+- Court of the Fallen (https://cotf-rpg.com)
+-- Forum: Out of Character (https://cotf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=26)
+--- Forum: Important (https://cotf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=27)
+---- Forum: Archives (https://cotf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=38)
+---- Thread: The Wound Heals But It Never Does (/showthread.php?tid=3767)
The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Nate - 07-07-2020
It will be his greatest shame, for a long time, that the first trip he makes after Longnight is not through the portal. Is not into the Hollowed Grounds. Is not to take care of Clemente. There had been so much to deal with, so much that happened through Longnight, and this was the most distant, the most painful, the one Nate had to block out the most. Things had stabilized, in the strangest way, but it meant he had no other traumas to distract himself with, no choice but to face this.
Finding where Clem had been taken was the first, hardest task. Maybe, if he wasn’t alone, he would have lost less time hovering in the temple, a wordless ghost. If he’d been here, could he have done something? Maybe... maybe. The Safehouse is his next thought, his next thought that matters. A single, barely finished thought of, oh, Rex runs through his mind, but no, no. The safehouse is most likely.
There’s no one else around, which is a small mercy. It gives Nate a moment alone, to try and hold himself together, while he gathers the young ascendeds body. Too light, in his arms. Too small, too still.
The pain in his chest shouldn't feel so familiar. Shouldn't be so heavy, when the body in his arms isn’t. He's carried it before, though never so literally, that was with the crutch of substances to abuse, at the price of an entire year lost to a swirling, dizzying nothing. It might not do anything for him, but there's still a flask, hidden away in his jacket pocket, as much an anchor as it is a representation of his failure.
He takes some time finding a spot, hidden, quiet, and he spends a few breaths saying things he would otherwise never get to. Things he would never get to say again. Things he should have had time to say. Nate falls quiet sooner than he thinks, but he can’t bring himself to light the body before him, and keeps still, sat before it, flask now in his hand and his eye unfocused, brimming with tears.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Wessex - 07-07-2020
Clem’s departure from this world wouldn’t be like Rexanna’s, and that breaks Wessex’s heart even more. There were no lines of people vying to say farewell, there was just herself and Dante, and she couldn’t leave this part to the kid. So she told him she’d take care of it.
And to her credit, Wessex had tried; she’d taken Clem’s body to the Safehouse, she’d then taken it the shrine in the Outskirts, intending to burn it in front of their Lady. It would have been a nice gesture, she thinks, but she couldn’t bring herself to light the match. The Wraith stood over the body of the boy for several hours until she couldn’t take it anymore and moved him back to the Safehouse. Where it was safe. Where she could bide herself more time until she was ready to say goodbye.
That’s the good and bad thing about dying as an Ascended - there’s no decay to set in and try to avoid. There’s just… emptiness. Too much emptiness. Another hole in the list of punctures in her soul, another piece of inflexible scar tissue, another thorn in her heart. She needed to get out of the Safehouse, so she left, to tend to everything else on her plate, and when she returned - Clem wasn’t there. Well, the list of suspects was small, and the person trackable. Thank Goddess for the little things, Wessex didn’t know if she had it in her to go on a rampage right then.
[say] “I couldn’t do it either.”[/say] Walking quietly up behind Nate, Wessex squats down at the boy’s side and brushes a stray bug away from his shoulder. Her tears have all been shed, her goodbyes and apologies whispered into dead ears, and yet -
It didn’t seem fair, and maybe that’s what she was holding on to, that this sweet little eager kid just had the two of them.[say] “But at least it’s not just me anymore.”[/say]
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Nate - 07-08-2020
Maybe it’s grief, the thoughts tracing round and round in his head like a dog that’s lost it’s owner, but he doesn’t notice Wessex approach. No matter how it surprises him, Nate doesn’t jump at her voice either, simply lifts a hand in a weak attempt to cover the gash across his face. [say]”He deserves better than just us.”[/say] He answers, after a long moment, voice shaking.
Nate shakes his head, and takes a sip from the flask, before holding it out towards the Demi-god. [say]”I should have pushed him to stay in Torchline.”[/say] The hand covering his face wipes at the tears brimming in his good eye, trying to make the action casual, to hide it away from Wessex.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Wessex - 07-08-2020
Wessex, in turn, doesn’t notice the half-hearted attempt Nate makes to hide his mangled face, her eyes are on Clem right now, retracing the lines and the calm expression she’s come to memorize over the days. They say you die twice - first when you leave the world and again when no one else remembers you, and that is something she’s determined to prevent. She wants to be able to call up his face whenever she wants to, remembering conversations in attics and on the side of a mountains, his hand in hers, the crooked smile and fierce desire to do something good.
[say] “Dante couldn’t handle this,”[/say] she tries to begin, but it doesn’t help, does it? Three people? Not enough either. Shaking her head - and whether it’s in response to her own thoughts or to Nate’s spiral of blame is unclear until she speaks again.[say] “Don’t. It’s no one’s fault but Safrin and the idiots who made the door without questioning what she would do with Ascended parts.”[/say] It’s not theirs. Deimos and Sam, yes. That fucking herald, absolutely. Everyone else, including the kid who was out too late (and he knew, he knew) are innocent.
Rising, the Wraith sighs. Her eyes flicker to an empty space beside Nate and she frowns absently.[say] “No Sunjata?”[/say] Surely his lover would be here to support him.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Nate - 07-09-2020
His memories with the young ascended are different, but held with no less value, clutched to greedily. Fishing, and whittling, a handful of moments in a house filled with laughter, with bright moments, in between everything. A promise to stay after Longnight. Nate drags his eye away from the cold body, and stares out over the horizon, trying to find solace in that instead.
In all honesty, Nate isn't sure he can handle this, with booze that doesn't burn, doesn't numb the way he needs. But he nods his understanding, to both the things she says. Even if he doesn't necessarily agree with it. While some of the blame can be sloughed off like a jacket, some of it clings to him still. If he'd just tried harder, pushed harder, maybe something would have been different. [say]"Do you... know if they were the only ones?"[/say] If anyone else had been saved, maybe, just maybe, he could learn to accept it. Could bear the brunt of the surprising, painful loss.
No Sunjata? The question stings, and Nate waves it away like an irritating bug, shaking his head. [say]"Might've been no monsters, but Longnight still left it's marks. He's resting up at home."[/say] Even if he wasn't, if Sunjata wasn't plagued by the echoes of a fiery beast, Nate still wouldn't want him here. Didn't want anyone to see him like this. [say]"We're gettin' married, y'know."[/say] He can't leave it at just that, doesn't want to continue it with I needed to do this first, like it was a burden and not closure, so he just... talks, for a moment longer, until he can finally fall quiet again. [say]"And Ru. She's taking care of him at home."[/say]
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Wessex - 07-09-2020
[say] “Do you mean, did the doors work?”[/say] Her lips press even more into a thin line, a hard, flinty look flashing across her face. Was the sacrifice worth it? Could it have been done without a fucking magical door, when regular doors have kept them safe for centuries?[say] “Yes. Everyone else was safe. Mostly. Someone else got to another Ascended and mutilated them. More Old God supporters.”[/say] Goddess, if she were a smoker, she’d be puffing away right now, literally fuming at everything going on.
And in the midst of it all… they’re getting married. It catches her off guard. Something like Sunjata resting at home isn’t a surprise, but the marriage announcement has the Wraith looking over at Nate in surprise.[say] “Oh?”[/say] she replies, because, no - she didn’t know. She knows so much and simultaneously so little.[say] “And Ru?”[/say] she repeats, unable to follow the train of thought. Is she getting married, too?
While Wessex is struggling to understand the intricacies of their relationship (previously unknown, and slightly devastating, if she’s honest about what she refuses to consider), she finally seems to see Nate’s face for the first time.[say] “Your eye. What happened?”[/say]
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Nate - 07-12-2020
Nate offers a weak nod to her clarification, but only crumples more at the answer, mostly not good enough to justify this, not by a long shot. Not with what else has apparently happened, news of yet another death coming as a surprise, a numb horror crossing his face. It was too much. And it added too much weight to the idea that he'd been attacked on purpose, that it had been more than random, which he honestly isn't sure how to parse at the moment. [say]"Do... you know who?"[/say]
At least the surprise, the little surge of good news, acts as something of a buoy, Nate's head lifting to meet the Demi-god's gaze, a hand rising to push his hair out of his face. [say]"The three of us, yea. Just,"[/say] he he rolls his shoulders in a shrug, gaze falling to the ground again, [say]"something simple. Something good."[/say] He knows it's a complex situation, but he's trying to keep his description simple, and he doesn't know the history Wessex has with Hotaru, the way the news might be taken.
Almost as if he's forgotten about it, Nate lifts a hand as the question of his injury comes up, fingers curled over the blind eye protectively. [say]"It was an attack. Back near... fuck, the beginning of Deepfrost."[/say] He swallows, and bites down the words that are coming next, the connection he knows she'll make. Do you think it's related?
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Wessex - 07-12-2020
Who knows what it says about the Wraith that she’s past the point of numbness now, when it comes to hearing about death. In one ear and out the other. Processed then, heard later. Felt - maybe. Except for Clem and Rex. Those are the first to actually hurt in a long time. Abasi, Cera, Aedion - those were disappointing and stung, but weren’t painful. Robin’s death was a flicker in her head.[say] “Who… did it? No. But his name was Robin. He was an Outlander. He was around for a bit and then disappeared…”[/say] She has to shrug, because Wessex literally knows nothing else.
As for the rest of his announcement, that is far more numbing.
Another reminder that she’s quite, quite alone. And these guys, they don’t just get one person, they get two. Simple doesn’t seem like the right word to her, but she nods in a show of acceptance all the same.[say] “Well. Congrats, then. Glad you’re all happy.”[/say] And she is, in some way, because Nate seemed in need of happiness, and Sunjata of stability and Ru… well, she clearly doesn’t know what Ru needs. Hurt and jealous though the older woman may be, she hopes she conveys something resembling genuine well wishes with a thin smile (hoping that maybe if she can’t, he’ll chalk it up to the body and the funeral at hand). Let it be something else to keep him going, if being an Ascended wasn’t his cup of tea.
Taking out a piece of stone and flint, Wessex looks at them for a moment, still unsure if she’s ready to send Clem off.[say] “Any idea who did it?”[/say] Trying to remain casual, it probably doesn’t stop him from guessing where this line of questioning is going - where it was always going to go, once she saw the wound.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Nate - 07-14-2020
The name of the poor mutilated ascended is not familiar to Nate, not in the least. It was news that wouldn't even phase him, normally, but this hits too personally, too close to so many different chords of pain. He's tired, and it shows in the long sigh that heaves out of him, the only response he can muster.
At least he can muster a smile in response to the congratulations, clouds seeming to part for a single shining moment. There's not even a question in response to the thin smile that graces the Demi-gods face, as he is certain even his own happiness is tainted by the times they find themselves in, that his own smile is crooked and uncomfortable. [say]"We are. I don't... there's not a plan, yet, but... when there is..."[/say] A nod with that, a wordless, unofficial invitation extended, for when it became relevant.
Nate's eyes move back to Clem as the flint makes it's appearance, the time for a true goodbye rushing up faster than he really wants to accept. Questions help to keep his mind away from the reason for this meeting though, a helpless shrug rolling over his shoulders. [say]"We've got no idea. Some... kid. A girl."[/say] A pawn, maybe, in a much bigger game. Easier again, to think of it like that. [say]"You think it's related."[/say] Not a question, the same thought rattling around his head, not helping the twist of emotions in his chest.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Wessex - 07-16-2020
Well, thats one wedding she’ll probably be attending, though her track record for making such events is subpar at best. But for Nate? Sure. Wessex would try her best to make that one. Nodding decisively in return, she accepts the unspoken invitation and vows to herself to take care of Hotaru on their little adventure. With Sunjata in recovery (for what, she isn’t sure), it’s obvious that he won’t be coming, and it would be stupid to ask Nate to come to a place that potentially has a lot of lava.
A girl? Wessex looks disturbed at the idea, though she doesn’t know if he means a little girl, like a child, or a girl like the twins. Recruiting children to do something like that doesn’t seem like Amalia’s way of doing things, or Jigano’s - and she doesn’t think Remi would do that someone on his council.[say] “That is… very odd,”[/say] she finally manages. Something is off. It doesn’t sit right in her cascades of information, but the present situation has definitely clouded her ability to think quickly and clearly.[say] “Yes. Unfortunately, everything is related right now, in some way or another. But the child part doesn’t make sense. I’ll think on it,”[/say] comes the conclusion. It must fit in somewhere.
Time goes on and the world becomes more dangerous for them. She feels lost, facing a mountain of threats and she is only one person.[say] “Just promise me you’ll be careful. And send a note if something else happens. As soon as possible.”[/say] She’ll get it eventually - she always does. The truth is that if she'd known about this sooner, she could have done some snooping - but now they're at square one and the unknown enemy is mobilizing, somewhere. They've had all of LongNight, and more.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Nate - 07-21-2020
[say]"It was... planned."[/say] It's the first time he's let himself accept the information, and despite everything he's lived through at this point, he feels a clench of fear in his chest. Even this long after. [say]"It had to be."[/say] The only thing to question from there was who made the plan? The girl herself? Or some deeper, more powerful, more insidious mastermind? It's not something Nate wants to think on at the moment, but later, back home, he's sure it will come up. Right now though, it doesn't feel like a helpful realization, just one he needs to say, to ensure Wessex knows everything he does.
The Demi-gods words have Nate's gaze rising, finding a point on her back instead of on the boy on the ground. [say]"I'm planning on having a quiet season."[/say] He rumbles, the slightest edge of humour in his voice, breaking through the circumstances surrounding them, and the lie he's sure those words are going to be. [say]"You need to be more careful than I do."[/say] The teleporting Wessex does, the constant motion, it's not a safe pace to keep. Nate pushes himself up to his feet, swaying just a little before he really catches himself. [say]"I'll let you know if anything else happens though."[/say]
Taking a step closer, Nate looks down at the body, at his brother, empty now where once there had been so much life. There's nothing he can say, nothing he can do to make anything any different. Without thinking, he reaches out to put a hand on Wessex's shoulder, seeking comfort as much as he's offering it, though it's quiet, cold. [say]"Voice's got him now, right?"[/say] He may not be the most fervent devotee, but everyone needs something to cling to sometimes. [say]"It's... not really goodbye, like that."[/say] His voice is rough, and his eye stays pointed down, but there's a tip of his chin, a settling of his shoulders that says he's ready, if she is.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Wessex - 07-28-2020
The Wraith can only nod slowly in agreement.[say] “I suspect there’s quite a lot of planning going on that we don’t know about,”[/say] she says slowly, a thick layer of dread coating the words. She doesn’t mean to alarm Nate, of course, but with Rexanna gone that leaves her, Amun, and him as the strongest members of the family, because Sam doesn’t fucking count anymore. He just need to be aware, to be ready in case something else happens.
[say] “Eh. I’ve got an escape plan at a moment’s notice -”[/say] and a secret weapon no one knows about,[say] “- I’m more or less safe.”[/say] Throwing away his concern, however, doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. She pauses, takes a moment force herself to acknowledge that it comes from a place of caring.[say] “But I hear you.”[/say] She can’t do anyone any good if she's dead. And without her, they’re far more ripe for the picking off.
Nate’s hand is unexpected, but comforting. She reaches across her chest to place hers on top of his and gives it a squeeze.[say] “She does.”[/say] A guess, at best, given when he died, but there’s no sense in debating that right now. Now is the time for white lies. Now is the time for camaraderie. Now is the time for family.[say] “It’s more like ‘see you later.” And you know he’ll be bouncing off the fucking walls when we finally show up.”[/say] The Wraith can’t hep but chuckle because, well, Clem’s enthusiasm and eagerness often knew no bounds.
What a homecoming that will be.
RE: The Wound Heals But It Never Does - Nate - 08-08-2020
Really, Nate isn't sure how he's supposed to respond to what Wessex says, to the track running parallel to his own paranoia. Probably not in the way he does, which is a strangled burst of rough laughter, and the shaking of his head. Maybe it's not fair to call the race so soon, but from where he's standing, the Family is in an awful position. He tries to look on the positive side of things. Perhaps whatever quest Wessex is embarking on will turn the tides back in their favour. Perhaps the Voice will step in, ensure their safety.
Perhaps they'll lose their head, and the remaining ascended's will be bled out along with it.
At least he's fully in control of himself for her next words, the shaking exchanged for a solemn nod. [say]"More or less still has room for improvement."[/say] It's not that he wants to plant the seed of worry in anyone, but it's already bloomed in him, and he has to voice it. There's at least an attempt to reign it in, to encourage both ways. [say]"You're more than capable though. You'll be fine."[/say]
The contact, even neutered as it is for the both of them, is nice. A moment of humanity, in the face of everything that tried to rip it from them. [say]"See you later."[/say] Nate repeats the words, his eye still not moving from Clem. [say]"We gotta hold on a while then, right? Can't run out of stories too quickly."[/say] Levity is something he can only hold onto so long, though there is no right way to ask to proceed. No right way to usher in this final goodbye.
When sparks finally shower over the youngest ascended, when flames begin to claim the empty shell, Nate stands still, watches, until there's nothing but ashes. It doesn't take as long as he thinks it should, doesn't feel like he has enough time to let go of anything, grief still hanging like a heavy weight around his heart. He supposes though, this is as good as it gets. He wonders if Wessex feels the same, but he can't bring himself to ask, can't bring himself to speak again, as they slowly walk back towards civilization, as they part ways.
Done~