Court of the Fallen
you’re looking to disappear - Printable Version

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you’re looking to disappear - Sunjata - 02-12-2020

They’ve fucked up. Immensely. A party of ten returning as six, and he’d given Coffee to Deimos for when he returns to the grounds to gather all the pieces for the quest. A heartbreaking end, broken and shattered and terrible. But he’d promised Maea he’d check in with her at the Tavern before returning — unsure of how he can face anyone.

Blood is stuck to his chin, neck, chest beneath the clothes he wears for warmth. Not from him, not from his members, not from anything but the cannibal. The least of their problems in the end. He needs a warm shower, perhaps a moment alone if not for Haai trailing ahead of him, ears and tail hung low.

He doesn’t even care if the alcohol here tastes like shit, but as soon as he walks through the door with the companion in tow, he heads straight to the bar for the strongest drink they have, uncaring of his appearance, not even sparing a chance to look and see if Maea is there. Not while he waits to try and block out what had all just happened.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Maea - 02-12-2020

She was there. Not by the bar, but in the usual corner, curled up beneath her shawl with a book in her hands. Before her on the table was a bowl of half-eaten food, and a mug of something liquid she had not even tried to touch. Both had been warm at some point, but it was a long time since she had given either any attention, and fat was coagulating on her stew, the mulled something-that-wasn't-wine no longer steamed in the air. It had been a while since she turned a page in the book too; her eyes were vacant, staring into nothing with a stillness about her that made the girl difficult to spot, even with her pale hair and complexion.

When the door to the tavern was flung open her gaze finally focused, drifting to the entrance. How many times had she bolted up before this? It had never been him, even though he should have been back a long time ago, and with a cold lead weight in her gut she had slipped back onto her chair, settling back into another long wait. But this time, when she'd almost given up hope of him actually appearing tonight, there he was. With Haai close on his heels. Heading straight for the bar, not even looking at the people who shuddered away from him, from his bloodsoaked appearance.

Oh Gods. Oh, Ludo, Mort. Something had gone wrong.

She stood, book slipping down from her grasp to the table, and the smile that had begun to form on her lips died away. For a moment she hesitated, daunted by the coldness of him that she could sense all the way across the room. But... she couldn't keep herself away. Not when there was blood on him, and he looked like he wanted to drown himself in the drink he ordered.

Very quietly the girl picked her way through the room, and came to stand beside him. Quiet as a shadow, not looking at him. Not speaking. Just... remained there.

Waiting for some sign of what to do.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Sunjata - 02-12-2020

He doesn’t know how long he waits for the drink to arrive, doesn’t know that someone has picked her way through the tavern to stand beside him, doesn’t care to look right now. It feels like an eternity, an eternity since he’d seen Adam and Peter frozen into the ice in each other’s embrace. An eternity since he’s felt anything but the numbness of his fingers, feet, mind. A fog has come over him, running through motions — survival, that’s what this was.

The drink arrives and he reaches for it, trading something he had on him for it before taking a deep drink of it and wincing slightly, going to turn from the bar and maybe head to the room he's been staying in. But he turns enough to bump into Maea, the drink shifting in the mug as he hums in some sort of hollow hoarse sound. “[say]Verskonings.[/say]” A sorry for running into some random person, shifting back to Korofi because he can’t find it in him to care.

Feels too much like home now anyway.

But his gaze narrows in on her and he immediately looks away, a frown crossing his face. “[say]Maea.[/say]” He rumbles, still hoarse, still hollow. “[say]I’m sorry I wasn’t back sooner.[/say]” He’s forgotten about the blood on him, forgotten about everything except the vision behind his eyes when he closes them.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Maea - 02-12-2020

He didn't even notice her. It cut her to stand beside him and find that he was so numb to the world that he couldn't see her, or feel her. Her hand half raised several times, just about to reach for him, touch his arm and make him look at her, before she thought better of it and settled back into herself. Waited. Until he turned quite suddenly and bumped into her. She was forced to take a few steps back from the impact, but then his eyes cleared a little as they landed on her. Recognition dawning.

[say]"Sunjata..."[/say] She shook her head when an apology was the first thing to come over his lips. No need. Maea could see it on him, that things had not exactly gone according to plan.

[say]"Is any of that blood yours?"[/say] she asked him quietly. Though her voice would have been too low for anyone else to hear, she knew Sunjata would pick it up. He always did, no matter how soft the whisper. While her expression was calm enough, her gaze roamed his frame with some urgency, searching for damage, for signs of injury. But from what she could see he was in one piece, as was the griffin who received a similar examination. The blood shouldn't be his.

Which meant... someone else had spilled it on him.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Sunjata - 02-12-2020

He takes another deep swig of the drink, wincing internally as it burns its way down. It’s clear he’s trying to do it to get as drunk as possible to numb himself from what’s happened, a clear haphazard attempt at stowing away the pain and anger and frustration of everything that’s occurred. It does little, however, the buzz hasn’t even begun before he hears her question.

He shakes his head, taking another deep sip before sighing. “[say]I killed a cannibal.[/say]” He informs her as though it were nothing more than saying he’d gone out to grab the Sunday paper. But as he sets the mug back on the counter, leans onto it somewhat to run his hand through his hair, to rub at his temple… well.

“[say]We got a dragons heart. Just not the one we’d hoped for.[/say]” A hollow laugh escapes him, spending a few more moments to run at his face before asking for a refill to be taken to his room for a more private conversation, before he gets too drunk and inevitably breaks apart. At least there it’s secure, it’s hidden aside from Maea.

Something tells him she wouldn’t care.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Maea - 02-12-2020

It was a kind of purposeful downing of drink that she had only seen him do once before, after the bar had been trashed by Phoeve. Perhaps... this was even more intentional. Maea knew better than to try and stop him, had a feeling he wouldn't even listen. Pick your battles.

Her eyes widened at his reply. [say]"You killed a..?"[/say] Again her eyes raked over him, searching for scratches, for cuts, any sign of resistance. But the blood was on his mouth, dribbled down his neck and chest, and... she couldn't even care about it. The memory of a box tipping open to reveal the severed limbs and half-frozen flesh of humans flashed past her mind; she shuddered. Relieved to know one less terror haunted the ice-wastes. [say]"I see. I'm glad you are not hurt."[/say] Maea did not step back from him, or even look away. What was a little blood?

But was he really alright? The way he laughed, the haunted look in his eyes as he said the mission had been successful... it made something dreadfully cold run its fingers down her spine, and she bit back her questions. For now, there were other things they had to take care of. When Sunjata ordered the drinks for the room, she asked for a bath to be brought up as well. It earned her a wry look from the barkeep, but her firm tone and Sunjata's soiled appearance eventually made them relent.

[say]"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up,"[/say] she said, holding out a hand for him. To take, or to wrap around his waist, or just usher him towards the rooms; it didn't matter. She wouldn't push, but was not about to let him stand around like this either. Not with so many eyes to watch and ears to listen in.

Whatever came next was for them alone.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Sunjata - 02-12-2020

She picks correctly, because there’s nothing that would stop him from consuming it to numb himself and his mind away from what’s just occurred. But he tells her of the cannibal, gaze lingering briefly to see the widening of her eyes, to look back and ask for a refill and more to be brought up likely. He’d pay for it some way, probably with what he has back home for it. Regardless, she doesn’t step away from him and somehow that endears her to him a bit more.

Covered in blood and ice and voice hoarse from the cold, he certainly doesn’t look good. But he’s not here to impress, either.

The drink in his hand gets refilled and more sent up eventually once Maea and the barkeep speak, but he can’t find it in him to listen in – not when everything else has happened, is still happening within his mind. He glances to the arm that she holds out for him, and for a moment he debates whether or not he should take it, debates whether or not she’ll feel how frigid he’s become when he’s usually a flame.

He takes it anyway, mug in the other hand, fingers and hand cold as ice as Haai trails behind them to head toward the room. It luckily doesn’t take long to get there, the surprisingly spacious place in comparison to the cramped quarters that he’d shared with Phoebe on the last trip he’d spent here. Both hadn’t ended well, but this one was definitely worse.

Setting the mug on a table in the center, Haai takes up a space in the bed, curled up with her tail covering her snout. Sunjata, meanwhile, begins to peel off the layers of furs that have stuck to him. One after one until there’s nothing but his tattooed skin beneath, bruised on his shoulders from where Amalia had tackled him and let him free, bruises on his arms from where he’d held the sharp points of Coffee’s body so tight to ensure he wouldn’t lose the dragon like he’d lost his brothers.

Unable to find what to say, he turns to her then to reach for the mug – blood dried and clinging to his skin from his chin and neck down to the middle of his torso as though it’d streaked and sprayed.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Maea - 02-12-2020

Maea's eyes did not leave him as she followed him to the room. Nor did she flinch away from the cold of his hand, bloodstained and filthy under her own pale fingers. Really, the girl was just grateful that he took it, that he let her bring them to the room. She watched him undress without saying anything, leaving him to do it in his own pace. Had he been injured she would have helped, would have made sure to bring a healer and whatever else he needed... but as he was still standing on his own two feet, it seemed he would be better served doing it with his own hands. The only time she turned her gaze away was to let in the people who came with the bath, a simple wooden barrel large enough for one person to sit in. She waved them off when they offered to bring hot water, and closed the door firmly behind them.

Turning back to Sunjata, leaning herself against the wooden panels of the door, she took him in. The drying, crusted blood. Bruises, light scrapes... a void in his eyes where stormclouds used to roll by. He'd finished undressing, and stood there. Just, stood, with the mug in his hand, waiting. As if she was about to judge him for something, or throw questions at him of things he clearly did not wish to recall.

Pushing away from the door, Maea walked up to him. Stopped when she was in his space, chest to chest, only a breath away. Reaching for his hand again, she gently pulled him towards the tub, where hot, steaming water was rising in a steady flow, summoned and heated by her magic. [say]"Sit,"[/say] she told him gently, and then eased away to find washcloth and soap. He could keep the mug. She'd even refill it for him when needed; they could have that discussion some other time.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Sunjata - 02-12-2020

The bath is brought in, and Sunjata says nothing. All he does is drink deeper from the mug, waiting until they’ve gone before glancing to the steaming tub – thinking that he shouldn’t get something warm and something nice, when Peter and Adam should be back at the Citadel together, whole, safe, fine. He shudders at the thought, swallowing hard as the buzz from the alcohol finally begins to settle in, flushing his cheeks and his neck ever so slightly, ever so faintly.

He finishes undressing as she approaches, standing before him chest to chest, and he looks down to her. Silent, unable to find any words to say to break the silence. It feels heavy, devouring, full of nothing and yet everything, enough to press in on him where he stands, looking to her as she goes to take his hand, pulling him to the tub. He goes without hesitation, surprisingly, too tired and hurt inside to care. But once they reach the edge of it, she tells him to sit, and so he does… Somewhat begrudgingly, but knowing he needs to get the blood off him one way or another.

He clenches his jaw, slipping into the bath, hissing as the warmth seeps into his skin and bones, burning against how cold he’s become. But once within it, he starts to adapt, leaning back to where his back meets the edge of the tub, head tilting back as he exhales slowly. And perhaps it’s the warmth of the bath mixed with the buzz of his mind, the shift in his mind to where he can feel the fractures forming, the burning and trauma burrowing within.

“[say]I got them killed, Maea.[/say]”


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Maea - 02-12-2020

She followed him to the tub, let him get in and then perched on the edge beside him. Close enough that his head could lean against her thigh, if he wished it. Bringing the cloth down into the hot water, Maea wrung it out and reached for his head, to hold him gently as she began to wipe away the blood that stained his face. He was so cold under her hands, where usually his skin would almost burn her, and it scared her far more than the rusty flakes that peeled from his jaw. Careful not to force anything, ready to withdraw at a moments notice should he object, she kept wiping away the blood, the gore from his bronzed skin. Already the water was stained with red, but she did not bother to notice if her white clothes got splattered with it, or if her hands were soiled from touching him. She didn't care.

Maea's hands only stilled when he spoke. No more than a pained whisper to her ears, hoarse and choking, like the cold had crept into his lungs and tried to take root there. The chill bit into her too, a terrible sense of foreboding that keened in her ears. Made her want to clamp her hands over them, never to hear this. Never to know.

Who? Who did you get killed?

[say]"What happened?"[/say] she asked, so very gently. Biting down on her own fears, pushing away everything she might feel or think or dread so that he was the only thing that existed in her mind. Sunjata, leaning back in a bloodstained bath, ice in his veins and a hole in his soul. She resumed her quiet ministrations, soking the soap to gently lather her hands and rub it into his stubbled cheeks, jaws... anywhere that he would let her.

She didn't want to know. But asked anyway. He had to speak of it, or this wound would surely fester.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Sunjata - 02-12-2020

He does lean his head against her thigh when she settles in, leans back and closes his eyes after he tells her the briefest hoarse pain he’s experienced with this. And he’s quiet, so very quiet while she continues to rub away the blood and core from his skin. But when she asks what happened, where does he even begin? He’s gotten to the worst part already, the part with the death. Nothing about cannibals, nothing about the rest of the adventure – of pissing off Amalia and Deimos, of Adam, wonderful Adam and Peter stepping between the Shield and Sunjata.

And he’d gotten them killed.

There’s a shudder that runs down his spine and he turns his head, squeezing his eyes tighter, a hand coming up to cover his eyes, letting her clean the side of his face and neck, a stuttering sigh leaving him as he tries to find the words. But his throat feels too tight, feels like sandpaper with the cold and trauma that grips it within its fist. “[say]We found the dragon and we woke it. It killed Peter’s companion and Adam's, knocked Peter… Knocked him unconscious.[/say]” He struggles to say – why had he stayed near the entrance? Why hadn’t he helped? Why hadn’t he managed to stop Adam from firing his gun at the dragon?

Why hadn’t he done more than sit there, useless as he could be, watching as they were murdered before his eyes?

“[say]Adam went to get him.[/say]” His other hand clenches in the water, shakes as he pulls his head back again, jaw clenching as he tries to quell his breathing. It feels like it had when he was seventeen, when the Trial had arrived. How he had become numb, shattered, broken inside with no outlet to channel it.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Maea - 02-12-2020

There was nothing she could do. She was hands to wash blood from his skin and ears to listen as he began to fracture. She was a heart to bleed, a spine to stiffen with fear and the slow awkward ache building in her muscles from sitting on the rim of the tub, too afraid of disrupting him to straighten up or shift. She was throat gone thick, tongue tied, numb fingers burning in too hot water and it was an effort to keep the temperature up. To keep it warm for him, so that he could not freeze up on her.

Maea closed her eyes. Kept her fingers moving over his face even as he covered it with a hand, shielding himself away even from her. So close to breaking. And what of her? Apricum, dead. Coffee, dead. The little dragon had perched on her shoulders once, as Adam joined her on the long trek home from the Spire to the Fields. They had been laughing, joking, he had made her smile when the world no longer made sense around her. The first friend to greet her welcome back after a year in limbo. And Peter..? Wonderful, lovely Peter, so shy, so timid and so warm of heart. Only a few weeks ago, she had been talking to him in a room just down the hall, revealing secrets told to no one else. To think of either of them without their companions, mercy of Mort, how it hurt.  

And yet... terrible as it was. Tragic beyond imagining though it might be. Sunjata was destroyed, and that meant... it meant... it got worse?

[say]"Go on,"[/say] she urged him. Voice trembling just a bit, but so soft. Refusing to give in to fear, to tremble and cave when Sunjata needed her to be there, to be strong. She could break later, when he had put this all in words. Confirmed the deep, haunting, dreadful truth she could almost taste. Adam and Peter. Those were the only names he mentioned, yet Deimos and Amalia should also have been there. [say]"Tell me what happened."[/say]

Maea slipped down from the rim of the tub. Got down on her knees behind Sunjata and wrapped her arms around him from behind. Leaned her head in against his and remained there, holding him. Her sleeves stained with water, moisture creeping slowly up the skin. She did not care.


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Sunjata - 02-12-2020

He can’t do this. He can’t do this.

He shudders as she stiffens ever so slightly, knowing how much worse it got, knowing the parts he can’t bring himself to say yet, the buzz only going so far to keep the feeling at bay before it becomes a tide against him, brutal and fierce and powerful and he’s drowning again. Stuck in the undertow, head below water, as he had been when his leg had caught under the driftwood during his swim test.

He should’ve died that day.

Perhaps everyone would’ve been better off if he had.

But he goes down that rabbit hole again, having only been to that edge three times, and we’re heading up on number four, with so many mistakes and so many regrets made over and over and over again. He will never learn, he’s sure of this. He’s sure he’ll continue to make stupid, reckless decisions until he gets himself killed. Perhaps it’s better that way.

She slips into the tub behind him, curling around him, and his jaw remains tight enough that his teeth ache, his jaw grows sore, and he can’t seem to handle it much more. He leans forward, scarred legs drawn up to his chest, pressing his forehead against the tops of his knees. She’s welcome to continue her embrace, but he has to close himself off if he wants to say it.

He doesn’t want to say it, but she needs to know.

His forehead rests on his knees, and he inhales a shuddering breath, muscles of his arms clenched and taut around his legs. “[say]Adam went to get him and shot his gun at the dragon.[/say]” His voice is deeper here, his accent so thick. “[say]And the dragon…[/say]” He swallows hard, head tilting against his knees as if it might give him something else to focus on rather than what he’s about to say.

“[say]Killed them both. Wouldn’t let us take them back.[/say]”


RE: you’re looking to disappear - Maea - 02-12-2020

She kept holding on to him, even as he curled up on himself, even as he withdrew into whatever terrible memories he was forced to relive. Maea wanted nothing more than to shush him, to say it was okay, he didn't have to speak, didn't have to say it because in her heart she knew... Only, it wasn't okay. It was a snake bite, a boil to be lanced, cleansed if only a little, because how could it ever stop bleeding if the thorns were still there, lodged in the chest? And she did need to know. For sure, hear it said out loud.

So she held him, pressing her cheek to his back, arms slipping around his chest, holding him close. Not alone. He was not alone. If she trembled under his words, if the thickness of his voice cut her heart into pieces, then there was nothing she could do about it.

The dragon... killed them both.

Hot, quiet tears dripped from her lashes and onto his back. Little droplets of ocean offered to this lake of red, as if to somehow purify it. Ha! How could it? When her friends were dead, and her lover blamed himself for it... what did a few tears or a little blood in the water really mean? Maea drew a breath, shuddering and thick, squeezing her eyes closed. Was she clinging to him for support, or holding him up? Both, neither, it didn't matter, was unimportant.  

What mattered was that Sunjata felt this was all on him.

[say]"You did not kill them,"[/say] she told him, with lips that quivered but was not allowed to cry, or spill the agonized scream that welled up inside, threatening to overflow. [say]"It is not your fault."[/say]

She believed it. With all her heart, she did, and the way her arms tightened around him suggested she was willing to fight him over it.

Come on. Break if you need to - I've got you.

I've got you, liefde.