Bad Luck Bears

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Phoebe stood there quietly as he spoke, unsurprised when he said he didn't know why she was upset. What did surprise her was his admission that she was right about his motives. Surprised enough that her eyes widened to hear him say it. All this fuss, all this upset, and now he admitted she was right. Her brows furrowed slightly but she wouldn't interrupt him. When he said his peice she roughly wiped at her eyes to dry them, though they were quickly replaced with more. Her heart was aching and for reasons she didn't think he would understand. Or care about frankly. "I really don't care if that is what you want to do. Really, truly I don't." she said with a few little quick inhales of air. Hyperventilation was always a difficult thing to stop once it started. "But I don't think you understand the danger that acting in the name of a god or goddess without knowing what they want puts people in. It's one thing to risk yourself but in organizing this way without knowing you put everyone who follows you at risk." she said, fairly calmly given her emotional state. "And if my friends really do prescribe to what you preach...then I worry for them. And you. And everyone. It is dangerous to tamper with these gods. I've seen the suffering it can cause." Phoebe turned and walked over to a countertop, using a rag there to dry her face. "And I am upset because you've made me realize that what I thought was a task was a curse all the same as what others have been cursed with. My friend approached a deity, not knowing their nature well and for it had their love and passion taken away. I did the same...and they sent me out looking for such a passion with someone...but knowing that person doesn't exist." Her voice hitched as she said it. The reality of the situation was all too powerful in that moment. She turned back to face him, her expression pained and worried. "I just don't want to see anyone else hurt for lack of caution and respect of the powers that are beyond us." It wasn't a criticism of him, per se, she was just deeply worried of what might happen if this Safrin was offended by his choices in her name. Phoebe dropped her gaze to the ground. "But what I say doesn't matter. I'm just a stupid girl. That is all you think of me. It's all anyone thinks of me."

BASTIEN It was difficult to argue too much with Phoebe when she was still taking panicked breaths, so he mostly remained quiet. Bastien understood the danger (hell, that was half of what made the whole venture so thrilling) but had never been one to listen much to warnings. He watched her go the counter and wipe her face, and walked down the steps and leaned against a wall in the downstairs again. "Believe me. I would lay before Safrin and have her kill me in the place of any of my disciples. They are not just your friends. But I have worried too about whether or not she is pleased, so I went to ask her at the shrine. She gave me her blessing, as well as a symbol to pass out to good members of the church. Right now, I see little danger. Or at least, as much danger as I had in Venice owning a group sponsored by a Doge. Besides..." He laughed quietly. "I don't think any of them actually listen to me. They just want a party. Which is fine by me." Her next point surprised him. A lot of things suddenly made sense, though. Bastien frowned and stepped a little closer, still maintaining a distance. "I do not think you are stupid. Maybe I have said such in anger, and if I have I was wrong. In fact, part of the reason you frustrate me so is because you put your points so well, and I am rusty for hard debates." Once he had had theological discussions every day, deep contemplation passing through him like water, but now he was much more concerned with a good time. "You are a young, pretty girl with a heart and a career. Somebody will take you. And I hope when they do they do not just want sex. To break such a caring heart would be a crime. Even if I do not agree with everything you say, I cannot think you stupid or undesirable." I'm feelin' like a big bang

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you She was surprised to hear he had gone back to this Safrin and sought her approval for his method of worship. That in and of itself was enough to put her mind at ease. If Remi and Rex really were in this church of Safrin, then perhaps they wouldn't be subjected to further hardship if the goddess herself had ordained it. "Fine then. I'm...glad you made that effort." she said quietly, staring at the floor. For a moment her brows furrowed as she tried to reconcile his words. Was he...trying to console her? Phoebe looked up at him, confused for a moment. It seemed to be so...and while she appreciated the attempt she couldn't bring herself to believe it either. "The man whose goal it is to have lots of people in his bed doesn't even want me. Who else will?" she said bluntly, but with a sad smile. Not that she would have willingly slept with him, she wasn't out for just that. But his rejection...one he gave with such ease...was an indicator of the temperature if the waters they all swam in. "I...just need to come to terms with it. I'm...not enough to get what I want. So I suppose...thank you for making me realize I am chasing a pipe dream of what will never be so I can accept my fate and move forward alone." her voice cause again as her throat constricted, the pain in her chest blooming anew. The loving husband, the children, the family - those were all meant for women more than her. She was intended to stand on the edges of happiness and watch.

BASTIEN Bastien was glad that the topic of his church could be dropped for now. It was not only irritating, it opened up questions he didn't want to consider in the pursuit of his bohemian ideal. But what Phoebe was saying was still concerning in a different way. "I wouldn't say that was my goal...just something on the way. But...you are too young for me. It would be wrong for me to take you. You have no experience in these things. It is best you discover them with someone your own age." He had difficulties seeing her as much more than a young girl. Even though he had been sexual with Edy, who was only two years older, Phoebe just seemed...infinitely younger in experience and attitude. He sighed and tried to not pay attention to the accusatory tone in her last part, trying instead to focus on what she was saying overall; which was blatantly untrue. "Let me tell you a story." He said as he moved to sit down and lean forward to look at her. "This might be hard for you to believe. But I did not lose my own virginity until I was 22. I was not confident in myself and the more time passed, the more I feared that my lack of experience at my age would get in the way. But." He held up one finger. "And this is the important part. When I did have sex, it was with somebody I trusted and respected, and it was wonderful. My eyes were opened." Memories of that soft evening, of candlelight and bunched up sheets and whispered nothings...he couldn't help the little smile on his face. "You are too young to give up on your chances. Hell, somebody who is 50 is too young. There is always the chance of love, of romance, of sex. But you cannot rush it. And it does not say anything about you when it happens to you. That is just...ah. Life." He did not know if any of his words would reach her, but he did mean them. "If there is no time limit on this quest of yours, I would take your time with it. Do not rush." I'm feelin' like a big bang

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Too young for him. Someone her own age. All pretty words for the same thing. The man who sought sex however he could get it didn't want her. And not just because they had argued - that she could have coped with fine. But her age? Which also led to her appearance and simply who she was as a person...all things she couldn't change without serious difficulty if at all. "No one here is my age." she said flatly. Everyone she had met so far was older than her, which she didn't consider an issue. But apparently it was. His story, while possibly true, felt painfully contrived in the moment. But she didn't interrupt. "I am glad you had that experience...but that doesn't mean I will. Both my sisters were already married with their first child at my age. I'm..." she stopped and shook her head, looking at the ground. "Thank you for trying to make me feel better. But I see no point in wishing for what obviously will not come to pass. It is like continuing to do something, knowing the outcome but expecting it to be different. Insanity, stupidity, self-inflicted suffering." she paused, swallowing a lump in her throat. Koel didn't even know or care she existed. Bastien thought she was a child. Remi liked men. Ru'in didn't seem the sort to really want anyone around, much less a significant other. Ronin was as good as married. Every man she met there seemed to be some reason it would never work. What other conclusion was there, if not that she would remain unwanted? "I'll see if I can find something to get the door off its hinges." she said quietly, moving passed him. Her energy was gone. The vibrancy she usually had, vanished. She was more a shadow of herself than anything as she searched through the drawers in her cabinets for something to help get the door open again.

BASTIEN As sympathetic as he was to Phoebe's struggle, Bastien did wonder if he had been so melodramatic as a teenager. With the flurry of Outlanders coming in every week and plenty of young men about, he was sure eventually Phoebe would find someone. Besides, she was only 17. Perhaps she didn't understand yet, but she was very young to want marriage. (That had not been the attitude of his times, but he had always gone against the grain). "Married with children at 17 sounds like hell. Value your freedom while you have it." He left it there, hearing the sadness in her voice as she tried to find a way to fix the door. Approaching the offending door, he looked at the hinges. They weren't very strong; they would break easily, but then she would be without a door. "I can get you a new door after this. There is a woodworker in the markets. If it will not be ready by tonight..." He took a deep breath, hoping that this offer would not sound mocking in her situation. "You can stay in my home or church. To protect from the chill or anyone nefarious out there." I'm feelin' like a big bang

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Phoebe gave him a reasonably flat look at his statement. "However old you are and unmarried, no family, and constantly prowling for someone to sleep with sounds like hell to me." she countered dryly. How he swayed from being somewhat nice to a total jerk with such ease confounded her. He did hear himself say these things right? Did he not hear how...awful they sounded or was he just that full of himself that he considered everything he said gold? The young midwife managed to find a hammer so they could pry the nails out of the hinges to get the door open. She suspected that the wood of the frame and door itself was probably going to fall apart while doing so but they had little other choice. The fact that Bastien offered to have her door replaced was unexpected but welcome. He had been the one to break it in the first place after all. Plus she could assess this woodworker's skill and perhaps commission them to make a few things that she still needed around her clinic. But what he said after that left her dumbstruck. Offering her to stay at his place until her door was fixed. Her?? Phoebe openly gaped at him. "You're offering to let me stay at your home until my door is fixed." she said, still shocked. Had she really heard that right?

BASTIEN "I don't need to prowl." Bastien insisted, his pride a little wounded. True, he had a harder time than normal finding lovers here, but he'd begun to hit his stride. He helped to unfix the door from it's hinges, using his height and strength to help with the top ones. Because of the rather shoddy construction, once the hinges had been loosened the door immediately slipped out of place. Bastien held it and gently guided it down to the floor, smiling at the few odd looks he got from outside. Phoebe seemed very shocked at his suggestion. Maybe she really did think he had lustful intentions after everything. She certainly wasn't the first person he'd offered out a roof to. "Well...yes. I was without a home or anything when I arrived here. If the spirit of charity can bloom anywhere, it should be this place, hm? I give what I can to those who need it. Usually those who have just arrived but....for the cost of breaking your door, I could make an exception." He smiled just a little, trying to gauge what Phoebe's doubts were for. I'm feelin' like a big bang

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you "Sounds like something someone who needs to prowl would say." Phoebe quipped back, though it was a very weak argument and definitely a knee-jerk reaction. She sighed and shook her head. "Sorry. Apparently you bring out the absolute worst in me." she mumbled. He really did though. She usually wasn't this confrontational but...good grief he knew how to get under her skin! His offer was still rather surprising to her. It was kind but...she also worried what that would look like. Her staying at the home of a man who had his...reputation? She wasn't sure that was something she wanted to subject herself to realistically. Phoebe worried her lip as she considered. She was certain she could also stay with Remi. Or Rexanna. Or Roana even... Wow, she had never realized how many people with 'r' names were in her life before that moment. "I appreciate the offer but I think I can stay with some friends until the door is fixed." she said quietly. Given their track record for not getting along it was probably better anyways.

BASTIEN Bastien really did seem to bring out something in Phoebe. True, there had been those at home who had disliked him too, but they had usually either been racists (which were harmful but stupid) or socialites (whom were harmless, usually, but just as stupid). Those who he had kept in his company and employ had all worshipped him, at least to his face. He was unused to this sort of blatant dislike. With that in mind it wasn't too surprising that she took a while to consider his offer - though Bastien was still put out when she refused. Trying to not let it show too much, he nodded. "Well then. I shall go to the settlement and tell the woodworker what needs to be done, and he shall come see you soon, I wager. Unless you have anything else you must say I will be on my way back to my church." I'm feelin' like a big bang

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Phoebe was neither racist no a socialite, and yet somehow Bastien still managed to make her unreasonably irritated. It was a talent, truly, given her generally docile nature. Only family usually was capable of bringing out such ire in her. And yet here stood Bastien, making her act a fool over the littlest things. Even realizing that made her irritated but she did her best to keep that in check. This was definitely not the sort of passion Frey had sent her out to find. Did she have more to say? Not really. But the tiniest shift in him made her realize that maybe – just maybe – she was being a little bit too harsh. Maybe. A serious maybe. Nonetheless it did make her feel guilty. He was trying to be nice it seemed and yet she still refused. Phoebe glanced towards a table then grabbed a few spice muffins, offering them to him. ”Here. For your trouble to get my door fixed.” she said quietly.

BASTIEN When Phoebe glanced back, at first Bastien wondered if she was going to say something like she suddenly could not bear to look at him, so great was her hatred; but then muffins were pushed into his hands. He took them gladly, missing sweets and cakes from his home almost as much as everything else. "Thank you, signora." Phoebe would not understand the importance of the title, but Bastien decided to make a concentrated effort to stop calling her 'little girl'. With a nod he turned and left to head to the markets to speak with the wood maker, trying one of the muffins on the way. I'm feelin' like a big bang