the way i wanted it to be

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

Sam supposed it was comforting to hear the Order might not necessarily murder him on the spot, but Remi kept adding conditions, extra situations: it seemed entirely possible he'd still end up dead at the Order's hands.

And that his friends would be instrumental in it.

"You'd...tell me. Right before you cut my throat?" His voice was accusatory, angry; on one hand he felt justified in that, given that he was being told he was subject for killing at any point. On the other...he could feel Remi's pain here, knew just as well as anyone how good the Gods were at influencing and manipulating lives. "I..sorry, I just...I can't believe I'm asking this, but if you ever do have to do it. We both know I won't be able to fight you, so...make it...quick? Please?"

The question turned back on him was something he should have expected, but the distraction of knowing his murder at the hands of Remi was on the cards had meant Sam hadn't thought about it. "I...I mean, to some extent, I've already answered that question. I left the Voice last year...though I did return. I don't know, really. I don't think I'm the kind of person she would ask to do anything like that anyway. I don't think the Voice wants to eliminate everyone else, either. That's the Old God's mission."

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

Running a hand up his cheek and then over his eye, the alchemist sighs at the accusation directed his way. 'Sam..' Remi doesn't sound angry or even frustrated now; he sounds tired. So instead of arguing or handholding, or even offering advice, the alchemist just lets his hand fall from his face into his lap with a defeated and soft woomph. "Yes. Of course I will." He answers in a voice hardly more than a whisper.

Closing his eyes, Remi breathes in and then out, trying to soothe away the unhappy feathers that threaten to flourish through his curls. "Well. We are both tethered in our own ways, regardless of what we might want." He says after a moment. 'Did...do you even want to tell me about what you mentioned in your letter? Or is it all moot, now?"

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

He'd heard Remi sigh his name so many ways, now; some of them more pleasant memories than others. This one would not be a fondly held recollection. Sam's heart felt heavy as he heard the resigned exhaustion in Remi's voice. Was this it, then? Their individual thoughts, feelings or relationships didn't matter? They were all just to be pawns for the Gods?

Accepting Remi's promise with a short nod he did all he could: hoped it wouldn't ever have to come to fruition.

Glancing over just in time to see Remi pushing back his feathery curls (Sam looked right back away, the motion he used to be fond of now painful in their new situation), he blinked, trying to remember what he'd even said in the letter. It seemed like it had been fifty years since he wrote it; the last week had delivered a lot of blows to his optimistic hopes of peace. "..No, I want you to say everything you can. I want to hear it all - I've been hiding from all of this for too long. I still...want to believe we can fix it without everyone hurting or dying, so I need to know it all."

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

Pulling a breath, Remi laces his fingers together and regards the places they come together with an intentional interest. He doesn't want to look and see the disappointment on Sam's face. He doesn't want to wonder anymore about whether or not it's justified, nor does he want to justify anything. It's all complicated and convoluted, and Remi's is just so damned tired of it.

"I do not know what more there is I can tell you that you do not already know...Even Nate being an ascended now what is this timeline, even, I still think odds are in our favour, but.." Remi flexes his fingers so that his palms rise and his knuckles faintly crack. "Regardless of whose side prevails, I do not think this is a war anyone will feel as though they have won." He says with a low and long sigh.

'You mentioned peace in your letter, though?" Turning his pale eyes toward Sam, Remi takes in his features for a moment: his freckles, his pale eyelashes, the blue-green of his eyes. "How?"

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

No one would win; it was all so pointless and above them, but they'd fight it anyway."..Probably not. I..know that the Order might want to make it so there aren't any Ascended left, but is that the goal of the Old Gods, do you think? Could...I mean, if--" Sam swallowed, the words he was about to say coming from a dark place in his imagination and hard to bring to light. "-If the Voice was killed and couldn't make any more Ascended, could those that are left be allowed to live?"

He was a simple bookmaker; other Ascended were artists, craftsmen, friends, neighbours; what threat did they really pose?

The innocence of Remi's question, after his jaded sentiments, was a surprise; Sam looked up at him and with a light frown of concentration, said: "...It would take a lot of us. And a lot of sacrifice. But if enough of us refuse to fight each other, if we make an example of how our people can live together, I don't see how we could have a war. I want to at least take those least interested in fighting and hide somewhere."

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

Pulling in a breath, Remi's shrug is almost instant. "I do not know. I want to say yes, but that is only a guess...but...when you left the Voice before..Amalia mentioned that you...that it would have killed you. Would it not be the same if she was gone altogether?" And then, because Sam had said he wanted to hear it, Remi adds: "Then again, they might worry that one of you will pick up where she left off." Which was just to say that no, they might not be allowed to live.

Remi's brows furrow as he looks to Sam, confusion evident in his unwavering pale stare. "Hide? How?" Wetting his lips with his tongue, the alchemist shakes his head slowly. "You need the Voice to live. How long could you possibly hide from her? And...I am not sure where it would be possible to go, that the Old Gods wouldn't be ignorance of where you were."

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

"...Probably, but at least we'd get some time to live peacefully." Sam said, hardly believing the words leaving his mouth; such pessimism had always been his tendency, but he usually didn't really mean it, at least knew on some level he was being dramatic. Now though, faced with Remi's power and the side he was on...the ideas of doom that usually preoccupied the back of his mind were becoming disturbingly vivid.

He had to laugh quietly at the idea of 'picking up where the Voice left off'. None of them, not even the most powerful, knew how the Voice did half of the things she did or could hope to possess such powers.

As for hiding, again a dry nihilism took over his words and he shrugged. "Most of the people I know that are interested in peace right now aren't Ascended. Besides, I could attempt to hide from the Old Gods but not from the Voice." And he didn't say this, couldn't, not to an agent of Ludo...but he suspected there were spaces the Old Gods couldn't see. At the least, the Voice might be able to cover them for a while.

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

Would you though? Remi sea-glass stare seems to silently ask. He's right next to Sam, and yet he feels as though he might as well be across the room, or the continent even. It seems impossible that he might reach out and take the other man's hand, or give him a hug as Sam had when he'd walked in.

"But...those who aren't ascended...should not have anything to worry about?" Perhaps now it was Remi's turn to be naive. "Or at least...I am not sure the old gods are recruiting quite as much as the Voice is." Was he wrong about this? Yes, probably.

Unaware as he always was about the bigger picture in moments such as this—telling Isla she could kill him, for instance—Remi just shakes his head. "Would that you could." He murmurs softly. "Clever as you always have been Sam...this is a world that they built. Where could you go that they could not find you?"

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

"...They have Ascended friends, lovers, family...or they will be taken into the fighting when it begins. I doubt we will be able to settle the whole thing neatly out of all the cities." Sam said quietly, darkly; what would their beloved regions look like after the next years? Would the Grounds make it? It was awfully depressing to think that the last three hundred years trapped in the bubble had been their grand climax.

As for how much the Old Gods were recruiting, to Sam it felt like all of his friends were suddenly soldiers for Safrin or Ludo, but he supposed it was all a matter of perspective. They had gotten some new Ascended, especially with the mass rising in Leafchange.

Remi posed a good question, but one that made Sam think rather than cast him into despair. Of course, he couldn't share any of the answers that came to mind...but all he did was smile, very slightly.

Anyway, all they were getting out of this was a lot of doom and gloom. With a sigh, Sam sat back in his chair and looked over to Remi, the profile of the man he'd once loved dearly (though with a kind of immature love that he now couldn't really relate to). "...Well. Thank you for respecting me enough to speak to me...some people wouldn't do that anymore. I wish...I wish we could go back and try to do everything again. Maybe if we'd been more insistent at the start about not giving into the division..."

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

"I think only the abandoned are safe from this, ironically enough." Abandoned indeed, but at least neither side was vying for them. For now.

The question was asked more or less rhetorically, though in the days to come, perhaps Remi would look back and note that small smile of Sam's; how his once-friend had failed to answer his question. He'd understand, he really would, but it would be jarring to realize once again just how far from their initial encounters the two had come.

Remi returns the ascended's look with a small smile. "I think if not us...it would have been someone else. I am not sure if it is a cop out to say that it would always have ended up this way, but..." He shrugs his broad shoulders, before taking the hint in Sam's words and rising from his chair.

"I do wish you well, Sam. And...I will always be as honest with you about what my orders are, as I can be."

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

Sam managed an empty laugh at Remi's (accurate) comment. The Abandoned, down to their rather depressing name, had always seemed like the race that would finally see the ire of the Gods; yet they might manage to slip by entirely. Not for the first time, Sam wished he could have had his sister's abilities.

How sad it was, that they understood each other and were happy to have peace, but were being pulled into something far beyond either's control. Sam watched Remi rise, troubled frown on his face as he tried to think of anything suitable to say as a farewell, entirely aware that this could be the last time he saw Remi in any kind of calm situation.

"...I wish you well too. Maybe, somehow, we'll both be here in a few years and it'll be over. I'd like to see you then." Foolish but hopeful; he couldn't really bring himself to believe the sentiment, but Sam wanted to at least voice it, as if it might make it more likely. Standing, he gave Remi a touch on his arm (it felt somehow wrong now to hug as they had only half an hour before) and then let him on his way.


{FIN}

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way