don't call it black and white

i've got a river for a soul

Sunlight streams through the windows into their little kitchen painting it in happy sunlit tones that the alchemist tries to block out by pressing his fingertips to his eyes. Having changed into only sweatpants, he waits by the kettle for the water to boil, muttering under his breath. "I just...it is like I do not have the right words for what I am feeling." He admits eventually, letting his hands flop toward his sides before reconsidering and folding them across his chest instead.

"It...it feels like a loss, but every time I try to describe it, it feels like I am just whining because I cannot have sex with her anymore. And that isn't it." It was, partially, but that didn't encompass it properly. "And now I just feel like an asshole for being upset, but...at least when most relationships end you sort of have an idea it is coming. This was just..." Remi makes a gesture like a rug being pulled before his palms press against the counter and his fingertips fidget against the ledge.

even my darkness shines for you

"Given everything you two are and were to each other, I'd be more surprised if you did have words for it." Ronin reaches into the cupboard to draw out two mugs, setting them down while they wait for the water to boil. The Star has evidently just woken up by his bedhead and the sweats that sit low on his hips, the sun lending his tanned skin a warm glow. As Remi's hands press to the counter, Ronin sidles up behind him to slip his arms around his waist.

"I imagine it almost feels like you weren't good enough, if she found someone else. Or like you were replaced." It's a guess, but it's as much as Ronin can give to start to try and peel away the layers of what has his husband so tangled up in knots. "It's okay to be upset, though, and it doesn't make you an asshole. It just makes you human - sorry." He smiles, dropping a kiss onto Remi's shoulder.

the

DARKSTAR

Table coding by Sky

i've got a river for a soul

"She had words for it." Remi says sulkily; in the safety of his own kitchen, with his husband, the need to be good, and kind, and reasonable could be ignored at times like this. "Those words were, well I've found someone else, so it's over." The half-snarl that tugs at his lips suggests those weren't Isla's exact words, but it was how it felt to hear them.

"No...it.." Sighing, Remi clasps one hand over where Ronin's have wound around him, though there isn't much warmth in the gesture. The alchemist is far too lost in replaying events over in his mind for that. "Of course she wanted more than me. And of course she deserves it, it's just..." Exhaling and letting his head loll back that it might tilt against Ronin's, Remi forces all the air from his lungs until his throat starts to burn before inhaling again.

"I suppose it is like...what I felt for her, the her-her part of it all, I wasn't done understanding yet. Like there is part of that picture I will never get to see finished." The kettle begins to whistle, and Remi glares at it for having interrupted his thoughts. "Maybe I will just be a tentacle monster forever. If being human is the problem, I can stop that easily enough."

even my darkness shines for you

Ronin winces at the phrasing; not because he thinks Remi is being unreasonable. Quite the opposite, in fact - he doesn't know how he'd have reacted to have heard the sentiment in those words, even if they weren't the exact phrases used. "Not what you expected after everything," he guesses, letting his head tilt to rest against Remi's, his thumb brushing across the warm skin and various scars on his husband's torso. And as he continues and more pieces of the puzzle fall into place, Ronin's astral projection steps out of him to take care of the whistling kettle.

"Ah, because Isla was the only woman you'd... well, the only woman for you?" He kisses Remi's cheek. "Never say never, though. You and I are proof that the world can change on a god's whim. And for the record, I will love you even if you decide to become a tentacle monster forever. More arms means more of you to get attached to, right?"

the

DARKSTAR

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i've got a river for a soul

"Not hearing it first from her boyfriend, no. After having heard that she told him about our kraken experience as well." Unwilling to part his teeth from where they've pressed together into neat and jagged rows that approximate a shark's mouth, instead Remi pulses a bloom of appreciation into Ronin's fingertips as his astral self deals with the water.

"Very much so." It wasn't an exaggeration to say that she was the only woman for him, not in the slightest. There as some pull, a tether that had managed to remain even after death and resurrection in various forms. That now it had been cut? It was a loss he bore all on his own, and he wanted it back. He supposed that was the selfish and sulky part—a gust of guilt blows through Ronin with these emotions as they sweep from Remi—and eventually there's nothing left to say or do, other than turn in Ronin's arms.

"And to keep you attached." He replies a touch wickedly before his expression softens. "You are far too good to me, you know that?" What other relationship could bear this sort of conversation? "I love you for every star Safrin has ever made, plus three."

even my darkness shines for you

"Mm, I still feel like that ought to be a separate conversation," Ronin admits with another kiss to Remi's cheek. It's one thing to have whatever it was going on between them, but between gods and wars, information like his husband's abilities are things better kept under wraps in his opinion. Still, he quells those thoughts to focus properly on Remi, smiling at the pulse of appreciation, even as guilt comes snapping at its heels. His projection finishes making them coffee before he dismisses it again, ready when Remi turns into his arms.

"I am as good to you as you deserve," he informs him, leaning in to press a slow, soft kiss to Remi's lips. "But if it makes you feel better, I am not a saint in this situation either. I'm selfishly glad to have you all to myself - Isla had no idea how good she had it." Ronin's smile is boyish and smug and he's not sorry about it. "Every star plus three, though? Those are magic words, alchemist. Be careful."

the

DARKSTAR

Table coding by Sky

i've got a river for a soul

The coffee is utterly forgotten in light of Ronin's lips upon his, and though Remi doesn't move to deepen it, he lingers in the warmth and familiarity of it that nothing—and no one—could ever replace. "Oh? How glad?" He wonders in a voice full of mischief as he slips his arms around his husband's shoulders and leans in toward his ear. "Are they? I consider myself warned." Remi whispers. "It is a good thing that no one is around to hear me then, mmm?"

Letting one hand drape down Ronin's shoulder to roam over the hawk stained onto his skin, Remi smiles to himself as he revels in the warmth of the Star pressed against him. For as much of an allure as Isla held in all the ways she had been different from Ronin, there wouldn't ever be anyone who could possibly compare to how Remi felt about his husband.

"So now that you have me back all to yourself...care to shoot me full of your magic?" He meant in terms of the quest Ludo had given him, but if Ronin misinterpreted? Well. Remi wouldn't correct him.

even my darkness shines for you

Remi drapes himself around him and Ronin leans into it, smiling against his husband's lips and backing him up against the counter, coffee similarly forgotten. "It is a very good thing," he agrees, a wicked look in his blue eyes as he lets his fingers drift across Remi's bare skin, teasing along the waistband of his sweats. No one was around to hear it - namely their son, who was on a playdate with the florist's niece who had come to stay. They have the place to themselves.

What a perfect time for Ronin to shoot his husband with his magic. With a cackle of laughter, he leans in to catch Remi's lips a second time. "I would love to," he says. "In both respects, but I'm definitely choosing to mishear you for now." Indeed, his hands are already sneaking around to squeeze the alchemist's ass, drawing him away from the counter again so he might begin to walk them towards the bedroom.

the

DARKSTAR

Table coding by Sky

i've got a river for a soul

'Why whatever do you me—" Remi starts to say, but not only does he not need to finish the sentence, but the last word is cut off by a bubble of laughter that quickly turns heated as Ronin begins to walk them out of the kitchen.

The morning dissolves into a sea of blankets that swallows the men who navigate her waters in a tangle of limbs. Only coming up for air when absolutely needed, Remi indulges himself again and again in Ronin, relishing the salty sweetness of the Star's skin, made warm by friction and the cover of their blankets.

"Only you—'"" The alchemist hears himself say at one point. "It's only you, for me." Every time he says it, he thinks he means it a little bit more than the last.

~FIN