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this song is my confession - Liam - 04-24-2025
It wasn’t long after their last trip to Frey’s Breath that Liam and Maea returned to the Climb, this time to hunt for ore. Having decided upon steel for the blade, the soldier knew that he hunted iron. And with a vision for an emerald embedded in the pommel of the sword, well, he’d come prepared for a long hunt. He’d decided to wear a shirt of the lightest material he could find, had tied his hair back from his face, and carried a full flask of water tied at one hip. He carried a pickaxe over his shoulder with one hand and a bag to collect ore in the other.
It was hot, of course - brutally so - but perhaps Liam was starting to get used to it, because he was in better spirits than he tended to be when wandering the Burrows. He strode along beside Maea, keeping an eye peeled for the faintest sign of iron. [say]”Heat’s not so bad, once you get used to it,”[/say] he said optimistically, smiling at Maea. [say]”At the very least, I don’t think mining down here will hurt nearly as badly as I’d imagined.”[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Maea - 04-24-2025
Striding on alongside Liam, it took most of her attention to simply keep up. His long legs carried him with ease over rocky crags and past slick lava flows now sufficiently cooled to walk on, and she made it a point to stick to his side, no matter that she had to take two steps for every one of his. Glancing up at him now, his smile and unwavering optimism was as a balm to her senses, still raw after the recent encounter with Thalassa.
[say]"I'm glad you think so,"[/say] she murmured, lured into a small smile of her own. [say]"If you see something in a place you think is inaccessible, just say the word. I might as well make use of the gifts I've been given."[/say] Given what she traded them for, and what came unbidden and unasked for along with the rest...
The smile faded as she turned her gaze back to the path ahead, adjusting a strap on the pack where she carried most of their food supply and more water. Leaving most of the search for iron to Liam, she kept an eye out for trouble, knowing these tunnels were perfect hiding spots for rock sliders and fyrhunds and perhaps smaller, nastier things as well. Perhaps it was the loss of one friend so recently that made her worry for the safety of this one; at the very least, keeping watch gave her something to occupy her thoughts with.
[say]"Have you done anything worth mentioning, lately?"[/say] she asked after a while, mostly for an excuse to keep him talking. So much of their conversation revolved around her that she sometimes felt like she didn't know anything about him.
RE: this song is my confession - Liam - 04-25-2025
Was it Liam’s imagination, or was Maea quieter than usual today? There was something in the way she spoke of her gifts - that she might as well use them - and in her fading smile that had the soldier looking at her sharply, his brow creased faintly in concern. He liked to think that he knew Maea well enough by now to notice when something was bothering her. But her gaze was out on the tunnels, and before he could figure out how to broach the topic, she’d turned the attention back onto him.
Hazel eyes returned to the walls of the tunnels. Was that a flicker of something that might be iron? Liam paused for a moment, inspecting a section of rock. [say]”Nothing new,”[/say] he admitted. [say]”Although I did travel to Halo recently. Have you ever met Noah Olson? He’s Vi’s demigod, and he lives there. It was a fairly uneventful trip, but definitely different. Colder than I expected for spring.”[/say] He had helped to repair Noah’s hunting lodge - a different kind of work than he was used to, but no less satisfying for his lack of experience.
Deciding that there wasn’t anything special about this section of tunnel, Liam turned away, glancing at Maea with what he hoped was surreptitious worry. [say]”Other than that, it’s just been training, hunting roses, and Fiat Lux prep. How about you?”[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Maea - 04-26-2025
Letting the low hum of his voice was over her senses, Maea relaxed into it. While it did little to ease the ache in her chest, at least she didn't feel as lonely. And the mention of Halo was surprising enough to draw her gaze back to him, a flicker of interest brightening her face.
[say]"Halo is always cold,"[/say] she agreed a touch wistful. [say]"I have met Noah, a couple of times, though I can't say we're close. He helped me once, when I really needed someone to talk to..."[/say] Sinking into a thoughtful silence, Maea thought back to the lost and lonely mess she'd been so soon after being released from stone. In some ways she had settled into her new body, but in many ways she remained as she had been back then. Lost. Confused. Unwilling to embrace a nature that remained wholly alien to her.
[say]"Hm? Oh."[/say] The question came bouncing back to her, and she considered what to say. [say]"I met with Hadama in Stormbreak. We walked around the town, had dinner... it was nice, if a bit unsettling considering who rules the place. And I met with some friends. Alys has been questing to return her companion from death, and she says she's nearly done. Sah - he's also from Halo ‐ and Thalassa. We... had a fight,"[/say] she admitted, sighing as she scraped her nails along the scalp, raking hair out of her eyes in a frustrated gesture. [say]"It was pretty bad... I don't know if we'll be able to get past it."[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Liam - 04-27-2025
Maea sank into silence, and Liam was certain now that there was something bothering her. He hovered just on the edge of asking, both wanting to fix whatever it was and not wanting to pry. On the one hand, Maea didn't owe him anything. She was entitled to keep whatever she wanted to keep private. But on the other, she was his friend, and if there was something he could do to help and he didn't try, then he would kick himself later for having been an idiot.
But before he could ask, Maea told him. At first, her exploits were simple enough: dinner with a friend (though the news that it had been in Stormbreak woke something protective in his chest that he wasn't sure he could name), meeting up with others, and then... there it was. A fight with a friend. Liam frowned, his gaze flicking from the stone walls of the tunnel back to Maea. [say]"I'm sorry,"[/say] he said simply. [say]"I wish there was something I could say that would make potentially losing a friend easier, but..."[/say] He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Then, before he could think better of it: [say]"What was the fight about?"[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Maea - 04-28-2025
She sort of wished he had magic words like that, too. Then she wouldn't have to wonder whether Thalassa had been right, whether Maea was silly and overly dramatic for making the decision to cut people out of her life, and whether she simply needed to toughen up, stop caring, start getting with whatever program everyone else was subscribed to...
But alas, Liam had no such magic. Nor did she, and his simple question had her fumbling for a way to abbreviate that wouldn't hide anything without offer too much detail – and that in itself was at the heart of the issue, wasn't it? Maea ran a hand over her face, wondering if she had it in her to explain the whole thing yet again.
[say]"Long or short version? It's not a pretty story, either way. But I'll tell you if you really want to know."[/say] It wasn't the kind of thing you threw on someone without warning, and she wouldn't blame Liam if he preferred to stay out of it.
RE: this song is my confession - Liam - 04-29-2025
Liam paused to check another section of wall. This one seemed more promising; something shimmered in the rock, and he picked at it with the pickaxe. When a piece of rock fell away to reveal what he thought was an iron seam, he nodded to himself. [say]"We have all the time in the world,"[/say] he pointed out. [say]"Or at least as long as it takes for me to mine this. I'm happy to listen to the long version, unless you're prefer to share the short."[/say] It would, after all, be something to pass the time, even if he wasn't interested in hearing.
The soldier hefted the pickaxe, and then swung it heavily at the wall. It chinked against the stone, cleaving pieces in small chunks from the tunnel. It was going to take a while, but at least he was strong enough to make progress. As he worked, he glanced at Maea periodically, keeping an eye on her as she shared whatever it was that had her so upset.
RE: this song is my confession - Maea - 04-29-2025
Sighing at the non-answer that left it all to her to decide what to tell and how much, she kicked at a loose rock and watched it skitter down the path, to be swallowed up by the darkness. Considering while Liam inspected the cavern wall, it seemed they would remain here for a while; just as well, if they would be talking in addition to mining. Shrugging the backpack off her shoulders, Maea sank down to sit on her heels, spine reclining into the rock behind her. Absently her head ticked from side to side, pale horns sending vibrations through her scalp as they connected with the wall.
[say]"Long story, then,"[/say] she murmured, because she might as well tell all of it, if she didn't want to repeat the situation with Thalassa. And after some fumbling for a place to start, she went all the way back, to what felt like a second birth.
[say]"I spent the years after the War as a statue in the woods, until Danta found me. It was hard to adjust, both to having a real body again, and to the ways the Grounds had changed from what I knew. I struggled with the bloodlust, with another change of divine allegiance, and while I made some friends I never quite... felt like I fit in."[/say] Her story unfurled in cadance with the ringing pickaxe, interrupted only briefly when she changed spot to avoid stray rocks from hitting her.
[say]"One of those friends has a... shall we say... colorful past. His dietary choices are rather extreme, and I struggled to accept them from the start, but was told that he didn't indulge his appetites anymore. About two years ago I found out that it wasn't true. I caught him in the act of torturing a criminal, and we argued. Later, I sought him out to apologise for some of the things I said, but instead of fixing anything, it just got worse. He panicked after I accidentally triggered a trauma of his, and when I followed to try and help, he attacked me. Mostly to get away, I think. Not realizing that at the time though, I kept beating him back, until we were both bruised and exhausted. I kept saying stupid shit, just letting my tongue run, and... it ended about as badly as it started."[/say] Reluctant yet determined not to leave anything out, she described the conversations, her request to be held in check lest she succumb to the dark tendencies she feared in herself, his answering threat to kill her, and the listless suggestion that he should go ahead.
[say]"We haven't spoken since then. Danta banished me from the Last Whisper, I tried apologising through letters but it's... probably hopeless to expect any forgiveness at this point. When I told Thalassa about all of this, I left some stuff out and kept a few of the details vague because she's friends with the guy, she didn't want to get involved, and I... felt so shitty about a lot of it that I didn't want to drag it up again. Didn't think it mattered.
"But, apparently it did. A few days ago she came to my house, practically scorching the ground with anger, demanding to know why I hadn't told her everything, why I was being mean to her friend, why I don't care about our friendship..."[/say]
Bringing her hands up to her face, Maea pressed the butt of her palms against her eyes. Made them sting, sending flashes parading across her vision – wishing she could cry about it, but had worried herself numb to all emotions save a deep, leaden chill that wrapped around her spine.
[say]"We almost managed to settle the matter, agreeing to disagree about our common acquaintance, but then - as usually not knowing when to stop talking ‐ I said that I would keep my distance from the other ancients for my own peace of mind. And she took that personally, wondering if it included her as well. And I... couldn't find a good answer to give her. She left, saying I knew where to find her when I got lonely, and I let my temper get the better of me. Said I'd rather be alone than in the wrong company... and now here we are."[/say] Splaying her hands out with a grimace as if to demonstrate all the nothing she had. Except one giant, steaming turd of a shitty situation, where she effectively had exiled herself from her entire race, lost a home, several friends and now had to contend with the question of whether it was worth it. Whether she really did sleep better at night for being far away from cannibals and hedonists and the bloody, chaotic companionship they after all had offered her. Despite her being stiff and awkward and unlike them in temperament or interests, a far cry from the easy grace with which they embraced a freedom she could only dream of.
[say]"I feel insane for debating what should be morally inexcusable like it was nothing but a minor character trait. I keep wondering why I bother with people who don't care about my concerns. And I feel like a fool for missing any of them but... "[/say] her jaw worked, stubborn and tense and utterly unhappy, [say]"but I... do. Miss them."[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Liam - 05-01-2025
Liam worked and listened, allowing Maea the space and time to tell her story at her own pace. He had to admit that it was... a lot. He knew a little about the Ancients' bloodlust from his time spent with Maea, but he'd never considered that their dietary choices, as Maea called it, might vary from Ancient to Ancient. In a strange, twisted way, he supposed it made sense - he had his own preferences of food, and so, too, must an Ancient in the depths of their bloodlust. It was distasteful to think about - perhaps one of the first things that truly seemed to bother him of what Maea had shared - and he glanced at her with a creased brow more than once as she continued her story.
In the end, it sounded to Liam like Maea was between a rock and a hard place. She was faced with a choice that he wouldn't wish upon anyone: to honor her morals and lose her friends (and, indeed, her entire race) or lose her morals and fit in. He knew what he would choose - or, at least, what he thought that he would choose - in her place, but this wasn't his story, and it wasn't really his place to make that kind of decision for her.
When she'd finished, Liam stopped swinging the pickaxe, leaning it against the wall and stretching his arms above his head, working out the kinks in his neck from the physical labor. Then he bent to begin picking up the pieces of ore that had broken free. [say]"I don't think you're insane,"[/say] he said. [say]"I think you're a good person in a really, really hard situation."[/say] His bag grew heavier as he tucked iron into it, but he paused to look up and meet Maea's eyes, his gaze intense. [say]"And I think you miss them because you care more than anyone I've ever known - about everything and everyone."[/say] She seemed to care so deeply that it hurt, but Liam kept that thought to himself. [say]"It's natural to want to fit in, Maea. That doesn't make you crazy. It makes you human."[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Maea - 05-02-2025
She searched his face for the dismissal she had come to expect from others when she spoke of her reservations. From Sunjata to Hadama and across most of the other Ancients, they had all been very calm about the concept of bloodlust and predatory instincts, like it wasn't anything worth working herself up about. For the first time she found something akin to sympathy in Liam's hazel, and the simple kindness in his reassurance nearly broke her.
Such a simple thing, to feel seen and heard - yet it made all the difference in the world. Like a flash cast over night-black surroundings, the light of his support allowed Maea to perceive truths she had blinded herself to for far too long. Certainly her moral reservations were real, but the true force behind her vehement rejection of what Asta stood for was based entirely on fear. Afraid of her own nature and the dark impulses lurking on her shadow side, afraid of persecution if she embraced it, afraid of losing track of who she was... and it was so ironic she couldn't even laugh, as Maea realized that avoiding all those things had turned her into everything she hated.
[say]"... perhaps."[/say] Her voice sounded a bit thick, just shy of cracking. [say]"They're... not wrong, though. I used to think I was tolerant, open to different views. But I'm really not. And I kind of hate that. Caring is fine, but not if it makes me into a bigot."[/say] What did it say about her that she cared more for the nameless stranger than the person right in front of her? That the faceless masses were granted more clemency than one who claimed to use his darkness to protect and serve the community?
Rubbing the spot between her eyebrows, Maea cast an inward glance at the many huddled reflections of herself, spread across the internal landscape like a garden of statues twisted into poses of defense and rejection. All cowering and caught up in their own twisted versions of truth, unable to perceive how ivy slowly threatened to choke every path until none remained.
[say]"I want to do better..."[/say] she sighed, frustrated by the lack of a clear path to the end she wished to reach.
RE: this song is my confession - Liam - 05-06-2025
Liam paused, thinking. [say]"I think you're an idealist,"[/say] he said after a moment. [say]"And I think there's value in that. But I also know that idealism can be... impractical. The world is rarely as black and white as we want it to be, and the shades of grey are part of what make it beautiful and terrible and everything in between."[/say] He tucked the last bit of iron into the bag, then looked into it, weighing whether he had found enough or if he needed to keep searching for more veins. [say]"None of that makes you crazy, or a fool, or anything else you might think."[/say]
Deciding that he'd found enough ore - and with only emerald left now to hunt down - Liam straightened, offering a hand to Maea. [say]"Whatever 'better' looks like to you, you don't have to do it alone,"[/say] he said, resolute and unyielding. [say]"There are people who care about you, myself included."[/say] He even managed to say it aloud and only turn slightly pink around the ears. [say]"Just... don't tie yourself in knots over people who won't meet you halfway."[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Maea - 05-07-2025
'Idealist' sounded a lot better than any of the things the ancient had called her. She'd rather be that than uptight or closed off or 'too moral', whatever that meant. All over again something childish and petulant within herself wanted to huff and sulk and make it everyone else's fault that things had turned out this way... but despite how tempting it would be, that's not what Liam's outstretched hand was offering.
A treacherous flutter of moths started up in her stomach. He... cared about her? She supposed she knew that, but when he said it like that... it almost sounded like he meant something other than the friendly support she found in people like Hadama and Elizabeth. Accepting the outstretched hand and allowing him to pull her to her feet, Maea felt decidedly warm in the cheeks. Murmuring a quiet thank you, her facial muscles were wreaking havoc on her expressions – unable to suppress a silly little smile. Likely it meant nothing at all... but it still made her happy to hear him say it. He cared. About her.
[say]"I do want to make up for my mistakes... but you're right. Fretting about unfinished business won't help me change."[/say]
Pointing out a tunnel in an intersection where she recalled seeing green stones before, Maea walked beside her friend for a while, processing what he'd been saying. [say]"I think... most of my problems come back to fear,"[/say] she told him - surprised to realize that she didn't mind him knowing that. It was such a weakness, yet nothing about Liam kept her on edge for long. [say]"It's kind of taken over... I hardly realize the ways it's holding me back. Especially stuff like losing control... it makes me freeze up completely."[/say] Then her mouth started going off, and it was downhill from there.
Pausing to scratch at a spot on the wall to see if the reflection had been a prism or not, she was disappointed to find only bedrock. A wry smile at Liam tried to lighten the tone of the conversation, or perhaps take the edge off of her revealing confessions. [say]"Not sure how to get help with that... Should I ask you to command me?"[/say]
RE: this song is my confession - Liam - 05-12-2025
He did care, perhaps more than even he had realized until he'd voiced it aloud, but the little smile on her face made it worth having said it. He returned it, warmth in his eyes, and they walked in silence for a little while down a tunnel that Maea had pointed out before the Ancient spoke again. And when she did, Liam laughed at the wry smile she shot his way and the lighthearted end to her musings. [say]"If only it was that easy,"[/say] he agreed. Maea picked at a piece of bedrock, and Liam started to step forward to peer at it, but the disappointment on her face told him that it was nothing but stone. They kept looking.
[say]"Fear can be difficult to manage,"[/say] he said thoughtfully. [say]"As soldiers, we're taught to compartmentalize our fear. In a time of crisis, we have to be able to set it aside and keep moving. Freeze up at the wrong time, or panic, and you're dead."[/say] His mouth quirked up in a little smile. [say]"I'm not sure that that's the healthiest advice,"[/say] he admitted, [say]"But it might work in the moment. To push through and then process it later."[/say] He shrugged. Though he liked to think he was fairly in tune with his feelings, he still wasn't the best at processing his own emotions, much less talking someone else through processing theirs.
RE: this song is my confession - Maea - 05-13-2025
Humming, she nodded slowly. [say]"Perhaps not. But I bet it's better than bottling every emotion up until they explode all over anyone who happens to be nearby. I'm definitely guilty of doing that. It's what got me into this mess, and it cost me a relationship way back, too."[/say] Sitting on the insecurities and jealousy had done nothing to help processing a lifestyle very far from what she'd ever imagined, and paired with a sharp tongue it had spelled the end of that romance. Maea liked to believe she would act differently this time, if given half a chance... even if evidence pointed to the opposite. [say]"Talking like this helps a lot, though. I hope you know how grateful I am that you care enough to listen... and that I'll be here for you too, if you ever need anything."[/say]
A little rosy in the cheeks from saying that out loud, Maea's smile was sincere as she glanced up at Liam. Then, just as they rounded a bend in the path, her eyes widened. [say]"Ha! I knew it was around here somewhere!"[/say] Pointing off to his other side, a crack in the cavern wall caught the light of her fire. Blackish-green stones of varying size and opacity glimmered like a geode cracked open, in a crevasse that plunged arm deep into the bedrock. [say]"Think those will do?"[/say]