On this winter's night with you

"I just...with the luxere around, surely the monsters know where people are. Being quiet hardly seems to make sense, really." His tone and gentle shrug indicated that he wasn't really trying to argue about it though. Clearly the horrors of LongNight could demand whatever they pleased. Remi wasn't at all surprised that the mad attempts to keep everyone safe did not always make sense. Letting his face be held in Sam's hands, Remi regarded him silently for a moment. His eyes brushed over his freckles, the shine of golden hairs intermingled in the copper of his beard, his pale lashes and the delicate lines by his eyes when he smiled. His heart sung, but the chord was a dissonant one; ringing out, waiting for the melody to be resolved. "We all get upset sometimes." Remi said with a gentle laugh, raising a brow and tilting his head to emphasize that the reason they were currently in a closet was precisely because one of them had been upset. "Sam." Remi said earnestly, bringing his nose to gently touch the tip of the bookmaker's. There was an amused and roguish smile on his lips as he tilted his head slightly to the side. "Do you think you have tricked me somehow? That I have not seen how you are?" His voice was gentle and kind, not meaning at all to highlight Sam's purported flaws, merely just to show that Remi was not ignorant of them. Leaning forward, his lips pressed against Sam's, his tongue whisper-soft caressing the soft skin. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

Sam didn't really have an answer to his point about the luxere, so he didn't say anything. Prior to this Longnight they had never really been a part of his experience. He hoped they might actually be a good distraction for the monsters...he didn't want to think bait, but.. He felt the slightest bit embarrassed as Remi studied him but did not pull away, staring deeply back. With his advanced dark vision he could see the pale green of his eyes even in the dimness and he marvelled at how something so simple could make him feel so loving. Remi's questions were like a knife. They pushed right to the heart of his insecurities in seconds and before he could open his mouth to respond he was nodding with tears falling down his cheeks. He kissed Remi messily, desperately. For the last few days, as excited as he had been, Sam had also been constantly waiting in the back of his mind for the other shoe to drop, for Remi to notice just who he was and walk out. Hearing it in actual words was both terrifying and relieving. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

Remi could feel the way Sam's lips trembled as his tears began to fall, but he didn't mind. Instead, Remi curled his arms around Sam—one behind his back and the other beneath his legs—and stood. Turning, Remi placed Sam firmly on a stack of boxes, his lips never leaving the bookmaker's except for a few shallow and hasty breaths. Gently Remi's thumbs came up to brush at the tears on Sam's cheeks as he stood before the boxes and between the ascended's legs, his lips pressing kiss after kiss after kiss against Sam's. With a shuttered breath, Remi kissed Sam's cheek and then the corner of his eye, and then his eyelids. The tears did not taste like tears at all. They tasted like absolutely nothing, which was strange, but Remi filed that away for later. "I see you very well, Samuel Wordsworth." He whispered, his nose against Sam's, a hand in his hair and then curling around his head to bring their foreheads together. His other hand came to rest gently on one of Sam's legs, fingers offering a reassuring squeeze as Remi smiled into the darkness. "And I..." Silence. His heart raced, his lips trembled, and his body gave a slight involuntary shake. "I—" Remi inhaled. The sound to his ears like an echo in a cavern. —love you "—would never want you to change." Coward. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

Sam had found out he was falling in love with Remi earlier, but the man's actions now sealed the deal and locked the key. He was lifted easily,  barely even feeling the movement over the intense emotional waves in his chest. He was still crying but tried to respond: "I-I...I see y-you too." And then there was a pause after I, and Sam felt his whole body tense with anticipation. It came again, then....oh. Well, it was still a lovely sentiment, still made him smile, but...it wasn't quite what he had hoped for and expected. "Thank y-you." He said simply at first and buried his face into Remi's chest, breathing in his scent and listening to his heartbeat. It may have seemed like he was just cuddling but really Sam was gathering his courage. He would have never dreamed of making this kind of move first before, but his new confidence (brought on partly by Remi) allowed him to. Remi had brought the idea to reality and Sam had to finish it. He pulled back and wiped his eyes. "I think y-you should know, Remi... th...that I love you." He meant it, he really did. They hadn't been together long but they'd been through a hell of a lot, and he found himself constantly finding new parts of Remi to adore. An especially kinky bit of hair, his accent on certain words, the colour of his eyes... With a little smile, he let the words float into the moment and waited to see what would happen. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

—I-I...I see y-you too. Did he? Could Remi believe that? After all that Jigano had said, which Remi was it that the bookmaker thought he saw? The one Remi believed himself to be, or the careless and dangerous one that Jigano had painted him as? The alchemist's fingers wrapped around Sam as he curled forward, his strong hands caressing the bookmaker's back in careful and gently rising and falling waves. Remi could feel the way Sam seemed to try and melt against him, and the tenderness of it both made Remi want to scream that he didn't deserve it and to utterly collapse into what felt like something—no, someone—who might actually be good for him. As Sam pulled back, Remi smiled as he began to wipe the tears away from his eyes, wanting very badly to lean forward and kiss away the remaining shine on his cheeks. But as he began speaking, just as Sam had felt it when Remi had stuttered his way around words he ended up not saying, so too could Remi feel what was coming. —I think y-you should know He felt cold and hot all at once. His heart pounded as blood rushed to his ears, roaring with a sound so loud that he worried the breaks in Sam's speech weren't that at all, but missed words. He couldn't hear..he couldn't think, he— —Remi... Tears pricked the back of his eyes and a warmth filled his nose as a sob began to rise in the back of his throat. Hands which had fallen down to rest against Sam's hips new trembled, his fingers tapping out some sort of rhythm over which the alchemist had no control. th... Remi thought of when he'd told Loren he loved him for the first (and only time), and how the Launceleyn replied that it was too late. He thought of how he'd keenly been aware of all the times after that moment that Loren still hadn't said it back. The alchemist's breath hitched in his chest, eyes scanning Sam's face desperately. Don't say it, Sam his mind whispered. Never stop saying it, his heart interrupted. Remi trembled. —that I love you. Milliseconds became decades and Remi became infinitely distracted by the soft rise and fall of Sam's eyelashes. He just wanted to stay here, in this place where anything was still possible and the words hadn't left his lips and nothing had been broken. No one had been hurt. Blood rushed lower in his body to places entirely inappropriate, unhindered by the silent war waging on with neither side giving up an inch. Even so, his flesh was entirely content to bask in the affirmation and to crave the newness of Sam. The rush of lust so unbidden and surprising made Remi gasp slightly, his body faltering forwards and his hands gripping against Sam's legs for support. But that movement alone seemed to speed up time and the hammering of his heart screamed that he needed to do something. He needed to say something. "Sam.." He croaked, drawing small sips of air over lips that felt entirely too dry all of a sudden. "I—" love you too. I want to say it back. I'm still in love with Loren. I want to press you up against this wall and ravage you. You can't love me. Was Jigano right? Please say it again, over and over. If he didn't say it back, would that drive Sam away? And if he said it now and came to mean it fully later, would that be so wrong? Tears fell from Remi's eyes as he gazed at Sam, his lip trembling slightly and his heart aflutter in altogether too many ways. "Sam—" He whispered, his voice pleading, wounded, hopeful, and broken. Curling his arms around Sam's body, Remi all but collapsed, his curly head buried in Sam's lap, his tears falling in silent tributaries as his fingers searched and groped and clung to the fabric of Sam's clothes like a lifeline that was probably not strong enough to keep him afloat. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

Sam wasn't sure what he was expecting in response,  but the sob that came from Remi still managed to surprise him. Was that a good sign? He had never confessed his love to anyone before,  didn't know what was meant to happen,  if crying was normal or of Remi was meant to sweep him up in his arms. He knew nothing of his qualms about Loren, only knew his own history of loneliness and his desperation for love in his life. To him love was something made all the better by abundance and having it now. Having had a past love would not have affected his need to say it here. His confusion and apprehension changed to panic as Remi grabbed him and fell forward, almost as if he was in sudden pain. "Wh-what's wrong!?" His voice wavered as he leaned forward to look at Remi's face and hold his shoulders. "Oh, Remi..." He whispered sadly once he saw the tears. He assumed the problem was the deaths from before and general fear. Hoping it might comfort, he cupped Remi's face. "I lo-love you. I love you. You'll be a-...alright." He moved to stroke his hair and kissed his forehead. "I...I have y-you. I'm not g-going anywhere." Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

At first, Remi couldn't meet Sam's eyes. He knew that the ascended hadn't the easiest life, but for a small and shining moment Remi cruelly wished he was broken in the same ways the alchemist was. The look of hopeful concern, the sad whispered words, the feeling of his finger tips on Remi's face were like ice being slid beneath his skin. Remi felt numb with each passing second, like he was drowning and reality was being pulled farther and farther away. The worst part though, was that he wasn't sure he wanted to swim back towards the surface. Better to drown now, than break Sam's heart. The alchemist's eyes were shiny with tears, the red around them making the pale green of his gaze seem extra verdant in the darkness. Gently they focused, staring into Sam's then falling from freckle to freckle to lips that he very much wanted against his own. Instead though, those lips parted, and the words spoken were like a madness Remi was helpless to cling to. "No—" Remi whispered through lips moist with tears and a throat which was rapidly choking with emotion. "No Sam...you cannot...you—" The alchemist tried again, pulling out of Sam's all too gentle touch. Raking his hands against his skull, Remi stood, eyes closed, his breathing laboured with confusion and contradiction. One hand gripped a handful of his curls as his jaw tensed. The lion inside of him whispered dark thoughts of claws against skin, blending the copper of Sam's hair with how musky the coppery scent of blood would be in this small room. How nice blue eyes would look against crimson, how soothing the scent of death. That part of him hardened both internally and externally, the line between lust and murder for the lion a blurry line at best. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

As much as he wanted to, Sam didn't understand why Remi was so upset. Was it misplaced grief? Was it a reaction to the words he'd said? Remi didn't seem...displeased, exactly (though he hadn't said it back, a silence that spoke a million horrible words). Sam could do nothing but stroke his hair and hope that it would be explained soon, that this wouldn't stay in his mind as the night he confessed and Remi didn't respo-- There was a loud thump upstairs, a knocking almost. The hum of conversation and laughter immediately died down. Sam looked up, the falling of the silence like a soft blanket falling into the back room. He knew Remi would want to go investigate, so he let go and with a sigh, got up. "...W-we can talk later." He promised, then led Remi up by the hand. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve