all that is now and all that is gone

PETER

Despite the way he’d slunk out, Peter cannot stay away from the boxing ring. For one, he has nowhere else to go, and for two everything he has to his name is there.

Still, days pass before he returns, in the dead of night, creaking the door open so slowly it barely seems like it’s moving at all and ghosting inside. No matter how much he may resemble a shadow like this, wrapped up from the tip of his nose to his toes, it’s near impossible to actually hide from someone who doesn’t sleep. Somehow though, he manages, creeps up the stairs to the bed that he had shared with Adam, and curls up.

Pet stays curled up for days, not moving, not thinking about moving until the rain beacons to beat against the building, so rough and agressive it seems almost like it’s coming for him personally. With some quiet whine leaving him, and a blanket wrapped around him like a quit of armour, Pet finally moves, leaving his little corner in search of some comfort he already knows he won’t find. At least not in here.

when i look at you all I can see
Are the mistakes were going to make

Adam

You took notes on what you had to do
To get the piece of the pie that belonged to you

It really was the King of all awkward living situations; two people with no need to sleep, eat or piss, nothing to do but talk, stuck in a place with heavy monsoons shortly after divorce. Adam had done his absolute best to stay out of Pet's way, willingly taking himself out of the pillow corner they'd made and laying on the boxing ring floor at night (it felt like a fittingly self-pitying punishment for his sins).

He'd caught glances of Pet and unsurprisingly, he'd looked rough; each occasion had drove another blade of guilt into Adam's back, but he hadn't thought saying anything would improve the situation, so he'd let Pet go by untouched.

This time he was planning to do just that again, idly watching from a corner until it struck him that Pet seemed to be moving towards the door while there was still torrential rain and whipping winds; without thinking, just concern on his mind, he called out and sat up: "Hey, you're not going out, right?" As soon as the words left, Adam realised who he was speaking to, that it was the first thing he'd said to his husband (ex..husband...?) in days. "Uh...no..not that it's my business exactly, but it's pretty dangerous out there."

You've been waiting for this ever since you were young
Be careful not to choke on your tongue

PETER

So far, Pet had passed by the space Adam had claimed twenty times. Driven by boredom, by desperation, by silent distraction. Not once had the other man done more than look at him, not once had he raised his voice to say anything. But now he sat up, now he called out. Pets shoulders hunched automatically, only adding to his dour appearance.

There is something petulant and sullen in Pet’s eyes, something that said he would sneer, if only his face knew how to. Instead what leaves him is even more monotone than usual, his voice so dry and dead it could catch fire with a spark. ”I was.” Said simply, without adornment, and left for a beat before he licks his lips and continues. ”To Halo.” Then his insipid gaze turns to the door, widening slightly as if he’s only now noticed the gales that howled just outside the doors.

Brows furrow, and he licks his lips again, considering for a long moment before speaking again. ”I could make it.”

when i look at you all I can see
Are the mistakes were going to make

Adam

You took notes on what you had to do
To get the piece of the pie that belonged to you

Pet's voice had never been the most lilting, cheerful of sounds, but the almost dead monotone that fell from his lips was still soul crushing. Adam had never heard him sound quite so guarded, far away, even when they were in great danger or when Pet spoke about his past. Had he done this? Guilt curdled in his chest.

That guilt wouldn't stop him talking though, not when he found out Pet was intending to go to Halo in the midst of gale force winds. "Halo? How the fuck you gonna get to Halo right now?" Adam got up, using a hand to push himself onto his feet, shaking his head as Pet insisted he could make it - sure, but in what condition? Just because Ascended were technically hardier didn't mean a fall onto rocks wouldn't smash his head open.

Approaching (but not getting too close, as if he was nervous to scare Pet off), Adam sighed. "C'mon, you know it's stupid to try get outside. I know...I know you're mad at me, and you have every fucking right to be, but don't go out there and fucking die in a storm." Pushing his hand through his hair, he tried to think: He wanted to suggested he'd go somewhere else instead, but there really wasn't anywhere to go. "...What're you hoping to get in Halo, anyway?" He asked, curiosity getting the better of him before anything more useful came out.

You've been waiting for this ever since you were young
Be careful not to choke on your tongue

PETER

Pet has to shift, biting back a sigh as he does. ”The portals. It’s... it’s not far from here.” Maybe ten minutes on a good day. Longer with storms howling outside, but still not impossible. And still more comfortable than sitting another moment in here, wrapped up in silent, distant sadness.

Adam steps closer and Pet stiffens even more, leaning back as the other man hovers at the edge of his personal space. He wants to spit back something witty and cutting, something that will hurt Adam as much as he hurts, but all he can manage is a deep exhale. He wouldn’t die, but... maybe he would get hurt. Maybe he could be convinced to stay, for a little longer.

Shifting his weight back and forth on his feet, Pet did what he could to not look at Adam, focusing instead on the nonsense shape he toed into the dirt. ”I’d be... going to see Neron.” The Launceleyns hadn’t necessarily been good to him, while he’d been alive, but Pet had no reason to distrust the other man, no reason to think he be turned away.

when i look at you all I can see
Are the mistakes were going to make

Adam

You took notes on what you had to do
To get the piece of the pie that belonged to you

Adam had assumed Pet would use the portals (fuck, walking all that way would be a special brand of insanity at the moment), but he doubted that he'd even get that far. Ascended or not, the winds were whipping around things heavier than Pet; either he'd get picked up or whacked by something and that'd be that: no way to fix everything that had gone wrong.

Seeing Pet get stiff as he got closer was another little chip at Adam's broken heart. He'd once revelled in seeing Pet come out of his shell and get more comfortable with love, touch, intimacy...he'd ruined all of that for him because of his own stupid issues and a girl that didn't even fucking like him anymore. Arms hanging by his side, Adam sighed and didn't get any closer.

"Neron? Oh, fuck, no...c'mon." Rubbing at his eyes tiredly, he groaned; Pet was retreating back into himself, going back to the Launceleyns...everything Adam had hoped wouldn't happen. "Pet, I know I haven't treat you right, but...they didn't either. Don't go and let them control you again, please? I don't think I could live with myself if you went back to those cunts."

You've been waiting for this ever since you were young
Be careful not to choke on your tongue

PETER

This isn’t what he wants to be doing. Confrontation is not something Pet does well, not something he wants to face. In another life he’d have known wel enough to simply slip out of an upstairs window and disappear into the storm.

”Its not... it’s not like that.” Pet’s brows pinch together, a squished scowl scribbling across his face. ”Neron isn’t Z-Za...” He grits his teeth and clenches his hands tightly, glad that he can’t flush awkwardly with the stumble. He doesn’t want to be that person anymore. ”Its different.”

His gazes up to glance at Adam, sullen and guilty and upset. ”Where... where else would I go?”

when i look at you all I can see
Are the mistakes were going to make

Adam

You took notes on what you had to do
To get the piece of the pie that belonged to you

Had it been anyone else, Adam would have begun a groan of 'oh here we go' when Pet started talking, but he knew he had to try be softer with his husband (ex-husband? Friend? Were they even friends anymore?). Just sighing, he brought the hand that was in his hair down to his temple and pressed in, wishing he could go back just a few weeks in the past. How had he only been alive two seasons and already fucked everything up so bad?

"D'ya really think he's gonna hesitate to use you just like she did? They know you'll do what they say and that's why they-" He managed to clamp his mouth shut before keep you around came out, though it was what he was thinking. "They don't care about you. They care about what they can make you do." Not like me, he wanted to add, I love you.

But that boat had sailed and now all he could do was try to keep Pet from disappearing entirely.

"You don't have to go anywhere. You like it here in Torchline, don't you? Okay, you don't like me right now, but you could just...stay. I'll leave you alone and you leave me alone and you get a job doing whatever you like doing here and you can just...be okay. Be happy. Not have to work for some cunt that's gonna abuse you." His voice was breaking, his eyes desperately searching Pet's face for some sign that he was getting through. "You're...I know I fucked us up. I know that. But you're worth so much more and I'd fucking hate myself if you went back to that shit."

You've been waiting for this ever since you were young
Be careful not to choke on your tongue

PETER

"I... I don't know." Pet says quietly, fiercely, his gaze finally gaining some sparkle of emotion. It's not a good emotion, not even close, but it's better than that bitter emptiness from earlier. "They don't... I won't be made to do anything. And if they... if hedoes, then... I don't have to." He could choose something else, couldn't he? Could say no, maybe.

His brows pinch tighter, jaw closing so tightly his teeth groan against each other, and he looks off to the side again. The last thing Pet wants to do is admit the truth in Adam's words, but he can't deny it either. "I.... don't want to leave. I d-don't... don't want to be upset. I... I thought...." But what had he thought? How does he put words to what he's feeling, when it's all so new, so fresh and painful. His jaw trembles just a little as he swallows, wishing that there was some relief for the roiling, twisting feeling in his gut.

"I... I miss you."

when i look at you all I can see
Are the mistakes were going to make

Adam

You took notes on what you had to do
To get the piece of the pie that belonged to you

Well, it was at least something that Pet promised he wouldn't be manipulated, but Adam still had his doubts. Maybe he was undervaluing the other man's strength, but he still worried, after all Pet had been through, that he would go back to old habits when not supported by anyone else; and he wasn't, as far as Adam knew, supported by anyone other than himself.

It seemed he'd made some kind of progress in getting through to Pet; Adam took a step forward, holding himself back from reaching out for his husband like his hands so badly wanted to. "...I know I've made it all fucked up. But you shouldn't have to leave because of that." There really wasn't much else to say without going into territory that was strangely off-limits now (I love you, please stay, come back to me); that was, until Pet confessed to missing him.

Adam sighed, paused, looked off into the room then back to the man he loved. "...I miss you too. I love you. That hasn't changed."

You've been waiting for this ever since you were young
Be careful not to choke on your tongue