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i'm still turning out - Rexanna - 08-27-2019
Slipping through the Settlement, the Penumbra makes her way to the Clinic. As the season draws to a close, she finds that she should probably start planning the wedding, and well – she wants to ask her friend if she’ll be willing to help – despite the blight, despite the Ascended fluid reacting the same, she hopes Phoebe wouldn’t blame her.
She also hopes she doesn’t walk in on something she shouldn’t be, after recalling the very tall stranger she had met. The man had left a bad taste in her mouth, and perhaps part of her also wanted to be sure Phoebe was doing okay. And so she makes her way to the clinic, refraining from rapping her fingers along the door, taking to opening it instead and peeking her head into the Clinic.
“[say]Phoebe? Are you home?[/say]” She calls out into the Clinic, closing the door behind her as she scouts the clinic.
RE: i'm still turning out - Phoebe - 08-27-2019
Rex would likely be a bit surprised to find the clinic a bit dark. The only light came from the main fireplace, casting most of the clinic in an eery shadow. Box upon box of medical supplies lined the walls, protected by the midwife who grew ever more paranoid with each passing day. Speaking of the midwife, she sat in one of the oversized chairs, barely visible beneath layers of blankets. Pim was the first indicator of her presence, as he sat in the chair with her, wrapped around her in a way that couldn't possibly be comfortable given his size.
As Rexanna calls, the blonde glanced over, a somewhat melancholy look on her face. She is pale and thin, dark circles under her eyes uncharacteristic of her usual sunny demeanor. [say]"Hello Rex. Come on in."[/say] she said softly. Rexanna had become an Ascended, yes, but not until well after the blight started. Moreover she did not think Rexanna of the demeanor to try and hurt others. Lots of ills could be overlooked when you cared for someone. [say]"What brings you by?"[/say]
RE: i'm still turning out - Rexanna - 08-27-2019
The room is dark, but it doesn’t bother the Ascended woman in the slightest – eyes adjusting far easier and far deeper than most others – and she spots Pim right as Phoebe speaks, a small smile crossing her face at meeting her friend once more, but it fades fast as she takes in all the blankets and the question poised to her. A brow is raised momentarily before she steps in further, brushing her hair back and setting aside her small parasol she had brought with her nearly everywhere now.
But she does spot the boxes of medical supplies lining the Clinic, and deep within her she catalogues it – wondering why on earth Phoebe would need this much. But she doesn’t comment on it yet. Instead, her focus returns on the young Midwife as she nears her, sparking a bright fanged smile to her sickly friend. “[say]I wanted to check up on you.[/say]” She begins, reaching Pim and Phoebe before kneeling to sit before the midwife in the middle of the floor. “[say]And to talk, since it’s been awhile. I am… Glad you are available![/say]” She offers with a light shrug, glancing around with her sapphire eyes through the dark room before they land back on Phoebe.
RE: i'm still turning out - Phoebe - 08-27-2019
Phoebe managed the barest hint of a smile at her before she looked back into the fire, the reflection of it in her honeyed eyes offering more light to them than her soul at present.[say] "That's kind of you. I'm sure you're busy preparing for your wedding."[/say] she said quietly. She falls silent then, wondering what there is to talk about other than that. Weddings were time consuming after all. Surely that took up the majority of her focus.
But she supposed there were a few things she could think of. [say]"I broke it off with Jata."[/say] she started, still staring into the fire. [say]"The girl he was with back in his homeworld who had been killed appeared here suddenly, very much alive. When he saw her..."[/say] she sighed, closing her eyes. [say]"I stopped existing. It was pretty clear she mad him happier than I ever could so I just prevented the inevitable."[/say] he murmured, opening her eyes again.
[say]"And Remi is on some wild goosechase to save everyone and everything again, this time from LongNight. And I got mad and Wessex yelled at me. And I called her an Ascended Wretch and disowned her legitimacy as a monarch to her face."[/say] she said, with such nonchalance she may as well have been discussing the weather. How she wasn't in jail, she didn't know.p
RE: i'm still turning out - Rexanna - 08-27-2019
Dark eyes drift over Phoebe when she speaks, and the Penumbra crosses her legs beneath her before she leans back on her hands – wearing hardly anything compared to the bundles Phoebe wears. The benefits of her Ascension, she cannot feel the chill, nor does it affect her. And she listens while Phoebe mentions the wedding, a soft smile crossing her face at it. “[say]I haven’t actually started yet – I wanted to come invite you personally. Remi will be there, and Deimos. And whomever else.[/say]” She trails off, realizing how close it was getting, and huffing a quiet sigh in response to the pressure of it.
But her pressure was little in comparison to Phoebe as she continues. Head tilting, eyes and face contemplative while her friend stares into the fire. And she leans forward to offer a cold hand to her friend’s knee should Pim allow her, eyes looking up to her face with a sad look. “[say]I am sorry.[/say]” She says softly, contemplating the time she had met him. “[say]If I’m being honest, he seemed like a tool anyway.[/say]” She shrugs her shoulders again, unsure if Phoebe wishes to speak more on it. “[say]And portals, they are… Strange. Upon coming here I have memories of another life, of another portal version of myself that had lived a long life. I do not know if you’ve met Kiada, but she is here… And in that other version of myself, I am her mother.[/say]” She explains, a small frown and a tilt of her head. “[say]The way they work is disorienting. Has he come to you since?[/say]” She asks before Phoebe continues further.
And well, what an adventure that was. Eyes widen in a small amount of surprise. She wonders what the harm in Remi’s goose chase is, that if it even spared one life, it would be incredible. “[say]I let Jigano and Rory in, on Longnight…[/say]” She trails off contemplatively before thoughts drift to Wessex, a newfound sister. She’s sure Wessex didn’t like it, but Phoebe was here and relatively unharmed. “[say]I am guessing tensions were high? What did Wessex do?[/say]” She asks quietly, wondering.
RE: i'm still turning out - Phoebe - 08-28-2019
Phoebe glanced at her in surprise, but smiled softly. [say]"Well of course I'll be there. I wouldn't miss it for anything, Rex, you know that."[/say] she said softly. She wouldn't spoil Rex's time with her melancholy. Her day would be beautiful, she was sure of it.
[say]"Well. He is."[/say] she said with a light shrug. She knew that about Jata. But nonetheless. [say]"He treated me with a gentleness and kindness you never got to see though. He went to Frey just to ask about my sickness. He took care of me on the days I was too weak."[/say] she sighed a little and shook her head. It was depressing to think about. But Rex discussed portals, and her eyes widened. [say]"You've a daughter from another time? That's miraculous!"[/say] she said in surprise. [say]"It must be wonderful to have people to reconnect with."[/say] she said with a soft smile.
But Jata was the topic of conversation again and she sighed. [say]"He did. To tell me he had cleared out of here. And that he wanted to help me somehow still."[/say] she said, rolling her eyes. [say]"So I sent him on a wild goose chase to find a man that actually wanted me. You know, a sick dying woman is what all men want."[/say] she muttered.
[say]"I don't take issues with things like that. I'd be dead if they hadn't let me in at the Rathskellar."[/say] she said quietly. [say]"But this idea that everyone can be saved is ridiculous. There is only so much people can do and we have to be content with that."[/say] she said. She sighed and shrugged a little. [say]"She just said she would get the medical supplies. I wish her luck."[/say] she said, gesturing to all the boxes.
RE: i'm still turning out - Rexanna - 08-28-2019
Phoebe reassures her that she’ll be there, and Rexanna gives her a grateful fanged smile in response, a small nod of her head in answer. She is glad that the midwife will be there, blight or not. That despite her being Ascended, she hadn’t lost every friend. But as she speaks of Sunjata, Rexanna’s eyes drift back to the midwife’s face, feeling a bit sorrowful for how she had spoken of him if she still thought kindly of him. “[say]He went and saw Frey… And came back fine?[/say]” Her head tilts, as though it’s unbelievable for her.
She shakes the thought from her head as Phoebe speaks of Kiada, and she nods slightly. “[say]That version of me was a terrible mother… So there’s nothing to really reconnect on. She expects me to make the same mistakes.[/say]” She offers a bit sadly, but gesturing to her lithe form, it is impossible for her to bear any of the children. Though she doesn’t tell Phoebe it’s still possible – that the Voice had assured Bastien as much.
But the midwife sighs, and her head lifts to look at her friend again before she wraps her arms around her legs, rocking back on her tailbone slightly as she regards her. “[say]Hmm.[/say]” She says after a moment, wondering what the meaning of that was, and why they had to stick their heads where they didn’t belong. For a moment she thinks of Lucas, her full lips forming into a small frown. “[say]Well, do let me know if he’s successful? I want to meet them first.[/say]” She tells her with a knowing look. Rexanna knew she could smell bad blood from a mile away.
“[say]You are too good for him, anyway.[/say]” She says gently, though the words are strong. It took a lot to deal with it, and yet despite Phoebe’s melancholy, she was strong. And she hears as Phoebe speaks on the Rathskeller and Longnight, her lips forming another line of uncertainty. “[say]Phoebe… I, why are you holding onto them? Is it more important to hold onto them than to help people?[/say]” She asks quietly, wondering if the blight had begun to affect more than just her friend’s mind, but also her heart.
If it’s to say that they’ll use them, Rexanna tries to continue. “[say]Wessex is my friend.[/say]” Her voice is soft, contemplative. “[say]And she is Queen alongside Ronin, whether you recognize her as such or not. She was Queen before Ronin was.[/say]” She says quietly, not trying to deny it but wondering what the thought process was. Was it because she was Ascended? Would Phoebe treat her the same because of it too?
RE: i'm still turning out - Phoebe - 08-28-2019
Phoebe smiled a little, amused by Rexanna's surprise. [say]"Yes, he did. I keep telling you that Frey really isn't as wrathful as people seem to think."[/say] she said. There were rules of conduct, sure, but everyone had those to some extent; certain behaviors they would or would not put up with.
Her frown returned when Rex spoke of this daughter Kiada. That was a shame really. [say]"Well...I would like to meet her. Maybe I can get her to come around."[/say] she offered. It pained her to think of such a rift between mother and child over past mistakes in a past life one only moderately remembers. And in a similar fashion, Rex wanted to step in for her. [say]"Don't hold your breath. I dont think anyone will be showing up. At least not anytime soon."[/say] she said with a slight sigh.
Phoebe fell silent, glancing at the boxes, frowning a little as Rex went on at length, speaking of Wessex and her horde and the validity of her actions and words. [say]"I don't trust the Natural Ascended."[/say] she said softly, looking over at Rexanna then. [say]"They knew about the Voice. They knew the history. And it was one of them she sent into the woods...afterwhich a blight that behaves like some kind of corrupted Ascended fluid began to spread."[/say] she explained calmly. [say]"Wessex may not be who was sent, but isn't odd that Zariah suddenly disappeared, and then Edrei was Queen and made Wessex a Queen, and then Edrei also perished."[/say] she said dryly, shaking her head. [say]"If it looks like a fish, smells like a fish, its probably a fish. If people need these things for Long Night, I will see them appropriately dispersed. I won't entrust them to a culpable Queen where they might go 'missing' on accident."[/say] she said, shaking her head.
Then Phoebe's gaze turned serious. [say]"You are too good for Wessex."[/say] she said, mimicking her friend's phrase. [say]"History is beginning to repeat itself, Rexanna. Please...don't blind yourself to that reality."[/say]
RE: i'm still turning out - Rexanna - 08-28-2019
Phoebe tells her that Frey isn’t as wrathful as people think, and Rexanna quirks a fanged smile to the midwife. “[say]I know that, I just imagined he’d do something stupid.[/say]” She admits with a quiet quip of laughter. But the conversation shifts and she thinks on Frey and the gods, and sighs inwardly to herself. “[say]I am keeping a wide berth from the gods as of late though, for obvious reasons.[/say]” It’s half a mumble but it’s there. But Phoebe is speaking of Kiada, and Rexanna shrugs a bit in response. “[say]I think she’ll come around with time.[/say]” She admits lightly — uncertain how the firebrand would react to Phoebe. If she would be kind, or brutal.
She offers another light shrug at Phoebe’s other response, adding nothing to it. What is there for her to say, anyway? She’s thankful when the midwife continues, changing the subject, for a time as Phoebe mentions she doesn’t trust the natural Ascended and her sapphire gaze flits up with a slightly raised brow. “[say]I think that it is odd, but I also don’t believe coincidence to be causation.[/say]” She pauses thoughtfully, though a sinking feeling begins in her gut. She looks to the midwife and sees the sickness within her, uncertain if such a task is up for her help alone.
But she also understands stubbornness, and the terrifying feeling it may be to face such a fate caused by them. “[say]We did not know it was us.[/say]” She tells Phoebe, thinking of Sam and how terrified he had been at the possibility. These people were born here, why would they aim to destroy it? She recalls Wessex at their meeting, mentioning she will talk to the Voice as well. And while Rexanna had aimed in the past to avoid damage control, she finds herself on both sides. She gnaws on her lip for a moment while Phoebe continues, drawing an unneeded breath before puffing it out.
“[say]Would you think of me different if I told you I trusted Wessex?[/say]” She asks, leaning back. Because she has seen beneath the hardened exterior, has seen the love Wessex has for her people and her home. She knows that Wessex wouldn’t intentionally do such things… Doesn’t she?
“[say]She loves her people, she loves the Hollowed Grounds.[/say]” She loves the Voice too. But she knows from her own experience that going to the voice and becoming this came from necessity. What if Wessex’s story is the same? And hadn’t Sam in all his life hated the Voice and what he became, to have done it to be worth something to his family? She mills it over quietly. “[say]Would Ronin have you do this? Even with the information of the Ascended, they are still our monarchs. They are still working together as far as I know.[/say]”
RE: i'm still turning out - Phoebe - 08-28-2019
[say]”He has a pretty strong survival instinct. That is probably why he was fine. But I also told him a lot about Frey.”[/say] she said with a slight shrug. But at Rex’s admission that she was giving the gods a wide berth, she nodded. It made sense. The Old Gods were not fond of Ascended. [say]”I hope she will. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.”[/say] she said softly in regards to Kiada.
”We did not know it was us”
Phoebe’s eyes widened. [say]”What?!”[/say] she gasped, jaw slack. Anger rose immediately, fast, furious, unbridled. Her face contorted into such a look of rage she was surely hardly recognizable. [say]”You knew it was the Ascended’s fault and you didn’t tell me?!”[/say] she hissed through her teeth, her rage fueled by hurt. How could she not?! She knew she was looking for answers, she knew she was looking for a cure, and she said nothing!?
[say]”Do you have any idea how stupid you sound, Rexanna?”[/say] Phoebe snapped at her, the only thing keeping her from leaning forward being Pim – who gave her as close to an apologetic look as a dragon could. [say]”You trust those who spread a blight that is killing and entire forest, has infected a goddess, and is killing your friends over me?!”[/say] she said shrilly. [say]”You chose to become an Ascended because of who knows why, even though you were already blessed by another god that you couldn’t even get the courage to go thank and now you defend a den of murderers because you trust them?!”[/say]
Phoebe was shaking head to toe, red faced, near blacked out with her anger. [say]”Whose side are you one Rexanna? Mine or that of a goddess who is actively trying to kill everything?!”[/say]
RE: i'm still turning out - Rexanna - 08-28-2019
Rexanna, too, has a strong survival instinct, but it seems as though it’s nothing in comparison to what Phoebe had seen from him. She puts the thought from her mind, nodding aimlessly, arms wrapped around her legs, rocking back slightly until she tells Phoebe they did not know. Now, Rexanna doesn’t know for certain, but the way the fingers were pointed, the Safehouses created just in case, they had all known it was a matter of time. It’s just… Nobody has told her yet that it for certain was them.
Still, the rage that appears on her friend’s face is unlike anything she’s seen before, and cautiously Rexanna doesn’t know what Phoebe is capable of. Sapphire eyes watch her blonde friend, momentarily, before she pics apart what she says. “[say]I don’t know for sure, but everyone has said it is if you spend time to listen close enough.[/say]” Perhaps it’s an automatic calm in the face of the flurry of anger, but Rexanna’s safe is soft, calm, even, collected, while her friend rages and rampages on.
Yet one very different part between Rexanna before her Ascension, and now, is that she isn’t afraid any longer. And rather than defending and fighting back with sharply barbed words, she lets them use her as a dart board, letting Phoebe fly her arrows, even if the words were sharp and venomous. And yet… Yet, the Penumbra finds herself not minding them. To see the true feelings, and she stands slowly as she regards Phoebe, eyes bright yet narrowed slightly.
And she stands, so unnaturally still and quiet as she lets Phoebe fling her insults. Letting the temper quell, the words hang into the air. It’s true, she hadn’t gone to see Frey, she hadn’t known what to say – but she had prayed regardless, even if she didn’t attend the shrine. She had done her part, thanked them, moved on, and stopped bothering them with her petty troubles.
One of the best parts about being Ascended, is not needing to breathe, and she remains calm, no nostrils flaring at the accusations, chest remaining completely still, and while she doesn’t have a heart per say, she does feel one deep for her friend. But she doesn’t know if Phoebe wants to see that yet. And all she can do in the meantime is remain calm as she can, refraining from baring her fangs, to tell Phoebe exactly why she did it.
But again, with the sides.
She runs a hand through her hair, recalling the conversation with Jigano. On both, she wants to tell Phoebe. A child from both, and yet still a child of none at all. “[say]A den of murderers?[/say]” She says slowly, contemplative, running a hand through her short dark hair as she looks away from Phoebe. “[say]Am I included in that statement? Or is it for just the Naturals? Because I can tell you that Samuel would never willingly do something like that.[/say]” She admits. “[say]Bastien is not a natural Ascended either, but I'm sure he falls into that category, too?[/say]” She had seen the look he had given her when she returned from the pumpkin fight, she knows he has a kind heart. She wouldn't be marrying him if he didn't. “[say]I helped you Phoebe, with the sample, and just because I know people more than face value and coincidence like you do, you think that entitles you to knowing their actions?[/say]” She tilts her head, perhaps a smidge more predatory than intended. She knew Wessex would do what the Voice wanted, but Lucas was in it for himself and only himself. And she intended to make sure he was restrained, a short leash.
“[say]I wish to be on both, I am made of both. You are my friend Phoebe, one of the first I made here, but you are not the one to fight the wars of the gods.[/say]” She admits, a bit sadly, a frown forming along her face. “[say]What I have seen, and what you have seen, are very different things.[/say]” She pauses considering. “[say]Did it ever occur to you that we might want to help? And that we can’t because we expect pitchforks and flames in the night to end us?[/say]” She asks.
The same fight, different sides. First, Naturals versus Outlanders. And now, the Ascended versus the world.
RE: i'm still turning out - Phoebe - 08-28-2019
Her handa clenched into fists, trembling with anger, eyes flaring in the glow of the fireplace. [say]"Have ypu considered that you might have a choice?! The Voice made the Ascended. You have no idea what she may have put in you to control you! You don't know if she put some kind of mutated disease in you! You act like Frey is so terrifying because you don't understand them and yet you put your life into the hands of another who was so evil she was locked away for the wrongs she brought upon Caido!"[/say] she said, her tone rising to sich a pitch it managed to echo in the small space.
[say]"Who says I am not to fight the war of the gods when I am one of its victims?!"[/say] she snapped. [say]"If you want to help, go beg your goddess to stop this warring, to work with the Old gods. Do something other than bitch and moan about how unfair everyone is. You chose to be Ascended and that is part of the consequence! Go fix something if you really care. I haven't seen a single Ascended other than you lift a finger to help including your beloved Wessex."[/say] she sneered, breathless from her rampage.
The blonde looked into the fire, tears welling up. [say]"But your comfort, your wish to be exonerate of guilt is far more important than the fact that I, your friend, am dying of a disease your goddess had to of made and spread through your kind. Just like Jata's love for Lusea was more than his for me. Just like Emmett's pride was more important than me. I shall forever be second."[/say]
RE: i'm still turning out - Rexanna - 08-28-2019
Phoebe can’t even look to her when she continues, mentioning that Rexanna has a choice, and her eyes never stray from the Midwife as she rampages on. Jaw clenching against the flickering light that calls to the magic still within her. She swallows hard against it, eyes never leaving Phoebe’s face as her friend lays into her, throwing and spitting venom. Her hands form into fists at her sides, and she steps back from Phoebe. “[say]You are just a woman.[/say]” She says, softly at first. Because that’s all she is. Phoebe has nothing special about her to take on the war between gods. “[say]They can do anything to you, smite you down where you stand, there is nothing you can do on your own Phoebe. Stop trying to be the martyr.[/say]” Her cool composure comes crashing down in a split second.
“[say]I have been helping. I have been doing. I am not wallowing in my own pity.[/say]” Her voice is surprisingly calm throughout it, not even a higher pitch like Phoebe’s has reached, but it comes rushed and without needing to breathe, there’s not a sound of breathlessness to it. “[say]Where am I bitching and moaning?[/say]” She asks, hands splayed out to gesture, head lifting higher. Her voice takes on an almost queenly tone. “[say]I am living my life to the best of my ability, taking the options granted to me, and making the best of it. I suggest you start doing the same.[/say]” A calm, cool fire beneath her bones.
But the next comment strikes more of that cold flame within her. “[say]You’re not answering. I am not avoiding guilt, I am saying that we are willing to help. But you can’t see that. You can’t see any of it. You can only see the things you want to see, and when people don’t fall into that, they’re automatically in the wrong to you.[/say]” She can’t stop herself before the words fall from her lips. “[say]Sunjata’s love is fickle at best, from what I could tell. Men like him, once the fun is gone, if there's nothing else, they leave. Emmett’s sense of home and family were more than you could mesh and meld with, but he had tried for you. I could tell at the meeting he was at, when he stood up to Zariah, when you had gotten back together with him.[/say]” She rushes through the words quick until she steps back once more, hand alight with a small glowing gold light. “[say]Maybe you are the problem, if you care more about your personal woes rather than seeing what others see? Perhaps you need to grow up a bit more.[/say]”
The fading light in her palm disappears and she steps back with an adrenaline surge like nothing else, releasing the clench to her jaw before she retreats once more. She hadn't meant to say any of it, didn't mean for it to come out with as much venom. But gods she was tired of everyone thinking they knew what she should do better than her.
RE: i'm still turning out - Phoebe - 08-28-2019
Now it was Rexanna's turn to rage, and with each word and each syllable it stoked fire roiling in Phoebe's chest, feeding the blight rage its favorite. [say]"I'm not truing to be a martyr I am trying to not die at the diseas Ascended spread."[/say] she hissed, shoving Pim off so she could also rise, glaring down at the much smaller woman before her.
[say]"Oh yes, you met Jata once, you saw Emmett talk once and you magically know exacrly how they are or were and yet I have horrid encounter after encounter with with Bastien and yet he is a fucking saint."[/say] she shouted at her. [say]"You're just a conceited noble bitch! Nothing could possibly be your fault and you absolutely know better than everyone else because you're you."[/say] she screamed at the top of her lungs.
[say]"So why don't you hurry back to your not-goddess and your blight spreading kin and continue to deny the fact that because Ascendeds exist the entire Greatwood and your friends will perish!"[/say]
[say]"And while you're at it, stop pretending you give a shit about anyone who isn't Ascended. You've clearly chosen a side, Rexanna. Enjoy your den of murderers."[/say]