right back where we started from

i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all

Bart has been a surprise he hadn’t expected, one that honestly, Nate couldn’t even properly appreciate at the moment. He doesn’t understand how it works, how it’s possible, but honestly it doesn’t matter. He has his brother back, and they’d spent hours just talking, just catching up, whittling away the night until they’re in the early hours of the morning, until Nate excuses himself, promising breakfast in the morning if only to get his brother to sleep, to open up the chance to spend some time with his husband.

Silent feet carry him upstairs, to a bed that looks too stiff to have been used the entire time he’s been gone. It seems... cold, even with Sunjata bundled beneath sheets, even with Haai warming the foot of it. It’s missing him, obviously. It’s just luck that there’s no one else there, that Kamaria is tucked into bed, that their various guests don’t need the extra room.

But the latent side effects of his becoming haven’t quite worn off yet, so Nate has to approach this with some tact, has to be careful about what he does. Holographic arms reach out, readjusting blankets here and there without the need for him to move too much.

As soon as Nate thinks it’s good enough, he clambers in, arms wrapping around Sunjata from behind while a warm sunrise of love and closeness blooms in his mind, through the bond. He missed this. Even muted as it is, even with all the working around it they have to do.

NATE

I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars

He’s kept his distance if only to ensure that he doesn’t hurt Nate any. And with it, he’d also slipped away to give Bart and Nate some time to reconnect – content to remain off to the side for however long they needed it. But it had grown late and he’d finished up everything else, finished up tucking Kamaria into bed and reading a story to her, before climbing into bed for one of the first times in… Well, since Nate had left.

It’s too big of a bed on his own and he finds himself curling up in the blankets, nestled in until sleep manages to whisk him away. He isn’t sure how long he’s asleep for, swept away in the expanse of sweeping dreams that turn darker and darker with every passing minute. Soon enough in his darkening dreams, he’s back in Korofi with its tall buildings, zipping through the rain soaked streets on his motorcycle.

In the dream, he glances back to see if he’s being chased, which costs him as his focus swings back around up front to find a barricade suddenly spread across the ground. And it’s too rainy, he’s going too fast, and he can’t avoid it. Outside of the dream he twitches, flinches a fraction as Nate moves the blankets with holographic arms.

In the dream, he crashes into the barricade. In the dream, he doesn’t feel any pain because suddenly, rather than crashing into hard, wet concrete, there’s warmth and sunlight, a parting in the clouds, a soft bed and love that blossoms into him and buffets his crash. And it rouses him enough to wake without shooting up in surprise. Heavy arms wrap around him and he sinks into it, head nestling further into the pillow as he soothes his own heartbeat. I missed you. He says mentally, equally as exhausted and hoarse as he would, should he be speaking aloud. Ek is so bly jy is tuis. He tilts a fraction, leaning back into Nate through the blankets, tilting his head up to open his eyes and try to peer through the dark for dark curls and a pale face.

SUNJATA

i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all

Despite his best efforts, Nate sees the flinch, feels the undercurrent of unease and mounting dread rolling off Sunjata like waves. It’s not uncommon, but all his usual methods to help are less effective, so he uses everything he can. The full pressure of his arms, and their bond, filling it with brightness, hopefully enough to chase the darkness away.

It has to be one of the easiest awakenings he’s ever seen, and that simple fact alone is enough to nearly double the feeling, Nate risking the ache in his teeth to lean in to the space near the top of Sunjata’s head where only a single blanket separates them and press a kiss there. I missed you too, sunshine. If he could take away all the heavy exhaustion in Sunjata’s voice, he would, but all Nate can do is press another kiss to his head an lean back, a doting smile playing over his lips. Ek is ook. The softness in his voice matches the look in his eyes, terribly gentle, terribly lovey. Ek is terug met my skat.

”I didn’t mean to wake you.” He offers in a whisper, arms tightening just a little. ”I didn’t mean to take so long either.”

NATE

I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars

It’s a warmth and light that has been missing for too long in the attuned bond for Sunjata, and for the first time he seems to cling to it, almost unsure if it would stop one day. But Nate had decided to come back, had as far as he knew, decided to stay. It’s enough that the lingering exhaustion and dread from his side of the bond seeps away into nothing, cobwebs wiped away with the outpouring of love and the sensation of quiet relief when he feels lips pressed to the top of his head. He sags a bit further into the strong arms that hold him, feeling so small and vulnerable, but enjoying every second of it for the first time.

Perhaps he was changing.

“You are.” He breathes audibly, nestling into the blankets and balling some up to add extra protection between them as he curls one arm around Nate’s to anchor him to the Attuned. “It’s okay.” He says softly, groggily, sucking down a long deep breath as his eyes shut and he remains held within Nate’s arms. “I thought you might return at the start of Longheat… This is a perfect surprise.” He hums softly, that edge of the Korofi nobility slinking its way through given the dream he’d woken up from. “I have a gift for you. It’s… Not done yet but. A lot of it is there.” He tacks on, a small playful mischief edging into the bond, though he makes no motion to move. A mental tug of ‘If you’re interested, of course’ seeping through as well.

SUNJATA

i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all

Holding Sunjata in his arms feels right. It’s the weight hes been missing since he’d left, a hole in his gut that dragged him back home. ”That was the plan, actually.” Nate admits, management to keep sheepishness from his voice, but only just. ”I just couldn’t stay away from my sunshine.” His own thick nasally accent still clings to his words, in stark comparison to the edge of nobility creeping into Sunjata’s.

Without thinking, Nate leans in, the tip of his nose pressing into the edge of his husbands hair for a second before he pulls back, a quiet ”Fuck” leaving him as burning sparks in his skin. He moves past it quickly though, his grin stretching so wide it’s nothing but teeth and joy. ”A gift?” Prying fingers press into the bond, trying to sneak more information from his husband. You shouldn’t have Sunny. Where is it? A bright laugh leaves him while the words trickle over, his head lifting as his eye moves around the room as if whatever the gift is might have been left out.

NATE

I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars

It’s warmth, it’s a pressure that he knew he had been missing and could never replicate regardless of how much he had tried. But now? Now the puzzle pieces begin to fall back into place, all but one. “I’m so glad.” He rumbles, tiredly, shifting a bit as he debates whether to roll over or not. But Nate’s arms around him are a tight boon, something he doesn’t want to give up just yet, until he feels Nate’s nose brush against the curls of his hair, not until he hears the quiet hiss that leaves him even if Nate passes by it quickly.

It does cause a slight damper on Sunjata, but he tries not to let it show. Because the missing puzzle piece was still that, still that he hurt Nate when they touched, still how he doesn’t know whether it will last forever or if it’ll ever end.

For now, though, despite that missing puzzle piece, they’re together again and that has to count for something. Nate’s joy radiates, he feels the fingers pulling at the Attuned bond for more information, and Sunjata breezes past the pain he’d caused Nate to smile when he chuckles softly against the blankets and the pillow. It’s in here. He offers, some hidden mischievousness still lingering in his tone, before he nestles into the blankets a bit more just to ensure that Nate’s still covered up in a way that he won’t hurt him.

He’d been sneaky when it came to making this gift, hiding it away when he wasn’t working on it, but still close enough that it would have an eye on it at all times. So he sits up, casting a glance down at Nate from the blankets that fall from his tattooed shoulders, before he’s reaching over the edge of the bed to tug a box out from underneath it. Like I said, it's not done yet. But... I think you're going to like it.

Lifting it up, he pulls the blankets that had slipped from him, dropping them onto Nate to lean forward and press a kiss against his husband through the blanket, before he’s pulling away and readjusting, wrapping the blankets back around himself as he plants the box between them – eyes lingering on the Ascended with playfulness, excitement, and a fraction more openness than before. "I love you." Comes the quiet admission, almost like a teenager admitting it for the first time to their crush.

SUNJATA

i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all

Then why don’t I see anything yet? Nate purrs determined to be bright, teasing. It was how you held on to normal, wasn’t it? At a time like this, when their biggest problem could be ignored within the walls of their home, and the second biggest was only temporary.

Shifting to grab the box and set it on his other side, Nate reaches out and grabs the bundled up figure of his husband, pulling Sunjata onto his lap. ”You’re real fucking sweet, you know that?” He mumbles the words against the blanket covered shape of Sunjata’s cheek. ”I love you too sweetheart.” Eyes flutter shut, and his hand tightens in the fabric separating them, like if he just holds tight enough the distance between them will melt away into nothingness.

The moment overstays it’s welcome, Nate grappling with some swell of emotion too big to voice, and almost too big to press through the bond. Some part of Nate scraped entirely raw, revealing something that can heal. Something that can be open, different from the hard wall of defences that protects everything else.

”So uh...” Nate sniffs, shifts back suddenly like he’s just remembered how to move, ”What do we got in here anyway?” A hand absently reaches out, plays with the lid of the box, flipping it open with a lazy coyness.

NATE

I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars

The teasing purr has Sunjata audibly scoffing, something soft and tired but amused all the same. “Because like any normal person I hid it.” He pulls the blanket away to bounce an eyebrow toward Nate with a small crooked smile. But he reaches for the box, plops it onto the bed between them, and when his gaze lifts he finds Nate tugging him into his lap – yet another moment where he gets to feel small and vulnerable and have it be okay, and so he settles easily – readjusting the blanket to lean into the tightness of Nate’s arms around him, the kiss pressed to his cheek that’s muffled by the blanket. “I like to think I have my moments.” He offers with a soft huff of a laugh.

There’s a tentativeness on Sunjata’s side, that if he doesn’t do this right, everything will crumble again. So he tries to force his exhausted mind into some sort of preparedness to prevent the fragility of the moment. His steel gaze watches Nate fiddle with the lid of it, and he presses in, lifting his head still covered by the blanket, to press a kiss to the column of Nate’s neck, before he’s leaning forward, creating some small amount of distance between them as he grabs the box and removes the lid, setting the box in his lap.

“So… It’s a bit fucking mushy so. Prepare yourself, I guess.” An awkward, almost shy laugh leaves him, but he reaches in and pulls out the first trinket. It’s a small glass jar of sand, with an… Alright, abstract sea turtle drawn onto a piece of parchment tucked into the sand at the top, encased by the lid. “This is the sand from the island where we went on one of our first dates. The one where I showed you my snake shift and I almost ate a poor baby sea turtle, which I tried to paint and add in.” A nostalgic smile crosses his face as he moves to hand it to Nate, before he’s reaching in again.

It’s in no particular order, which his husband would soon find out, as he reaches in and grabs a small empty bottle with a prescription taped to it. “This one is the prescription you gave me when we met. You spelled my name wrong on it.” He turns the glass bottle in his hand slowly, chewing on the inside of his ruined cheek. “I thought it was amusing and… Cute, in a way. So I kept it at the VlamVloed.” He snorts, wrapping the blanket around his neck and chin to peer at Nate and see what the reaction might be. There's more in the box, of course, but for now it's a good place to pause to see how it's being received.

SUNJATA

i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all

”Hey.” Leaning in, Nate fixes Sunjata with a stare, accidentally making it more intense than it really needs to be when he forgets to blink. ”Look I... I’m sorry I left. It wasn’t... it didn’t help, like I thought it would.” Theres none of that cold emptiness in Nate’s tone though, no withdrawal or void on his side of the bond. ”I’m not... it’s not perfect, none of this is, but... we’re just moving forward now. Together.” Nate smiles and tries to be reassuring, despite all the sense he knows he isn’t making.

He should stop, really. He shouldn’t spoil this niceness with the coil of emotions in his guts and his throat, but there’s nothing he can do to stop it now. Even if he covers his mouth it’ll come out through the bond. ”This isn’t... it’s not forgiveness, but I just... I love you too much to... to stop. So... I wanna keep going together, okay?” Nate nods, more to himself than to Sunjata, and turns his head towards the box, just so he can get away from the eye contact, so he can lean into the kiss pressed against him. I’m your moonlight, right?

Shifting when Sunjata does, Nate focuses properly on the box now, a soft chuckle leaving him as he does. ”Mushy’s good.” He offers easily, leaning in to look at the first thing Sunjata pulls out, his brows furrowed in confusion before his husband explains. ”I don’t temper you almost eating the turtle.” Nate admits with a laugh, accepting the sand and shaking it gently. It finds a place on the bed beside them as Nate leans in for the next thing, a bottle that he recognizes immediately. ”I should’ve asked you how it was spelled, but... I dunno, I didn’t think I’d be able to stop asking you shit if I had.”

There’s a pause, a place where things can sink in, can sit. A moment where Nate can feel eyes on him that he doesn’t want to shrink away from. ”Fuck, you... you really remembered all this shit, huh?” Nate works his jaw, one arm tightening around Sunjata while the other lifts to rub at his mouth.

NATE

I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars

The hey stops him cold, keeps his gaze on Nate – letting the intensity hit him in the way he imagines Nate would like it to. And somehow, he doesn’t find the words as painful as he otherwise thought they would be, some sort of deeper moment of Sunjata where he’s taken the time that they were apart to understand that it would take a lot to separate them. It would take a lot for Nate to not love him, which at the end of the day it’s all Sunjata can hope for.

So even when Nate mentions that it isn’t forgiveness, lets the heaviness drop, Sunjata offers a soft smile to his husband. “I know.” He says gently. He isn’t expecting forgiveness. He’ll never get it and he’s come to terms with that in the time apart. “I want to keep going forward together too.” He pauses to think about how to word what he wants to, having never been good at this sort of thing, before it falters, and he figures he can pick it back up later. “You’ll always be my moonlight.” He hums against the blanket that meets Nate’s neck.

The box is brought up and Sunjata’s reaching in and pulling out the trinkets so far, humming a soft laugh when Nate admits that he doesn’t remember him almost eating the baby sea turtle. “I didn’t, but I wanted to.” He comments offhandedly, a bit sheepishly. As for the prescription, Sunjata tilts his head to peer over at his husband, a crooked smirk forming on his face. “You could’ve kept me there all night and I wouldn’t have complained.” He assures Nate with the sensation of love and amusement pouring through the bond.

The arm around him tightens and he scans Nate’s face, receiving the reaction he’d hoped he would, before he’s pulling his gaze away to give Nate the space he knows he needs. “After the lightning strike and… The accidental drugging, I kept a book with me and I wrote down all the memories I had of us because I thought I was forgetting them and I…” Here he busies himself in the box, pulling out the dried flowers from their wedding. “Didn’t want to forget us.” He moves to hand the flowers to Nate, careful to not touch his husband. “Do you know where these are from?” He asks, trying to cover up the admission as smoothly as possible, even if the bond between them suddenly grows a bit shy on Sunjata’s end.

SUNJATA

i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all

Good. It’s not clear what he’s responding to, the fact that they’re moving together or the fact that he’s Sunjata’s, but the words carry too much emotion in them to be said out loud. Emotion, and a sharp greedy sense of possession, strong fingers squeezing at the blanket, seeking out holes and thin patches until a warning burn stops Nate still.

A warm laugh leaves Nate, the ascended shifting automatically to brush his lips along his husbands cheek. He remembers at the last second though, and tries to send the same feeling over with the words that purr from him. ”Well I’m glad you didn’t eat any turtles on our first real date.” It would have put somewhat of a damper on the memory, even if the thought makes him laugh more now. Tilting his head so his one good eye can lock on steel ones. ”I should’ve kept you.” Slowly, his gaze drops, following the hidden line of shoulders, arms, down to Sunjata’s wrist, that first scar. ”Should’ve done a few things different.”

His gaze doesn’t rise again, not as his hand does, covering the tremble in Nate’s jaw. He wants to apologize, in some way, though he’s not quite sure what for. ”I love you.” He says instead, the words quiet, but carrying a weight that rushes out through the bond, reaching for Sunjata. I love you so much. For a moment, Nate forgets about the box, about the curse on him, his hand rising to cup the attuned’s face, shaking against the burn while Nate leans in to press a quick, desperate kiss to Sunjata’s lips.

It’s not nearly enough to satisfy him. It’s more than enough to hurt him. And it’s exactly what he needs.

Pulling away with a tremble, his fist closing again in blankets, Nate licks his lips like it will soothe the burn and smiles, finally looking back down at the box, at the delicate flowers in Sunjata’s grip. Of course he remembers, if only by the colours, the shapes. ”Whe-“ Stiffness makes the word near unintelligible, but there’s always their backup. When did you grab this? How did you even remember? Nate shares as much of the memory as he can of their wedding, flashes and streaks of colour, blue skies and blue ocean and pale sand, pops of brightness from the flowers, and the shimmery, perfect image of his husbands smiling face.

NATE

I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars

There’s greediness and possessiveness within the tones that Nate offers back and Sunjata silently clings to them, lets them fill in the holes that have grown within him in Nate’s absence. And he lets it linger longer within him as Nate’s warm laugh colors the air around them, relieving any other tension. That conversation could come later, it would come later, when Sunjata’s figured out how to say what he wants to say. So he hums a soft laugh with it, nodding and unable to keep the smirk from his face.

It would’ve absolutely put a damper on things, had he eaten the baby sea turtles on their first date. Luckily for him, though, he leans back a fraction and scans Nate’s face when his husband captures his gaze with his one bright blue eye. “Yeah?” He asks quietly, letting the smile blossom to something of a bit more curiosity. What would have been different? Had Nate kept him that night… Perhaps he wouldn’t have gone to see Phoebe. Perhaps he wouldn’t have been married from the start.

But the admission comes, something shy and boyish and almost awkward as it falls from his lips. There’s nothing to be afraid of here, not with Nate. Not with Sunjata announcing and professing his love outwardly to a dark room with their companions and to each other. He doesn’t know what he fears. So he watches quietly as he pulls out item after item, as Nate’s words fill him to the brim. “I love you too.” He breathes, stilling as Nate’s hand cups his face, as lips are pressed to his – however brief it might be.

Sunjata feels no pain, but he has to know how much it hurt Nate to do it. And it’s seen in the smile he gives Nate, something loving, adoring, something tinged with sadness. So he shifts the blankets a bit again, clearing his throat as he reveals the dried flowers. “Well, I must’ve grabbed them while I was sick and left them in the Advocates attic. But I got… The cure soon after that and it was perfect timing to stick them in a book.” To press them, flatten them, to dry them out so that they could keep them forever.

And he leans back now, head lifting a fraction to try and catch Nate’s gaze. I don’t remember much of the wedding but I do remember the excitement. I remember you waking me up and… We had bowties. He manages a soft laugh with this. I hardly remember the vows but I remember the way your nose wrinkled when I called you Nathaniel. This is said with a playful nudge of an elbow through the blankets for Nate’s middle. Out of the void of the Fever, I’m so glad that it’s those memories I got to keep. He admits mentally, while he pulls the last thing out of the box, this one with a hint of a laugh.

“Remember these?” He asks, lifting a pair of handcuffs out of the box with the very same hand that bore the scar from years before when he’d worn them.

SUNJATA

i don't know where home is, but i suppose it's anywhere i go that's any good at all

Pure, simple love rolls off Nate in waves, overwhelming and golden. Words usually grace his tongue so easily, but here, now, they’re loathe to help him. I’ll have to frame them. Even in his head, Nate sounds choked up, his throat thick and his eyes misty. I’m glad you got them though.

”I remember the bow ties.” Nate hiccups out a soft laugh, meeting Sunjata’s steely gaze easily. You looked so good, I almost wanted to skip the ceremony and just spend all day looking at you. Another laugh leaves him, joy crinkling his eyes. ”You’d never called me Nathaniel before, it was...” He shrugs, weird suddenly not quite right. It had just been different. I’m glad you remember too. I... I feel like we lost so much with it, I don’t want our marriage to be one more thing. Not that neither of them remembering it would have made it less real. It just wouldn’t be the same.

”I do remember those.” Nate purrs with a bright laugh, reaching out to accept the cuffs, and wishing that his fingers could linger over the scar cause by the unyielding metal. ”We should get another pair.” Leaning in to whisper his words into his husbands ear, Nate very nearly lets his lips brush against skin agin, only the memory of a burn holding him still.

A single hand dedicates itself to reverently tuck everything back inside the box, sand and prescription bottle in before the cuffs, before the dried flowers. Emotion gathers at the corners of Nate’s eyes as he pulls Sunjata tighter against him, the box placed safely on the ground. Im so glad I came back now. He murmurs silently, the words almsot blotted out by the calm sensation of love and comfort. An invitation for Sunjata to drift back into sleep, safe in Nate’s arms.

Done~ ?

NATE