From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Finn can’t help but laugh in her presence, weary even though he is, and he’s working is fingers into the thick ruff of fur around her neck when the voice shatters the moment between them, dragging him back into fevered reality. His eyes open slowly, Finn turning his head to gaze across at the nurse as if surprised to see her. Hard working as October is, he’s rarely seen anyone else in the clinic.
And while the nurse might be right in some of her assumptions - Finn is most certainly burning up under the additional body heat - there is no added stress (mental stress, at least), and he’s pretty sure his hygiene in this state is the questionable one. Of course, he absolutely can’t articulate any of this, so he settles on the obvious.
”She’s October today. Doctor Hart isn’t here, sorry.”
"Uh..well..." Both high ranking members of the Order, the nurse is woefully outranked here. Even so, she has a duty of care to Finn that she (admirably, but annoyingly) doesn't make down from. "Yes well, October is shedding."
She isn't wrong. The thing about berners is that they only shed twice a year, and right happens to be one of those times. Petting you, Finn won't find small single hairs coming off of you. Instead, should he tug at any place, he'll likely come away with an entire puff of hair.
Whining, your ears back and tail flopping a single time, you give Finn's chin a single lick as you move to slink guiltily off of the bed.
”October is wonderful,” Finn replies in a tone that suggests having snuggles with the Attuned, whilst near blissful for both of them, has ramped his temperature up again enough to make his mind hazy. He inches towards delirium happily, though, too exhausted and too drugged to really make anything of it, and as she slinks away he finds himself still smoothing his fingers through the fur she’s left behind.
Furrowing his brow, Finn glances around for her again and seems a bit worried, truth be told. ”Did she melt?” he wonders. That is the only explanation, really - why else would he be covered in fluff like this? ”I hope she didn’t melt. She was my left hand.”
let me see you through 'cause i've seen the dark side too.
Finn does not offer compliments by nature. You think when his mind is working normally they don't even occur to him. So it is that as he says you're wonderful, you can't help but feel all the more guilty for it. Well done being precisely what he doesn't need, again.
The nurse, having absolutely no feelings of friendship toward the Spyglass, just frowns. She's able to see you clearly from where you've landed on the floor, and she offers you an unhappy frown as you shift back. "We all melt sometimes." You reassure Finn as you stand, reaching for a tuft of brown fur intermingled with black from the bed. "I'll make sure to clean this up and bring a fresh set of sheets before I go." You say to the nurse. Senior though you might be, you have fucked up here. She grumbles some sort of response to you before nodding and taking her leave.
"Sorry." You mumble as you walk around the side of Finn's bed, meaning to plop back into the chair you'd been in. "I suppose I didn't really think that through."
When the night falls on you & you don't know what to do Nothing you confess could make me love you less
”I don’t want to melt,” Finn mumbles, still threading his fingers through the soft fur and humming out a sigh as he looks around for her. She pops up next to the bed again on two legs and he offers her a sunny smile, which in itself says everything about his current state. Here is the pretty face men paid for; here is the man beneath the aura. She apologises again and Finn clumsily reaches for her hand - naturally, it’s the one with the cast on it, since it’s the closest to her.
”You’re always apologisin’ to me,” he slurs, like he doesn’t understand it. ”You’ve got nothin’ to ‘pologise for, Tobi.” Her sins, if they can really be called such, are nothing compared to the life Finn has suffered through, and no one guilty has ever offered him an apology. ”I’ll be ok. I’ve been through worse’n this.”
let me see you through 'cause i've seen the dark side too.
"I bet it feels good to melt." You counter with a smile. "Like a really, really good massage, where all the tension just melts away, and you're left in a puddle." You think good sex might be able to do that as well, but in present company, you're not going to mention that. Good job Tobi, way to finally learn from your mistakes.
Looking down on Finn you don't see a man you want to take to bed, someone to force between your thighs or up against walls as others have. In fact, you don't even recognize Finn when he's like this, all watery blue eyes and white teeth. You can't tell if this is real, or just another layer of him, the former stripped away by shedding dogs and morphine. Letting his cast bump against your hand, you let your fingers wrap around his wrist, not that he can feel it.
Your teeth softly pulse together; you have so much to apologize for, especially to this man who you've failed so spectacularly. Looking down at his cast, your eyes looking almost black through narrowed dark lashes, you think of all the ways this could have prevented. Things you should have done. Things you shouldn't have let yourself believe about yourself, and Finn. "Oh you have? I must have missed the mystery illness you'd been plagued with before when I was going through your charts." You smirk back, your thumb brushing against where the underside of his wrist is, beneath the cast.
When the night falls on you & you don't know what to do Nothing you confess could make me love you less
”You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had a massage.” Finn has never needed physio, never been treated with that kind of delicacy and care. He wonders if it really might feel like melting, and as he wonders, he swears the walls around them start to drip and steam. Blinking and furrowing his brow, he concentrates as best he can on Tobi, a smile blooming on his face as she sort of holds his hand; it would be the case, if not for the cast.
The smile fades, though, as she speaks again - it sparks a moment of tragic clarity, and he turns his face into the pillow. ”Yes, you do,” he says softly of this mystery illness. ”Falke has a lot of names for it, but it’s written in my charts, I’m sure. A constant footnote in my life.”
let me see you through 'cause i've seen the dark side too.
"Well, you'll need one once that cast comes off." You say, nosing towards the plaster on his arm. "Sometimes massages are purely therapeutic and...don't feel that nice." This is added with a crooked smile and a laugh, not wanting Finn to get the idea that it will all be sunshine and rainbows during his physio. "But they can also be purely to relax." You add, gazing down at Finn and wondering in the life he led before all of this, if he wouldn't agree he'd been a masseuse of a certain kind. Though perhaps you're trying to put too naive a spin on what prostitution is.
"Your mind isn't—" But you stop yourself, biting down hard on the inside of your lip to stall the words before they can tumble out. You might be here as just a friend and not a doctor, but that doesn't mean you can't still do medical harm with the things you say. So instead you force out a breath, a fake smile, and softly shake your head.
When the night falls on you & you don't know what to do Nothing you confess could make me love you less
”Oh wonderful. I look forward to it,” Finn mumbles, wiggling his fingers and gazing down at his cast as if wondering what an arm massage would even feel like. At least, he assumes that’s the sort of massage she means. His gaze is still directed down when she starts to speak, and Finn smiles humourlessly. ”Yes it is,” he disagrees, but there’s very little he can do to knit the threads of their conversation back together again. With a soft grumble, the Spyglass closes his eyes.
”I don’t feel well, Tobi,” he says, almost under his breath, and already Finn is slurring towards unconsciousness. Morphine has its drawbacks, as do all things, and he’s struggling in its grip now. ”Will you stay a little longer?”
let me see you through 'cause i've seen the dark side too.
You aren't broken, Finn. You think sadly, wanting to scoop him up and whisk him away somewhere that he isn't under constant observation. Where he can just be without the world telling him how wrong he is. But then you remember him slamming his hand in the door and the way you could almost see the thin threads of his sanity spinning in that moment, shattering and growing all the stronger somehow, and you just swallow down your need to heal.
"Of course I will." You hum, resisting the urge to reach down and take his temperature. "Is there anything I can get for you? Those ice chips you wanted before?" You suggest with a shy smile that grows crooked on your face. "Or maybe a blanket made of ice?" You laugh a little at this, imagining what it would be like to tuck Finn into a bed made of frost and frozen water where he could never drown.
When the night falls on you & you don't know what to do Nothing you confess could make me love you less
Finn shivers at her icy suggestions, but it isn’t clear whether or not it’s an enjoyable prospect. He is smiling, so it might be safe to assume so, the Spyglass squinting open his eyes to look up at Tobi. ”Ice chips sound nice,” he admits, giving her a wobbly sort of nod. ”The blanket... not so much. I’ve slept under a lot of wet blankets, even with a fever. It’s not so fun.”
With a shuddering sigh, he tries to force himself to focus on Tobi. ”What do you want?” he asks. It comes out in a tone of curiosity, rather than the accusation that so often accompanies such a question. ”More’n ice chips, I bet.”
let me see you through 'cause i've seen the dark side too.
Rather than tripping over the situation you've made, you just flash Finn a smile. "Oh, I don't know. What about in a place like Torchline, where it's so warm? Might be nice to sleep under a wet blanket." Ice chips though are easily done. Moving to the other side of the room, you pause, your head tilted slightly over your shoulder as you listen to his question. It isn't the sort of thing you can respond to right away, however. His tone is suddenly far more clear than it has any right to be, and though you and Finn aren't in the habit of having particularly deep conversations, the question seems to be weaselling its way deeper than the acquaintance-level friendship you've built up so far.
Returning with a few ice chips in a glass, you reach your hand out across the bed for Finn's good hand, that he might take the cup. "Just to help." You reply eventually with a soft shrug. You...are not complicated. Boring, some might say, but you do live to serve others, in a way that Finn probably won't understand. Unlike his past, being at the beck and call of those around you, always putting your needs second, fills you with joy. It means you've had to put a number of things on hold, but so what? You don't think it's arrogant to think the world is a better (or at least, healthier) place for having you do what you do.
"What about you? Other than ice chips, and morphine." You ask, sinking down at his side once again.
When the night falls on you & you don't know what to do Nothing you confess could make me love you less
”Maybe. It wasn’t that warm when I visited. Monsoon season,” he explains, before wrinkling his nose at the memories that surface. Falling asleep on the beach with an angel watching over him; different sort of angel hovering on the surface of the water, watching over dead children. He’s drowning in those images when the cup is pressed into his hands, Finn blinking down at it like he’s surprised to see such a thing.
Then he remembers, of course, it’s exactly what he’s asked for, and so he lifts the cup to his lips to (predictably) tip ice chips all over his face. The whole situation has Finn in a fit of giggles, and he almost misses her answer and the question fired in return. ”I want peace,” he says easily. ”I want... a house, in the Celestine. And a hammock.”
let me see you through 'cause i've seen the dark side too.
"Oh right, you'd mentioned. Well, I think it's about as hot there right now as you probably feel." Are you trying to find reasons to go there? Absolutely you are. Sadly it seems the only plans you have going forward are staying at Finn's bedside and then going off to the Climb to collect samples.
Softly you hold the cup, nudging the base aginst his hand but not letting it go until you think that he's focused enough on the task that he won't drop it on himself. Which of course he does. Snorting, you dramatically roll your eyes as you begin to retrieve the ice chips from where they've fallen on the top of the blankets and around his shoulders. "Listen, I thought you'd just told me you didn't want an ice blanket. Honestly Finn, make up your mind."
Sitting back down, the glass of ice chips now safely on the bedside table, you draw your knees up to your chest. "I think you could have that, you know." Peace is a harder stretch, but a house in the Celestine? A hammock? Easily done. "We'll just sneak you into one of the exhibits. And if Lena notices...well. I doubt she'd say anything as long as you weren't disturbing the other creatures." A dark thought invades your mind just then, and you're stunned at the coldness of it. A zoo. A place where Finn could be gawked at, studied. Where you'd always know where to find him if you wanted to call on him.
In a word, fitting.
But that isn't what you think, and so you swallow down the thought with cold horror.
When the night falls on you & you don't know what to do Nothing you confess could make me love you less
