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+---- Thread: only a man lookin' for a dream (/showthread.php?tid=10849)
only a man lookin' for a dream - Koa - 03-09-2025
After the disaster that had been Halo, Koa is adrift.
He'd come close - so close - to saving Noe. He'd had a plan, and it had been working, and then... gods, to have it all snatched away? It was like watching a sandcastle crumble; like reaching the crux of a really good book only to have the remaining pages replaced with a massive FUCK YOU.
He hadn't known where to go from there, except that it couldn't be home. And so he'd found himself on the way to the Greatwood, because without a home at least he could gravitate to his friends. Of course things had not gone smoothly, and by the time Koa reaches the Sidhe village he's covered in dirt with a fresh bruise on his forehead and Pipsqueak worriedly squawking beside him, looking for some sort of aid. [say]"Would you just calm down?"[/say] he scolds her gently, leaning against the railing of a platform elevated between two trees. [say]"I told you, I'm fine."[/say]
It's the same refrain he's said since they left Halo, and somehow it's become less and less reassuring every time it's left his lips.
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Sohalia - 03-09-2025
Sidhe Village wasn’t quite like she remembered, somehow more wild and untamed than it had been during Phoebe’s tenure as ruler. Still, it had its own charm, and Soh was glad to be somewhere familiar on her hunt for flowers. At least it was here, and not somewhere like the Feverlands. That would have been miserable.
Flora had departed not long ago, leaving Soh to her own devices in the wake of her questionable decision making. The Luminary planned to stay for a while, hoping that she could find some of the elusive Roses that everyone seemed to be flocking to the Greatwood to search for. How long could they keep this up? Wouldn’t the Family begin to grow suspicious if everyone in Caido was coming to a wild, unclaimed region to search for flowers?
Shaking her head as she strolled towards the Bodega, Soh looked up and stopped in her tracks. A familiar face had appeared before her, looking the worse for wear, the dragon accompanying him making no secret that he needed help. [say]”Koa? Pip?”[/say] Soh asked, worry lining her pretty face and her silver eyes trained on his. She’d written to him when she’d heard about Noe, but hadn’t heard back. [say]”What are you doing here? How’s Noe?”[/say]
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Koa - 03-09-2025
Pip is the first one to see the blonde approaching, launching off her bonded's shoulders and trilling a greeting note. A beat later Koa's attention follows, his dull eyes widening in surprise as he recognizes the face. All at once he's terribly aware of just what a wreck he must look like: hair disheveled, a bruise on his temple, three days of stubble patchworked on his chin. His shirt is torn across a bicep, evidence of a not-unremarkable journey through the forest. It isn't the way he would have wanted to present himself to her, and he can feel a flush of heat creep unbidden up the back of his neck.
Of course he'd expected to run into Sohalia eventually- hell, it was a significant factor in why he wound up here. But planning something and having it happen are entirely different things, especially as he'd anticipate having at least a day to languish in the pit of his despair. Koa wishes it had been Zav who found him; at least then he wouldn't be so embarrassed, wouldn't have to pretend to be okay.
[say]"Hey, Soh,"[/say] he answers her greeting lamely, affecting a half smile and not quite meeting her silver gaze. He's already opened his mouth to open the second question when the third one hits him like a ton of bricks; he inhales sharply, teeth clacking shut as he turns his face away from her, as though he might be able to hide the flickering anguish and and guilt.
[say]"I guess you heard, then,"[/say] he murmurs softly, his knuckles white as he grips the rail. Shaking his head, Koa lets out a low, mirthless chuckle, his copper eyes squeezing shut as guilt roils in his gut. [say]"Seems like I really was the last to find out. Some brother I am, huh?"[/say] It's another in a long list of people he hadn't been able to protect, relationships fractured by his own ineptitude.
A list which, when you think about it, Soh's been in at least twice.
Dropping his head into his hands, Koa mutters something (fortunately) inaudible. Fortunate, because nothing he has to say in this moment would count as a positive contribution to the world.
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Sohalia - 03-09-2025
After all this time, Soh thought she'd be immune to hearing Koa's voice. She'd thought she'd moved on a long time ago, that the memory of her dalliance with him could remain where it belonged - in the past. She'd thought that next time she saw him, she could present a less awkward front in the hopes that they could be friends, could work together towards a better world.
But, as Koa had just realized, the best laid plans often went awry.
Soh visibly softened as she took in Koa's disheveled state, approaching slowly, as though she were trying to help a wounded animal. [say]"Hey, Pip,"[/say] she murmured in response to the dragon's greeting, offering a hand to stroke Pip, if the dragon allowed it. Her gaze, though, was fixed on Koa - a version of Koa with stubble, and bruises, and ripped clothes.
Life had not been kind to him, and she would regret her part in that until the day she died.
Hoping he wouldn't leave her here to worry about him, she leaned on the rail nearby, tilting her head at him. [say]"Lena told me,"[/say] she said gently. [say]"I tried to send you a letter, but..."[/say] She trailed off. It hardly mattered now. Soh looked away, gazing unseeing out across the Greatwood. If he was here, without Noe, looking like that... well, that, she thought, could only mean one thing.
[say]"We can fix it,"[/say] she said, reaching out to touch his arm before thinking the better of it. He probably wouldn't want comfort, not from her. [say]"Just - tell me what you need, and we'll take care of it."[/say]
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Koa - 03-10-2025
Pip's croon is unusually mellow as she drapes herself on Sohalia's shoulder, pressing her head against the girl's hand. With a final concerned purr she leaps back off, landing on the rail beside her bonded and licking a barbed tongue across his hands. [Say]"Pip, stop,"[/say] he mutters crossly, pushing her away; but the mischief has its desired effect, and his face is out of his palms.
He's not sure what to feel about her having sent a letter, the implication of caring in that act. Instead he explains his lack of reply with: [say]"I haven't been home for a bit."[/say] Before and after finding out about Noe, and he'd scarcely looked through the papers on his desk before spiriting his sister to Halo.
Painfully aware of Soh's proximity, Koa flinches slightly at the nearness of her hand - though whether toward or away from the potential touch, it's impossible to say. Turning so now his back leans on the rail, he lets out a low and rueful laugh, the pain tight in his throat. [say]"No, we can't - not unless you have a miracle tucked in your sleeve."[/say] Running fingers through his hair, Koa shakes his head. [say]"The hot springs in Halo are ruined. There's no way to heal her, not unless one of the Big Gods decides to help. And we're no closer to getting Stormbreak back than we ever were."[/say]
They may be further away, in fact, given that Koa is probably adding himself to the growing list of defectors from their home.
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Sohalia - 03-10-2025
Koa flinched, and Soh withdrew sharply, acutely aware of every heartbeat. She watched him as he turned to lean back against the rail, letting out a mirthless laugh. He was hurting, and there was nothing she could do - maybe nothing she should do - to help. But that wasn’t her way. Like it or not, she cared about Koa, and she was determined to do whatever she could to fix this.
Not, apparently, that there was much she could do.
She stared at Koa, rendered suddenly speechless, as he shared the news about the hot springs. If the springs were gone, they were well and truly screwed. It had been their only means of easily curing the infected, but without that… where did that leave them?
But she wasn’t ready to give up, not if there was a chance there was something they could do. [say]”So we go to the Big Gods,”[/say] she said, clutching at the railing as though clinging to a life preserver in a stormy sea. [say]”Until they agree to help. Maybe we can find a way to cure people that doesn’t involve Halo’s hot springs. We could - we could ask for a quest.”[/say] Desperation tinged her tone as she rambled on. [say]”But, Koa, we can’t just give up. There are ways to fix things, I just know there are.”[/say]
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Koa - 03-10-2025
[say]"Ha!"[/say] Koa scoffs explosively, shaking his head at the idea. [say]"You really think they care?"[/say] Its blasphemy, a part of him knows, but a larger, angrier part couldn't care less. Let Vi or Mort strike him down; at least it would be something.
But he doesn't have the energy to sustain indignation, falling quickly back into his shadow self. [say]"Even if they would help, what's the point? Noe doesn't even want to be healed, and maybe..."[/say] His jawbone flutters beneath the skin; he swallows down the terrible taste of what he's about to say. [say]"Maybe it's better she's this way. At least maybe she'll be safe, when everything goes to shit."[/say]
It's as much an admission of defeat as anything, but Koa is so tired of holding strong. Of trying to fix things when they all keep breaking. Finally looking up at Sohalia, he meets the silver of her gaze with a copper that has dulled. [say]"How are we gonna fix anything, Soh? Even the demigods are scared of the Family. Zavien died, you almost--"[/say] he cuts off, swallowing and looking away. He doesn't cry, doesn't let himself, but there's anguish in his face.
[say]"Maybe it's time to give up fighting. I'm so sick of seeing the people I care about get hurt."[/say]
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Sohalia - 03-10-2025
Koa’s indignation took Soh by surprise. It flashed in her eyes before fading to something like understanding. How could he think anything else, when he’d been hurt beyond imagining time and again? But at the same time… how could he think that the gods didn’t care? They’d sent warning after warning. Safrin, if Soh recalled correctly, had gone to try and stop this from happening. That she had failed… well, Soh didn’t want to think about that.
But she let him rant and rage, her heart hurting when the fight went out of him and he met her gaze with dulled copper eyes. The worst part was that she knew he was right. Even the demigods, immortal as they were, feared the Family, were seemingly powerless against them. It didn’t exactly make her confident in their chances. But if they stopped fighting, if they just gave up… what did that make them?
[say]”Okay,”[/say] she said. [say]”Okay.”[/say] None of it was okay - not that Noe was infected, not that there was no cure, not that the gods weren’t listening, and not the anguish on Koa’s face. But his defeat was coming from a place of love - of not wanting to see the people he cared about suffer. And if his words were to be believed, maybe she was still one of those people.
Soh reached out again, but this time she placed a comforting hand on Koa’s shoulder. [say]”Noe might be infected, but the Family don’t seem to be hurting people who are infected, so I think she’s relatively safe for now. Stormbreak may be under Family control, but from all I’ve heard, they haven’t actually done anything to it, right? It sucks, but maybe we don’t need to have an answer today,”[/say] she reasoned.
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Koa - 03-10-2025
The tide of anger ebbs away as easily as it rose, leaving Koa empty and exhausted, his heartbeat settling in his chest. With another weary sigh he turns himself again, elbows resting on the wooden rail, head dropping back into his hands. His palms are rough against his eyelids; he drops down further, so his forehead shoves into the heels of his hands.
He's so fucking tired of feeling inept, of being less than enough. It would be so easy to slide into darkness, to embrace the literal and figurative Void. Ever, Noe, even Sunjata- in the absence of choice they'd seemed so happy, and gods, Koa would very much to go back to the days of simple emotion, before he started to think so much.
The hand on his shoulder has Koa stiffen, but he doesn't pull away. If anything he leans imperceptibly toward it, toward her, gravitating toward her ineffable warmth. None of the things she says are new, or especially helpful; yet Koa feels himself relaxing, a shuddering breath sighed out of his lungs. [say]"Not today,"[/say] he repeats tiredly, but there's far less tension in his tone.
He even manages a chuckle, one with something like real warmth. Turning toward Sohalia, Koa props his cheek in his palm; the other hand he lifts to his shoulder, fingers ghosting over hers. [say]"How do you manage to stay so so warm, in such a cold world?"[/say] the young man asks Sohalia softly, brows furrowing with bemused wonder as light begins to return to his eyes.
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Sohalia - 03-10-2025
Koa’s head dropped into his hands, and when he stiffened under her hand, she almost pulled away - but she’d found that someone physically being there for her had been helpful in the past, and she hoped that it would ground Koa in the same way. After a few moments, his tension seemed to fade, and though he sounded tired beyond imagining, she hoped that he could at least find a moment’s peace.
His fingers ghosted over hers, and she offered a faint, shy smile in response. His question took her by surprise, though, and she tilted her head to the side, considering. In truth, it she didn’t know how to be anything else. She’d always seen the bright side of things, noticed the best in people, and warmth had somehow just become her default, even after everything she’d been through. Resisting the urge to turn her hand over and twine her fingers with his, if only to reassure herself that he wasn’t running away screaming, she said, [say]”Someone has to.”[/say]
She sighed, her smile fading. [say]”Did you know that I was attacked in Stormbreak? It was before we met.”[/say] She hadn’t told him, but he might have seen the report that was filed, back before she was the Heart and she was just an average citizen. [say]”I wasn’t… myself, after that. For a long time. But… I had Tal, and Mateo, and…”[/say] You. Eventually, anyway. [say]”I guess my point is, I had people who cared about me to bring me back. To remind me who I was.”[/say] She met his eyes, her gaze tender, and said softly, [say]”So do you, Koa. You don’t have to carry everything alone.”[/say]
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Koa - 03-10-2025
The faintest smile echoes hers, though there's sadness in his eyes. He used to be the one who stayed buoyant; it hardly feels fair to make Sohalia carry the weight of them both. But he's too tired to argue, and instead lets his fingers ghost once more against hers, gently squeezing this time. For a brief, dangerous moment, he imagines himself lifting her hand off of his shoulder, pressing it to his lips--
But he doesn't and it's just as well, because that level of fuck-up would send her running, and then where would he be?
The next thing he says is a fist in his chest, stealing his breath away. Koa straightens up abruptly, eyes wide in flurry of surprise as he immediately shakes his head. [say]"I didn't,"[/say] he whispers, his hands wrapping around hers, squeezing the delicate digits close. He'd had no idea; the report was unlikely to have come to him anyway, and he wouldn't have looked for it before they met. [say]"Do they know who it was?"[/say] Gods, he could kill whoever had touched her. Soh may not have divulged any details of what happened, but Koa's worked in law enforcement long enough to know what a woman means when she says she was attacked.
Koa steps closer without thinking, and now he can feel the flush of her warmth, their proximity insulation from the cold. [say]"Neither do you,"[/say] Koa murmurs, sinking into her silver gaze. [say]"Even if we're.. if we're not... whatever,"[/say] he chuckles wanly, because gods, what are they at this point? And what is the point he's trying to make, and to what possible end?
[say]"Sorry,"[/say] he sighs with a quirked not-smile, [say]"I don't know what I'm saying. Ignore me. It's been a long few days."[/say] But he doesn't take a step back from her; doesn't drop her hands.
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Sohalia - 03-10-2025
Somehow it was a relief that he hadn’t known back then, that he hadn’t heard her name and pitied her for what she’d blamed herself for at the time. Even now, that wasn’t what she saw in his copper gaze - only shock, and perhaps anger. That made sense. He’d been a Dragoon long enough to read between the lines. [say]”No,”[/say] she said. [say]”It was dark, and…”[/say] She shook her head. Too many attackers walked free, especially when the young women involved took so long to report them.
His hand was wrapped around hers, and when he stepped closer, she didn’t move away. His proximity was such that she had to look up to meet his gaze. Her lips parted in surprise at his wan chuckle, her fingers flexing in his. He’d actually acknowledged that there had been something between them without getting angry (which he had every right to do) or leaving.
[say]”Listen, Koa - I was terrible to you. I don’t know if I ever really… acknowledged how selfish and cruel I was, but I just want to say: I’m sorry.”[/say] She swallowed hard, hoping that she wasn’t shattering the frail peace between them. [say]”Truly, deeply sorry. I can’t tell you how much I -“[/say] She cut herself off. This wasn’t about her. This was about Koa, and delivering the apology she should have given him years ago. [say]”If you want me to go, I’ll go. If you don’t want to see me anymore, I’ll find somewhere else to be. But… the ball is in your court. What do you want, Koa? Because if you want me with you, in whatever capacity… I’m here.”[/say]
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Koa - 03-10-2025
Things turn so quickly it gives him whiplash; he has to blink to regain his footing as she... apologizes? [say]"What-- Soh, that's not what I--"[/say] He stumbles, stops, scrunches his brow. How on earth did they get here? Maybe now is the time for him to get angry, to grow defensive at the reminder of how she'd clawed into his heart, but honestly? [say]"Oh, hush,"[/say] he says with a low chuckle, shaking his head as though to brush the weight of their past away. [say]"You weren't terrible. We were both young and stupid, and didn't know what we were doing."[/say]
Koa still doesn't, it would seem, because as Soh barrels on in a selfless offer to get the fuck out, the Dragoon's response is to smile. Not a half smile, not something wan: an honest, bemused, teasing thing, which eases the tired lines from beneath his eyes and makes his stubbled cheeks into apple curves. [say]"Shh,"[/say] he cuts off her apology, once again shaking his head. [say]"I don't own the Greatwood, and even if I did, I'm not sending you away."[/say] Her hand is still inside his, and now he looks down upon it, turning it gently and running his finger absently across her palm.
[say]"You don't have to carry it all either, Soh. That's what I was trying to say."[/say]
RE: only a man lookin' for a dream - Sohalia - 03-10-2025
Well, whatever she'd been expecting his response to be, a genuine smile wasn't it. Not that she was complaining - she hadn't seen him smile like that in so long, and certainly not because of her. On the contrary, she was delighted. Perhaps they really were finally past everything that had happened, and could move on to work together - and maybe even be friends - in peace. [say]"Yes, well,"[/say] she said, trying for a lofty tone that was thoroughly ruined by her grin. [say]"Let's just agree to share life's burdens and move on, hmm?"[/say]
With that out of the way - and Koa beginning to look a shade more like the man she'd once known, Soh gestured towards a nearby set of stairs. [say]"Come on,"[/say] she said, lacing her fingers with his and tugging him along. [say]"There's a great tea shop nearby - or, if you want something stronger, the Greatwood supposedly has great whiskey. Not really my thing, but that's what I've heard. We'll go get cleaned up, grab something to eat and drink, and just for today, we'll forget about everything. Deal?"[/say]