hold me like we're dying from the liquor that we drank

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

It’s like a dance of sorts, the way Nate’s hand comes to cradle his neck and Sunjata leans into each and every touch. “Not really. I was… I’d say slightly taller than average but not like I am here.” Not like his father who had an inch or two on him, not like his mother who was nearly Nate’s height. Even Lusea hit close to six feet. He’d never thought it strange until he arrived here, feeling like a large creature thrown into the mix of those much shorter.

But there’s a seriousness that buzzes in Sunjata’s mind, of living forever or growing old, and he listens — trying to ignore the buzzing that says Nate would outlive him, choosing to ignore it and focus on this reality — because that’s easier, less stress inducing, far more comfortable. All he can do is scan Nate’s face, a softness creeping into the look that’s full of love and endearing, and if Nate could feel Sunjata’s end of the attuned bond it’d be nothing but a flood of warmth and love, acceptance and want. “I’d run away with you too.” He hums, tilting just head — feeling like they’d done just that from their burning home that didn’t particularly seem like theirs anymore. A new start.

“It’s not annoying.” He rumbles with a hint of a whine slipping through. It’s who he was, like how Sunjata’s accent was as much a part of him. And Sunjata loves all of it. Still, he’s forgotten to pick a choice, and Nate’s moving them so he’s on top, showering kisses down along his face and Sunjata wonders whether or not the warmth of the love within him can shine bright like Ronin’s. He wonders if Nate can see it even if Sunjata can’t. But his arms wrap around Nate, hands running along tattooed skin as the question is met and Sunjata makes an audible “oh” sound that seems far more shocked than it is anything else.

“Oops. I forgot.” He offers, a bright chimed laugh rumbles from him that’s enough to bounce Nate along his chest. “Dare.” He adds at the end, fingers stroking gently along Nate’s arms, roaming up to his hair and running through the dark curls.

SUNJATA

NATE

"God." Nate can't imagine. Doesn't really want to, if he's being honest. "I used to be tall." A pointed declaration, accompanied by a literal poke of his finger, and followed up with the barest brush of Nate's lips, almost an apology, as if he's done something that needed apologizing for.

The seriousness, the honesty it encouraged left Nate in a lurch, a feeling he was rescued from almost immedaitely. While he'd prefer the bond, the simplicity of it, the openness of it, Nate doesn't need it. Not when he can just look into warm grey eyes, when he can see the spark of love. They're together, they have each other, and it's like Nate has the whole world in his hand. Something occurs to him, between the hum that Sunjata would come with him and the whine about his voice, tries to claw it's way up Nate's throat before he really knows whats coming, before he can make it sound nice. "I've never been loved like this before Sunny." The words catch, a hiccup of sadness suddenly overtaking Nate, gone just as quickly as it had come but leaving the tears it brought behind, his one eye shimmering with fluid. Blinking quickly, and swallowing, Nate hides the sudden rush of emotions with a laugh, with the manouver that flips them.

Nate laughs along with Sunjata, half because his lover's laugh is contagious, and half because he can't not laugh, the way he's bouncing about. There's still a rumbling chuckle making its way through him, as he considers a dare, as hands stroke over him, into his hair, and gods if that doesn't just blow away every thought in his head, a low groan leaving him that has nothing to do with his laughter. He knows, deep down in the back of his head, that he'd had some kind of motive suggesting truth or dare, but now all he can think of is something that could generously be called childish.

"Close your eyes." It's more a command than a dare, and when Sunjata does it, because of course he will, it's so simple, Nate strikes. He forgets sometimes how quickly he can actually move, when he wants to. All the attuned will feel is Nate rising, then his shirt being pulled up so quickly it rips, and then a pair of warmer than usual lips, blowing a raspberry against a tanned stomach. It doesn't last long, it can't, not with the way Nate's utterly overtaken by giggles, dropping down against Sunjata again.

Clearing his throat, making sure all his laughter is out for the moment, Nate sniffs, and smiles, tipping his head up to look at the other. "Truth." He decides easily.

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

“You are tall. Compared to most people here.” Sunjata murmurs with an amused grin spreading across his face. But there’s a flash of cockiness that crosses his grin, has his head tilting slightly as he focuses on his lover. “I only have a few inches on you.” It comes out as a hum, muffled by a poke and brush of lips in an apology Sunjata’s not sure what it’s for. But he gives into it regardless, looking down at Nate with warmth and amusement in his fevered, exhausted state.

The admission has his gaze softening still, and once they’re flipped over and Sunjata’s letting the laugh slip from him, his fingers tangle in Nate’s hair tightly as if the Ascended might disappear if Sunjata let go. “I have so much of it to give you.” He offers quietly, smugly, nestled in with Nate as a blanket. And then he’s mentioning that he’s forgotten to pick something, shifting ever so slightly as he offers up a dare, surprised to find it’s only closing his eyes.

And so he does, because of course he does, and what happens next has him wiggling beneath the Ascended, as soon as the vibration and sounds are heard and felt, breaking away into giggles and fits, Sunjata’s own barks of laughter drowning out anything else. Arms instinctively wrap around Nate, a huff leaving him as he tries to catch his breath, squeezing Nate’s shoulders. “Rude.” He chimes, but there’s no conviction behind it. Not when the grin that spreads along his face is so wide, not when the redness of fevered warmth and laughter floods through him.

But they settle together, and Sunjata’s focusing on Nate again, tilting his head down to look at his lover as his fingers reach up to let Nate’s raven hair slip through them. And he considers the question before letting it slip from his lips, deciding that he might as well dive deep. “Tell me a secret about you that I don't know yet.” It was hard for Nate to open up, Sunjata knows this in his subconscious, knows that he’s so similar in so many ways to this, but he can’t help but to try it anyway – not when there’s so much excitement and love bouncing between them.

And when it’s over, Sunjata smiles to Nate. “Truth.”

SUNJATA

NATE

A few inches is clearly still enough to grumble over, and that’s exactly what Nate does. Clearly, Sunjata doesn’t understand the importance of height. Moods move quickly, with the fever, but the flip from grumpy to smiling is still almost jarring, a soft noise leaving Nate as fingers tighten in his hair. The attuned just has this way of making him feel secure, feel safe, something no one else has been able to do. More often than not, he’s the protector, he’s the safety net. It’s nice to be on the other side.

The reaction he gets has Nate beaming, his face almost aching from how wide his smile is. ”It’s not rude if you laugh.” That was just logic, obviously. Laughing means it was good, and already Nate’s planning all kinds of ways to do this again, a silly, soft prank. ”I didn’t know you were ticklish.” He purrs, fingers threatening Sunjata, even while Nate continues to laugh. And continues, right up until Sunjata gives him his truth, right up until he pauses, hums.

"You know a lot of my secrets." Nate rumbles, deciding to let his mind drift, deciding to let the first thing that surfaced out of his mouth. "You remember, I told you about the uh... the work, I did for my dad?" First thought, maybe not the best one, but there was no turning back. Even now, thinking so close around it, he can feel a twist in his stomach, a moment of panic as his body forgets that his heart doesn't beat, that his lungs don't need to be filled. A moment where he forgets he isn't human, isn't dead himself. Shutting his eyes tight, Nate lets out a whine, and presses his face into the crook of Sunjata's neck. This is a story that can be told without eye contact, he thinks, if only so he can avoid the images his mind will dredge up. "I ran away. Got a uh, bus ticket upstate, out of state, and just left."

With the way the sickness drags him here and there, memories both related and not wander to the forefront of his mind, and he has to focus, really focus to get what he needs out. Nate presses even harder against Sunjata, swirling overtaking the darkness inside his eyes, shapes appearing and fading again before he can make sense of them. ”I got off at the end of the line, in a big ass city, and I... I had a plan, but I didn’t really have a plan, you know?” His hand reaches, unseeing, for Sunjata’s, to hold, to squeeze. He’s not in that place anymore, no matter how it pounds against his senses. ”There’s a lot of bridges there. Lotta big buildings too, but... that seemed worse.” A giddy, shaky laugh leaves Nate, like it’s a joke, and he’s trying so hard to make it one, just laugh, just go along with it.

”I figured I would kinda... enjoy myself first. I was a minor, but I was big, and I had a fake ID, and I find a bar and drink until I can’t tell how shitty the beer is anymore, and I leave.” He’s only just now realizing that that’s not really a good time, that it’s a cry for help, when he’s young and in a place he doesn’t know and he has a plan. It makes the next part clearer, gives it more sense at least. ”I walk to whatever the nearest bridge is, it’s not far, but it’s cold, and miserable, and it all kinda feels... right, you know? And this... woman, I guess, she couldn’t have been much older than me, she follows me. And when I... she, she comes up to me, and she says,” Nate pauses, to cough out a laugh, ”This is a shitty place to kill yourself. Come with me. So... I go with her.”

If it wasn’t for the fact that he was still draped over Sunjata, Nate would have all but forgotten the other man was there, too wrapped up in a recollection, in a memory he barely remembers. This has shifted from game to something he needs to get out, now that it’s started. ”She had red hair, red red, and the ugliest coat I’ve ever seen in my life, and she told me her name but I don’t... I can’t remember. I tried to tell her she was wrong, and I wasn’t gonna kill myself, and she just... started talking about herself. Her family. Her... girlfriend.” The last word is whispered, the same way it had been when he’d repeated it back to the woman, all those years ago. Like it’s something secret, something shameful. ”She let me talk to, about... I don’t know. My shitty teenager stuff, and my sad life stuff, and she let me cry and brought me to a different bar, and it was...” God, even now, in the state he’s in, it sounds stupid. Sounds fake, like some kind of movie scene, or something you’d read in a cheap book, but: ”It was the first time I really knew there people like me who weren’t miserable about it. And it doesn’t, it didn’t fix everything, but... it helped.”

”By the end of the night, I didn’t have a plan anymore. She bought me a bus ticket, and I went back home. I don’t think anyone even really noticed I was gone, except Bart.” And he’d never told anyone, not even Bart. Except, now, he’d told Sunjata. And, with that realization, Nate is shoved out of his reminiscing, back into the present, the feverish moment. He draws back, opening his eye as he does, and before the can say something, anything, he surges up to kiss his fiancé, his lover, his partner. Everything that he can press into the embrace, he does, both hands moving to cup Sunjata’s cheeks, brushing over freckles and stubble both. Just a fraction, a tiny fragment, if he can communicate even a hint of his emotions through touch, he wants it to be this touch.

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

A brief roguish grin is given toward Nate, the effect of wanting to stick his tongue out at the Ascended when he says that it isn’t rude if he laughs. On the subject of being ticklish though, Sunjata wiggles again under the touch of ghostly hands, a sharp inhale given with an amused gleam to his slate gaze. “You never asked.” He murmurs, not sure if it makes sense but knowing that it does in his mind.

But then he tells Nate to tell him a secret, part of him fully expecting it to go wrong, part of him not expecting it at all. And so he settles in, Nate atop him, hands rubbing gently along his lover’s sides, beneath his shirt. He ends up closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to watch the swirling ceiling, his hand finding Nate’s as the story continues, fingers interlocking with the Ascended as the story starts to dive. The shaky laugh, something Sunjata knows well, receives a gentle squeeze.

There’s a moment when Sunjata stills, because he knows that feeling. He knows he’s done that a few too many times before coincidence saved him from it, and he presses his cheek against Nate’s head while he continues, some sort of hollow feeling in his stomach beginning to howl. But he’s glad, because Nate’s definitely here, and if he could he wants to try and imagine the redhead, the fevered sickness wanting him to be able to thank her, to give him this.

His lips part, about to add something before Nate’s surging up, lips pressed and locked to his in a way that Sunjata’s felt before in fleeting moments. This feels more monumental, as if everything Nate’s ever wanted to say is communicated in this love, this kiss, the touch to his cheeks and his jaw. And the sickness doesn’t make him shy away from giving it back, doesn’t shy away from the fact that he tries to share through his kiss too. To share the idea that if anything, anything happened to Nate that it would absolutely destroy him.

So he takes the moment, fevered heavy arms lifting to wrap around Nate, to roll them over again so he’s on top, legs braced on either side of his fiancé when he breaks the kiss, forehead pressed against Nate’s as he searches his face. And when he finds it, he takes a slow and quiet inhale, pressing a kiss to Nate’s forehead, before he continues on.

“I love you.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to Nate’s scar next, the one that crosses the bridge of his nose. “I love you.” He repeats, pressing a kiss to Nate’s ruined eye. “I love you.” His voice shakes but he shifts to press a follow up kiss again to Nate’s cheek just under the end of the scar, the one that crosses beneath his good eye.

And then his head lifts, arms braced on either side of Nate’s head, fingers brushing tangled black hair from his face, tilting the Ascended’s chin up ever so slightly. “And nothing, nothing, will ever stop me from loving you, so you have this. I promise.” He aims to capture Nate’s lips next, trying to convey exactly what he means through it, thumbs stroking along a sharp pale jaw. Promises were not easy things, Sunjata too prone to breaking them that he’s strayed away from making them in the first place.

But he can do this one. There isn’t a flicker of doubt in his mind that he can love Nate the way he deserves it.

SUNJATA

NATE

Somehow, the kiss seems more important than the words that preceded it. It feels like Nate gets more out, explains more of himself than he’d ever be able to with words, and yet, there’s still so much more. A garden of tenderness, nurtured and cared for and growing into something better, with Sunjata’s help.

Something about this is different. Something between them makes it different, makes it easier to be looked at, even if he feels like every crack, every flaw is on display. Nate thinks he might cry. Thinks he might already be crying, and for the first time, there’s no voice in his head screaming for him to suck it up, screaming that he should do better, be in control of himself. It’s just Sunjata, around him, drowning out his insecurities and traumas, just for the moment. Just long enough for Nate to realize he doesn’t need to carry them all alone.

Nate moves with his lover, shifting wherever the other puts him, on his back again. He never thought he’d like being small, being vulnerable. Never thought he’d like being seen. Never thought he’d be able to bare pieces of himself kept locked away from the light for so long, but here he is, warmed inside and out by the sun, by his Sun. There’s still a whine when the kiss is broken, though it dies in Nate’s throat when the attuned doesn’t really move, doesn’t pull away, just looks at him.

His eye doesn’t close as a kiss is pressed to his forehead, his mouth opening automatically to return the sentiment, to force words to try and carry his emotions, but the next kiss shuts him up, makes him go still. So busy worrying about the scars inside, he forgets the one across his face. No, not forgets, ignores.

Nate can’t ignore this. This kiss pressed to his nose pulls a soft breath from him, the one over his ruined eye has him shaking, and the last one, under his eye, shatters something, whatever worn tape he’d been held together with splitting. ”I love you too.” He babbles, howls, fluid dripping down his face, into his hair and Sunjata’s hands.

The promise though. There isn’t a single part of Nate that disbelieves Sunjata. No part of him with any reason to doubt. A hiccup leaves Nate, just before their lips press together, as his hands, arms lift to wrap around his fiancé, to hold him close, just to hold him.

”I want to be with you forever, I want to be married, and home with you and...” A stream of consciousness, no thought too unimportant to be said out loud right now, because god, what if he keeps the wrong thing in, what if he regrets never saying these things? ”I love you, I love you so much, I’ll love you until... until the end, whatever it is, whenever, I don’t care. We’ll make a new house, and I... I’ll make you happy, as happy as you make me.”

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

It’s a closeness they’ve never managed to get to before. An opening that has truths aired, worries, fears, an openness that lets Nate tell him those darker thoughts. And for a moment, he finds it ironic, considering how many times Nate had healed and saved him too. But his fevered mind refuses to acknowledge the shadows that exist and encroach closer, a low hum leaving his lips as he tilts Nate’s head up, professing his love.

And there’s those iridescent sheen of tears, far too odd to be water, far to strange to be something afraid of. And so soot covered fingers brush the tears away, spreading the iridescence into Nate’s hair, watching his lover. He can feel him shake, feel the way something snaps between them and exposes something new, something raw. It’s enough to draw tears to his own steel gaze as well, so unable to express his emotions previously. But this is something else.

This is something more.

He presses a confirming kiss to Nate’s lips, only pulling away to hear what he has to say, burying his face into raven, iridescent hair, holding Nate just as tightly as the Ascended holds him. “You will. I know you will.” He rumbles, though he’s not sure if he’s speaking the native tongue or Korofi at this point. But a thought occurs to him, a fresh start here in Torchline now that the house has burned.

“Let’s get married. Build a new home.” Without the ghosts that lived in every crevice. It’s an agreement, something Sunjata wants so dearly he aches with it. A home they can build and make together. Theirs.

He nuzzles his head in, pressing longer kisses to Nate’s neck, trailing up the edge of a sharp jaw bone. “I love you too, Nate Wren. All of you. For forever and whatever comes next.” It’s a low hum, a lover's whisper against Nate’s ear, with all the conviction and love he can offer through his words and touch.

SUNJATA

NATE

They certainly make a pair, clinging to each other like there's not a single other thing in the world, and crying on top of it. There's nowhere else Nate would rather be though, nothing else he'd rather be doing. He doesn't know yet, what this new openness will do, what it will change, if anything. It has to change something, doesn't it? Sunjata's seen the deepest parts of him now. Everything he's kept hidden, accepted, just like that, like it was easy. Who else would do that for him, who else would he trust like that?

If it takes him his whole life, Nate will show Sunjata exactly how much this means to him, exactly how deep his love runs, now that he's opened up properly.

"We are getting married." Nate laughs, certain that they've talked about this. Or had he only dreamed it, in his deepest, most indulgent fantasies? But, no, that doesn't make sense. He'd told people. Bragged about it. How could he not have? He lets his head tip while he thinks, muses over marriages, opening himself up to an assault of kisses, and not minding in the least. "We could... double marry?" Whatever that would end up meaning. The idea of a new home, just for them, built by them, it's easier to work through for his sick mind, easier to cling to. "I can't... I don't want to wait. I want it to come now."

Whatever comes next though? Oh, no, no no. All they have is forever, there is no next, not for them. There's a hitch in his chest, a hiccup, where the scrabble of his fingers grows more desperate, more needy. "No, it's just... just forever. Just now." How does he explain, how does he put words to the fact that whatever comes next, they won't be together? How does he explain that once again, he's the one who drove a wedge between them, who put them on these different paths.

"We can just enjoy forever, right?" He insists, whines, pleads. It's too soon after the tide of emotions to go through another nadir, once they've finally, finally reached a peak.

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

His hand flexes against Nate, fingers running along cheekbones and jaw, the soft boyish grin that crosses his face is far more the kinder, gentler version of himself that nobody really gets to see. “We are.” He agreed about the wedding, not realizing how it goes in circles. But the subject of a double marriage? It has his head tilting, sniffling back against the tears before they have a chance of falling.

“Double…?” He’s not sure what Nate means, but he goes along with it anyway. Unless, of course, his lover means a private secret wedding, an eloping away from everyone and everything. “I don’t want to wait either… We’ve waited so long.” It’s his turn to have a slightly dramatic pull to his words, dragging it on in a whine that has him not entirely paying attention when Nate’s hands grow more needy, more intense.

So he buries his head into Nate’s neck again, lashes fluttering against the pale skin, listening and trying to make sense of the words. Just forever? Just forever. That’s good enough, right? But it’s not, not with how Sunjata’s mind works. Forever meant forever, but after meant in the next life. Unless…?

He tries not to dwell on it, pressing his face in close and his body against Nate’s, not realizing he’s pressed himself so close and so smothering. “Okay. Forever.” He hums quietly, wanting nothing more than to try and shift the conversation to something happier, something better. “I’m okay with just forever.” He decides, pressing his lips in a gentle kiss against Nate’s neck.

SUNJATA

NATE

Nate isn't sure what he means either, but it doesn't stop him doubling down. "Double!" Two parties, two honeymoons, four rings. Eloping makes more sense, but right now, it's the furthest thing from Nate's mind, sense having abandoned him some time ago. Mostly. "Why wait anymore?" Comes the conspiratory murmur, head tipping against his fiance. It's mostly rhetorical, Nate not expecting an answer, not with the way he begins to lose control of his mood, his words, the way he almost tips them into darkness.

Maybe it's the tone of his voice, or maybe it's simply the idea is too much, too sad to really think about, but whatever the reason is, Sunjata moves on, leaves them with forever. A sigh of relief leaves Nate, soft, but not too soft. "We can make forever last forever." He promises, voice warm, grateful.

All at once, the frightened, needy shake in Nate's fingers is gone, his hands steady, or at least back to their sick baseline. He wants to change the subject, wants them floating on happier clouds now. His hands shift, body squirming under Sunjata, against Haai, as he tries to free the blanket from beneath them, tries to drag it over them, the effort clear in his voice when he speaks. "Do you want to keep playing?" They've gone so far he can circle back, close the loop that he'd opened accidentally. "Just questions though?"

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

Nate makes a point that absolutely makes sense to a fevered Sunjata. They’re getting married for themselves, without anyone else’s opinions. Why did it matter? “Yeah. Why wait?” He agreed, the decision made, pleased and vibrant with the feeling that even when Nate’s fevered panic rushes through, he can’t find it in him to delve into the sorrow. So he agrees, pressing his lips to Nate's neck, curling up on top of the Ascended.

“Forever-ever.” He murmurs against Nate’s skin, shifting and wiggling atop the Ascended as he tries to place the blanket over them. The attuned is unfortunately not much help, but he tries — mentally — more than anything.

So when the conversation loops and the heat of their fevers causes the delirium to grow a bit brighter, he lifts his head with a lingering, dragged kiss to Nate’s chin, peering at him from where he rests. “Yes.” He says, flashing a fanged grin. But his hand raises then, up to cradle Nate’s cheek, to tap his fingers at his lovers temple. “I think… I think it was my turn.” He remembers requesting a truth before everything had fallen into a more somber, more open conversation. But he doesn’t remember if it’s been answered since.

SUNJATA

NATE

Why wait? and forever-ever twine together in his mind, a long road stretching ahead ofthem. All at once, Nate's worries, his guilt vanish. They have so much time, all they need to do is make the most of it. Maybe they should elope, right now, run away and leave everything behind, just for a little bit. A rumbling hum leaves Nate, as he debates giving up on the blanket to instead lift Sunjata in his arms, and wander away, into the sunset or the stars or wherever people who were truly, blindingly in love went.

"Should we...?" The words fall from him just as he manages to free the blanket, triumph leaving Nate's throat in a shout that startles Pemota out of the quiet doze she'd drifted into, her sharp trills of indignation ignored in favour of wrapping them up tight.

Wrapped up, with the heat between them only growing, Nate lets himself relax, sink deeper into the waiting arms of delirium. The sinking is all mental though, his hands, his head tilting up, pressing against Sunjata. Fingers brush through sweat-curled hair, then down along the back of the attuned's neck, following the line of his spine, blunt nails dragging. "I think... I think you're right." That meant he needed to find a question, needed to press the swirling mists of thoughts into something solid, a gem he can offer out to his lover.

Or, he can simply say the first thing that can be turned into a question out loud, vague thoughts about the future, about their future, giving rise to a question he wouldn't dare even entertain in any other situation. "Are we... do you want to have a family? A um... bigger, than just us?"

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

“Yes.” Sunjata murmurs, agreeing before flinching slightly at the shout, the surprise overtaking him as the blanket is freed and he burrows himself in against Nate as if his lover held all the answers and safety within an arms reach. Haai wraps her wing around Pemota, tucking the Star whale in tight against a fuzzy body in a makeshift cocoon that’s not so different from the way the blanket encompasses the two men.

He feels Nate pressing up against him, feels the hands drag through his curls, goosebumps rising against his skin as he feels Nate’s nails drag down his spine. And so he focuses on it, hands running along Nate’s shoulders, thumbs pressed against collarbones, body pressed as tight as he can against the Ascended when the question hits.

His gut reaction is to say no, but this isn’t Korofi regardless of how much he sometimes thinks it is. There’s no trials. There’s no swim tests of tossing little boys into floodwaters and waiting to see who lived. And it’s that pause that has him staring at Nate through the darkness, pressing his face into the crook of his lover’s neck. “We could.” He pauses, swallowing around the tightness of his throat. “Yes. Yes, I think I want that.” A child they could raise, a child that could be better than them, that could prove to himself that he’s not his father, that he wouldn’t turn into the Arbiter of Korofi with stone metal skin and oil for blood.

But it’s his turn to ask a question, and he nuzzles his head up against Nate’s skin to peer at him, a softness to his gaze. “Do you want to have a child?” He asks, imagining that with all the magic and things in this world it might be able to make it a possibility.

SUNJATA

NATE

An answer comes, but Nate has forgotten the question, half voiced and distracted utterly. Yes, they're getting married, or yes, they should elope? What had he even intended to say?

At first, there’s a touch of worry, the ’We could.’ sounding almost... uncertain. Uncomfortable with the idea. It has Nate’s stomach roiling, anxieties gnawing at him. Had he been too forward, pressed too hard in this new openness? That was always how it went, wasn’t it? If he wasn’t enough, than he was too much, far too much. He nearly spiralled, nearly gave in to despair in a way he never had before, not in front of Sunjata.

There was no need. No matter how long that single terrifying second lasted in his sick mind, it was shattered a moment later, elation sending his mind rising, a feeling better than any high he’d ever indulged in, better than a bite (and oh, with that though something in his throat, his mouth itches fiercely). Nate leans in to press his lips against the other man, kissing him fiercely, with as much as he can manage.

Gods, he doesn’t even to think about his answer, not with the subject already on his mind. "Yes, I... yes." Theres just this one condition, something niggling at the back of his mind, flashes of memories, the happiest parts of his childhood. "But... not a child, a child... child... children. More than... not just one." Sunjata would understand, he had to. He had had a sister, one he was close with, at least for some time, and Nate had had Bart. He can’t imagine a lonelier existence, without a confidante, a partner.

"Do you think... if we'd met earlier, maybe... would things be..." He's not sure if he wants to say better, because they're already good, already so much better than he ever believed he'd have. He's not sure if he wants to say easier, because nothing in life, in either of their lives, was easy, and he would never have expected this to be any different. "...different?"

the last ones here on earth