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+---- Thread: faith be my shield (/showthread.php?tid=2018)
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faith be my shield - Samuel - 10-26-2019
Sam woke up alone, Nate having gone off somewhere by himself. He didn't mind, glad to have a chance to breathe and look at the wall as he considered everything that had happened. He was definitely going to have to listen graciously to a lot of tellings-off soon and he was absolutely in the wrong, but perhaps in the most obvious showing of his mental growth, now that the moment of panic was over he was in a mood to move forward.
He could do it. It would be messy and hard and he would probably crash into the worst parts of his mind again, but he could do it. Sam sat up, trying to think of something productive he could do to prepare himself for the future.
First, perhaps something very practical. Besides his barrier, which was really a defence, he had nothing that could deal damage to enemies he came across. As much as he wished it wasn't the case, he faced off against monsters often enough for it to be silly that he didn't have anything. Remembering that the guild had a weapons stash he headed downstairs, avoiding largely populated areas as much as he could in case more people were mad.
Getting to the armoury he walked about, touching the edges of swords and arrows, unsure of what to take. He had never had any training in those things, after all. With three fingers missing he was even more at a disavantage. A little defeated that the first thing he choose to do wasn't easy, he walked aimlessly around the room, fingers trailing along each item.
RE: faith be my shield - Remi - 10-26-2019
[say]"Sam?"[/say]
Having noticed that the door to the armory was open, the alchemist stopped to close it. Seeing the glint of copper from within made him pause and poke his head inside, surprised to find the normal pacifist bookmaker running his fingers along the various weapons.
Still wounded from..well, nearly every out, the alchemist moved stiffly. Despite the healing from Isla and Amalia's staff, Remi took only what he needed to, leaving the rest for others. He'd never been a warrior before, and yet his newfound ability to deal with pain was slowly beginning to suggest otherwise.
Entering the dimly lit room, dressed simply in a t-shirt and loose fitting pants, Remi folded his arms across his chest and leaned against one of the walls giving his friend a warm smile. [say]"I would ask if you were lost but...we both know you know your way around this place."[/say] He said gently.
RE: faith be my shield - Samuel - 10-26-2019
At the sound of his name Sam turned towards the door, his one right hand finger trailing off the blade he had been inspecting. Remi was one of the very few people he was happy to see at the moment, especially after how wounded he had been; he still seemed stiff, hurt, but alive and walking.
Also, he knew Remi wouldn't yell at him.
[say]"Yes, I do. I..."[/say] He looked back to the weapons and took in a breath, trying to work out the best phrasing. [say]"I thought...after what happened outside and a few times before, when I've been in fights...I...need something to protect myself with. To fight with."[/say] Just saying the words felt wrong to him, but it was an unfortunate truth of his life now.
[say]"Of course...with my hand like this, I might struggle to find something."[/say] Sam admitted, lifting his right hand. [say]"But I thought I could look. ....It distracts me from...well, everything, too."[/say]
RE: faith be my shield - Remi - 10-26-2019
Nodding, the alchemist let the silence stretch out for as long as his friend needed. However when he did answer, Remi found his brows furrowing ever so slightly as the words settled against his thoughts. The urge to say that weapons—fighting—wasn't who Sam was died almost as quickly as they flared in his mind; they weren't who Remi was either, but look at him. Look at them both really, wounded as they were.
Running a hand across his eyes and then down one unshaven cheek, Remi pulled in a breath and stepped towards Sam, glancing down at his hand with a wilted smile. [say]"I could always make you a prosthetic. I did for Ashetta."[/say] He murmured softly; though Sam's missing fingers were not really the point here.
Instead as he came to stand beside Sam, he fixed his once-lover with a gentle look. [say]"Is this who you want to be now?"[/say] He asked softly. It was one thing to be shoved into this life, a situation many were familiar with of course. And perhaps it wasn't really a fair question to ask, but Remi wondered just the same as it had been a question he'd recently been asking himself as well.
RE: faith be my shield - Samuel - 10-27-2019
A prosthetic. Sam looked down at his hand. With the wound so new it felt ridiculous to be thinking of things like prosthetic already, somehow. Like he had to mourn what he'd lost before he could replace it. [say]"...I...I'll think about it, thank you."[/say] Though he hoped if The Voice was not too angry at him, she might help him to replace the fingers; that was if he wanted to associate with The Voice still.
With no idea what he wanted, it was easier to focus on things like weapons. Though Remi's question cut through the simplicity of the choice like one of the daggers on the wall, making it another part of the agonising question of what Sam wanted his future to look like.
[say]"No, I don't...but...it's where I am."[/say] He hugged himself, not looking at Remi as if scared to find disapproval in his eyes. [say]"I have to be able to defend myself, don't I? I keep finding myself in situations where I'm being hurt o-or people around me are. I wish more than anything I could just stay in my shop and make books like I used to, but..."[/say] That just wasn't what life was anymore. Not since the Outlanders had begun to arrive in full force, not since he had begun to talk to The Voice, not since he'd given up his memories.
Trailing off, Sam sighed and looked up to Remi. [say]"You do it though. You fight and defend and I know you're strong, but...you're gentle, too. Loving. You aren't frightening."[/say]
RE: faith be my shield - Remi - 10-28-2019
Remi nodded, always happy to help. Though his eagerness could not fix this, and though he and Sam hadn’t really spoke since having been outside, even someone as naive as he could tell that there was an emotional wound here that magic simply couldn’t fix. Not his anyways.
It hurt to hear Sam speak so, and mostly because something inside of Remi resonated strongly with what the bookmaker was saying. Once upon a time, Remi had hidden away in his shop as well. He’d not been involved in anything dramatic or dangerous and had been left to his simple life. He hadn’t ever known anything more, so he’d never longed for anything more. [say] ‘But?”[/say] Remi encouraged softly, a gentle expression on his face.
Frowning as Sam looked his way, Remi sighed and shook his head, a weighted and sad expression tugging at his lips. [say] “I have frightened you more than once.”[/say] He said in a low and ashamed tone. There were a handful of times that the bookmaker had flinched away from the alchemist, one only a month or so ago, where the bookmaker’s house still bore Remi’s talon marks. [say] “Honestly? I wish I did not have to. I ... would give up everything I am to someone else, if I could.”[/say] He admitted. Loren and Jigano had accused him of needing to be the hero, but really, Remi wanted the opposite. He wanted to be a forgetful sidecharacter, an NPC who simply made weapons for the hero to complete their tasks. [say] “This place changed me, and now I feel as though I have to. That...being what I am forces me to do things I honestly would not otherwise. I am not brave Sam. And I am terrible with weapons.”[/say] He added with a boyish chuckle, ruffling a hand through his curls.
With an adoring look, he smiled at the bookmaker. [say] “Something tells me you might be as well.”[/say]
RE: faith be my shield - Random Event - 10-28-2019
A dagger falls off the wall, nearly impaling Sam's foot.
RE: faith be my shield - Samuel - 10-28-2019
[say]"...But I can't, because the world isn't how it was when I made my store."[/say] Sam sighed, looked Remi up and down with a sarcastic smile on his face. [say]"Now, I almost miss the days in my diaries where the biggest problem was if you actually liked me or not. I'm rather sure you do now, or you wouldn't still talk to me after...well. That."[/say] He sighed as he thought of his failed quest.
Perhaps Remi had frightened him, but it had never sunk into create an actual fear, because he knew that the lion would never hurt him without reason to, would never be malicious. [say]"Maybe...after Longnight...we might all be able to escape somewhere, with the portal. We could worry about building a new village and nice...domestic things, instead of all this."[/say] It sounded like a dream, but it was a nice one to hold onto for the moment.
Remi obviously was brave, but Sam didn't have the energy to insist it, just tiredly nodded at the comment about being poor with weapons. Before he could respond, a dagger fell off the wall and he jumped back, blinking at it. [say]"...I...think that's obvious, isn't it?"[/say] He tried to joke, the laugh falling a little flat as it was obvious he was scared.
RE: faith be my shield - Remi - 10-28-2019
Remi's laughter was bright and boyish, his smile growing crooked as he nodded. As comfortable as things were between he and Sam now, there were moments of memory that flared brightly behind Remi's eyes; moments that he'd experienced himself and hadn't had to be told about. There were few and far between—the kiss he'd stolen in the Loreseeker's guild once even after the pair had parted, for one—but even so it caught him off guard every now and then. [say]"I certainly do."[/say] He agreed warmly.
[say]"Ronin and I definitely intend to do just that. I...honestly, I do not know how much more of this I can take. I am not made for this life."[/say] The alchemist admitted with a weary smile.
Frowning at the fallen dagger, Remi took a defensive step forward, eyeing the wall curiously. Nothing had rattled or moved; how had the dagger fallen? [say]"Then I am not so sure a weapon will help you."[/say] He said a touch nervously, still unhappily regarding the wall.
RE: faith be my shield - Samuel - 10-28-2019
Ronin and I. Sam paused, wondered if he and Nate and whoever else were welcome in Remi's fantasy of the future, or if the alchemist intended to run off alone with his husband. The idea made him a little sad. He had hoped in the future that he could still count on Remi's friendship, having accepted he'd lost his chance at a romance long ago. [say]"If you find somewhere...consider letting me settle in somewhere nearby?"[/say]
Remi was only really saying the obvious - Sam was a bookmaker. Especially with his missing fingers, what was he going to do with a weapon? He looked at the dagger laying on the floor and crouched to pick it up with his left hand. [say]"But what else am I to do? I cannot depend on you always being there to come and save me."[/say]
RE: faith be my shield - Remi - 10-28-2019
[say]"You were my neighbour here. Why not in a new land too?"[/say] Remi chuckled easily. [say]"So far this...where the portal leads, the Citadel? It is a place of ice and mountains. Perhaps not the most...relaxing, but it is not here."[/say] Glancing around, Remi sighed. [say]"And right now not here is all that I want."[/say] Though little did he know that in a few hours the room they stood in would be in flames, and he'd very much long for what he'd taken for granted.
[say]"Maybe not...but you can become invisible. And if needed, you can create that...shock, thing."[/say] He said, not really knowing the word for force-field. [say]"That is why I asked if this is who you wanted to be...If it is, I suppose there is training to be done and whatnot. Deimos or Ronin would probably be best to help with that. But...you needn't, Sam. At least, I do not think so. I know our lives have become overwhelmingly dangerous, but...it should not force you to be something or someone that you are not."[/say]
RE: faith be my shield - Samuel - 10-29-2019
[say]"Wait you...know where the portal leads?"[/say] Sam asked, tilting his head. He had not realised anyone except the Ascended had even seen it, never mind knew where it lead. [say]"How do you know that?"[/say]
Remi mentioned his defensive abilities and Sam nodded, hugging himself. Maybe it was just enough to be able to keep himself safe, though that didn't help him from feeling useless any time he was thrust into a fight. Wessex and Rexanna were likely tired of having to fight around him as he panicked and disappeared.
All that said, he knew just about how well training would go. It was foolish for him to be trying to pick weapons and foolish for him to seek out any sort of learning in violence. It was clear from looking at him he wouldn't succeed in it. [say]"The trouble is that nowadays I don't know who I am at all. Though...you are likely right. I...don't think it is..."[/say] He gestured to the weapons on the wall.
[say]"I wish I could become a great beast like you. It must be easier, I think, to fight, when you are...not quite yourself."[/say] Easier to separate.
RE: faith be my shield - Remi - 10-30-2019
[say]"Well...you told me it was a portal. After that, Deimos, Amalia, Jigano, and Kiada went underground to visit Safrin's library. There was a book on portals there, and it showed three: The Spire and the Mathair which we now know of. And a third, called the Fangs...Surely that cannot be a coincidence?"[/say]
With a sad laugh, Remi nodded. [say]"I do not know who I am much these days either."[/say] He agreed with a crooked frown, reaching out an arm to wrap around Sam's shoulders if the bookmaker would allow, to tug his smaller frame against Remi.
Raising a brow, the alchemist considered with a slight bob of his head. [say]"Easier in some ways, yes. But then...you are expected to simply be there when the going gets tough. Being in a body that is strong makes others think that you are strong. Which...is not the case."[/say]
RE: faith be my shield - Samuel - 10-31-2019
[say]"Oh."[/say] Sam said flatly, wondering why it was Jigano had not told him of this venture. His distance from the Loreseekers was beginning to show and once again he made a personal resolution to try his best to get back to his work after Longnight. [say]"There is a portal in the Spire?"[/say]
He leaned into Remi, a heavy sigh lifted his chest as he nodded. It was so easy to lose ones self in the midst of bloody chaos. [say]"I worry that even if we go somewhere else, it'll all still follow us. That we're just destined for all this mess."[/say] He'd had the same fears for himself for years.
Glancing up at Remi's words on his beast forms, Sam felt a little guilty for his words. Perhaps he depended on Remi too much sometimes, depended on him to always be the brave and strong one. [say]"Perhaps...you should only show your raccoon body from now on."[/say] He joked, though there was only a slight touch of humour in his voice.