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everything that I have to live without - Noe - 03-27-2026
Noe hadn't been back to Stormbreak's remains until today, unsure if she wanted to see the shattered remnants of her home. But in the end, she was drawn toward the Arclight, a macabre sense of curiosity compelling her over the open waves and through the treacherous waters, rowing her dinghy beneath the shadow of the once-mighty Tower and past the shell of the Archives, until she settled quietly onto the shores of the Celestine.
For a moment, she simply breathed, but the scent of brine was all that filled her nose. No longer could she smell the familiar stench of Stormbreak, and somehow that, more than anything, was what told her that her home was well and truly gone.
She hopped out of the little rowboat, dragging it up onto the sand. Her shoes sank into the shoreline, and she reached down to tug them off her feet impatiently, feeling as though she might become stuck and never be able to leave if she kept sinking into the surf.
Barefoot, she wandered into the dim twilight of the Celestine. It was still beautiful, still awe-inspiring, but... it wasn't home anymore. It didn't bring her joy; it merely brought her a sense of melancholic nostalgia. She sniffled faintly as she walked past enclosure after enclosure, determined not to cry. She would just... find somewhere new to go. It would all be fine.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Colt - 03-28-2026
She had come here to see Grimm about that allogator hunt finally. She could have sent him a note, but she never minds coming here, and her ride had some business to grab her before moving on. It gives her enough time to stroll through the hallways and peer into the enclosures once more, walking with a slow pace that doesn’t betray the hurry that wanders in her mind. A network of plans and needs, of steps to take and reminders of ones well beyond that.
Maybe some bid for peace is what drew her back to the pegasus section, or maybe she’d always find her way back here, no matter how often or for what purpose. She leans in over the railing, forearms dangling off the other end, as if even without meaning to she is trying to reach out and be as close as she can. One day, she’ll have a pegasus.
It’s quiet beyond the occassional whisper of wing feather and tail hair. A whinny or a squeal breaks the silence on occassion, but for the most part the pegasi are lazing and grazing, content to idle the afternoon. It’s what highlights the sniffle that rolls through, so out of place and sharp, even with the generl quiet of it.
Colt’s head turns, the sound unmistakable after a moment of tracing it. Further down, she can see Noe ghosting about, and initially Colt leaves her be. The sniffles come periodicially, each one further tugging on her. Not an annoyance so much as a concern, and while she knows that sometimes tears are better ignored, these seem insistant. [say]”Are you alright?”[/say] Colt calls across to Noe, the pair of them not so distant now, although given Noe’s state, Colt isn’t sure she’s aware of much.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Noe - 03-28-2026
An unfamiliar female voice called out to Noe, startling her. She froze in place, glancing up to find a blonde woman regarding her with something like concern. Reaching up to hurriedly wipe a tear or two from her cheeks, she swallowed hard. She wasn't crying. She was just... okay, fine, she was crying.
But she quickly bottled the emotion enough that she could speak with only a slight waver in her voice. [say]"I'm fine,"[/say] she said, approaching the stranger. She glanced into the pegasus enclosure. The winged horses were beautiful, and she paused a polite distance away from the woman to gaze at them instead of seeing someone look at her with pity. [say]"I was just thinking about how Stormbreak used to be,"[/say] she offered by way of explanation. Her lower lip quivered, and she bit the inside of her cheek to force her emotions down. It'd be one thing if she was with a friend. But with a stranger? An emotional outburst would just make them both uncomfortable.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Colt - 03-29-2026
Knowing well the shape and burn of tears, especially of late, Colt does not mind the display of them. She suspects though, no one’s gonna cry in public unless they’re really going through something, so her voice is more of a hand offered through the twilight than anything else meant by it.
The I’m fine feels reflexive, and Colt’s lips twitch faintly at one corner, knowing that knee-jerk anywhere. Fine, she is nearly certain, has never been used truthfully. That said, she turns her attention back to the pegasus, because it sure sounds like the woman means to cry in peace, and far be it from Colt to stop her. Except, she draws nearer, that subtle need for company, for solace, even if it’s a subconscious tug. She knows that well, too.
Noe settles on the rail with her, offering up proof, a comment that wraps around the core of I’m not weak. Colt shifts subtly against the enclosure exterior, her lean casual and unbothered. [say]”Mm, I take it you lived there?”[/say] That, or Noe is something of a historian, easily swayed by change in any place. [say]”Is it better, or worse, that some of it survived like this?”[/say] She slides her attention to the side, peeking for Noe’s reaction. There’s no right or wrong answer here, just the feeling.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Noe - 03-31-2026
Noe’s sniffles had calmed somewhat, though her eyes remained red-rimmed from the tears she’d desperately tried not to shed. [say]”Born and raised,”[/say] she said wistfully. Then, almost to herself, she added, [say]”I never really thought about how much I’d miss it till it was gone.”[/say] She hadn’t fully appreciated her home, not really, and now she’d never get the chance.
The woman’s question caught her unawares, and she blinked in surprise, unsure of the answer. On the one hand, there were pieces, however scattered and fragmented, that remained, as though to prove that the city had ever existed at all. But on the other, seeing it like this… [say]”A little bit of both,”[/say] Noe said with a shrug. [say]”It’s nice that it won’t be forgotten, but it’s sad to see it broken.”[/say] Maybe that feeling would fade with time.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Colt - 03-31-2026
The answer strikes a chord in Colt, the hum of it familiar. She glances over at Noe more properly, recognition of this stranger settling in the corners of her expression, edges softening. [say]”Not sure you can ever prepare for how much you miss something,”[/say] Colt murmurs back in response, her weight shifting as she leans deeper into the rail and crosses her legs, angling into the conversation with the casualness of someone who has often talked to the world about just this thing.
[say]”Even when you brace for it, it always comes out worse.”[/say] Might even be worse because of the bracing. [say]”Not sure there’s anything worse’n lovin’ somethin’ that’s gone.”[/say] Her teeth capture her lower lip and worry at the nostalgia that swells in response to the tide Noe brings. [say]”Doesn’t even have to be a thing, or a person. Sometimes it’s just a time, or a version.”[/say] There’s all manner of losing things, the inevitable stain of love. Appealing as the clean cloth is, there’s something to every blemish and its story,
She’d ordinarily offer up a drink right about now, like the bottom of a bottle is the only proper place to set these feelings, but her hands are dry at the moment, so she merely shifts a shoulder as if rolling the weight of it all around. [say]”Terrible thing that happened to Stormbreak. Wouldn’t wish losing a home on anyone, least of all the only one you’ve ever known.”[/say] The way her voice thickens a minute, the distance that gathers memory in her eye, it’s all evidence that she knows.
Glancing more fully at Noe now, Colt nods, as if well acquainted with the same answer. [say]”Kinda feels like a grave marker.”[/say] A visible statement of the removal of something, but beyond that, just a thing to look at when you’re sad. There’s nothing special about them, just stone made into a specific form, but it gives somewhere for the grief to focus on, tying it down.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Noe - 04-01-2026
Something about the way the stranger spoke settled heavily in Noe's chest, recognition beginning to flicker at the edges of her mind. She peered at the woman sidelong, wondering what she had lost, what it was that she missed. How was it that she managed to so effortlessly capture the emotions that Noe was feeling and put them into words?
And then she was offering condolences about Stormbreak, and the way her voice thickened and her eyes flashed with memory gave Noe a clue: the woman knew, knew what it was to lose her home and have to start from scratch. Turning her back on the pegasi, Noe leaned back against the railing on her elbows, looking at Colt more fully now. [say]"Yeah,"[/say] she agreed. [say]"It does."[/say] Here in the Celestine, things weren't so bad, but the Tower and the Archives certainly looked more like tombs than not. Noe wasn't sure she had the courage to face those areas just yet.
[say]"Are you from Stormbreak?"[/say] she ventured, tilting her head to one side. She hadn't seen the woman around before, but the city had been huge. They could've lived right down the street from one another and never realized it.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Colt - 04-01-2026
There are times when realizing that the way you feel is not a solitary thing, actually helps. Not because it removes the feeling, but it eases something else. It's as if grief also builds walls, cementing an indescribable loneliness within you. It feels like you're going through something that others have no basis for, no ground to stand on, so how could they truly understand? How could they shore up with you? They might try, but it makes any attempts for them to help instead feel hollow, as if their motions are little more than a practiced dance and not a rescue attempt. The moment you recognize someone gets it though, that they too have suffered, and even better, survived—now it feels like maybe the crushing weight of your own thoughts and burdened heart can be shouldered by others, even if a little. Enough to breath, to think, to rest.
There is no greater form of love in the world than being understood. It seems an intentional tragedy then, that so many know so very little.
Colt shakes her head first, the answer collecting gently behind the twist of her lips, less amused than painting themselves over the hurt. [say]"No. I've only ever known King's End. Grew up and lived in the same house my whole life. My parents' ranch, which I took over when they all passed."[/say] As much a home as a business. A life, really. Her whole life. It'd been there, it'd been that, and now, it's gone. She pauses briefly, seeming to try to speak but wrestling its shape for a moment. [say]"It all burned down though, last season."[/say] She turns her attention from the girl back to the pegasi, letting the motion of something at peace bring a modicum of comfort back. [say]"I haven't had the strength to go back and see the dark smear of it against the land."[/say] Implying that she finds Noe's ability to be here, quite brave.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Noe - 04-01-2026
There was something to be said for finding understanding, even in a stranger, even if Noe wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. It was comforting, in a way, to know that she wasn't alone in her despair, in wishing she'd appreciated her home more when she'd had the chance. It made walking across the ashes more bearable, somehow.
[say]"I'm sorry,"[/say] she said softly, not pitying, exactly, but with a comprehension that she wished she didn't have. Losing everything you'd worked for your whole life was devastating. It was in the little things: in not being able to visit her mother's grave, in having to travel across Caido to find her father or brother, in losing the business she'd fought so hard to build. Little things that cascaded into big things, the lines for what was important and what wasn't blurred by the rose-tinted glasses through which she now viewed the past. [say]"Maybe it's better not to go look,"[/say] Noe said at last. [say]"I don't know if seeing all this -"[/say] and she waved vaguely at their surroundings, [say]"- didn't just make it worse."[/say]
At least she hadn't been in Stormbreak when it had fallen. She'd been among the first to leave, ushered by her brother and cousin to take her father and flee. It hadn't been so hard at first, when the list of things to do and things to save had been longer than her arm. When she'd been able to stay busy. But now? In the aftermath? It all just felt like too much. [say]"What do we do now?"[/say] she asked with a sigh, half to herself, not really expecting an answer.
RE: everything that I have to live without - Colt - 04-01-2026
It’s unclear if it’s weight or agreement that nods Colt’s head back in response, to the not looking. In the end, Colt’s more coward than she’ll ever own up to. Her courage is built from stubbornness and routine, and it’s better worn than felt. Anything that slides underneath the armor, she isn’t good at holding it for long. [say]”Supposed to give closure,”[/say] she sighs, like the very idea is one she’s lost faith in, or maybe it’s always been a wistful thing, moving on. [say]”Seems to require opening it all back up in order to shut it, like a wound gone bad.”[/say]
Her attention tracks the pegasus as they flutter, startling suddenly into a race across the slopes, wings pinned for the speed of their limbs, a game of excitement rather than fear. She smiles a little. [say]”If it’s a scar though, opening it again just makes it bleed, and makes it heal all the more crooked.”[/say] Some things needed the diggin, and some things were better left alone.
At the very thing she’s asked herself a time or two before, Colt turns her head towards Noe, a truer tilt of peace returning to her mouth. [say]”Whatever we want.”[/say] As freeing as it is paralyzing.
She turns, tilting to lean her back against the rail instead, feet crossing again in front of her now, angled so that her weight still droops in on the frame. [say]”I’m moving on. Rebuilding…but not the same thing, not the same place.”[/say] A spark finds her eye at that, like beyond the grief she’s found something that can still hoist her up out of the depths. [say]”You ever been to Hak Etme?”[/say]
RE: everything that I have to live without - Noe - 04-01-2026
Noe wrinkled her nose at the concept of closure. She wasn't sure it was something she believed in, not with her soul flayed clean to the bone from seeing Stormbreak's remains. Maybe it was because she felt raw and vulnerable, but she snorted. [say]"I'll keep the original scar, thanks."[/say] She'd rather not heal partway only to rip everything open again. At least she'd come to see the remnants of her home before the wound had even closed - she'd never stopped bleeding, so there was no bone to reset, no stitches to rip apart. There was only her grief, heavy and exhausting, hanging over her shoulder like an unwelcome ghost.
The woman wasn't wrong in her assessment, though, that they could now do whatever they wanted. At least there was some solace in being able to choose one's path forward. Noe pursed her lips in thought, tilting her head back to look up into the twilight sky. [say]"A couple times,"[/say] she said of Hak Etme, brow creasing as she wondered why the stranger would ask - and then realizing, with the spark in the woman's eye, that there's a reason. [say]"Is that where you're rebuilding?"[/say]
RE: everything that I have to live without - Colt - 04-01-2026
Colt has never minded rolling her palm over skin and feeling the raised pathways of things survived. Scars speak a story of a life lived. Although she’d be lying if she didn’t say she aches for the smooth run of something unblemished, much as she prickles when offered it. Not because it’s more beautiful or worthy, but because it’s not real, and there’s a certain fantasy to hoping that they could make it out unscathed for once. Worn not by ruin, but happiness. Wrinkles, rather than old things stitched whole again.
Maybe it’s the tether of loss and carting it around that’s braiding between them, but Noe is rather easy to like. She’s open, not untested but, maybe still taking shape beneath the heat and the hammer that life delivers. Curious and unsure in equal measure, but brave in ways Colt isn’t. Makes it easy to talk, and it’s unclear who’s helping whom anymore. [say]”I am,”[/say] she says easier than it deserves, as if a speck of untamed heat and danger is no difficult matter.
She would not disrespect it so easily though, it’s just proof of how adamant she is at seeing it through. [say]”I visited there, a little over a year ago. Can’t say it’s paradise by any stretch of the word, but there’s a certain beauty to it. To the roughness, to the wildness of it, to the untapped potential of a place left well enough alone after all this time. A place where you could make something, if you tried hard enough.”[/say] Her thumbs hook into her pockets, arms hanging loose.
[say]”I’ve got nothing but time on my hands these days, so I mean to carve out a place there. Finding purpose again, sure, but more than that. Somewhere that won’t burn. Somewhere that can feel like home, again.”[/say]
RE: everything that I have to live without - Noe - 04-02-2026
On this, the two women could agree: scars were the mark of a life lived. Noe had collected only a few on her heart, hidden away from the world: her mother's death, her best friend's disappearance, and now the loss of her home. While her skin remained unblemished, she carried those wounds beneath the surface, and they were all the heavier for their secrecy.
But the woman beside her had made it easy to share the burden of loss, and Noe found herself relaxing into the conversation, no longer feeling quite so alone. She cocked her head thoughtfully to one side as she considered Hak Etme, and the challenges and pitfalls that could become someone unfamiliar with the area. At least the stranger had been before, and wasn't acting on a whim, thinking the desert would be easy to tame.
The idea of building a new home - somewhere to put down new roots - was one that Noe could appreciate, though she wasn't sure she would have chosen the desert herself. But there was an appeal to it all the same. [say]"Are you looking for any help with that?"[/say] Noe heard herself ask. [say]"Because I'm an engineer, and I could use a little untapped potential and purpose myself, these days."[/say]
RE: everything that I have to live without - Colt - 04-02-2026
Won’t burn is perhaps too hopeful of thinking, and it’s not the major driving force, although coming off the heels of losing everything to a fire’s greed, going somewhere that lacks much fuel to ignite sure is appealing. That’s change once she built things, once she invited people in, because they’re greedy too. Wood would be needed, flexible with the shifting ground, but maybe it wouldn’t catch so easy. Maybe she wouldn’t lose everything all over again in one fell swoop. Maybe she could just keep building until the hole felt filled.
Noe’s question comes with the ease of someone who knows what it’s like to be floating. Colt’s gaze tilts sidelong as her head shifts, watching the other woman for just a moment, as if reforming what she knows of her. [say]”Sure am,”[/say] she says plain. There’s no point in dressing up the need, no gain in pretending she has enough when she has nothing.
[say]”An engineer?”[/say] Colt’s brows raise a bit. It’s not a surprise, not exactly, more like a statement of unexpected good fortune. [say]”Could definitely use someone that could help us design it right, from the start.”[/say] Colt’s smile extends like a handshake. [say]”If you’ve got the hunger, I’ve got the feed. Promise you’ll be full up every day. I have been.”[/say]