From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
"Oh, I see. Well...watch that you don't trip, when you do open your door." Just as she had done once, Tobi skillfully pulls out bits of information from what little Finn does say so that she needn't impose on him more than is necessary. A thousand questions vie for purchase on her tongue, but Tobi asks only one of them. "Physically, how do you feel?" She asks, her voice sounding more confident by degrees given the medical relevance of her question. Tobi is careful though to make sure she emphasizes that it's only the state of his body she's asking about.
"All the more reason not to forget him." Tobi whispers back, in a voice tinged with stubbornness and sadness.
As quickly as she can, Tobi completes the more sensitive part of Finn's exam. To say that he looks used is an understatement, but from a medical perspective, he does indeed look fine. She could prescribe him topical ointments and things, but she's quite sure that he'll decline.
Reaching for a blanket, Tobi delicately covers Finn. It's knitted but light, offering comfort rather than warmth. 'What do you need, Finn?' She asks through a throat growing tighter with every word spoken. A shower? A shave? Drugs? Food? To disappear? To sleep? Anything she could, she'd give to him.
"Oh...? Oh, I will," Finn says, clearly not understanding the nuance behind her statement. Still, when he eventually does open that door, it's very likely that he will trip over the pile of letters stacked there, and realise that she was being literal instead of kind. He resists the urge to look down as she asks him how feels. He doesn't want to see her hands on him, doesn't want to see the bruises or feel the way he's been handled over the past season.
But used is a very succinct way of putting it, and he lets out a shivery sort of sigh. "Very tired. I ache all over. I've been taking dreamdust and snapdragon, so I can feel myself needing it again soon." He frowns, feeling a fraction of it for a second before he stuffs it all back behind the walls of his mind.
He can't really comment on whether or not he ought to be remembered, zoning out once more for Tobi to be able to complete his examination, though he doesn't expect the blanket. Blinking up at her, gazing somewhere past her left ear, Finn has no idea how to answer her question. A shower, a shave and a haircut, certainly. Drugs are a must at this point. He needs a good meal and a dreamless sleep, he needs company and to be left alone. He needs help.
"I need to finish that report," is what he says eventually, getting his elbows under him so he might sit up a bit. He needs whatever knowledge lurks in his head to get out of it, as soon as possible, so he doesn't have to keep hold of it any longer.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Tobi's lips twitch in a knowing smile that holds understanding, if not warmth. "Okay." She takes it all in stride. Later, she'll give herself time to process her feelings about everything she's hearing and seeing. For now, despite how very little of herself there is left to give (there is an invader, in her belly, stealing her nutrients and mental capacity), she focuses solely on Finn. "We'll wean you off slowly. But you'll have to be monitored while taking it." Tobi explains, but Finn already knows.
Biting the inside of her cheek as she looks down at him, Tobi crosses her arms to keep herself from reaching out for him. She thinks of excuses to keep him in the clinic, but also ones that might help him hurry his task along. Knowing Finn as she does, he'll be able to do little else until he completes Cian's report, even if it's a detriment to his health. All there is for her to do is help him as best she can.
"How?" Tobi asks at last. "You can write it here with enough snapdragon that you won't feel withdrawal, or I can pump you full of fluids so that you shouldn't pass out in your apartment." With a wince that she does her best to hide, Tobi presses against her belly where a tiny foot is dancing its way across her body.
"I understand. I imagine I will be expected to make an appointment with Doctor Guildenstern as well." It's a statement and not a question for a reason - Finn doesn't want to talk about his mental state, only to confirm the expected pathways for him to dig his way towards talking about it. (Honestly, he doesn't think it's possible any longer, but he has been proven wrong before, on plush rugs with soft and lovely fingers in his curls).
Tobi thinks and Finn simply goes away again, to wherever he stays, now, when there is nothing required of him. Sometimes he's not even sure what's best - to keep up the facade as Thomas and be able to engage with the world as a functioning person, to let Finn Rosencrantz die at last... or this. Whatever this is.
Blinking himself back as she speaks, he considers her options and settles on the one with the least effort. "I will stay here, if you don't mind?" he says slowly. Gods, but he is blinkered right now. He misses it all; her wince, the way she's breaking before his eyes and there's nothing he can say or do to stop it. He'd said he didn't know if he'd be coming back from the assignment he'd been sent on for a reason. Finn is an empty house. The lights are on in case of burglars, but he's hiding in the storm cellar.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Tobi says nothing; Finn knows what's ahead of him better than she does, given his insights as to what Cian does or doesn't expect of him.
'Of course I don't.' The doctor says, her voice uncharacteristically rough with emotion for a moment as she both stifles the urge to mourn for the man before her and groan with pain. It feels as though the baby in her stomach is trying to use her bladder as a trampoline to reach her ribs that it might climb them like monkeybars. 'Okay.' Tobi mumbles, a touch breathlessly and seemingly speaking to herself more than Finn. Which, seems appropriate given his current state.
"How much snapdragon were you taking, and at what intervals?" Tobi asks, hoping for answers more specific than 'a lot and 'often'.
He won't look at her, but the tone of voice is different, and that's something Finn notices. "Are you alright, Doctor Hart?" he asks softly, knowing that there is very little he can do about it even if she isn't okay. (Which, you know, she absolutely isn't, but that's a fog of nothing to the Spyglass at present). Then she's asking about the snapdragon, and... well, 'a lot' and 'often' is absolutely correct, but this is Finn, even with a whore's face.
He reaches down to snag the bag he'd taken with him, setting it on his lap and sorting through it until he finds the small box he's looking for. Within it are two carefully folded paper parcels. The first only contains a few gems of snapdragon, after the season away; small crimson teadrops that slip effortlessly under the tongue, the effect is potent, but it's not exactly long-lasting. "I average four per day, in a cluster towards the end of the evening," he says after briefly counting through them.
"Then a bump of dreamdust before I sleep, or when I first wake." Depends on if he wants to forget about the day that's just happened, or put off the one about to come.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Tobi isn't one to lie, but just the thought of saying no, Finn, no I'm really not has her stomach tensing again as if that might keep the dam holding her flood of tears at bay intact. Her head shakes a soft no, which her lips are forced to contradict. With a smile that's as sad as it is small, Tobi swallows. "I'll be okay." She murmurs. It probably isn't a lie, even if it feels like one.
Turning her attention toward the ruby-red chemicals in his palm, Tobi doesn't bother to try and hide her astonishment—though she manages not to blurt out four????, if only barely. The dreamdust is just as worrying.
Holding out her hand to see if Finn will give up his drugs willingly, Tobi will tuck the parcels away into her pockets if so. Explaining where she's going, Tobi excuses herself that she might go and retrieve a vial that's nearly black it's so red. There's no telling what Finn's drugs have been laced with or how they've been made. The clinic's is entirely pure.
After Tobi determines the appropriate dosage, she turns her gaze onto the man in the bed with his outgrown curls and unshaven cheeks. Her heart swims as her stomach flops, and tears bite at the back of her eyes. "Finn?" Clearing her throat, as if it might get rid of the wobble, she looks uncertainly down at the bed. "Can I tell you something?"
He doesn't have enough strength, mentally or physically, to read into the way her body tells him something completely different to her words. But even Finn, socially awkward as he is, can sense this sort of disparity, and he's about to bring it up when Tobi is holding out her hand for the dreamdust and the snapdragon. Honestly, had it been anyone else he'd have refused, but for this doctor he surrenders them willingly, careful not to brush his fingers against her hand. He's afraid that if he touches her he'll not let go.
Running a hand through the back of his curls as she leaves, Finn almost jumps to actually feel them, so used to the glamour is he by now. Whilst Tobi does whatever she needs to do, the Spyglass makes himself busy putting everything away, all but the case with his glasses inside it and a tightly wrapped roll of parchment that's a little water damaged. He'll need both for the report, though the glasses are more of a comfort than a necessity.
Her voice brings his attention up, Finn blinking tired blue eyes at her. "Of course," he says - because why would he say anything different?
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Noting how quickly his fingers curl away from hers cuts Tobi to the core, but she doesn't let it show. Later, she tells herself. Later, when she's alone, will she cry for the things she feels she's lost, and for the things she'll never have. She'll cry hateful tears for all the moments she let herself imagine, and scold herself for being so stupid in so many ways. She'll stare at herself in the mirror wondering how it was possible to be so wounded, by what amounted to just a few dates. She'll wonder what it is about Finn that makes him so impossible to forget, and what about her makes it so easy.
The blue of Finn's eyes is very nearly enough to have Tobi coming undone, as he looks up at her. She might have too, if she thought there was any hope he might catch her. But small as Finn looks, there's no room for Tobi next to him in the bed, nor any of the other places she might occupy. So taking a breath, she wipes at his upper arm with a cotton ball covered in alcohol. 'You're going to be okay, too.' She says, confidently, and with a smile; on the inside, Tobi is already wilting and losing her golden shine.
Pushing the needle into Finn's arm, the red-black liquid disappears into him, leaving only a single period on his skin to mark its departure.
