Training the light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train
Amun Arlun
Potter

Age: 41 | Height: 5'7'' | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 11 - Strg: 31 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 28 - Luck: 30 - Int: 1
ZHANSHI - Mythical - Landshark (Airbending)
Played by: Crooked Offline
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Posts: 2,317 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#15
my whole life is mine, but whoever says so will deprive me,
for it is infinite.
Still rubbing Maea's shoulders, Amun reached out with his foot. He pulled the chain away from her and kicked it aside, not wanting them to trip over it by accident. "It's not just here." Shaking his head, he sighed. "I've had strange encounters all over the place. Visions, sounds, you name it."

Grimacing, he met her gaze. "I don't think it's anything to do with LongNight." Shifting so his hand was resting in the small of her back, he began to steer her towards the exit. "If I had to guess, which I hate to do, the impeding battles have the spirits restless." He pressed his lips together.

"Way to take diminish my accomplishment!" Chortling, he nudged her hip with his. "We'll call it a tie, and we're both works in progress, how about that?"
by being moved I exert my empire,
making the dreams of night real
AMUN
Maea Valair
Hollowed Grounds Ambassador / Loreseeker

Age: 29 | Height: 156 cm / 5'1 ft | Race: Ancient | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 2 - Strg: 22 - Dext: 22 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 20 - Int:
Played by: Chan Online
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Posts: 3,025 | Total: 5,767
MP: 1897
#16
You're so cold
but you feel alive
"What a cheerful thought." Still somewhat disoriented, Maea didn't try to resist and allowed herself to be guided away from the field. Muddy water trickled slowly down her face from the dirt in her hair, but she barely felt it. "You've seen that thing before, too? The... the house?" Pain. Entirely emotional, and all the worse for having no particular source.

Amun's nudge at her hip made her stumble aside, unprepared for the shift in balance. For once, his jest made her frown at him, not very pleased. "Please don't coddle me, Amun. If that was a real fight, I would be dead the moment I lost focus. I got distracted - I lost. I won't be broken up about it." She'd gone into the spar knowing he was stronger - losing wasn't a problem.

Being so shaken to the core by a random vision on the other hand, now that he could be allowed to worry about. It was the real issue. "I thought I was alright, about my family. But that image... everything just came back. All the memories."
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun Arlun
Potter

Age: 41 | Height: 5'7'' | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 11 - Strg: 31 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 28 - Luck: 30 - Int: 1
ZHANSHI - Mythical - Landshark (Airbending)
Played by: Crooked Offline
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Posts: 2,317 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#17
my whole life is mine, but whoever says so will deprive me,
for it is infinite.
"I'm good at those." Smiling, Amun found it slipping away when Maea asked about the vision they'd both just encountered. Pressing his lips together, he nodded. "Yes. Out in King's End, which is why I know it's not restricted to the Hollowed Ground."

Coming to a stop, he slid his hand out from behind and turned to face her. "You're absolutely right. But that's why we train, so our bodies keep reacting even when our minds freeze." Reaching up, he brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. "And when that isn't enough, we find a way to make peace with the traumas of our past." Tilting his head to the side, he frowned. "Either by talking about it or, when that doesn't help, seeking help from higher powers." He raised his eyebrows and braced himself for her reaction to that.
by being moved I exert my empire,
making the dreams of night real
AMUN
Maea Valair
Hollowed Grounds Ambassador / Loreseeker

Age: 29 | Height: 156 cm / 5'1 ft | Race: Ancient | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 2 - Strg: 22 - Dext: 22 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 20 - Int:
Played by: Chan Online
Change author:
Posts: 3,025 | Total: 5,767
MP: 1897
#18
You're so cold
but you feel alive
A soft hum acknowledged the fact, even if it made it harder to know why it happened. Perhaps he was right, that it was because of the approaching war. Or something else stirred these events into motion. Either way, she didn't like it much.

Stopping automatically when the pressure at her back disappeared, Maea turned back so she could look at her friend. The lack of jokes was slightly unusual, and made the little gesture of touching her hair feel all the more tender. The corners of her mouth dipped, reflecting the internal conflict at his words. She sensed an offer there, and a suggestion.

"Aren't you getting tired of hearing me talk about my feelings, by now?" she murmured, gaze shifting away to glide aimlessly over the roof of the barracks. "I've not done anything else since I woke up. Your ears will start to ooze, soon." The reluctance was plain. Wiping at her face, she managed to smudge the dirt out in dark streaks, black and grimy against the pale skin. Looking back to where they had been, she realized she'd forgotten the coat.
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun Arlun
Potter

Age: 41 | Height: 5'7'' | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 11 - Strg: 31 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 28 - Luck: 30 - Int: 1
ZHANSHI - Mythical - Landshark (Airbending)
Played by: Crooked Offline
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Posts: 2,317 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#19
my whole life is mine, but whoever says so will deprive me,
for it is infinite.
Gesturing over at a nearby bench, Amun nodded at the seat. He perched on the edge of it and patted the spot right beside him. "No, I'm not. And you're deflecting." Narrowing his eyes at her, he slid his fingers together as he rested his hands on his lap.

"First of all, your feelings aren't something to be ashamed of or to hide away from the world, especially from me. Second of all, I know you'd do the same for me. Third of all, I get to choose who and what I spend my time and attention on, not you." He rocked back and forth. "If you're serious about wanting to get stronger and about dealing with your pain and fear then you're going to have to confront some uncomfortable truths, though."
by being moved I exert my empire,
making the dreams of night real
AMUN
Maea Valair
Hollowed Grounds Ambassador / Loreseeker

Age: 29 | Height: 156 cm / 5'1 ft | Race: Ancient | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 2 - Strg: 22 - Dext: 22 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 20 - Int:
Played by: Chan Online
Change author:
Posts: 3,025 | Total: 5,767
MP: 1897
#20
You're so cold
but you feel alive
She followed him like a pale shadow and sat down on the bench. Like a puppet led by a string, without will or strength to resist. Where he sat perched on the edge though, Maea scooted in as far as she could and tucked her feet up beneath her, scraping mud onto the edge of the planks as she did. Her hands lay unusually still in the lap, all her attention focused on what Amun said even though she didn't look straight at him.

"What truths are those?" she asked quietly. It felt enough to tackle the simple fact that he cared about her. It shouldn't be so hard to accept, but it was. They kept saying 'brother' and 'sister' and yet when it came down to it, and it was time to actually rely on him, she always faltered. Even though she wanted every word to be true. For 'family' to actually mean exactly that.

What more could he add?
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun Arlun
Potter

Age: 41 | Height: 5'7'' | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 11 - Strg: 31 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 28 - Luck: 30 - Int: 1
ZHANSHI - Mythical - Landshark (Airbending)
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 2,317 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#21
my whole life is mine, but whoever says so will deprive me,
for it is infinite.
Sighing, Amun rubbed his hands over his face. Somewhere along the way, during the earlier training or their final bout, he'd gotten muddy as well, but he didn't care if he smeared dirt everywhere. Instead he just took a moment to brush his damp hair out of his eyes and off his forehead.

"Before I say anything, just remember that I care about you, okay?" Scooting over, he turned to face her and bent one knee so it was resting on the bench. "You're stubborn. When someone does or says something that contradicts your worldview, opinions, or feelings on a matter, instead of being openminded about it you either double down or shut down." Grimacing, he scratched his chin.

Pausing just a moment more to let that sink in, his lips parted as he took a breath. "On top of that, you often seem to act from a place of fear. What, exactly, you're afraid of, I can't say, but it seems like sometimes every bad thing that happens or every time someone wrongs you it just confirms that fear, and any time something good comes your way you either discount it or worse, subconsciously or actively try to sabotage it." Biting his lip, he'd meet her gaze.

"But you're not alone. You have me, and a whole bunch of other people who would welcome you with open arms, if only you'd let them. Who can and would spend eternity with you." Looking down into his lap, he bowed his head. "You just need to give them...us, a chance."
by being moved I exert my empire,
making the dreams of night real
AMUN
Maea Valair
Hollowed Grounds Ambassador / Loreseeker

Age: 29 | Height: 156 cm / 5'1 ft | Race: Ancient | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 2 - Strg: 22 - Dext: 22 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 20 - Int:
Played by: Chan Online
Change author:
Posts: 3,025 | Total: 5,767
MP: 1897
#22
You're so cold
but you feel alive
The caution brought her into utter stillness, like bracing for a blow. But there came non, of course. Only words. Heavy words, that fell like rocks into the waters of her mind. Rippling, splashing, setting off circles within circles until no still surface remained. She knew he was only telling the truth - and just like he said, the first instinct she had was to start defending herself.

She met his gaze, but couldn't hold it for long. As he looked down, she looked away. Flicked some dirt away from beneath a fingernail. An ache was building in her chest, in a slow suffocating wave. Something that should have been tears pooled in her eyes. She wiped it away, too quick to really see the pearly sheen left on her hand. For a time she could only chew on the silence, unable to find words.

She didn't actually know what to say.

Then; "How much have I told you, about myself? I don't... recall what I've said." She remembered their long walk from the Tundra where he first found her. The argument that started off their relationship. Her fear, his anger. And later, a promise to try and broaden her mind, to be less prejudiced. Maea thought she had come a long way since then. But maybe it wasn't really true. Maybe she just pretended to, because she cared about Amun.
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun Arlun
Potter

Age: 41 | Height: 5'7'' | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 11 - Strg: 31 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 28 - Luck: 30 - Int: 1
ZHANSHI - Mythical - Landshark (Airbending)
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 2,317 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#23
my whole life is mine, but whoever says so will deprive me,
for it is infinite.
Amun sat there in the silence, letting it wash over them both. Staring into his lap, he was completely motionless as only an Ascended could achieve. He couldn't say how much time passed before Maea finally spoke.

Gaze drawn inexorably up to hers, he frowned. Brow furrowing, he shook his head. "How could I possibly answer that question?" Blinking, he shifted so he faced front again. "I thought I knew you well enough. Obviously there were secrets and parts of your past I wasn't aware of, but I figured if it was relevant you would tell me eventually." He shrugged just the shoulder closest to her before going still again.
by being moved I exert my empire,
making the dreams of night real
AMUN
Maea Valair
Hollowed Grounds Ambassador / Loreseeker

Age: 29 | Height: 156 cm / 5'1 ft | Race: Ancient | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 2 - Strg: 22 - Dext: 22 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 20 - Int:
Played by: Chan Online
Change author:
Posts: 3,025 | Total: 5,767
MP: 1897
#24
You're so cold
but you feel alive
She shifted ever so slightly. Settling in, for what amounted to a very long story. Or very short, depending on how much twenty or so years could be summarized.

"If I kept anything, it wasn't to be secretive," she told him, so softly the rain almost drowned out her words. Good thing he was Ascended; just like another man she'd confided in once, Amun always heard her. "It just never felt relevant. Or important."

"It's not like I have any great secrets, either. It's just... living in this place. Growing up here. I don't think you can know what it's really like, until you've been trapped." But he had. Stuck in a cave - maybe he could relate. "There was never enough food. The farms yielded only so much that we survived - never enough to thrive on. LongNight - you know what that's like. I am... twenty and five years old. This will be my first actual LongNight without monsters." She picked at a hem in the trousers. The cloth was damp. More than damp, actually; before she would have shivered where she sat. "My mum died when I was born. Cot fever - there was a snow storm, so the healer didn't get there in time. I almost died several times growing up. Sick all the time. I didn't have many friends - only Amalia, and Evie. Sam's sister. Don't know if you ever met her? Anyway, it was Amalia's mother who looked after me for the most part. My father and brother were busy tending the farm. They didn't have time for me, though Noah tried to be there when he could. I spent a lot of time staring out the window, watching them work. Watching Amalia and Evie play." It had been lonely. Thinking back, she recalled hating the bed that she lay in, and the ever present knowledge that she was a burden to her family.

"I got a bit better as I became older. I could help out more, and I begged the old hunters to teach me how to lay traps. For a time I could bring some game home, and my father smiled at me for the first time in... years. He was a good man, you mustn't think otherwise. I loved him. But I was Abandoned, and he honored the Old Gods. I think he might have been afraid of my abilities. So I hardly ever used them, except in secret. And I always felt guilty about it."

Maea wondered if she sounded as numb as she felt, as the words left her. The shape and taste of them were foreign on her tongue - she didn't speak of herself like this. Hardly ever.

"I told you before that I was teased a lot? And had trouble with.. boys. Not long after, my eyes began to fail. It got worse and worse, until I couldn't read and barely saw where I was going. It was... terrifying. I don't know if you can imagine what it's like, to be useless in a place where every hand counts. Someone who can't see is someone who can't work, and so can't contribute. We raised sheep. Harvested apples, and made cider. You need good eyes for all of that. So I prayed. Every day, at every shrine. I even left my family just before LongNight, so I could be at the Temple. So I could pray, and maybe be heard. It was the only hope I had left. And... and Ludo answered. It gave me my sight back." Not for free, of course, but she never expected that.

"That LongNight... when I was praying at the shrine, my family died to the monsters. I saw... when I came back, I saw the house. There was blood everywhere. And no one was there anymore. Not a trace." She left them, and they died. Suddenly, there was no need for her to have good eyes anymore. "Some of the Outlanders helped me keep busy. Jigano, Sam... As long as I had something to do, I didn't have to think. I could go on, you know?" She had to wipe at her cheeks again. Shimmering tears of fluid had streaked her cheeks for a while now, but she hadn't noticed. "I was promised adventure. Books. Knowledge. They taught me how to fight, how to bind books. And then... the barrier came down. I was among those who went into the Spire. I couldn't... stand being trapped anymore. I went against my gods, and joined one of the groups. Down, not up; we had to fight a giant turtle, and then there was gas - I had to go up and get help for the others. When the others reached to top, I had been taken to the infirmary. Busy coughing up blood, and all that." Her eyes stared vacantly into space.

"I didn't know what was happening at first. The air changed, and... pieces of something came falling down. I went to pray... and this time it was the Voice who answered. I remember being terrified. Here she was, the great monster in all the stories I'd ever been told. Set lose, and with my help, even though it was the opposite of all I'd been taught. The conversation was... not very pleasant. She showed me exactly how she turns people into Ascended. With me as the subject - a failed version, due to my magic. Did you know that skin can slough off like wax if it gets hot enough? I never saw that happen before. When I asked what she would do now, she said she would never let herself be caged again. No matter what. I sort of understood what she meant - not right away, but over time."

Blinking, Maea realized she was losing track of where the story was going. So many things had happened, and so fast it was all a blur. "I don't... know if any of these things really matter. It mostly feels like excuses, to me. I guess I just... don't feel like I get to be selfish. Because bad things happen to those around me. Noah died. My friends got hurt, there in the Spire. Sunjata got a lot of scars after I asked him to take me swimming in the ocean. Then I hurt him again when I couldn't... accept... that I alone was not enough. And then I died... and hurt more people. You, as well. And now... I am back here. And I keep hurting people." She tried to swallow; the tongue was parched in her mouth. "I set fire to Nate's hospital. I hurt a girl in Torchline, to get her blood. I said terrible things to Harper... Nothing I do ever ends up good. How many years have passed since the barrier fell? And I have accomplished nothing, in all that time. I couldn't even be content to stay with my God. I don't... feel like I ought to be here. I don't... want to hurt anyone anymore."  

The words ran out. Silence fell.
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun Arlun
Potter

Age: 41 | Height: 5'7'' | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 11 - Strg: 31 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 28 - Luck: 30 - Int: 1
ZHANSHI - Mythical - Landshark (Airbending)
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 2,317 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#25
my whole life is mine, but whoever says so will deprive me,
for it is infinite.
Amun waited for Maea to begin speaking. Keeping his gaze trained on her, he didn't move, speak, or react. When the words finally began pouring out, he blinked. His eyebrows went up at times and his eyes narrowed at others, but otherwise he was motionless and silent. Even after she finished, he didn't respond right away.

Finally, he reached out to rest a hand on her knee. "You've suffered more than any person should." He gave a small squeeze. "And I am sorry to hear all you've been through."

Pausing, he made sure he was meeting her gaze. "But you've been running for so long, I don't think you ever quite realized that running from something isn't enough. You have to run to something or else nothing is going to change."

Looking down now, he sighed. "You want to talk about selfishness, though? You do deserve to be selfish. Everyone does." He pressed his lips together.

"However, think about how truly selfish it would be if you weren't here again. I mourned you once. Don't make me do it again. And you're treating your Ascension as a punishment instead of a gift, the second chance it truly is, a chance to do and be better than before. Have you even once considered how that might make me or anyone else feel? About our own nature as Ascended?"
by being moved I exert my empire,
making the dreams of night real
AMUN
Maea Valair
Hollowed Grounds Ambassador / Loreseeker

Age: 29 | Height: 156 cm / 5'1 ft | Race: Ancient | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 2 - Strg: 22 - Dext: 22 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 20 - Int:
Played by: Chan Online
Change author:
Posts: 3,025 | Total: 5,767
MP: 1897
#26
You're so cold
but you feel alive
It hadn't been for sympathy that she told him all of this. Just a feeble way to explain, to perhaps put her actions into a better context. Confidence and open mindedness had cost her in the past, and just as she was afraid of hurting more people... Maea was afraid of being hurt again, too.

She flinched at first when Amun touched her, but soon enough she reached out and put her hand over his. Grateful that he wasn't leaving. That he didn't mention some of the confessions she had dropped like so many bombs. At some point she knew she'd have to explain herself... but hopefully not right now.

"I thought I did run towards something, Amun," she replied, after hearing his response. "I had love. I had Ludo. I even had you. It was more than I thought I'd ever have again, after everything. It just... what I thought was real turned out not to be." Her jaw worked, shifting as if stiffened by the words. "Of all the things, you're the only one who is still here. And you're why I'm still here, too. So. Don't worry... I won't do anything stupid."

At least that much she could promise. There was no escape to be found; and she didn't want to leave him.

"I never meant to deny anyone their choice of how to live," she went on. This part was tricky, because it was true that she didn't love what she had become. "But you have to understand, I spent all my life raised in the understanding that the Voice was the root cause of all our suffering. And in fact she is the cause of my familys death. I did not Ascend because of any love or loyalty towards her. I did it because it gave me a way back to Sunjata. It was not a good reason; not when things turned out the way they did."

Maea had no concept of what a 'pact with the devil' entailed,  but in essence that's how she saw herself in this. And it was painful to know that it was offensive to people she cared about.

"I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with being Ascended. I just berate myself for going back on everything I thought I stood for - over a man who doesn't even want me. I don't think I would even mind the Voice, if it didn't feel so... I don't know how to put it. So forced? I don't know why she's doing what she does. I don't understand what is so important that she has to go to war against the Old Gods over it. I never wanted, or needed, eternity, or to be apart from the rest of the world. And now I'm in a position where I might have to fight for an existence I'm not even sure I believe in?"

She shrugged helplessly. Knew it probably didn't make Amun feel any better.

"I do love you, though. If It's a choice between keeping you alive and having to watch you die, I'll fight for however long it takes." It was the best she could offer, at this point in time. Didn't make it feel any more right or just - only selfish. How many would have to die for the sake of selfishness? How many had died already...
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun Arlun
Potter

Age: 41 | Height: 5'7'' | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 11 - Strg: 31 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 28 - Luck: 30 - Int: 1
ZHANSHI - Mythical - Landshark (Airbending)
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 2,317 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#27
my whole life is mine, but whoever says so will deprive me,
for it is infinite.
Frowning, Amun turned his hand so he could lace his fingers through Maea's. At the mention of Sunjata, the potter winced. "He told me the two of you decided to let bygones be bygones." He searched her features for some reaction to that.

"As for the Voice and the war...my understanding is that yes, she made mistakes, and her creations brought harm to the world. But the same could be said of the Old Gods, can't it? And while she may not have stopped when they asked her, they're the ones that started this war and the last one by their inability to make room for anything that didn't fit into their preconceived notions." He bit his lip. "Don't make that same mistake. Please," he begged.
by being moved I exert my empire,
making the dreams of night real
AMUN
Maea Valair
Hollowed Grounds Ambassador / Loreseeker

Age: 29 | Height: 156 cm / 5'1 ft | Race: Ancient | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 2 - Strg: 22 - Dext: 22 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 20 - Int:
Played by: Chan Online
Change author:
Posts: 3,025 | Total: 5,767
MP: 1897
#28
You're so cold
but you feel alive
Braiding her fingers into his, Maea squeezed his hand and grimaced slightly. Not her choice of words, but... in essence it was true. "Yes. I ran into him, and we talked. Agreed not to drag up what happened anymore. That doesn't mean I have forgotten. Or that I can just turn off what I felt. Still feel." In the midst of all the hurt and bitterness, she still loved the foolish man. Maea just wished she didn't, anymore. Most of all, that the feeling of not being good enough would disappear.

Turning a bit more towards Amun, she leaned in and rested her forehead against his shoulder. Closed her eyes, and tried - really tried - to find some forgiveness in her towards the mistakes that had cost her so much. The only thing she saw was the ghost of the vision again. This time, it was her own face that stared back from beyond that window. And no matter how hard she slammed against it, the glass wouldn't break.

"I'm trying," she whispered hoarsely. "Seems I have some ways to go, still."
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦


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