From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
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Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Vervain whistled and sat down; Sam wasn't sure how she'd react and watched her cautiously, less worried that she'd be mad and more that he'd somehow hurt her feelings or ruined whatever it was she had with Zeph. If there was one person he desperately didn't want to hurt it was Vervain, swiftly followed by Zeph: the two that had been the kindest to him in recent memory (and his mum and dad).
Thankfully, she gave him a smile and passed him his mug still, enough of a normal, comforting action for Sam to relax and take it. "Yes, it...it's been a little painful, sometimes, especially as for a while I had to drink from him. Oh, nothing happened, though." He added the tacked on last sentence in case Vervain was aware of what usually followed from an Ascended bite.
"I mean...I don't know, Vervain. No one has ever told me they loved me..not...I mean, not ever said 'I love you'. Most men I'm interested in don't return my feelings. I chase things and get hurt and embarrassed then just do it over and over again..." Sam sighed and pushed a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "Zeph said I need to work on myself before looking for someone, but I don't know how. I suppose...do you have advice?"
Vai does raise an eyebrow at that - I had to drink from him - and while it doesn’t change anything, not with how much she’s already lived and grown and learned, she does make a mental note to bring it up with Zeph at a later date. ”Well I hope it’s a bit easier now, at least, to live there,” she says, able to imagine the exquisite pain of being around someone you wanted but couldn’t have. And that’s without the intimacy of an Ascended bite thrown in.
Sam continues to speak and Vai blows on her mug of tea, sending whorls of steam drifting up around her face. Her brow furrows, and when she smiles it’s a bittersweet sort of thing. ”I’ll tell you something I told someone else, recently,” she says. ”Perhaps it will be a bit easier for you to achieve than it will him. You have to love yourself, Sam. Above anyone else. There’s a saying, that... we receive the love we think we deserve. So if you think you deserve very little, then that’s what you’ll find in other people. Do you see what I mean?”
"It is. I mean, I should probably find somewhere on my own eventually, I just..." Sam sighed, clearly embarrassed and ashamed to be having this conversation at all, pushed a hand through his hair. "...I like having someone else in the house. I've been on my own for about ten years now, and when I can hear someone else moving around and just...living there, it's nice, you know?" Since Vervain had had a family, a husband, Sam wasn't sure if she'd ever been alone for a long period of time, but he was sure she would be kind regardless: she always was.
That there were other people that needed the kind of life lessons he was getting was almost comforting; what Vervain said was similar, in a way, to what Zeph had. "I do, but...how do you love yourself? When you can see all your flaws and everyone else can too? I mean...my family, a lot of the other Ascended...they don't like me. I know they don't. Sometimes I think they might be right to feel that way." He sighed, thinking of the awful dinner he'd had with his sisters and Deimos, how it had quickly turned into an attack on all he was. "How do you love yourself, even with all your mistakes? I mean, I'm sure you haven't made that many."
Vervain might surprise Sam in that, whilst she had a husband and children, she had been far from surrounded by family for the majority of her life. Whilst she’d rarely been alone, travelling with a troupe of hunters, it would be a lie to say she wasn’t lonely. Still, she smiled to Sam in understanding, nodding and sipping at her tea. ”I imagine there might be a few people like you in Torchline,” she says. ”Have you considered setting up a living space above your shop, if there’s room? You could petition for a roommate.”
She scoffs good-naturedly, reaching over the table to give his shoulder a gentle squeeze, Vai shaking her head. ”I’ve made plenty of mistakes, Sam. I’ve just been around long enough to realise that... everyone has. And they’re all too wrapped up in their own to worry about me.” Shrugging, she settles back in her chair. ”It’s not a question I have the answer to. I’m sorry... it’s just... something you find in yourself, I guess.”
Vervain's suggestion made Sam pause; he'd not even considered advertising for a roommate, but perhaps the idea wasn't awful. There was space above his shop that he hadn't yet looked at, but with some work it might be able to fit two rooms and a communal space...slowly he nodded, a hint of a smile coming through as he let himself imagine it might even work out. "That's a good idea. I'd have to try and vet who came in, though...I don't want just anybody. I was scared, when I first came here...there's a lot of..."
Searching for a kind word, Sam stirred his tea, watching the swirling liquid and sucking on his teeth. "...ne'er-do-wells."
Every time Vervain gently, kindly reminded him of something or comforted him, Sam wondered if this was what it would have been like to have an active mother in his life; someone who cared, who wanted to help. Someone he felt safe with. "I suppose...it just sometimes feels like everyone else has things much more together than I do. I thought by now I'd be married, maybe with children...that I'd have an established business, that I'd be happy..." He sighed and shook his head, feeling that despite Vervain's motherly presence, he was probably going on too much.
"Anyway, um..." Looking about the kitchen, Sam tried to think of a topic. "How's Felix?"
Vai can’t help but smile into her tea as Sam tries to find a nice word for the sort of people that Torchline is known for - and he does a good job of it, ultimately. It’s a shame, she thinks, that someone often so considerate of others, strangers even, can’t show the same kindness for himself. ”They are certainly a colourful bunch,” she agrees. ”Perhaps when he’s a bit older, Felix might like to live with you.”
Speaking of which, she brightens at the mention of her son, setting her tea down and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. ”He’s adjusting well, I think. He has a high opinion of you - he spoke about learning from you. Or with you, I should say. About Torchline, and about all the other things you know. As you can probably imagine, he’s quite enthusiastic about... everything.” Vai laughs, easily able to imagine her son dragging Sam on all kinds of adventures.
'Colourful bunch' was also a way to put it, that phrasing making Sam smile in turn. The thought of Felix living with him wasn't a bad one (maybe he could mentor Felix the same way Zeph had him, with less biting), though from what he knew of the young man, he wasn't sure it would work out. "Perhaps, but he strikes me as someone that would like to spend a lot of time travelling and exploring...maybe he'd be better with a group of people his own age."
Finding that Felix apparently had spoken well of him made Sam happy; he took a sip of his tea to hide his embarrassed smile. "He's a good student. I've taught a few people to read and write now and he's certainly picking it up quickly. I have...occasionally thought of being a tutor, actually." He'd never voiced it before, always thinking he was too shy for the work, but each time he had tried it had worked out.
"Can I...ask what his father was like?" He asked cautiously, unsure if he was wading into too personal territory. "Felix doesn't mention him too often, but what I have heard makes me curious."
”Oh, I’ve no doubt he’ll find himself tumbling about with a bunch of teenage ruffians. Precisely the sort of colourful lot you wouldn’t want living with you,” Vai agrees with a musical laugh, settling back comfortably in her seat. ”But that’s exactly why I’m glad he’s taken to someone who might be able to remind him that it’s not all about betting each other who can get into the most trouble. His own age can be a terribly bad influence.”
And wasn’t that the damned truth. She raises her eyebrows with interest to hear that Sam has considered tutoring, the witch finishing her tea and setting down her empty cup. ”I think you’d be good at it,” she says warmly, though her expression drops a bit when Devrum is brought into the conversation.
”He doesn’t mention him much because he probably doesn’t remember him. Dev left when he was only a babe in arms.” She shrugs. ”He was... is... a force of nature. It’s the only way I can describe it. Wild as the woods, rough as they come. He’s a good man.”
Sam laughed at Vervain's future visions for her son, glad that she at least understood why he might not want to live with a gang of teen rebels; it felt odd that she considered him a good role model, but it was flattering enough he didn't object. "I never really had many friends as a teenager, but...I'm glad I can provide that for him, if you think it's something he needs." While Cornelius had been much older than he was now, he had appreciated a mentorship in his later teens and could see the benefits.
"Maybe one day. ...After all, if I do live forever, I've got plenty of time to try different things out." He didn't often acknowledge his Ascended eternity to come, but at least this was a way to come at it positively; lots of time to try lots of careers. "For the moment, I'm enjoying the challenge of map making. I have to take more care with it than I had to with the books." After all, someone had to use his work to navigate, so it had to be entirely correct.
Vervain did tell him about Devrum as he asked, but it wasn't hard to see the topic bothered her. "I see." Sam said simply, not wanting to push her talk more on a subject she didn't like. "Speaking of the woods...you must have more experience with the Fae and the Greatwood than I do. Do you think they'll ever truly forgive Ascended? That we could get close to peace?"
”Sometimes solitude can make you into a very sweet friend, Sam,” Vai says with a secretive kind of smile, running her finger around the rim of her teacup. ”Give yourself a chance. My son certainly has, and he doesn’t seem disappointed.” Felix has been excited, if anything, about the prospect of learning more of Torchline with someone as relatively new to the place as he is.
It surprises her, the reminder that Sam is ageless, for lack of another world, and she nods carefully. ”Just imagine; one day you might be the perfect tutor, with all these different skills you have acquired. You could be a sage, living at the top of some rickety old tower. We could enchant a broomstick to guard the door for you.”
Talk of the Fae, though? In relation to the Ascended? Vai wrinkles her nose, unable to stop the scepticism in her expression. ”They are quite an animated lot,” she says softly. ”It won’t be easy to win their trust. I worry for any who try who are Ascended, honestly.”
Sam had certainly never heard that particular take at all, far more used to the opinion that his time alone meant he was bad at relating to people. The positive spin on things made him smile over his own tea and not for the first time, he wished he could have grown up in the kind of home Felix got to, loving and kind; who knew where he would be by now?
He laughed at her idea of him as a sage, wondering if anyone alive right now would ever consider going to him for wise words. "That will have to be many years in the future, so many that I can't even consider it right now. I certainly don't know enough to be a sage...though a enchanted broomstick does sound fun."
It was hard to see her immediate reaction to his question, but he supposed at least it was honest. "...I see. Well, hopefully one day. I'd like there to be peace." Given that he'd been one of the ones to destroy their tree though, Sam had no idea if he'd ever be included in that truce.
Talking with Vervain, even with the awkward revelation they'd had shortly into things, was calming in a way Sam didn't know he had needed; that motherly calm she gave, her willing friendliness...he hoped she was enjoying herself too, because he would certainly want to come back for more tea in the future.
