Big Enough to Fill You Up

After seeing Maea to the infirmary, Emmett was exhausted. The enormity of the barrier falling didn't really reach him, the tiredness and wearing off of alcohol on his body far more stressing in the moment as he wandered back through the streets. The barrier was gone, but his family was still dead. His farm and siblings still needed him. His (ex-)girlfriend still didn't get it. Truthfully, it felt like it hardly came into his life.

He walked by the temple and suddenly stopped, looked at the door. Slowly as he considered the ancient wood, a thought began to come to him. Before, his parents had always told him Vi had not responded directly to their prayers because of the barrier. That the silence he had grown so used to from their prayers was the fault of the Spire. But now...

Emmett ran as quickly as he could to the market, to his stall. It was such an impulsive movement but felt right, somehow. He had never been devout but now in his most desperate moments, it felt as if he may have had a secret saviour.

In a basket underneath his stall were the vegetables that kept easier, potatoes and a few hardy root vegetables. Good for soup. Gathering a bundle in his arms he went back, knelt before the shrine and practically dropped everything he had at his knees, then clasped his hands together.

"Vi? Are y'there, Vi? I...I dunno if you know who I am, but my family always prayed to ya and I really, really need some help. I...I dunno if it was you who did the harvests good every year but if it was that was real nice, and if you liked us...maybe you could help..I dunno, somehow. Please. Please." Emmett bowed his head, tears readily falling.

Emmett

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

SAFRIN "Vi knows all of his creations." Safrin's galactic voice rang through the stillness of the temple. She appeared seated on a white marble pillar that moments ago surely had not been there. Dressed in a gown of pure light, the goddess tilted her head looking softly at the farm boy who, before now, had never showed much interest in the gods. Saying just that, Safrin gentle hummed: "You have never been particularly pious yourself darling one. But if anyone helped your crops grow, it likely was Frey." She explained, her hands folding delicately in her lap as she gazed upon the young man. Her eyes whispered of the birth of stars as her perfectly painted lips turned upwards. "Vi does indeed hear all, but his time is...precious. But that does not mean that you are not sweetling. That is part of the reason that I am here." She continued. "What is it you need help with?"

Emmett raised his head with a gasp as he heard the voice. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but given this was only his second time actually seeing a God, it was still a surprise just how mighty she was. His eyes raced about Safrin, tears halting as his sheer amazement took over. But words about him being precious, the name sweetling...it was a gentleness that reminded him of his mother. The tears came back.

"I...I jus'...I don' know how to keep goin'. After...d'ya know what happened at Longnight? You do, right? I...I ain' strong enough to take alla this on. I'm really not, and I need some kinda help cos the kids, they deserve a good house and a good brother but I.." Emmett moved his hands wordlessly in front of him, trying to formulate an actual request out of the ache in his chest.

"I don' really know what I'm askin' for. But I can' do this anymore. Not just me."

Emmett

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

SAFRIN Gently Safrin came forward, extending a hand towards the wounded and hurting boy. "Come Emmett. Walk with me." As they moved, the world seemed to bend around them; a lane with a canopy of trees that certainly had not existed before, covered with midnight grasses swaying blue in the warm breeze and punctuated by small star-motes of light. "I do know what happened to your family. My realm is not of death, but of life...the loss of it so suddenly I felt keenly." Squeezing his hand gently, he'd feel a ripple of warmth and energy passing from her fingers into his. "Life is not easy" The goddess agreed as they walked, the tunnel of dusk-hued greenery seeming to stretch on forever. "Do not ever be afraid to ask for help. To feel like you are wrong for knowing the world needs more than you can give."

Emmett, craving a parental sort of guidance, found it in Safrin's outstretched hand; he gladly took it. The wonder of the supernatural scene fanning out before him momentarily stopped his tears, amazement taking over. He had never imagined the Gods would let someone as common as him see something so wonderful. Truly humbled he listened to Safrin carefully and quietly, her words bringing a few silent tears back.

"No, life sure ain' easy..." He agreed. Only a few months ago, when his biggest problems had been being too lazy to help with this years harvest and not knowing how to talk to girls, he would have challenged that statement, but now he knew it to be true. Life would never be easy again, not when he carried the memories of Longnight.

Safrin told him to ask for help...Emmett sighed. Of the people he knew most of them were busy or hurting with their own issues; Phoebe's help had resulted in her growing bitter towards him...he was not sure who to turn to anymore. "...I...I know this is prolly a silly question. But can Gods, like you or Vi or anyone else...bring people back? Or is that not the kinda help I should be askin' for?"

Emmett

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

SAFRIN "Life is not something I can breathe into something already gone, no." The goddess replied with a slight shake of her head. "Vi can. And Mort can release souls but..." Softly squeezing his hand again in three short pulses the goddess hummed a sigh that seemed to tickle the leaves of the trees around them. "Their souls are with Mort now. In a place far too wonderful to even be imagined. Would you really ask to have them be brought back?" She asked, her voice kind.

"Their souls are with Mort now. In a place far too wonderful to even be imagined." As soon as Emmett heard this he felt a great pressure, a monstrous fear, fall from his shoulders. If he knew his family was at rest at least he didn't have to think his improvement was a slap in their face. It meant he could do well and not feel guilty.

But...

"Tha's real good t'know. But...if it's so good when y'die, why shouldn't I just die right now? Or...why wouldn't anyone just go there? Take their spouses or kids or whatever...I dunno." He did not really realise just how dark his question was, Emmett having lost all concept of what was morbid since Longnight.

Emmett

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

SAFRIN With a laugh, Safrin reached over to muse Emmett's hair gently as she shook her head with a gracious sort of adoration. "Because it isn't like this. Death, however lovely, is not life. Would you really give up all this? What you have, the people you know? In death you are with Mort, but here you have all those who love you, all those you love." It would likely mean little to Emmett to be told that both she and Vi—and indeed Mort—were very unhappy with the notion of suicide. It was hard to simultaneously paint death as a place one would not want to leave, but in the same breath urge the boy not to rush towards it.

Emmett couldn't help but smile at the hand in his hair; in any other situation he might have found it condescending but here it was comforting to be treated like a child, like someone who needed help. It was like in this place the responsibility that now hung on his body like a weighted cloak had finally been removed.

"I don' think theres a lotta people who love me left here..." He sighed. His two remaining siblings were too young to really know what it meant and he didn't want to presume feelings on Phoebe's part that she hadn't actually said. The only people who he'd been sure loved him had all died at the hands of the Longnight monsters. Realising that made him feel horribly lonely.

"But okay. You're right, life is...precious, and full of chances." Emmett said, slowly, as if reciting, repeating something he'd heard before (one of his father's often-repeated speeches over dinner, usually interrupted by mouthfuls of stew or roast). "I just....I dunno if I'm gonna be good enough for anyone, and I'm scared. What if I let them all down?"

Emmett

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

SAFRIN Gently Safrin shook her head. "Numbers don't matter Emmett. It's the strength of their love that does." Twisting her lips into a rather knowing smile, she leaned down and close to him, placing her perfectly painted lips near his ear. "I happen to know of a beautiful young midwife who does indeed love you. And not because she has to, or because of all that has happened...it is the rather pure love of youth, a beautiful and rare thing." Pulling back, she smiled again. "Would you really leave that? Would you deny you feel it too?" Shaking her head again, Safrin laughed as they strolled. "There is no good enough Emmett. There is only your best, and your best will always be enough. Though I will tell you a secret —" So saying she halted their progress, turning Emmett towards her. "You will let them down. You will let your siblings down, Phoebe, yourself, and many others. It is a part of being mortal, and it is nothing to be afraid of. What matters is what you do after, how you move on."

Emmett widened his eyes at the news that Phoebe loved him, and it really was news: he knew she liked him, was fond of him perhaps, but loved? He felt honoured and a little inadequate by it. "...I guess I can' leave that, no. I ain' ever had a girl love me before. I dunno what I did for that, but..." He trailed off, laughing quietly into his hand with clear happiness.

As he watched her speak to him he felt the tears from before threaten to return, pricking at the back of his eyes. He so rarely experienced such pure kindness. "...Thanks. For...alla this. You're right, I jus'...I jus' needed t'hear someone say it." Without thinking, just instinct, he surged forward to give Safrin a hug.

Emmett

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

SAFRIN "Well that's the thing about love, sugar." Safrin replied with a sweet laugh. "There's nothing you do to earn it. It just is. That's why it's extra special when it does happen, especially like this." Wrapping her arms easily around him, she kissed the top of his head. Her body would be svelte and warm beneath his touch, but also surprisingly cosmic and cold. Eternal. Enigmatic. "One day you will look on these days as some of the sweetest you've ever lived." She whispered into his dark hair.

Being held by Safrin reminded him of his mother, reminded him of hugs by the fireplace and made him feel safe. Her words made him smile with a teary sigh, Emmett at the moment unable to see how these days could be anything but dark and depressing, a place in his life he'd never want to return to.

"..Thank you. I hope..I hope tha' I see tha' one day." He whispered into her chest, squeezing his eyes tight shut. He wished he could stay here forever, could come back for a hug whenever he needed one (which was rather often, these days).

After a few more moments he pulled back. "..Can I come back here someday? Maybe...things'll be better then and I could tell you about it? Uh...do you like the vegetables I brought? I could bring somethin' else if you'd like it better."

Emmett

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

SAFRIN "Of course." Safrin said gently, letting him pull back but still keeping her hands gently resting on his shoulders. "And not even just here. I am in every sky. I can be seen most clearly at night when the stars are out, but they shine just as brightly in the daytime even when you can't see." At the mention of vegetables, Safrin laughed melodically, a sound like tinkling spring bells on a crisp evening. "I do. But save what you have harvested for yourself. Thinking of me is more than enough."