the way we say goodbye

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

It had been an attempt, but he knows that it falls flat. Even despite the fact that Phoebe wasn’t following along with it much, Sunjata knows that his words had rung true, regardless, so much so that Hank hangs onto every word with excitement and awe – still quite oblivious for the way that Phoebe responds to it. ‘Spose it was a long time ago, huh?’ Hank says, almost wistfully, before the merchant pushes off the counter and moves to go and check up on the cart that’s being loaded up.

Which leaves Sunjata to deal with the rest of it.

And he can’t help but to sigh as he folds the blanket he’s chosen, mulling over his words, because it isn’t an argument he wants to start, but he also wants her to believe him when he tells her that despite him having a child, everything else had fallen apart. So no, she deserved to have a better future than his current predicament, with someone that loved her and harbored no doubts for having a family with her. “You don’t want my current state as your future, Phoebe.” He rumbles softly, leaning a hip against the counter. “You’ll have a better one. Without deals with gods and shit falling apart.” His gaze lingers on her a brief moment longer before he’s staring at the door that Hank had disappeared into as the rain continues to beat against the shop.

Hank rounds back toward them and Sunjata points to the two blankets he's chosen and folded. "I'll take these two."

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA

Phoebe Steadman I've dropped out, burned up Fought my way back from the dead Truth and meaning, Phoebe had realized, were often not codependent descriptions. His words were true. She would not deny that. But the meaning they held in her present was nothing more than a passing memory of Longheat days long since past from a girl who no longer existed. The Phoebe he spoke of had long since broken and healed many times over and had even been reborn at the hands of a god - that she walked and talked and looked ever the same was merely happenstance really. She remained quiet in the wake of his words without looking back at him. Only when he had completed his purchase and Hank meandered back to the back of the shop did she sigh quietly before speaking. "You know what I meant. Stop being literal to try and have a point to argue with." she said dismissively. Phoebe had specifically been speaking about having a child, not necessarily the entire circumstances of his current life that she didn't know about. "You don't know anything about me, Sunjata. Not anymore. Nor did you ever really know me when you could claim you did." she said lightly. "I have made deals with gods. I have had shit fall apart over and over again." Whether the scale of the situation was different didn't make it any less true. "When will you realize that the only constant in your misery is you?" she asked, glancing at him finally. "You have a child now apparently. Isn't it about time you stop soaking in how awful or unfair your life has been and focus on what is important in the moment? Or do you want to make the same mistakes your father did with your own child to prove a point?" Phoebe said. Her tone was direct, to the point, but not wholly unkind. Rather like a parent herself, laying out the very basics of the world to distill down to the most simplified version of life.

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

The transaction is made and Hank’s given Sunjata a waterproof bag to fit the blankets into before the merchant departs back into the back. And Phoebe begins to speak, Sunjata remaining silent. “I’m just saying.” He says with a hint of stubbornness before he’s shut off completely by her tangent. And this is how it always goes, doesn’t it? An attempt, only to have it backfire because she’s taking it the wrong way. But this is the part that he was somewhat prepared for, guarded against, the way she doubles down on it.

The way she takes his words literally, too, and spins them back around on him as she was always so masterful at. All he can do is stuff the blankets into the bag before tying it up to keep the water out of it in order to transport it home. He’s somewhat prepared to argue the point, that he is working on not soaking in his shitty life, but he’s shut off when she brings up his father.

Armored scales flicker along his arms as he hoists the bag up. “Don’t you dare compare me to him.” He says quietly, a bit snappy as he places the bag against his back. “You were becoming a demigod for Frey when he showed up here. He died when I dropped him off the cliffs of Aumakua. If there’s one thing I know now, it’s that I will never be like him.” He pulls his gaze away from her and works his jaw as he steps toward the door and the rain continues to pour. “Have a good life, Phoebe.”

And he opens the door to a downpour of rain, ducks his head, and attempts to slip out the door into the rain to head home – somewhere else other than here.

- FIN <3

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA