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between the lines - Loren - 10-06-2019
Although it wasn’t strictly Loren’s responsibility to help out at the Monster Hunter’s Guild—because he wouldn’t be staying there and he wasn’t supposed to be doing the LongNight preparations there—he figured he should go check it out anyway. He might be able to help, and worst case, he might be able to get some ideas for the Temple. So, even though he knew it was probably best for him to steer far clear of the place (given that Ronin and Remi lived there and the Launceleyn's orders from Wessex) he made his way over to the Guild anyway. He was past the point of caring what others might think of him these days.
Once more, Astra was by his side. Unfortunately, she didn’t necessarily trust him to be on his own, not after the incident with Phoebe. That remained true even after his conversation with Remi. While it had ended less antagonistically than it might have, it hadn't exactly ended on an entirely hopeful note, no matter what the alchemist might think. Although the summoner was glad to see her, her glow wasn’t enough to entirely dispel the shadows he seemed to carry in his wake. If anything, it just intensified them. It didn’t help that his gaunt and lean form was wrapped entirely in black form-fitting clothes, a black fur-lined cloak billowing behind him. It made his too pale skin and icy blue eyes stand out more than they usually did.
Stepping inside, the Launceleyn’s gaze swept swiftly across the interior, scanning for any sign of someone he was either avoiding or who might be mad at him. The coast appeared clear, so he walked further in, hood still covering his head. If he could get in and out with no one the wiser, so much the better.
RE: between the lines - Ronin - 10-06-2019
It was a difficult thing, this coming back from the blight business. Ronin felt as though everything he had been doing and planning and aiming for was like sand falling between his fingers. Like he couldn’t remember his place, or what had been important (besides Remi and Aoife of course) in the time leading up to the madness in the woods. He and Wessex had been planning to bring in an envoy to deliver messages regarding what had been happening between them, but that hadn’t happened yet.
Then there was everything with the Fae, with the Voice, with LongNight, with the Spire... frankly, for someone who had become pale and gaunt in his own right over the past few weeks - though Ronin likely still had nothing on Loren - it was all a bit much. So when the Launceleyn made his way into the guildhall, it would be to find it mostly empty, mostly quiet and tranquil. Hunting in the snow was a fool’s errand, and whilst the guildmaster hadn’t been involved, per say, in the preparations, he knew it was more important to get the hall ready for LongNight.
Ronin was just coming in from the training grounds out back when Loren snooped further inside, stamping the snow for his boots and glancing up at the unfamiliar black smudge on the edge of his vision. Dressed in fur and leather, with snow in his hair and a brightness in his eyes that had been lost for some time, Ronin might have looked how Loren imagined he would, coming back from the wilderness. But it might be too late for that reunion now.
RE: between the lines - Loren - 10-06-2019
It seemed the gods weren’t done with Loren just yet. He should’ve expected this, coming here without warning as he had. However, given how scarce Ronin had been of late, the summoner had almost forgotten that this was the king’s home and sanctum, and by breaching it the Launceleyn had no doubt broken any number of unspoken rules. Indeed, his mind flashed back to the last time he’d come here, and how disastrously he’d botched his reunion with his former friend.
And that was before everything that had happened with Remi.
So the summoner froze where he stood, eyes watching Ronin as he stamped the snow off. It was a toss-up between which of them looked worse; they both looked more like wild creatures than human beings, though at least the other man was on the road to recovery. Loren, on the other hand, seemed to have gotten worse as time went on, both mentally and physically. Astra poked her head out from behind the Launceleyn’s back, staring at the king, before she hid behind the summoner once more. He barely noticed, gaze fixed upon the man who he had once considered his best friend.
Considering that Ronin knew everything that had went down—and had completely avoided Loren in the aftermath—the Launceleyn figured the king wanted nothing to do with the summoner. Therefore, it was best they keep their distance. Although he wasn’t sure if the other man had noticed the Launceleyn yet, he knew he couldn't just slip away and that he should make his presence known. So, after lowering his hood, he spoke. [say]”Ronin.”[/say] Loren was impressed at how neutrally his voice came out. [say]”I was just coming to inspect the Guild for LongNight.”[/say] That was all. He had no ulterior motives beyond trying to keep people alive.
RE: between the lines - Ronin - 10-10-2019
It was true, and Loren should have been expecting this. It could hardly be attributed to gods to show up at someone’s home to find them living there, and it would be a lie to say that Ronin didn’t stiffen a touch as the Launceleyn lowered his hood and revealed himself. Raising his eyebrows at the (quite frankly) bizarre reasoning behind Loren’s being there, Ronin could only shrug. [say]”On whose behest? I know that Wessex will be looking after the Temple, and a group have already kindly prepared the guildhall for LongNight. I wasn’t aware that the two of us required Launceleyn approval.”[/say]
Because he was still king - for now. And even throughout the blight he didn’t recall any major announcement about role changes or promotions. So unless Loren was lying, apparently he just inspected places for fun now. [say]”Go ahead, I suppose. I just chopped some firewood, and the place has been fortified. You know your way around, I assume.”[/say]
RE: between the lines - Loren - 10-10-2019
Ronin’s response stung, but wasn’t exactly surprising. Still, Loren held his tongue. After all, he didn’t really expect or need anything from the king, not right now, probably not anymore. And while he’d been letting go of the darkness inside him more and more lately, that didn’t mean he couldn’t hold it back for at least a little bit. [say]”No one’s behest, so if you want me to go, I’ll go.”[/say] It wasn’t as if the other man lacked the authority to do that, given that this was his home and he was still nominally in charge around here. [say]”I'm sorry. Inspect was the wrong word, and you definitely don’t need my approval. However, I’m in charge of the preparations at the Temple. Given that I wasn’t here last year, I figured I would check out the Guild to see if there was anything I missed.”[/say] Despite the Launceleyn’s best efforts, his eyes tightened somewhat. In this particular case, whatever Ronin's suspicions might be, the summoner was just trying to help. If he couldn’t be here for LongNight, he’d at least make sure there wasn’t anything else he could do to make sure this place was as fortified as it possibly could be.
Still, it seemed that Ronin wasn’t going to banish the Loren just yet. Nodding carefully, the summoner turned to look at the changes that had been made to the Guild since his last visit, coincidentally putting his back to the other man. The Launceleyn was relieved to see that he’d implemented most of them at the Temple as well: black cloths had been placed over the windows, the cracks had all been stuff with snow moss, it looked pretty much the same as the Temple did. However, given that they were going to be facing much more danger here, Loren couldn’t help but wonder if it had been enough.
Unfortunately, he didn’t actually know his way around the Guild, seeing as he’d been there once and had given directions to Ronin’s room. Sighing, the summoner turned around. [say]”Is there a soundproof room for Aoife? We will likely have children at the Temple and I don’t think we’ve prepared a space for them yet.”[/say] Carpeting and snow moss didn’t seem like it would be enough.
RE: between the lines - Ronin - 10-11-2019
Did Ronin want Loren to leave? A difficult question to answer. As much as a large and bitter part of him wanted to throw the summoner out on his ass, there was still so much unanswered and unsaid between them. Closure, then, rather than kinship, made him swallow his words. Besides, Loren’s reasons seemed sound enough now that they had been explained. [say]”By all means, then. Whatever keeps others alive.”[/say]
Watching the Launceleyn’s back, Ronin raised an eyebrow that he didn’t just hop to it - he, of course, assumed that the other man knew the guildhall like the back of his hand now, given the closeness with Remi while he’d been blighted. Mention of Aoife had him bristling, and he did his best to hide the somber mood that threatened to fall over him. [say]”Remi will have sorted it,”[/say] he muttered. [say]”She was born at LongNight. I don’t know if her crying would so much as disturb the monsters after what we went through. If you need, I’m sure Remi will sort a similar area for the children at the Temple.”[/say]
RE: between the lines - Loren - 10-11-2019
Alright, well, Ronin hadn’t thrown the Launceleyn out just yet, which wasn’t necessarily a positive sign. At least they could both agree that keeping people alive trumped whatever was (or perhaps wasn’t) between them. However, at the king’s reaction to Aoife, Loren thought the other man might just change his mind. Apparently the summoner had crossed some invisible line there. Not trusting himself to speak, he just nodded then bit his lip. While he wanted to ask about other changes, he figured wasting Ronin’s time wasn’t a good idea. Departing now seemed like a bad idea as well, though, as if he'd been disingenuous in coming here.
All the advice he’d been given swirled in his head: ask for help, be open and honest, move on, don’t be afraid to show his feelings, it all warred with his instincts. In the end, though, either necessity or the advice won out. [say]”This is actually only the second time I’ve been in the Guild.”[/say] Perhaps bringing that up was a bad idea—given how poorly his first meeting had gone—but he didn’t see any way around it. [say]”Would you be willing to give me a tour or a rundown of the fortifications?”[/say] That was probably the last thing the other man wanted to do, but there was no one else around to ask and Loren had given Ronin the chance to say no as well as the option to kick the summoner out. Besides, it was either that or he wander around randomly, which seemed way worse.
Or leave. Maybe he should just leave, but he was too stubborn to do that when he was still partially convinced his decision to compare what had been done at the Temple and Guild was a good idea. He could set aside his discomfort and awkwardness if he had to. Indeed, he was good at that.
RE: between the lines - Ronin - 10-13-2019
Not an invisible line, no - it was simple grief that had caused Ronin’s reaction. Deepfrost, LongNight, Aoife’s birthday... it all brought back the cold night where Vanya had bled out in their bed, the panicked fleeing into the black, the pale dream fish that had ensured their safety. Shaking off his thoughts as Loren admitted to this only being his second time in the guild, Ronin raised an eyebrow. [say]”And here I thought that you and Remi had been close, while I was away,”[/say] he muttered without trying to hide his bitterness, before stepping forward to give the asked-for tour.
The ground floor was much of a muchness; consisting of the great hall, the entrance foyer, the kitchen and a few stock and side rooms, all had been similarly fortified with snow moss. The windows were blacked out, the floorboards ceased to squeak - all was as it should be, Ronin thought. [say]”What preparations have been done at the Temple?”[/say] he asked as they headed for the stairs to the upper floor.
RE: between the lines - Loren - 10-13-2019
There was absolutely no way Loren was going to or even could respond to Ronin’s statement. While the summoner might’ve argued that while he and Remi had spent a lot of time together, they hadn’t been close, not really, just seeking closure. However, the Launceleyn wouldn’t know how to begin explaining that. So he didn’t. Instead, his eyes just tightened again—with sadness this time—before he schooled his features into a neutral expression. If the king was bitter, all Loren could do was show the other man that the summoner had no intentions beyond keeping people safe.
He could start by telling Ronin about the Temple. As the Launceleyn fell in beside the other man, Loren took a moment to go over everything they'd done in his head before making his report. [say]”We boarded up the windows and covered them with black cloth or placed furniture in front of them, stuffed all the cracks with snow moss, sealed off all the entrances and exits except for the front door and the outside entrance to the Rathskellar, which is spelled only to open to individuals with heartbeats, and covered the floors in carpets to dampen sound. We also have begun to stockpile food and medical supplies.”[/say] That was everything he personally had overseen, though he knew others had been contributing as well.
RE: between the lines - Ronin - 10-14-2019
It was with wariness, while not necessarily reluctance, that Ronin led the Launceleyn upstairs to continue the tour; the guildmaster glanced up to spy a small, pale reptile keeping sentinel. Sugar had been subdued since after the blight, and he wasn’t going to push her, though he knew she was curious at least about Astra. Leading them along the mezzanine to show similar preparations that had been made, he nodded at Loren’s preparations. [say]”Wise. With Remi’s creation magic - and the rest - I guess we haven’t been as vigilant with our stockpiles. It’s a good idea though.”[/say]
Pausing along the corridor, as if seized by the questions that would no longer be appeased by small talk, Ronin flicked his gaze up to meet the Launceleyn’s eyes. [say]”After our conversation why did you go and see him? Why did you tell him you still had feelings for him? What did you want to achieve with it all?”[/say] Just to say it? Such a thing seemed unlikely.
RE: between the lines - Loren - 10-14-2019
Astra had finally noticed Sugar, and the luxere was standing in the center of the main room, staring up at the dragon with fascinated eyes. The summoner, on the other hand, was solely focused on his former friend. Hearing Ronin call a decision wise was strange, all things considered. After all, Loren was far more used to hearing that his thinking and actions were faulty of late than sound, and he was much more inclined to agree with his critics. [say]”It was Wessex’s idea.”[/say] Actually, he honestly couldn’t remember whose idea it had been; the planning meeting felt like it had been a long time ago and he knew he’d been the one to start stockpiling food.
However, if he’d been surprised by the king’s first comment, the summoner was caught completely off-guard. Maybe he shouldn’t have been, but he was. Apparently, Remi’s definition of telling Ronin everything that had happened wasn’t actually everything. Then again, it was just everything the alchemist had done and said; perhaps the king just wanted Loren’s side. As the other man’s eyes met the summoner’s gaze, his expression grew a little sad, but still firm. [say]”I am sorry. The last thing I wanted was to cause either of you more distress.”[/say] That seemed important to say before anything else. Of course, his intentions didn’t matter.
Running into Remi—especially given how small the Hollowed Grounds were—was an inevitability. However, it was true that the Launceleyn had gone to see the alchemist. [say]”Remi said there were magically sealed and hidden doors in the Manor, ones that Zariah had forced him to make. This was back when I thought people would be staying there for LongNight, and I didn’t want to risk the monsters getting through them, or risk whatever she’d hidden there getting out.”[/say] Everything had spiraled out of control from there, but that was actually how it all started.
Loren had no real excuse or explanation for the rest of it. [say]”I found out he thought I’d run off with someone else, and I could see how much it was hurting him. So I needed to reassure him that I would never have done that to him because...I loved him.”[/say] Past tense. Maybe not anymore, not after everything, but back then it had certainly been true. If the king wanted to take offense at the Launceleyn’s words and actions, well, the other man had every right to do so. And perhaps he should’ve done a better job not mucking it all up. [say]"That's all I wanted to accomplish. To spare him more pain."[/say] It hadn't worked, and maybe that was entirely the summoner's fault. Or maybe it was no one's fault, and just one of those unfortunate tricks the world played on them.
RE: between the lines - Ronin - 10-19-2019
Ronin didn’t honestly care whose idea it had been - he was somewhat beyond caring who the credit for something belonged to, as long as the results were worthwhile. Besides, it seemed as though they suddenly had something much more interesting to discuss; having led them along the upper floor of the guildhall, there was effectively nothing more to really show Loren, so Ronin stood facing the Launceleyn with cold blue eyes, awaiting his response.
And when it came, he couldn’t help but sigh with a touch of disdain. Oh, he understood why in the logistical, technical sense. He just didn’t know why Loren couldn’t have found other ways to get the information that he’d wanted. As for the rest... well. Ronin wasn’t buying it. [say]”He didn’t remember you - he can’t have been hurting too much. You wanted to spare yourself more pain, Loren. We both know that.”[/say]
Wondering why he had even asked by now, he rubbed at his forehead and shrugged. [say]”Was there anything else? This is about everything we have prepared.”[/say]
RE: between the lines - Loren - 10-19-2019
Ronin’s response was unsurprising. The disdainful sigh was a nice touch, as was the blase way he absolved Remi of any part of this. While Loren felt that the accusation about his behavior was entirely accurate, the king’s reading of his husband was totally off. Maybe it was because Ronin hadn’t been there, hadn’t seen the hurt in Remi’s eyes when the summoner revealed who he was to the alchemist, but Remi had been hurting, a lot, and the Launceleyn had tried to do something to prevent further pain. For both of them.
Just because he’d failed didn’t change that.
[say]”You’re right about me. I am tired of hurting and I did not want to cause myself any more harm. Which is why I’ve stopped beating myself up for the past and started focusing on the future instead. On saving who I can from the coming darkness."[/say] That came out a bit more harshly than he'd intended. He did his best to soften his expression and his tone, but he wasn't sure how successful he was. [say]"I will say that I am incredibly sorry, for how I treated you, and for how I treated Remi. I screwed up. Big time. Which sucks, because I missed you, more than I can say, still really fucking miss you, if I’m being honest, and would like nothing more than to be your friend again. However, I recognize how selfish that desire is, and don’t have any expectations on that front.”[/say] The king was well within his rights to cut the summoner out of his former friend’s life entirely. If that’s how it was, if they were nothing more than passing acquaintances who occasionally worked together, it would be painful. But Loren would find a way to cope.
However, his eyes narrowed, not willing to allow Ronin to brush this off so easily. [say]”You’re also right that he didn’t remember me. But I think you need to talk to your husband about how much he was hurting. Not me.”[/say] Perhaps that was crossing a line, but the king had raised this, and it was best they laid it all out on the table. They might not get another chance because of LongNight, a fact that he was constantly being reminded of. [say]”I can’t think of anything else.”[/say] So unless Ronin wanted to go back and forth a few more times about Remi, there probably wasn’t much left to do or say here.
RE: between the lines - Ronin - 10-19-2019
There wasn’t much left to do or say here, it was true. Because while Ronin knew, deep down, that it always took two, of course he would absolve Remi of any guilt. The man was his husband, and for all of Loren’s hardships through the year in which he’d been in self-exile, they had been through Things in the librarian’s absence. Keeping the small amount of bliss he’d managed to carve out in the world was more important to Ronin these days than anything.
[say]”Good. I’m happy for you, truly. The past will give you nothing but grief - the future is where happiness lies.”[/say] And that went for both of them. He could only give his former friend a softly pensive look in response to his apologies, his hopes, his honesty, Ronin rubbing at his forehead and beginning to lead them back downstairs.
[say]”Who knows what will happen in the weeks and months after this. For now though, Loren, I’m not sure how much friendship there is left between us. I’m sorry.”[/say] Too much water under the bridge. Too many of those bridges burnt. And LongNight, ever looming on the horizon. If they could get through that, maybe there would be time and room to consider old allies. For now, though, there was only cold and snow and darkness.
~FIN