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+---- Thread: sending you forget me nots (/showthread.php?tid=11123)
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sending you forget me nots - Sohalia - 04-14-2025
Forget-me-nots, it appeared, took a long time to grow.
Oh, the actual sprouting wasn't a problem - no, Sohalia's forget-me-nots had come up as little green shoots a few days prior, and she'd continued to care for them just as lovingly as ever. No, apparently it would take another year for the flowers themselves to show their petals, a fact that had disappointed the Luminary when she'd learned it. It didn't matter so much in the grand scheme of things, of course - the little green sprouts were enough, she thought, to be considered 'creating life' in Vi's eyes. But somehow, the little flowers had become something symbolic; if she raised them properly, they'd bloom, and so, too, would her relationship with Koa.
It was still something of a mystery even to Soh where she stood with the Dragoon. They were friends, of course, but there were little moments where she could almost swear that the right words, the right look, might send them down a path of something more. What was more confusing, though, was whether or not she wanted that - wanted him. And while the simple answer was a resounding yes, there was nothing about their relationship - or lack thereof - that could be considered simple.
So she pined. She spent her days in the Greatwood caring for her forget-me-nots, searching for roses on the off chance that she'd luck into more than one, and missing her friends. Not just Koa, she insisted to herself, but Flora, and Tal, and everyone else who had come to mean so much to her. It was strange in the Greatwood; she found herself in a self-imposed exile, and she couldn't say that she was particularly enjoying the experience.
On this particular morning, she'd taken her little pot out to the picnic table where she'd first planted the seeds, set it in a patch of sunlight, and taken out her journal if only to give herself something to do. She'd piled her hair messily atop her head, and she sat comfortably on the bench, her journal half in her lap and half on the table as she studied the sprouts before her, her gaze jumping from shoots to page as she tried to capture the little in-between plants in charcoal. She was, for the moment, entirely focused on the task she'd set herself, and the world around her had temporarily ceased to exist.
RE: sending you forget me nots - Koa - 04-14-2025
It's been a little less than a month, sure, but who's counting? It's not as though Koa said he wouldn't be back sooner - and it's not as though he's here today specifically to find Soh. But as much as Koa may decry the Greatwood, there's something about the boughs and branches, the shaded paths and sentient vines, that keeps him coming back; he's trapped by wild eddies and sinking soil, by roots and birdsong and sharp, streaking sun.
Or perhaps it's not the Greatwood at all. Perhaps he's trapped by her.
He finds Sohalia exactly where he left her: at a table, staring at a pot of dirt. But now the soil isn't empty, its contents mere potential hidden beneath the loam. The little sprouts that pepper the surface are a far cry from anything resembling flowers, but they're young and green as softest springtime, terribly brave and foolhardy to dare grow in such a hopeless world. Koa regards them with a crooked smile, looking over Sohalia's shoulder: he's come up from behind her, not too close, but enough to catch a whiff of her perfume, to see the freckles usually hidden beneath her golden hair.
[say]"Looks like our child's growing nicely."[/say] Koa's voice is quietly teasing, the smile audible in his tone. He's dressed for the warming weather in a green linen shirt and faded jeans, his hair brushed back and his facial hair trimmed. Having bridged the space left between them, Koa now settles on the bench beside Soh, left leg thrown over as he sits astride. Expression soft and curious, he reaches for her notebook. [say]"What's this?"[/say] the young man questions warmly, waiting for permission before bringing the artwork close to inspect.
RE: sending you forget me nots - Sohalia - 04-14-2025
Maybe, if Sohalia hadn't been so engrossed in her sketching, she might have heard Koa's approach. Maybe then his voice wouldn't have had her heart skipping a beat and her hand flying across the page, smearing a dark line off the edge. She looked up so quickly that she nearly dropped her journal, her cheeks warming even as her face lit up, happy to see him and, for a moment, forgetting that she wasn't supposed to have missed him quite so much.
Koa looked good - but then, he always did, didn't he? - and she struggled to find something even remotely charming to say as he turned his attention to her journal. [say]"Oh, um, just some sketches,"[/say] she stammered, offering it to him to inspect before she could think about just what all she had doodled amongst its pages. [say]"Mostly plants and animals. I, um, I use them to annotate my maps."[/say] She was a good artist; the flora and fauna within the pages of her sketchbook were realistic and charming. Some, like the birds of the Greatwood, she'd managed to draw in near-perfect detail, since she was able to compel them to sit with her. Others, like the elusive tudalopus, were more whimsical depictions.
A sudden memory brought heat back to her cheeks, and she turned a brilliant red as she tried to figure out how to surreptitiously get the journal back without drawing too much attention to the fact that she was hiding something. Please don't turn the page, please don't turn the page - If he flipped one or two pages, he'd find sketches of the Greatwood's plants and animals - nothing to be concerned about. But it he flipped too far, he'd find a half-finished sketch of himself, something that Soh had doodled here and there when she had nothing else to occupy her mind. And while it was just a normal headshot, it was still a drawing of him. In her journal. Where it arguably had no right to be.
RE: sending you forget me nots - Koa - 04-14-2025
The drawings are good, impressive and detailed, but Koa is less interested in them than their creator. Still, he flips absently to the next page, as much to give himself something to do as anything else; [say]"These are really impressive, Soh,"[/say] Koa murmurs appreciatively, pausing to inspect a particularly bizarre looking creature rendered in impressive detail, complete with annotations. It reminds him of something his father might have produced, or Noe, except more lively and organic than his family's engineering plans.
He starts to turn another page, then pauses, fingers playing with the corner of the paper. [say]"You drew Pip, once, that day at the Eye."[/say] Copper eyes search for silver, the memory of that idyllic afternoon lending nostalgic affection to his gaze. [say]"She still has it in her hoard somewhere. Do you remember?"[/say] They'd been younger then, naive and foolish and so flush with life and potential and hope.
They'd been different people; yet now as Koa looks at Soh he knows some things are still the same.
RE: sending you forget me nots - Sohalia - 04-14-2025
Soh smiled, proud of herself in spite of her inner panic. [say]"Thanks,"[/say] she said. [say]"I've had lots of practice. It's the one thing that makes my maps stand out, you know?"[/say] She was babbling, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. [say]"The animals are my favorite, but some of them are, uh, less than pleased at being sketched?"[/say] She laughed a little. [say]"Or they're dangerous, or practically impossible to find. Plants are easier, but, well..."[/say] She shrugged. [say]"Not quite as fun."[/say]
Koa made to turn another page and Soh's fingers twitched, aching to snatch the notebook back but not quite wanting to keep secrets - even something as innocent as what was in her sketchbook. But he paused, and Soh looked up into copper eyes. [say]"Of course,"[/say] she said with an affectionate smile. [say]"I'm shocked she kept it."[/say] Gods, but that was so long ago. [say]"If she wants an updated version, I'm happy to oblige."[/say]
Thinking back to the early days, when things were easy, Soh couldn't help but giggle. [say]"D'you remember when we met?"[/say] she asked. [say]"I thought you were trying to throw poor Pip off the side of the city."[/say]
RE: sending you forget me nots - Koa - 04-14-2025
[say]"Shhhh!"[/say] Koa lets his eyes grow dramatically wide, leaning in low and close. [say]"Careful -you're lucky she's not in earshot. She'd make you spend the next hour getting her likeness exactly right, and be impossible afterwards."[/say] He shakes his head, playfully aggrieved and with absolutely no shame for poking fun at Pipsqueak in her absence.
Still leaned in close, Koa smiles at Soh's giggle, his own smile blooming lopsided at the memory of that fateful afternoon. [say]"I was trying to teach her to fly,"[/say] he counters, rolling his eyes affectionately. [say]"Impossible catsnake doesn't have a single draconic instinct in her body, I swear."[/say]
Of course he remembers; he remembers it all. The way her laugh had been so enchanting, the shocking ease with which they flirted and joked. [say]"I took you to my favorite restaurant - and you agreed, despite thinking I'd been attempting dragoncide."[/say] The dinner, the drinks, and then after, after...
[say]"And then I asked if I could kiss you."[/say] Koa all but whispers, copper eyes dropping unbidden to her lips.
RE: sending you forget me nots - Sohalia - 04-14-2025
As Koa leaned in, Soh grinned. Truth be told, she wouldn't mind sketching Pip for an hour - not even a little bit. She was rather fond of the little dragon, and that was to say nothing of her bonded. Besides, Soh was sure that her artistic skills had improved since that first drawing.
[say]"You were trying to scare the poor thing to death,"[/say] Soh countered, teasing laughter in her eyes. [say]"You probably still have claw marks in your arm from where she was holding on."[/say] She could still remember how nerve-wracking it had been to go up to Koa in the first place, to demand an explanation for what she was sure was an attempt on Pip's life. The quickness with which Koa had put her mind at ease, then taken her out to his favorite restaurant.
And then...
And then...
Koa was so close now. He hadn't been that close before, had he? She gazed into molten copper, caught up not only in memories but in a longing for what still could be, if she could just close the last -
Little -
Gap -
When she spoke, breathless, she had leaned closer, her gaze searching his. [say]"And then I said yes."[/say]
RE: sending you forget me nots - Koa - 04-16-2025
[say]"I do,"[/say] Koa agrees with a grimace, thinking of the many silver scars that Pipsqueak has left on him over the years. Some are even visible now, pale against his brushed bronze bicep. They tell a story of trust and time.
They're easier to look at than the ones on his heart.
They're so close now, close enough to breathe as one, her exhalations sending sparks skidding across his cheek. She's shining and quicksilver, intoxicating and dangerous, each of his senses filled with her - the heat in her eyes, the sound of her voice, the sensation of her breath, the smell of her perfume. Only taste is unaccounted for, an absence that would take so little to correct. She'd said 'yes' then; she is saying 'yes' now.
But is it enough to overcome the 'no's' that happened in between?
Koa grips the bench with one hand; the other splays across the table, tense, white-knuckled with the enormous self-control it takes to keep from reaching for her. Frustrated, yearning, and still afraid, he leans in until their foreheads are touching, exhaling a shuddering breath as his nose brushes feather-light on hers. Eyelids flutter shut; a low, pained groan chuckle vibrating in his chest.
[say]"Soh,"[/say] Koa whispers, pleads, hoarse and hurried and desperate and amused. [say]"I think maybe I fucked up when I said we could be friends."[/say]
RE: sending you forget me nots - Sohalia - 04-16-2025
For a moment, Soh thought he might close the infinitesimal gap between them, and hope bloomed, hot and insistent, in her chest. What she wouldn’t give to be able to take it all back, to have a second chance, to do things right this time around -
But he didn’t kiss her. And what he said almost shattered her.
Panic, cold and painful, clawed its way up her throat, and it took her a moment to try and piece together what he was saying. Did he want to take away their friendship, now that it had been established? Or was he saying that he wanted more?
Their foreheads touching, Soh fought the urge to reach for him, terrified to send him running or press him into something that he didn’t want. He’d said they could be friends, but now… maybe she’d pushed too much, hadn’t tried hard enough to keep her emotions in check. Maybe she’d ruined things. Again.
But she was different now. Before, she hadn’t fought for him - for them. And gods be damned if she was going to make the same mistake a second time.
[say]”How so?”[/say] she murmured after a moment, silver gaze searching his face, aching to see his copper eyes open and fill with warmth or contempt or something - anything to explain what he meant. She’d meant what she’d said before - that she would be whatever he wanted her to be. But stay or go, she had to hear him say it - whatever it was.
RE: sending you forget me nots - Koa - 04-16-2025
She doesn't push forward. Neither does she retreat. Koa is left in weightless suspense, caught in the eddies and whirlpools of hormone and emotion. Does she want him? Does she not? His hand is on her face now, unbidden and unasked for; he brushes his thumb across her cheek and marvels at the smoothness of her skin, like silk or a spiderweb.
They can't go on like this. He can't go on like this. [say]"Don't make me say it,"[/say] Koa pleads, his voice a throaty whisper only for her. Pulling back far enough to meet her eyes, the young man fixes Sohalia with a searching gaze, hot as a vein of molten copper, desperate to be tempered and formed. [say]"You have to know what you do to me, Soh- what you've always done, ever since the day we met."[/say] The pad of his thumb drops lower, now, tenderly caressing the border of her lip. [say]"I thought I could take it, but I..."[/say]
His voice falters; he trails off, exhaling a shuddering breath as both eyes and hand drop down. When Koa looks back up at her it is with the echo of a melancholic smile, his expressive face ripe with the agony of youthful romance, of hope and resignation, of rainstorms and sun. [say]"I'm weak, I guess. I've always been weak, when it comes to you."[/say]
RE: sending you forget me nots - Sohalia - 04-16-2025
[say]"Koa..."[/say] she whispered, leaning into his touch like a flower drawn to sunlight. His words were everything she wanted to hear - but then why did he seem so sad? Did he regret their budding friendship - the more that he hinted at but seemed reluctant to embrace? She couldn't blame him, really, not after everything; but she longed to wipe those memories away, to start anew.
As his hand fell, she lifted hers to catch it, twining her fingers with his, if he'd let her. She offered a crooked little half-smile, her thumb brushing across the back of his hand. [say]"Don't you know what you do to me?"[/say] she asked, silver gaze searching copper. [say]"That I've never stopped thinking about you?"[/say] She swallowed hard; this was important to get out, to share - to give him all the information, so that he could decide what to do with it. Surely he deserved that, at least. [say]"That all this time, not choosing you has been my biggest regret?"[/say] Bigger, perhaps, than losing Stormbreak, because that, at least, had been largely out of her control.
[say]"Koa, I - you - we -"[/say] Gods, but why was it so hard to get her thoughts straight? She felt like she was spinning out of control, out on a tightrope with no net below to catch her as she fell. Or maybe she was jumping, taking a leap without knowing where it led. She wasn't sure which was worse. [say]"I've lived life without you, and I can't - I don't want to do that. I don't want to lose you. I thought - I thought you wanted to be friends, and I thought, if that was the way to keep you in my life, I could do it. And I would, still, if that was what you wanted. But - gods, it's probably selfish of me, but - if there was any chance of anything more again - if you could give me a second chance -"[/say] Was her mouth always this dry? Did her heart always stutter like this?
She huffed out a breath. [say]"I told you before - 'if you want me with you, in whatever capacity… I’m here.' But don't push me away, Koa. Please."[/say]
RE: sending you forget me nots - Koa - 04-16-2025
She catches his hand before it can fall, and catches his heart with it; it lurches, stuttering within his chest, beating and bruised between her fingers. Once he would have let her hold it without hesitation, had gone so far as to offer it in a bouquet of forget-me-nots. But pride and hurt have changed the boy, and he guards more dearly, now.
Sohalia answers with her own questions, coming so close and yet staying so far from what he wants so dearly to hear. Ruefully Koa shakes his head; [say]"But I don't know,"[/say] he answers, nearly laughing, though there's an edge that says it's a coping mechanism rather than true mirth. Large, calloused hands wrap around the Luminary's; he searches, pleading, in her eyes. [say]"I don't know how you feel, Sohalia. I never have. I mean- I thought I did, once, but..."[/say]
But they both know how that went. Koa'd gone into the Tower on solid footing, and left with the ground tilted beneath him.
It had never really straightened out again.
He's been playing with her hand, rubbing his fingers across her knuckles like a comforting mechanism, but as she goes on he stills. The rest of her confession is a waterfall, torrential, pounding down upon him, almost too much to quite take in. Surprise courses through the boy; a warm flush spreads across his neck, tinting the shell of his ears. [say]"Sohalia..."[/say] There's so much there, and yet so little, and fuck if she isn't the single most frustrating creature Koa has met in his entire, short life.
Inhaling deeply, Koa sits back, trying to collect his thoughts. [say]"I'm not trying to push you away- I'm not,"[/say] he starts out, slow but firm, the words punctuated by a tightening of his hands around hers. [say]"But... fuck, why is this so hard?"[/say] Laughing abruptly, Koa finally releases Soh, running his fingers through his hair as he turns to the trees for some sort of clarity, or a fucking sign. [say]"Soh, I don't want you to want me 'in whatever way'. And I don't want to be someone you're okay just being friends with."[/say]
The words aren't angry, or accusatory - they aren't even bitter. But Koa's spent his time with Sohalia tying himself in emotional knots, and he just can't do it anymore.
[say]"That's what I'm trying to say, I guess. That for me, I can't just be friends with you. Because what I want from you - what I feel about you - it isn't friendship. I have plenty of friends, Sohalia."[/say] He turns back to her with a lopsided smile. [say]"The difference is, I'm not thinking about kissing them every time I'm with them."[/say] But he is when he's with her.
RE: sending you forget me nots - Sohalia - 04-16-2025
Oh.
Oh.
Soh had tried to be as clear as she could, but it would seem that she had been as clear as mud. And Koa - poor Koa - couldn't be any more clear if he tried.
So the Luminary took a breath. Swallowed hard. [say]"I'm... not very good at this,"[/say] she admitted with a self-deprecating little laugh. [say]"I just... I'm terrified of messing up... whatever this is."[/say] She looked down, her brow knit in thought as she tried to put her thoughts into something that resembled logic. [say]"I think... I'm trying so hard not to push you away or, or - push what I want on you that what I want is getting lost along the way."[/say] She'd spent so long obsessing over being selfish or selfless, finding some balance between the two, that she'd lost sight of how to communicate somewhere along the way.
If she'd ever known how to begin with. Suddenly, she wasn't so sure.
Soh turned back to Koa, determination and resolve in her silver eyes. [say]"I don't want to just be friends with you. I don't want you to have to wonder how I feel. I don't always know how to - how to just say what I'm feeling."[/say] And she was scared to put herself out there, scared to lose what little ground she'd gained, scared to lose him. [say]"But - let me try?"[/say]
She'd spent so long being scared, and for what? For them to reach this impasse anyway?
And maybe it was hard, but maybe that was what made it worth reaching for. Because if she tried to tell him how she felt, and if he felt the same way - well, wasn't that worth it?
And if he didn't, if this all came crashing down around her head - well, it wouldn't be the first time, would it?
[say]"I'm in love with you."[/say] The words tumbled out of her so quickly that she had to steady herself with a breath, her fingers squeezing Koa's tightly, as though willing him not to fly away. [say]"And I should have just told you that a long time ago."[/say] But it was fucking scary to feel like this, to admit this, to hope to the gods that she wasn't about to fall flat on her face. [say]"I want - I want you, Koa. I want there to be an us."[/say]
RE: sending you forget me nots - Koa - 04-17-2025
Not very good at it, eh? That makes two of them, at least, both bumbling through the best they can, hamstrung by inexperience and past mistakes before the race can even begin. Koa listens silently as the Luminary speaks, trying to offer open patience and chewing nervously at his lip. Each word of Sohalia's halting confession sparks upon his skin, pinpricks of emotion sizzling down his shoulders, making the hair on his arms stand upright. He wants to laugh, to shake his head, to tell her it shouldn't be this scary, that he shouldn't scare her this much-
But then, doesn't she terrify him?
'I'm in love--'
Oh. Oh. Wait. Hold up. Koa's eyes widen in abject shock, his mouth falling slightly open, comical and agog. He can feel his heart catch in his throat, hopeful and ecstatic as it thrums an electric beat, heat flushing over his neck, his ears, filling his throat, stealing his breath. I'm in love with-- she says, and it feels like a thunderclap, like the first warm day in springtime, like a blow to the temple, like being at home.
But the timing feels wrong.
[say]"Wait."[/say] Koa's hand flies to Sohalia's mouth, covering it before she can finish those fateful words. [say]"Wait. Not like this."[/say] He shakes his head vehemently, but there's joy in his copper eyes, elation and wonder and a vulnerable shine as he sinks back into that glorious silver gaze. [say]"Not that I don't want to hear it - gods know I do, so fucking much."[/say] He laughs like sunlight, warm and bemused. His grip on her shifts, and now his thumb is brushing her lips and he's wondering if they taste like he remembers, and he knows he needs to look away because he wants to do this right.
Swallowing hard, Koa forces himself to regain some composure. [say]"Just... don't make a decision yet, okay? I want - I need - to know that if you say this- if we do this- that it's because it's really what you want."[/say] He searches her face, brows knit over earnest eyes, desperate to make her understand. [say]"Not because I said I couldn't be friends, and you don't want to lose that, but because you want me - really want me."[/say] Not just someone- him. Koa. And fuck, he knows it won't be easy, not with the Family looming above them, with Flora and Jude jagged wounds in their past.
He needs to know that she's willing to fight for it. That it's something she's serious about - that he's something she's serious about - despite the challenges they'll face. Because gods above know if he'd survive being tossed aside again.