From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
Maea shook her head, wanting to deny all of it. If that was true, why did she only remember hunger, pain, grief and the longing for things she would never have? The only time of true light had been when she found love, and even those memories were fraying rapidly at the edge, curling in on themselves like charring paper.
Her eyes remained too dry, with nothing to spare for tears. Maybe it would have been better if she still could cry like she used to. There was just no release to find in this state - none that satisfied.
"I wanted a life," she murmured, tone laced with bitterness. "Rather, I wanted a life with a man. I could have saved myself the effort. Now I don't - I don't know what I want."
Shifting in his arms, Maea turned her face around and burrowed her face into Amun's shoulder. Hidden from the light, it seemed like such a luxury to be this selfish. To actually speak of the weight, the vulnerable parts. No masks, no pretense - she didn't have the strength for it, anyway, but somehow she felt that he wouldn't try to use it against her.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Letting his words sink in, Amun just kept them moving forward. Initiating a scan, he blinked when it revealed that while his fluid was slightly depleted and his arms were weakening, he could still keep them going for a while yet. As Maea began to speak again, he looked down at her for a moment before shifting to watch Zhanshi up ahead.
"You can still have a life and a man," the potter reminded her. "There's nothing stopping you from that. Or from doing whatever you want, really." Sighing, he shook his head. "Maybe it would help if you stopped thinking of everything you feel you've lost and focused instead of all the things you've gained." Still, he let her bury herself against his shoulder, just shifting his hands to support her weight.
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
Doubt colored her silence as she mulled over that. Her desires had been directed at a very particular person, and it seemed inconcievable that she would ever want anything similar with another. She didn't say anything about it though, recognizing that at least this train of thought was due to equal parts stubbornness and lingering heartache.
The real difficulty came with the other part. His suggestion made all the sense in the world - and with every attempt she slammed straight into a mental wall.
"I can't," she whined, muffled against his shirt, when that suffocating feeling began to rise again. Anger, hate, disappointment, regret, fear. "If I do - then I'm supposed to be grateful. To her. For putting me here, making all of it. But - but I'm not. I hate her. I blame her, for all of this. The war, the barrier, the way I was treated for my magic, all of it. I hate her - and now I'm stuck and dependent on her, and I did it to myself, and - and - and I hate myself too for being so gods damned weak."
He might hate her, too, now. But once the words began to roll off her tongue, there was no taking them back.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun's steps stuttered to a stop as the words began pouring out of Maea. Up ahead, Zhanshi paused but the potter told the lanshark to take a break. Frowning, Amun met her gaze and let her unpack her heart and fears. Only when it was clear she was finished did he start walking again.
"You don't have to be there yet." Sighing, he let out a huff of laughter. "But you're wrong about the war and the barrier. I'm sorry, you just are. She never sought conflict, the old gods forced it on her. They're the ones that declared the Acquired were now the Abandoned, that erected the barrier, that made the choice to condemn your ancestors, your family, you, to life under the dome."
Pausing, he added, "But you're not weak. It takes courage, real courage, to admit your flaws and to try and open your mind to a new way of thinking. It's the hardest thing in the world. Also, she won't ask anything from you in return for sustaining you. She's never asked me for anything, at least. She gives her fluid freely to all the Ascended, no matter what." Grimacing, he patted her back as best he could given their relative positions. "As for that hate...hate poisons you from the inside out. You don't have to stop now but...you'll need to find a way to live with it eventually." He shook his head.
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
Half dreading that he might simply drop her and walk away, Maea didn't expect the answer she got. Sitting very still, she listened and bit back every objection she had, every counter argument. There were many. But they could discuss cause and effect, guilt and blame forever without ever reaching a real answer. And it was beside the point. Maea's feelings on the whole issue was the point, and they wouldn't disappear or change at the drop of a hat no matter what brilliant revelations Amun could offer.
Stewing in the misery of her own inner turmoil for some time, she was at least somewhat soothed by the hand on her back. He hadn't left. Not let go.
"I'm sorry. For being like this," came a hoarse whisper, when she had turned in enough circles that the guilt returned.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
The silence gave Amun a chance to focus on walking. As he did, he realized that he'd wandered slightly off course. Zhanshi had tunneled back to tug at the hem of the potter's pants. Groaning, Amun adjusted their direction. The little landshark sped ahead again and this time the potter actually paid attention to where his companion was leading them.
When Maea spoke up again, Amun patted her back again, then started making small circles on it with his palm. "It's okay. Really. You've been through a lot and I'm asking even more. I don't need you to apologize or be better right away. I just need you to make an honest effort." He looked down at her for a moment.
And time it waits for no one It heals them when you die
She didn't deserve him. Or any of this. Rescued, carried, cared for and protected - even without counting or keeping score Maea knew she owed Amun after this. Truth be told, there was a part of her that didn't want to change. A dark, dreadful sliver that thrived in the chaos and despair of her own downfall. It felt good to not care. Powerful - and she'd never been powerful before.
But... she owed Amun. And he wanted her to try. Gods knew why he cared - but he really appeared to. So she made an effort to swallow down the misgivings. As he picked up the path again Maea found herself lulled by the sway of his step and the soothing strokes on her back.
"I'll try," she murmured. "Just... don't leave?" This - all of this - would be impossible in her own.
And soon you are forgotten A whisper within a sigh
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
03-21-2022, 12:33 PM (This post was last modified: 03-21-2022, 12:35 PM by Amun.)
Said to follow any dream Be a puppet on a string
After all that walking and carrying, Amun almost didn't believe his eyes when the landscape in the distance starting changing. However, there was no mistaking how the greens and colors of Leafchange in King's End gave way to the more muted browns and grays of the Hollowed Ground. More than that, the scar left behind by the barrier was still noticeable from here.
Looking down at Maea, he nodded and smiled. "I'll be here until the stars turn to dust and this world gives way to the next," he promised. With that, he picked up the pace, planning to head straight to the Voice's shrine in the Woodland. After that, well, it was more up to the woman in his arms than him.
