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The far side of the line - Jude - 04-15-2025
Meeting with Koa had left a broiling in his stomach that Jude could only turn into movement and action. There are unimaginable reaches to the Greatwood, and he only has so much time between necessary returns to the Bodega to send letters to Noe. There’s hardly time to sleep, though that doesn’t help his inability to process all he’s feeling right now.
Ludo’s woods are appropriately hallowed and foreboding, and remind him all the more of why Safrin is Jude’s chosen herald. He wishes he could see her stars more often through the canopy but even if he could, the sun hangs overhead beyond it right now. She’s never far away, but he yearns for her comforting presence more and more as the days of hunting unravel in lonely spools before him.
Maybe his inattentiveness is what leads to it, or the Greatwood’s meddling as diverted roads converge. Jude steps out of the forested area he’d been combing and back onto the path right as Sohalia comes down it. Dappled sunlight hits her hair and pierces his stomach with a particular mix of misplaced love and bitter hurt that he only associates with the Heart. [say]“Soh-alia,”[/say] he blurts awkwardly, recovering the entirety of her name just a touch too gracelessly to pass muster. [say]“I didn’t know you were in the Greatwood.”[/say] It feels stupid to say the moment he says it. Why would he be privy to her movements? Why is he curious at all whether she’s visiting or living here?
RE: The far side of the line - Sohalia - 04-15-2025
Soh-alia.
The timbre of the voice was familiar even if the cadence wasn't, and Soh turned to find Jude watching her with an awkward gaze that did nothing to sooth the sudden thrum of her heartbeat. There was something about seeing her best-friend-turned-love-turned-nothing-at-all that made her feel mildly sick to her stomach - something about knowing that nothing would ever be the same for them that left her adrift in a way that would never quite change.
[say]"Jude,"[/say] she said, because of course she would run into him here, of all places, deep in Ludo's Woods. Of course both of her childhood loves would appear in the Greatwood at the same time, as though the world were determined to forever remind her of the mistakes she'd made and the wrongs she'd committed.
[say]"Hey, yeah - I'm searching for flowers. Like everyone else, I guess,"[/say] she added with a nervous little laugh that sounded false even to her ears. [say]"What, uh - what about you?"[/say]
RE: The far side of the line - Jude - 04-15-2025
It’s all the more jarring to see her here when the last they’d met had been a crossroads of tangled emotions pulled to the surface; relief and gratitude that she was alive after being missing for so long, uncertainty over where they stood - which remains yet unresolved - and how they were meant to proceed, and the devastating freshness of his (theirs) dad’s death.
Flowers are all anyone is talking about these days, so it shouldn’t surprise him. He shrugs - less awkwardly these days, though whether it’s due to his frame slowly filling out or the reluctant building of esteem - and utilizes the topic as a way to tear his eyes away from her to gesture out at the woods around them. [say]“I’m that ‘everyone else’, didn’t you know?”[/say] His smile is a shadow of what it once had been for her (only her), but there are hints of the same young man she’d once met in a blushberry field.
He looks back at her, feeling the distance between them keenly, and not just in the physical sense. [say]“My best friend is infected. Are you - I mean, is it for a friend or the greater good?”[/say] Jude isn’t privy to her life anymore. Can’t let himself desire it either. But he wonders all the same.
RE: The far side of the line - Sohalia - 04-16-2025
Their last meeting had been one of tangled emotions, and after, Soh might have been able to convince herself that while they might not be best friends any longer, perhaps they were not enemies, either. Not that she had ever seen Jude that way - but, gods had he seemed to hate her at one time. And she deserved it, she knew that, but to watch the young man who had once been her everything reduce her to nothing… well, it had been a hard-learned lesson, indeed.
And since nothing had ever really been resolved between them, there was a fair bit of awkwardness left to linger in the air - especially as Jude brought up his best friend, who was decidedly not Sohalia any longer. And even though she knew that, it was one thing to know and another to hear, and that she’d been replaced so easily felt a little like someone had carved out a piece of her heart.
[say]”I’m sorry to hear that,”[/say] she said softly. [say]”My best friend was recently cured. It’s -“[/say] She paused, shook her head. [say]”It’s impossible, isn’t it? Watching and being able to do nothing.”[/say]
Gazing out over the woods, Soh reached out a hand to brush along the trunk of a nearby tree. Once upon a time, she’d told Jude everything - but now, she wasn’t sure how much of her life she wanted to divulge. That it was Noe she was hunting for, that it was Koa she was doing it for, that even if she should be looking for the greater good… she wasn’t, and she still couldn’t decide if that made her just as selfish as Jude had once accused her of being. [say]”I’m looking for a friend,”[/say] she said finally. [say]”And if I can find more than one, somehow… all the better. It seems like we need so many, and there are so few…”[/say]
RE: The far side of the line - Jude - 04-17-2025
It's not any easier for him to hear her call someone else her best friend. There's this awkward, unspoken sentiment between them - a shared one - that neither is willing to voice or face. They'd been best friends once. More than best friends sure, but always had that been the base.
[say]"Yeah. But I won't take 'nothing' for an answer either."[/say] There's surprising weight to the words despite their quiet tone. Maybe combing this endless forest is all he can do, but then by the gods he'll do it. Maybe he'll never find a flower either, but until a better solution is discovered he can say he did everything within his power.
There's a bit of relief in knowing she's equally dismissing the greater good for personal attachment the same way he is. Like there's now less reason to hide it. [say]"It's easier when we're not rulers, or fighters capable of doing something more with it. Easier to be selfish."[/say] The plight of the powerful is to be forced to forsake their own hearts for the greater good. In that way, Jude is ever grateful to not be powerful or important. He isn't sure he could do it in their shoes.
[say]"It's why we're not the only ones. I know Koa's looking too. It's for his sister."[/say] The one who forced you off my front step. Hopefully she won't know that, but he tries to offer Koa's name as an olive branch. A 'you can talk about this with me' offering. Jude's heart is still knotted up over them both, but he's also tired. And far too aware of the fact that the trial is his own. Self-inflicted. The only resolution he'll find is being able to move on somehow, and maybe that means forcing himself to look at both Sohalia and Koa in a different light. One he can't turn away from - though he's blind to the fact they're still connected in any way.
RE: The far side of the line - Sohalia - 04-18-2025
Friendship had always been their base, and yet it now seemed that they didn't even have that anymore. Maybe there was a sentiment of friendship there - or at least an unwillingness to acknowledge that it had gone - but bigger than that was the awkward gulf that spanned the distance between them. And Soh didn't know how to even begin to bridge it.
[say]"Yeah,"[/say] she said softly, agreeing that nothing was an impossible pill to swallow. But unlike Jude, she hadn't come here for Flora - no, the queen of Torchline had been infected and cured almost before Soh could blink. She'd trusted in Flora's plan, even if she hadn't agreed with it, and in the end, it had all worked out. But people like Noe... they didn't have a plan. They didn't have people to save them. And that - along with Soh's affection for Koa - was why she wanted to badly to cure the girl. Even if Noe hated her, Soh refused to allow her to fall victim to the Family for any longer than was necessary.
That it was selfish was a thought that Soh had tried very hard to ignore, but when Jude stated it so simply and clearly, she couldn't avoid it anymore. She looked away, biting the inside of her cheek against the hurt words that bubbled to the surface. When they'd fought last, he'd called her selfish - but now that it suited him, he was allowed to be just that? Meanwhile, she was to be drawn and quartered for the mistakes that she'd made?
[say]"Yeah, I know,"[/say] she murmured, her gaze flickering over their surroundings as she searched for a rose, avoiding her feelings in favor of neutrality. [say]"I heard. Lena told me."[/say] It was all she had to offer, unwilling to delve into her renewed relationship (?) with Koa after everything that had happened with he and Jude.
Trying on a smile, she glanced at Jude. Even after everything, she still wanted to fix this - to fix them. If she could go back to when when they were young and naive and stupid and friends, she would in a heartbeat - to take away all the pain she'd caused him, she'd do anything. But life wasn't that simple, and neither was this. Still, that didn't mean she couldn't try. [say]"We could look together for a while. If you wanted. Two sets of eyes has to be better than one."[/say]
RE: The far side of the line - Jude - 04-18-2025
He only has her silence and reticence as a guide, and it leaves him adrift in this endless channel between them. His selfishness is a hollow and empty thing - he has little left to live for but Noe. Perhaps his herald would disapprove and disagree, but Jude won't let himself envision anything after the exact next step that awaits him.
Another unknown name - Lena - makes a muscle in his jaw twitch as his eyes dart away. Not dropping, no, because there is no shame or doubt here but anger instead. Anger that hadn't left him even after confronting Koa. [say]"Great,"[/say] he echoes hollowly, managing not to press it through the gaps of his clenched teeth through willpower alone.
Maybe that's why he doesn't take her up on the offer immediately. Jude isn't used to being angry even now, and if he unglues his tongue from the back of his teeth he isn't sure what will come out. It leaves too long of a space between her offer and his response that surely makes him look like an ass, but it's better than a worse alternative. [say]"Yeah, sure. Which way were you going? So we don't comb back over what we've already checked."[/say] Jude lets her lead because clearly she's a little better at it. It gives him a fraction of time to try and swallow down the acid in his throat.
RE: The far side of the line - Sohalia - 04-18-2025
Maybe, Soh thought to herself as they continued on in awkward silence, it would be better, in some ways, to just have it out - to rip the bandage off, as it were, and reveal the open, gaping wounds beneath. But she wasn't quite sure she was ready to do that. Instead, she responded in short answers, offered the bare minimum of conversation, and, for some unknown reason, offered up more time spent together, as though just the act of being on the same team would somehow solve their problems.
There was a long pause, during which Soh thought he might refuse, and a little part of her broke further still at the implication that she was truly so horrible to be around. But in the end, he agreed, and she gestured back the way she'd come. [say]"I've looked back that way,"[/say] she said. [say]"So, this way? If you haven't looked there already?"[/say]
With a direction decided on, the pair set off, searching for a while in an awkward silence that Soh didn't know how to fill. There were comfortable silences, she thought, and then there was this, and yet even as she searched for something to fill the void, she came up empty time and again. Finally, the young woman ran a hand haphazardly through her hair in frustration. This was painful, and she didn't know how to fix it.
[say]"Hey, Jude?"[/say] she asked, her voice soft and unsure, but somehow strained all the same. [say]"Can I ask you a question?"[/say]
RE: The far side of the line - Jude - 04-19-2025
If it would be easier, it would be an action held within her hands and not his own. Call it pettiness, trauma, or some greater weight but Jude prefers to linger in this space of granting or denying her suggestions. It gives him control, no matter how fragile or flimsy. Something he’s never exactly had with her and her actions in the past. Or anywhere in his life. Maybe he’ll learn that there’s more control to be had in the leading and offering, but it won’t be today.
He shakes his head, curls swaying over his brow and tickling at his eyelashes which are held low. [say]“No, I started left of the path.”[/say] And there’s nothing more to say after that. Nothing pertinent to this strange, almost transactional moment they’ve entered at least. At least Jude is able to focus on the search - it helps ease the straining edges of his heart and how they pull tighter with every moment she remains within reach.
Jude straightens at his name as if pulled by a string wrapped around his spine. It hurts to answer so automatically, so instinctively even after all this time. They’ve spent more time hurting over one another than they did in love and happy, so when would it stop hurting? [say]“Yeah, ‘course.”[/say] The asking isn’t the threat, it’s the potential for harm that the actual question might bring. But in the end he can’t yet forbid her the first step of that equation.
RE: The far side of the line - Sohalia - 04-19-2025
Talking just to fill the silence was something that Soh had never been good at, and it was painfully obvious in the awkward way she began to comb through the woods. Perhaps someone like Flora would be able to chit chat, wash away all the hurt with an abundance of charm; but Soh was not that person, and it showed in every minute movement she made and every second that passed without a word spoken between them. Would it ever stop hurting, she wondered, or would Jude be a wound she carried to the grave?
His acceptance of her question caught her off guard; she'd been half convinced he would refuse her. So it took her a moment to swallow her nerves, gather her courage, and make an offering that she hoped wouldn't cause even more pain. [say]"Do you ever wish you could go back to when things were easy?"[/say] Things, of course, like being her friend, but more than that - back when Harper was alive, when he (they) had a dad, when spending time together was as easy as breathing and it was assumed that they would always be that way. Back before the Void, and the Family, when Caido was as safe as it could get, and they didn't have to worry about hunting something impossible to find to save the people they loved from an impossible fate.
RE: The far side of the line - Jude - 04-22-2025
Jude wasn’t blessed with that skill either. In contrast, he is far better at keeping his head down and moving silently through the world. Pretending he can’t feel the things that hurt in a way that fools himself and the outside world alike. It’s what he does as he combs through the grass, redirecting his thoughts every time they wander back toward the woman at his side.
It’s not easy when he has to face her, speak with her. Harder still when she asks him something that draws him back immediately to those sun-soaked, happy days. If she expects hurt she would be right but it lingers like a shadow beneath something far more hollow and wanting. Jude knows his answer immediately but pauses to formulate it in a way that doesn’t feel like giving her his heart for the masochistic fun of letting her crush it again. As if he holds any power anymore. [say]“All the time.”[/say] He’d give anything for it honestly. Partly to just be happy again and partly to have not only his dad but her. As his friend, as more. It was the only time he hadn’t been lonely, had felt loved and surrounded and not invisible.
Feeling too open to what will surely be a pitying expression, Jude turns his chin sideways and down as if he’s going back to idly searching the grass. [say]“Do you?”[/say] Or had she grown when he hadn’t? Taken more from the ashes while he was still sitting amidst the wreckage even now?
RE: The far side of the line - Sohalia - 04-22-2025
Soh hadn't been expecting his answer to hurt quite so much, but all Jude would see on her face, if he chose to look at her, would be understanding. There was no pity there, only a certain wistfulness, a longing for what might have been. Sure, she might not wish for the complicated days when they were in love, but the times before? When things had been simple, and they had been strong, and everything had been right? That, she missed more than almost anything else.
And so when he turned the question back to her, it was without hesitation that she agreed. [say]"All the time."[/say] But that was the thing: they couldn't turn back time, no matter how much they might wish they could. She could no more erase the damage she'd caused than she could fly to the moon, and that almost pained her more than anything else.
[say]"I'm sorry. For everything."[/say] There were no excuses, no begging for forgiveness - only a simple apology that Jude could choose to accept or deny. And as Soh continued to scour the ground around them for any sign of a rose, she wondered if maybe, just maybe, she would get lucky and that would - for now - be enough.
RE: The far side of the line - Jude - 04-22-2025
He sees it, but he can only bear to see it for a fleeting moment. It feels less like solidarity and more like reliving that loss all over again. Even her agreement is damning because his thoughts follow exactly the same path - there is no going back to that. She may not miss the parts he does, but it’s a kinder thing to not specify. Like covering someone’s eyes with one tender hand before suffocating them with the other.
An apology is even more unexpected. Jude bitterly wonders if she truly means everything. She’d come out of it all wounded but breathing, and he’s not sure he’s even properly alive in the here and now. Sohalia had been the event horizon in Jude’s life, and her apology feels as distant and beautifully damning as watching the sun collapse in on itself. Jude has wondered - often - whether his life would have taken a better path if he’d never met her. But knowing her was the only way he’d experienced friendship and love, so would it have been any happier? Maybe it was always going to be inevitable, this life that feels like an ending he keeps futilely erasing the final punctuation of.
[say]“Me too.”[/say] And she can take from that what she will - what she hopefully needs - just as her own all-encompassing statement had done for Jude. Straightening and abandoning any pretense of continuing to search, Jude turns and faces her with hands limp against his thighs. No tension that would otherwise communicate any kind of strong emotion. [say]“What do you want from here? What would be best for you?”[/say] Perhaps those answers would be contradictory - they both often want things that will only hurt them. [say]“We don’t have to meet again, or say anything if we do. I can move back to Torchline when you finally go back to Stormbreak.”[/say] Surely she will, and Jude will leave without a word to contest their transfer of presence. [say]“I don’t want to stay like this. Not knowing what to do, what we are, what to say. So just…tell me.”[/say] Please.
RE: The far side of the line - Sohalia - 04-23-2025
Me too, he said, and Sohalia bit back the argument that he had nothing to be sorry for, that she was the one who had wronged him - because maybe that had been true, once, but after everything he’d said to her, all the vitriol he’d flung at her… maybe she thought that he might regret some of it, and maybe she appreciated that more than she’d care to admit.
So she looked at Jude, her gaze softening incrementally, but before she could say anything, he’d turned to face her fully, his hands limp at his sides. He took her aback with his questions, and her heart twisted painfully as she considered the implications of his words. Would he prefer that? To leave each other alone, to avoid one another, to never cross paths again?
And did it make her a horrible person that a part of her longed for more?
[say]”You don’t have to leave Stormbreak,”[/say] she said softly. [say]”I mean, not unless you want to. I’d like to think that we could peacefully coexist. I mean, Stormbreak’s a big region, so…”[/say] But that didn’t really answer his questions.
[say]”I know we can’t go back, but I’d like it if we could be friends, eventually. I’d like to be able to talk to you, and for you to be able to talk to me. I get it if you wouldn’t, like, seek me out, necessarily, but… if we run into each other, I’d like to be able to smile, and catch up, and wish you well. Because I do wish you well, Jude.”[/say]