without you things go hazy

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi just wants it all to pause, just for this moment that he might savour the way Ronin's body is heating up his skin, or how life feels manageable when they're tangled up on bedsheets as they are. Ronin says precisely what it is that the alchemist is trying to keep from his thoughts, and it's with a soft woooosh of air that he nods. "What idiots." He says again, but now there is no venom in it. Just heavy, heavy sadness. That might just as easily have been he and Ronin had they not broken through all that was building between them. But this? The Voice and Safrin? There hold couldn't be broken. Not in life, anyway.

Remi grins in the wake of Ronin's laughter, slinging a leg over his husband's waist and possessively latching onto one of his arms and hugging it to his chest. "I think he has been hurting. And Maeve...It does not help anyone to say she should have known better. We cannot help who we fall in love with." Raising his eyebrows and shooting the Star a look as if to say case in point, he lays his head back down against Ronin's shoulder.

"Speaking of things we cannot help...I sent Finn a letter to tell him his dreamcatcher is ready, but I have not heard back. Is there some top-secret Order business I do not know about that is stopping him?"

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"What idiots," Ronin agrees through a sigh, happily entwining himself around his husband, nestling against his curls and unable to stop the smile that creeps across his face. It's terrible of him to even think it, let alone be glad of it, but he is. He's glad that it's not he and Remi out there at opposite ends of a war. They are on the same side, even if they walk moral grey areas around one another. They don't have to do what Nate and Sunjata will have to do. And gods, he is glad.

Huffing a sigh and grinning down at Remi, the Star leans in to press a kiss against the Lullaby's dimpled cheeks, nodding his acceptance on the matter. "You are right," he concedes. "Well, I just hope that Maeve's heart is resilient. Shame, really - she'd probably be good for Jata." And she's not an Ascended demigod, but that goes unsaid.

He doesn't expect the conversation to turn to the Order or to Finn, Ronin drawing back a bit to raise an eyebrow, racking his brain for anything weird and Cian-related going on in his life. "Not that I know of. Do you want me to ask around tomorrow?" Because there's no way he's going anywhere right now.

And as for Safrin? Cuz oops, forgot to mention that last post. "I am jealous he was with her, that he has a child with her... and I am furious that he chose this. I didn't get a choice. And I fucking warned him."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi shrugs against the Star, his fingers trailing across the ink splayed across his husband's shoulder. Whether Maeve would or wouldn't be good for him was a moot point in his mind. Regardless of what happened with Nate, there was a war brewing. Sunjata had a child now. His love life would have to wait. That didn't mean it would, but like Ronin hadn't said, at least Maeve wasn't an ascended.

"Mmm, if you could." Nodding against Ronin's chest, there's little more that Remi wants to say of Finn just now.

"Does it make you think that she...I don't want to say that she likes him more, but...why do you think he was given a choice?" Remi can think of a reason, but he's interested to know what it is Ronin thinks the machinations behind it all might be.

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"Then I will. I'll let you know what I find out," Ronin murmurs, leaning in to kiss Remi's forehead and turning suddenly that he might draw the Lullaby across his chest. Ronin can think of nowhere else he'd rather be, and he contents himself with fussing over his husband's curls, his unruly beard, the scars and other marks that span across his back. All is not as serene as it seems with talk of Safrin, of course, and Remi will likely feel the Star's pulse increase, the spike of his emotions as they grow turbulent.

At least they can count on each other, more or less, to voice things these days. "It makes me feel as though she wanted him more," he admits, bitter and selfish and, given the wrinkle of his nose which very much suggests Ronin is fed up of himself, aware of it all too. "She gave him a choice because she already had me. She had to make Sunjata choose her, because now he can't go back on it."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Draping himself against his husband's chest, his ear poised over the Star's heart, Remi can feel the flood of emotions that their conversation inspires in nearly overwhelming waves. He feels them through Ronin's skin, through the ring on his finger, and in the thunder beat of his heart. Unlike before when the Star's not-so-quiet jealousy would make the alchemist feel feral and competitive, now he merely sinks against the feeling as if he might be a weight to tether Ronin down with.

'Do you think she has forgiven you? For turning her down, before?' Remi wonders as his fingers slide through the hair on his husband's chest, before falling lazily over the cliff of his ribcage and toward his hip. 'Or perhaps it is that she needed you, for Seren. She could not risk you saying no, and so she did not ask. But Sunjata needed her."

Silently, Remi lets his eyes slide in and out of focus, first concentrating on the pores of his husband's skin before looking at the pile of clothes he'd unceremoniously stripped out of across the hall. "Can you share her?"

'Will you?'

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

Whether or not Remi is choosing to project his emotions out, Ronin still feels himself lean into the offered touch. Being able to voice all of this is new ground for the Star, and it feels good and bad all at once. "Absolutely not," he murmurs in response to the first question. "I... when I see her, I believe she has forgiven me. I truly do, because that is what she wants to show me." And it feels wonderful. "But afterwards... no. I believe she still holds a grudge, and I am not foolish enough to test her patience again." Not after last time. Not after all that it heralded between he and Remi.

He smoothes his hand through the back of the Lullaby's hair and down onto the back of his neck, letting his eyes close for a moment. "That is an interesting way of looking at it..." he agrees. "Or maybe she did it to make me jealous." Gods, it wouldn't surprise him. But it's also unlikely that they'll ever know the truth.

His eyes don't open in response to Remi's question, but a frown does flutter across his expression. "I don't want to," he admits, his voice little more than a soft rumble. "But I have to... so I will." He holds Remi a little closer. "Thank you," he mumbles. "I don't think I've ever... this is a lot, to talk about I mean. It can't be easy for you to listen to."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi nods at that. Whatever else he might ask would be out of idle curiosity and just now, for however open the pair are, the moment doesn't call for it. So he swallows the rest of his questions down, thinking he'll ask them later. Or perhaps not; it hardly seems important.

"Perhaps...she wanted to hurt you, the way you hurt her." Hadn't Ronin said no to her because there was someone else? It is hard to know, given that it was Sunjata who reached out to her. But would it surprise either of htem to learn Safrin was so easily able to twist a situation to best suit her? Of course it wouldn't.

Curled around Ronin as he is, one leg draped over the Star's upper thighs and his hand wandering down his husband's side, Remi just chuckles darkly. "You had to listen to me tell you I both wanted to kill and have a man who is not even a god." He replies, shaking his head only enough to scratch Ronin's bare skin with the scruff on his cheeks.

"Would it have been worse if Sunjata...knew how this would make you feel and did it anyway? Or that he did not think at all?" Carelessness or intentionality. It was hard to know which was worse, sometimes.

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"Perhaps she did." And if she did, fuck if she hadn't succeeded. Ronin doesn't particularly like to think about that, though - mostly because he also finds himself hoping that maybe they've settled their score, if that's the case. Instead of dwelling on it, the Star turns his full attention to the fuss being delivered by his husband, a sudden smile creeping across his face. "Are we still playing doctor? Because I think you have breached a lot of medical protocols," he remarks.

Remi makes a very good point about Finn, and though Ronin squirms at the scratchy sensation of stubble on bare skin, he doesn't make much of an attempt to get away. "Huh, that's true," he murmurs. "I'm a saint, then. You're welcome." Obviously jesting, he leans in to kiss the tip of Remi's nose.

Then, sighing out his amusement, he gives thought to the idea that Sunjata might have done this knowingly, in one universe somewhere. "I think it's worse that it was careless," he admits. "He was there when Seren arrived. He knew what it meant - what it did to me, what it made me to Safrin. He saw what happened when I didn't live up to what she expected of me, too. And he put himself right into her hands anyway."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

'What?' Remi lifts his head slightly as considering looking up toward Ronin, before thinking better of it and just huffing instead. "I have not. I think you will find this is called being thorough. Something that you know very little about." This absolutely isn't true nor is it up to their normal standards of banter. Hopefully Ronin will forgive him, given that they've both just flown through a monsoon.

"You are. I think they've begun to erect a statue of you in the square." Remi agrees, pushing his tongue against his cheek to scratch at Ronin a bit more. "Saint Ronin, il drago, il caduto e la stella più oscura." It really rolls off the tongue. Remi's, at least.

"Will you mention it to her, when you see her next? She will know that you know, but..." Remi frowns, not quite sure what he's getting at. "I would say letting it go is the best way forward but...usually it is not enough to punish someone, or make them jealous. Normally you want to know that you have."

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"Do I not? Well. I will have to rely on you to teach me to be thorough then, won't I?" Ronin absolutely doesn't blame his husband - they are all but putty against each other now, and the Star's eyes flutter shut again to enjoy his husband's presence through touch and through the sound of his voice. In the meantime, Ronin's fingers continue to draw penises patterns over the Lullaby's shoulders and down his back. And at the mention of his statue, he gasps dramatically.

"If it really is erect, they had better have consulted you. Have to get it in proportion," he murmurs, opening one eye and smiling crookedly down at his husband. "You be careful with that musical tongue of yours," he warns, though the heat in his voice is unmistakeable.

Ronin isn't sure whether talk of Safrin makes the fire growing in his belly better or worse, and he lets out a whoosh of air through pursed lips. "I will mention it," he decides. "Both because I have a feeling she'd want me to, but also... maybe she'll have answers."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

"Mmm. How lucky for you, to learn by example." Remi says with a dramatic roll of his eyes that's echoed seemingly throughout his entire body and in the playful warble of his emotions as well. 'Someone needs an anatomy lesson as well.' Playfully grumbled into Ronin's chest, Remi lets feathers flourish in the wake of his husband's drawings, disappearing just as quickly as they arrive like snow on a warm tongue.

"Oh, and here I thought your tryst with Sera had been partially pre-planning, should such a statue ever need to be made." Remi quips back, before grinning without one ounce of remorse. "O cosa?" He wonders, all but hissing out the last syllable against the Star's skin.

Tilting his head up enough to meet his husband's eyes (and nudging them open, should they remain closed), Remi tilts his head to the side, fixing his husband with a look. "Don't you dare ask who was better." The warning might have come across as silly or unnecessary, but...when two boys were tangled up with the same girl, and when one of those boys was a demigod and the other was a goddess, all bets were off. 'Don't.' He adds for good measure, poking Ronin in the shortribs for extra emphasis.

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"Luckiest man in all of Caido," Ronin agrees wholeheartedly, grinning like a teenager as he feels feathers in the wake of his fingers. "Do I? I was modelling my doodles from you. Or am I wrong about the length and girth of your anatomy?" he wonders, doing his best to put those thoughts to one side and smoothing his hands across Remi's back when the fucker goes and hisses pretty words against his skin.

"Oi," he hisses back, his hips rising of their own accord, partially to try and unbalance Remi where he's blanketed across his chest, and partially because it feels good. "I don't ever pre-plan. But that is a good point - I wonder whether she would commission Saint Ronin. I have to give you something to look at when I'm away and you're here in the shop, right? We could put it right in the Plaza."

Nudged about, his eyes do flicker open to blink down at his husband, Ronin furrowing his brow as he's suddenly prodded and lectured. "I won't, I won't," he protests, trying to bury himself further in the blankets (because he's absolutely been caught out). "It would be me, though," he adds, voice muffled.

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

"Well I can tell you that there's no curve in it like that. Not usually, anyway." Remi grumps, shifting his shoulder back as if he might bump Ronin's fingers with one of his shoulder blades. It is meant to be a menacing gesture, but naked and acting as a blanket, Remi just seems more like a disgruntled housecat. Taking full advantage of Ronin's hips rising, the alchemist immediately slinks a hand under his husband, grabbing a handful of ass that he hasn't any intention of letting go. "Ah! Adesso sei mio. Sei stato catturato e non puoi farci niente." Remi sings against the Star, the words tumbling from his mouth in an easy stream as his fingers relentlessly squeeze Ronin's butt.

"I am sure she would, but I do not know if we could afford her rates." Remi says with a frown, trying to imply that sculpting the Star would be an extraordinary ask of the Artificer. "Oh good. I have always wanted to watch birds roost on your cock while I work." The alchemist hums, flashing the Star a delighted smile.

"Ronin." Remi exclaims with breathless annoyance, freeing his hand from beneath the Star that he might poke his husband even harder in the ribs.

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"Well, when I'm drawing it on your shoulders, there have to be some curves in some places," Ronin says in his defence, grinning and tickling his fingers across Remi's back as he gives his hand a nudge. Of course, the Star is unable to be quite as shit-eating and smug as he wants to be, because suddenly there's a warm hand on his ass and a handsome man serenading him with words that have no right to sound so beautiful.

"Remi," he grumbles right back at the other man, his arms slipping around him properly to draw him closer (does it have anything to do with the friction that all this wriggling about is causing? Yes it absolutely does). "Hey! No need to skewer me for telling the truth." Half laughing, Ronin tries to inch away from Remi's prodding fingers, but given that he's tangled up in the Lullaby, he's taking him with him wherever he goes.

It's all laughably ineffective, but in the end the Star rolls them over, as if to pin Remi beneath him instead. "Say it again?" He grins. "Whatever it was you said."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting