memory. He hoped he would be able to recall it if asked, but it was a lot of information. Noah liked to think himself a good learner, a good listener, but as the woman went on about her life and the magic he was almost lost. But, he loved that she was telling him. He loved that she was sharing, and felt at ease enough to do it after his apology to her. He rubbed her thigh as she spoke, glacier eyes fixed on her.
She stopped, however, and retreated into herself. As she pulled herself into a small ball, Noah's hand fell from her leg and his face dropped some. Concern washed over him and he shook his head. The hand that was once on her thigh tucked a lock of golden hair behind her ear, his other hand dropping the book in his lap and reaching over to gently pull her chin so she would look upon him. "Go on." He told her, placing a gentle kiss to her cheek. "Tell me more."
feel defiance burning through my teeth it's not enough to drag this blade across the day
Delphine shook her head, and murmured, "But... now I'm rambling." She huffed, reaching for the book in his lap. She tucked the bookmark back into it, stretching out, studying her toes. Delphine had not worn shoes since LongNight started, they just sat at the end of the bed.
"Noah? What kind of life do you dream of?" It was a serious question, a prodding question. Where am I in your dream, was really what she had wanted to ask, but she was pretty sure one of them was falling faster than the other.
He let her huff and disregard his request. He let her take the book from his lap. "Okay." He said, making a note mentally to ask her more about it later. He removed his hands from her face and leaned back against the banister. His closest hand to her returned to her thigh, slipping under the book. She was so warm and inviting, and he remembered the feel of her silky smooth skin beneath the leggings she wore.
"Hmmmm...." He started, eyebrows knitting together. There were things Noah wanted in life, sure, but his dreams? He had never been the dreaming type. Life in Halo was hard for dreamers--this tundra called for day-to-day survival. Dreamers often ended up going mad...or dying. Weaver had been a dreamer. Ezekiel was a dreamer, and he left to explore the rest of the world. He bit his lip, tongue rolling over it gently as he thought. "I think I would like to get married, and start a family." He looked towards the library doors, although he was keenly aware of Delphine's eyes on him. He wasn't sure how she would react to having more children, if they were one day to be married. But marriage was something he greatly desired -- he had seen no other relationship rival that of a wife and husband, and his own parents had demonstrated all the good it brought.
"I would also really like to teach young people about proper hunting. About conservation. About survival. Not like a school, just like, a small organization of people." He would love to do that--teach. He had no magic, and a great deal of attuned people did not seek out help with their shifts, so he had only his best skill to offer: hunting. "What about you?"
feel defiance burning through my teeth it's not enough to drag this blade across the day
Delphine slipped a hand to rest in his hair, idly toying with blonde locks, as he told her about his dreams. Practical. Fair. He wanted a family; what had she expected? He was a family sort of guy. And he wanted to teach, and that was something she expected too. After all, Noah had a knack for teaching.
When he asked her, the same question, she bit her lip and studied the book in her lap in silence. After considering her words carefully, she spoke up, "I guess... well, I've always wanted to be part of a family, raise children, cook for my husband." There was most definitely a but coming. She chewed her lip, "But I don't know if I want more children, I'm not a very good mother."
In her mind's eye, those words were what would destroy her relationship with the hunter. Cracks in the glass, until it shattered into a million pieces. Devastation all over again. She shifted next to Noah, fingers still tangling into his hair, an anxious tangling rather than a soothing touch. "I know I want to learn to heal because there's more to learn and... I guess, maybe I'd like to look after other people's children... I'm a really bad mother when it's my own children but..."
Delphine really liked being around children. She knew how to care for them, she had been a good nanny to Aster, even while pregnant... And some very small part of her hoped that if she had a husband, a family, having more children might go better than being torn from her home with three-year-olds that she had known as infants.
Noah knew that his answer would stir up the emotions of a tough situation. Noah did not say that he wanted to have children with Delphine, to marry her...but he also didn't say that he didn't. He just shared his thoughts on what his life might be like if he had his way. He had guessed that Delphine would be hesitant to want to be a mother again. There was no blame Noah could give her for that. It was a terrible thing that happened to her--losing her children.
He patted her leg in a comforting way. "I hope we live long lives where we can take our time doing all of this." He found himself praying for this more and more as he aged, and even more in the season since Weaver was killed. Halo was a dangerous place to live, and Noah knew that well. He wanted, however, to make it into old age. He wanted to teach the young people coming behind him in this frozen hellscape. He wanted them to know that, even though life was hard here, it was worth living and could be lived well. He squeezed her hand.
"Well, I think learning more about your magic and practicing it will be beneficial for you, and for Halo. Loren is the only magical healer I know of who wants to use their magic in a way to help people professionally." There were other healers, of course, but they did not dedicate their lives to the arts -- they just used their magic when people were brought in and forced onto their kitchen tables, bleeding out and screaming from being gored in the tundra. "Do you know if you will get -- or even have -- other magics, like I do shifts?"
feel defiance burning through my teeth it's not enough to drag this blade across the day
He was touching her, but his words, while kind, scared her. The 'we' in his words could be anyone, and despite the fact she shifted into his touch, she was focusing on the fact he had not clarified.
Convincing herself that she was just the flavor of the season. She'd already convinced herself that he deserved better. Because he did; he deserved someone who knew they wanted to have children, and care for a family, and were stable enough to do so. He deserved more than she had to give.
Even as selfish as she was, she was starting to wonder if there would come a time where she had to let him go. What had her mother once said to her about the butterfly she had raised from a caterpillar?
Sometimes, if you really love something, you have to let it go. She'd loved her children, and she'd let them go. Would Noah be someone she loved and came to let go?
Her lower lip trembled, and she bit down hard on it, her mind far away as he spoke about Loren, and her magic. It wasn't until he spoke his question, that she was listening, blinking back a flurry of tears as she focused, catching the tail-end of his inquiry.
"U... uhm, back home we might learn new mag... magics, and the books indicate it's... it's similar here." She murmured, refusing to look at him as she spoke. Instead, she reached to open one of the books, trying to push away her thoughts, as intrusive as they were.
Normally she'd hide from her own mind by getting high. Lately, Noah had become her go-to hiding spot, touching him, hearing him talk, a constant reassurance that she was wanted where she was at. But today, in this moment, he wasn't helping.
Noah held strong opinions. Noah was stubborn. Noah was kind. Noah, however, in his twenty-seven years of life, had never had a long term relationship that held even the slightest shadow to the seriousness he took with his relationship to Delphine. Although it was new, and young, and needed lots of tending and care, he was dedicated to it. He was not going to leave her in this moment, even though he didn't say 'when we get married...' or 'when we have children...'. All of that to say, Noah was still being cautious. This new relationship, this tiny ember between them, needed work and tending, but it could still easily scorch a hand that mistreated it. Noah did not want his hand to be scorched.
"That could be exciting." Noah smiled at her, a hand lifting to run down her neck and trace her collar bone. Her own hands tangled in his hair and tugged at the locks, and he grimaced some as she pulled too hard. "Del...what did I say to upset you?" Confusion wracked his brain and he leaned back some, watching her carefully as she refused to look at him. Was she always going to be upset with him sharing his heart and his dreams, because maybe they might not be the words she wanted to hear?
feel defiance burning through my teeth it's not enough to drag this blade across the day
06-30-2020, 09:30 PM (This post was last modified: 06-30-2020, 09:30 PM by Delphine.)
Delphine
Delphine shook her head slowly when he inquired after her. “It’s stupid.” She mumbled; cheeks flushed with color as she realized just how stupid her thoughts could be. She knew what they had was new, and she knew she was probably falling too hard, too fast. She was damaged goods; and…
Back to the spiral. Delphine was a dreamer, and she went into things headfirst, without her feet beneath her. For love, she was quick to fall, easy to hurt. She stared at the book she had opened, but could not bring herself to read it, especially not with tears blurring her vision. So, after a moment, she closed the book and wiped her face, hazel eyes searching icy blues.
“I know… I know that we are new,” she began, slowly, carefully. Cautiously. “… and I know I’m a dreamer, and… you and I probably are not on the same page yet, but…” She sniffled, shaking her head. Her anxiety chanted that she was about to destroy everything they had carefully constructed in the season.
At least she could look him in the eye—continually. Though her voice was getting shakier. “… when you tell me what you want out of life, I… I’m scared?” Her voice lilted in a shaky question, and she shoved her hands through her hair, mussing it. It was purely a movement of anxiety. “Because… I want to, I want to give you that, and…” Her dating history was no secret.
Fumbling over her words, as she tried to decipher what she was trying to say, instead she said, “You asked me if… I could love you.” As she grew quiet, anxiety urging her one way, to leave him now, she murmured, “But if I love you, what if… Do I have to let you go? You deserve someone who can do all the things you want, and I don’t know if I…”
She didn’t want to get hurt—and she didn’t want to be alone. She was selfish to the core, there was only so much one could do about this type of selfish desire. And some small part of her that was urging her to tell the man in front of her that she loved him, and believed it could be everything he deserved was urging her to stay.
“I think I love you and I’m scared because everyone I love leaves.” She murmured, finally. A season, both a short period and a long time, depending on if one addressed the logistics of the mind or the heart. Her children had left, that had been her own doing. She had never told her husband she loved him—that certainly said how well that marriage was working out.
“How do I know you won’t leave?” No, she’s not afraid that he’ll walk out on her—well, she is but not terribly.
Part of this Noah knew was his fault. He was easy to get comfortable with a new normal that felt good. Delphine was that normal. He was steady as a mountain, unable to be easily torn down or swayed by the wind. Often, he forgot others were not as unyielding as him. For Delphine to be worried about him leaving was almost unfathomable to him. His pride wanted to speak up and scold her, to show her the truth: can you not see all I have done for you? Can you not trust me? Can you not believe that I am true of character? But, ultimately, he knew that response was just that: his pride. It was not him, it was not what was necessary in this time.
The other part of Noah, however, knew this was also the curse that Longnight put on people. Being trapped inside, in one place, eventually got to them. The shadows crept easily and there was little else to do but think and worry and stew over all of the what-ifs of life. So, he pushed his pride back down into the depths of his belly and he extended grace towards her fears, her insecurities. He frowned, some, reaching out to rub his hands down her shoulders and back. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here." He cooed, voice soft and comforting and warm. "Shhh."
He tried to pull her back to him, to lean her against his chest and hold her. "We can make plans and have dreams. It doesn't mean that those things are guaranteed to us. I know that. If the time comes, and we stay, and my desires and my dreams change, then so be it. If yours, then so be it. We adapt and we change and we find ways to stay happy. I don't want to wreck you with anxiety, Delphine. I want to love you."
feel defiance burning through my teeth it's not enough to drag this blade across the day
